by Tara Wyatt
“Shrimp alfredo!” called out the girls in unison, giggling when Javi stuck his tongue out at them as he lifted his phone to his ear, disappearing outside. But once the giggles had died off, an awkward silence descended over the table.
“Um…” Aerin wracked her brain for things to talk about, a cold sweat breaking out on her back, making her shift a little in her seat. “So, uh, how was your school year?”
Chloe said nothing and Olive shrugged, then peered up at her. “Are you going to be our stepmom now?”
Aerin’s eyes widened and she glanced back toward the doors, hoping with everything in her that Javi would come back now. “Um, well, uh…”
“No, Olive, because Daddy has to ask her to marry him first and that’s never, ever going to happen because he’s getting back together with Mommy.”
At that, Aerin’s eyes snapped to Chloe. She wasn’t sure if the kid was trying to be deliberately provocative or simply hoping and wishing for her parents to re-unite.
Aerin let out a breath. “You know, my parents are divorced, too. It’s really hard sometimes, isn’t it?”
Olive nodded. “I miss Daddy a lot. I wish he lived with us still. I don’t like when he has to leave.”
Aerin’s heart twisted, aching for the little girl. She nodded sympathetically. “Of course you miss him. Saying goodbye is no fun.”
“Oh my God, just stop,” said Chloe with yet another eyeroll, her arms crossed over her chest. “We don’t like you. We’re never going to like you.”
Aerin met the girl’s eyes. “That’s okay, Chloe. You don’t have to like me. You’re allowed to feel however you want.”
Chloe glared at her. “Olive, don’t talk to her anymore. You’re not allowed.”
Olive glanced uncertainly between Aerin and Chloe. Chloe leaned forward over the table, her small face contorted in frustration and anger. “Daddy still loves Mommy. They’re getting back together. So stop trying to ruin our family.”
Aerin took a deep breath, unsure what to do with the emotions rushing through her one after the other. Frustration and sadness and worry and maybe even a tiny bit of jealousy. After a moment, she said quietly, “I’m sorry Chloe, but I don’t think your parents are getting back together. But that doesn’t mean your Dad doesn’t love you.”
“Yeah, but Mommy said—” Olive started.
“Shut up, Olive,” Chloe growled from between her teeth. “Don’t.”
At that moment, Javi reappeared with a chagrinned look on his face. “Sorry. Turning it off and putting it away. No more interruptions, I promise. So, what were you ladies talking about?”
“School,” Chloe lied smoothly. Then she picked up her menu again and buried her head in it.
“Um, and other stuff too,” said Olive, clearly not comfortable with Chloe’s blatant lie. Just then, the waiter appeared, taking their order. As they ate, the girls chattered happily with their dad and Aerin let them, feeling like someone intruding on their precious family time. Feeling like an outsider. Feeling like a happy family dynamic wasn’t something she was ever destined to be a part of. Other people got to have that—not her. Never her. For the rest of the meal, she responded and smiled and laughed where appropriate, but all she wanted to do was blend in with the carpet so she could be alone with her swirling thoughts.
It was only natural that the girls would be cold with her to start. Their father dating was a big change and one that would take time to get used to. If she wanted to connect with them, she’d have to be persistent yet patient. She knew all of that. In her brain, she understood the logic of it.
But in her heart, she was more of a mess. What if the girls never warmed to her? Javi’s kids were so important to him. But if they hated her—forever and ever, as Chloe had promised—what would that mean? Aerin wasn’t sure how to fit in his life with his daughters who might always see her as the wicked stepmother.
And was she even ready to be a stepmother? Just the thought sent panic clawing its way up her throat. She’d been fine with warp speed not long ago, but now it was making her a little motion sick.
And what had Olive meant, when she’d started to talk about something Cara had said? When Chloe had cut her off so quickly? Granted, kids misunderstood things and twisted things all the time, but…she couldn’t stop Theo’s warning from echoing through her mind.
Collateral damage. The words wouldn’t stop repeating themselves on a loop. Damage to her, to the girls, to Javi. How this played out wasn’t just about the two of them. There were other people in this relationship, too.
Messy, messy, messy. That’s what this was. Messy and terrifying.
But then Javi gave her knee a squeeze under the table, bringing her back to the present and yanking her out of her spiraling thoughts. “Dessert?” he asked, one eyebrow cocked.
She forced herself to smile. “Only if we’re getting cookie butter cake.”
Later that night, with the girls both tucked in bed, Javi picked up his phone, dialing Aerin. She’d been quiet at dinner and he’d gotten the distinct impression that something was on her mind. He needed to check in, make sure she was okay. They’d never had the chance to de-brief after tonight’s dinner where Chloe had been less than charming, and he couldn’t help but wonder if her quiet mood had something to do with the kids.
She picked up on the second ring. “Hey,” she said. Normally when she answered his phone calls, he could hear the smile in her voice, but it wasn’t there. Her voice was neutral, almost flat. It was a lot to read into from a single syllable, but he knew her well enough to know that something was definitely up.
