Common Sense Doesn't Become Me

by CJ Hawk

  "I would, would I?" I could not hold back. I never had that type of controlled restraint. I walked right past him, opened my door, and turned to push him hard out of my apartment. He faltered back as he was taken by surprise. He looked hurt and confused as I slammed the door and locked it with the safety chain. The whole moment was surreal yet felt justified.

  Just then, I heard a click and the door opened a tad. "Amber. I came to talk to you. Your aunt ran into me unjamming the trash shoot. Listen. I know you wanted to slow things down, not stop all together. Why haven't you bothered to call or text me back? What's with the dark curtain?"

  I took a step back as he opened the door with some tool that removed the safety chain, and I got full view of his sexy body. The man looked hot in brown and khaki with his sincere look and sexy smile spreading across this face. I crossed my arms in front of my body, causing my boobs to crest out of my shirt. I watched his eyes dart there and light up for a second, so I let my arms down and puffed out a huge breath of air. "What gives Mason? I saw you put your tongue down that woman's throat. I saw your arms go up and yes; I saw her naked body in full view facing me as she went in for a kiss. After that, I could not watch anymore. I guess you're just the type of guy who likes to have his dating choices in multiple colors." I was referring to hair, but his questionable look grew with confusion.

  "I don't know what you saw." He took a step inside my apartment and closed the door. "However, I can guarantee that I did not sleep with the woman you are talking about. Sarah, by the way, is her name. 6D. Three floors up from me in my building..."

  I did not let him finish. "I don't give a crap what her name is or where she lives. You have the gull to drop me here all frustrated after your family event, then not contact me until it is late in the evening. Get out of my apartment. While you are at it. Stay out of my life."

  This is where my no good bad common sense anger kicks in. I don't know if there is a man alive that can deal with my temper. At times, I was sure I inherited it from my aunt. The very reason she is on the hunt for number four man to marry. It's the anger I show to those closest to me, except for my dad and Marion, that gets them all worked up and ready for a fight.

  "Amber?" His voice was soft but his jaw was tense, his eyes glaring, and he had the look of a man who wanted to yell right back at me. Then he said it, but it did not sink in. "Look. You got it all wrong. Sarah came onto me before I had a chance... Listen. It's not what you think. Things have gotten a little crazy in my life, and I just needed to think some things through."

  "Well think it through while the door is hitting you on the ass." I shouted out and pointed to the door with major emphasis on the direction of where my finger was pointing.

  "Amber!" This time his voice was soft yet it had an edge to it. "Listen. You're acting all crazy about this. Give me a break."

  "What? A break? So you can what? Invite 6D in for a little tongue twister? And you can take that word crazy and shove it where the sun doesn't shine." I turned away just a bit, but kept him in my peripheral line of sight, and crossed my arms. At this point, if my boobs crested my top to give him a valley of appeal, well so be it.

  He started off with a soft response. "There is a logical explanation for 6D if you would just calm down and let me explain. It is not what it seems. She came on to me."

  "Nice!" I glared. Then how did she get in your apartment and naked. I thought it but did not say it. What I did say came out nasty and cold. "I don't