“Hey. So, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for Chloe at dinner. She’s having a hard time with the fact that I’m dating, plus she’s twelve and twelve can be shitty.”
Aerin let out a small breath. “Yeah, it’s fine. No need to apologize. She’s having a hard time, and I get it. Having divorced parents isn’t easy.”
He nodded, sinking down onto the couch in his living room. For some reason, Aerin’s words made him feel guilty, as though he were the one who’d caused everything bad—the divorce, the pain it had caused the girls, Chloe’s snotty attitude tonight, Aerin’s hurt. He rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling tired.
“The gifts you got them were really sweet and thoughtful. Thank you for thinking of them.”
“Sure, yeah. I’m glad they liked them. I just wanted to try to connect with them a little.” He could hear the hurt and the disappointment in her voice and it made him ache with the need to fix it.
“You did great, sweetheart. Kids are tough. Give it time and they’ll come around.” Trying to lighten the mood with some humor, he lowered his voice and said, “I mean, I didn’t really like you at first either.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were unequivocally the wrong thing to say right now. But it was too late. He couldn’t snatch them back, as much as he wanted to. Instead he closed his eyes and knocked his fist against his forehead, over and over in a dull rhythm.
“Right, yeah,” Aerin said after a second, her voice still flat. Completely devoid of emotion. “Guess I’m an acquired taste. Anyway, I’m glad I got to meet them. Thank you,” she said hurriedly and with a little too much brightness in her voice. This conversation was accomplishing the opposite of what he’d meant to do.
“I’m sorry. You’re not an acquired taste. Bad joke on my part.” He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. “I called to check in with you after dinner because I got the impression that something was on your mind, and I’m pretty sure I’m only making you feel worse.”
She let out a small laugh. “Gee, Flores, you are good at reading people,” she said, her tone dry.
“Okay, so talk to me. Tell me what’s going through your mind.”
Silence. So much silence that it filled his ears, filled the room, filled the space between them. Then, finally, “What if your kids never like me, Javi? What if dating me hurts your relationship with them?”
>
He opened and closed his mouth, wanting desperately to find the right words to reassure her. “They’ll warm up to you. They just need time. I know today didn’t go that well, but I promise you, that’s not usually how they are. They’ll like you once they get to know you. They need to get used to the idea of me with someone else.”
“It’s all just a lot more complicated than I realized. I’m reeling a little here.”
“Complicated how?”
“This relationship isn’t just about us—we have to think about the girls, about your ex—because what we do affects more than just the two of us. It’s…it’s just a lot, and not something I’m used to. It’s fine. I just need to get my head around it.”
“The fact that it’s complicated doesn’t make me want it any less, Aerin.” He leaned back on the sofa, wondering what he could’ve done to prepare her better. Wondering how to fix it now.
“You know they think you’re getting back together with their mother?”
At that, he sat up straight. “They think what now?”
“Oh, yeah. They’re convinced.”
Oh, God. What had his precious little angels said to her when he’d stepped away? “Shit. No, I didn’t know they thought that. I’ll talk to them. I’m sorry.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth, still feeling unsettled. “Are we okay? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Javi. We’re fine. Okay? Today was just…a lot, but I’m fine.”
He wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t know what else to say without beating a dead horse. “Okay. Are you still coming to the arboretum with us tomorrow morning?”
“Oh, um…you know, maybe you guys should take some quality family time. I have a bunch of work stuff I need to get caught up on, anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Enjoy your time with your girls.”
It didn’t sound fine, but Javi didn’t know what to do. So he said okay, they said goodnight, and he went to bed, feeling as though everything was just an inch to the left of where it had been this morning.
Sixteen
Javi couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face, no matter how hard he tried. This, right here, was the cherry on top of what had been an ice cream sundae of a week. It had been amazing having the girls with him in Dallas. Spending time with them, bringing them to the games, tucking them into bed at night. He hadn’t quite realized just how much he’d missed them until he’d seen them stepping into the airport, backpacks slung over shoulders. His heart had felt too big for his chest just having his girls in his arms again.
And now, today, it was finally official that he was going to get a lot more of that in his life. Once their week-long visit had ended, he’d taken a two day leave of absence from the team and flown back with them to San Diego. He’d signed the closing papers on a house in an adjacent neighborhood to where Cara lived, and then this morning, they’d hammered out an amended custody agreement.
Theo had been amazing. He’d systematically dismantled the existing agreement, arguing against everything in it. He’d made it look so simple, as though all he’d had to do to convince you of the color of the sky was to point up. Then, he’d presented potential changes, and he and Cara’s lawyer had gone back and forth, hammering out the details. It had been a long couple of hours, but completely worth the price of his time and the cost of flying Theo out to California, because now he had what he’d wanted all along. Shared custody from November to February with the provision that he spend the bulk of his time in San Diego so as not to disrupt Chloe and Olive’s school year, as well as shared custody from May to August while they’d be on summer vacation, with the understanding that they’d be coming to Dallas to be with him. The rest of the year, they’d have arranged visits, and Cara wasn’t allowed to tell him no.
She wasn’t allowed to tell him no. Finally, she wouldn’t be allowed to take out her baggage from the divorce on the girls. Finally, he’d have the chance to be a father to them for more than a couple of weeks a year. For the first time in a long time, it felt as though everything in his life was coming together.
Theo gathered up his things, neatly slipping papers back into his messenger bag. “This still has to go before a judge for final approval, but I can’t see any reasonable family court judge throwing this out.”
Javi turned to him, extending a hand. “I can’t ever thank you enough for this, Theo. You’ve given me my family back.”
A completely unreadable expression flickered across the other man’s face, gone in a flash, and then Theo smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. “Of course. I’m just happy to be doing something that’s making someone happy for once. I spend most of my time listening to millionaires list the ways they hate each other.”
“You’ve definitely made me happy. This is great. Thank you again,” he said, aware that he sounded like he was gushing but unable to contain the happiness flowing through him. Theo sent him a smile and headed for the door.
“I have some time before my flight home, so I’m going to the zoo. See you around, Javi.”
As Theo walked out the conference room doors and onto the main floor of Cara’s lawyer’s firm, her lawyer also packed up his things and left, leaving Javi alone with Cara. Surprising him, she walked around the large glass table and took a seat right beside him, swaying in her chair slightly. She smiled, a bright, open smile he hadn’t seen from her in a long time. It put him instantly on edge.
“I’m really impressed with how hard you fought for the girls. I didn’t think you would.”
“If you think I don’t want to have my girls in my life as much as possible, you really don’t know me at all.”
She pursed her lips and looked up at the ceiling. “Maybe I don’t. Maybe I was wrong to try to keep you away from them.” She turned her gaze to him, her eyes wandering over his chest. “Maybe I was wrong about a lot of things.”
Not liking the direction this conversation had taken, Javi stood, gathering up his own folders of paperwork. “We were both wrong about a lot of things. That’s why we’re not married anymore.”
She made a soft humming noise, her eyes still sliding over his body. “The girls told me about that woman you’re seeing. The blond one.”
Javi nodded. “Aerin. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months now.”
“The girls didn’t like her at all. Especially Chloe.”
“Yeah, well Chloe didn’t exactly make the best first impression either.” He frowned and turned to her. “You know they have some harebrained idea that we’re getting back together?”
Cara’s face barely changed. She swallowed, then licked her lips. “I mean, maybe now that you’re going to be in San Diego for the off season, we could…spend a little time together? To see how things feel? Surely your girlfriend won’t be following you to California for four months every year.”
Javi frowned, emotions slamming into him. “After the split we had, after the shit you’ve given me, after you held my relationship with the girls hostage, you think you can just toss something like that out there? No, Cara. It doesn’t work that way.” He shook his head, his jaw tight. “What are you even doing?”
She gave a little shrug. “I wanted to see if you’d fight for the girls, and you did. It made me thing that maybe you’d fight for me, too.”
He forced himself to look at her, to meet her eyes. “Cara, listen. I’ll always care about you because you’re Chloe and Olive’s mother. But anything romantic between us is long over. I’ve moved on, and I’ve found happiness with someone else. You should do the same.”
She stuck out her lower lip. “But I gave you the custody arrangement you wanted!”
His nostrils flared. “I really hope you did it because it’s what’s best for the girls and not as some misguided play to get back together.” He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why would you even want to get back together? The last time we were face to face you told me what a disappointment I was to both you and the girls.”
/> She bit her lip. “But maybe now things could be different. I miss you, Javi.”
He shook his head again. “No, you don’t. You weren’t happy with me. We weren’t happy together. I get that you’re lonely and that it’s hard to put yourself out there, but that’s what you need to do. Move on. I have.”
She rolled her eyes. “With some skinny blond who the girls don’t even like. It won’t last. You really think she wants to play stepmommy dearest for half the year?”
Javi swallowed, a tiny sliver of fear wedging itself between his ribs, making it hurt to breathe. His mind flashed back to that dinner at the Olive Garden, and how Aerin had noticeably pulled away after it.
He took a breath and then met Cara’s eyes. “Thank you for today, for not fighting this new arrangement. I appreciate it.”
She stood from her chair, then rose up onto her toes and kissed his cheek. “You’re welcome. Please think about what I’ve said. Maybe we can talk about it some more?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
But she was already out the door, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll text you, babe.”
Javi sank back down into his chair, wondering if he’d just traded one can of worms for another.
Aerin sat behind her desk, swiveling back and forth, back and forth, her eyes staring unfocused at her unusually messy desk. With folders and sticky notes and contracts strewn across it, it matched her scattered state of mind. With a sigh, she pulled a folder toward herself, trying to muster up the energy and focus to do something. Look at a contract waiting for her notes. Clean out her inbox. Plan her calendar for next week. Something to occupy her brain other than her swirling thoughts about Javi and his kids. The dinner, her doubts and worries about where she fit in his life, what this new custody arrangement meant for Javi and for their relationship…
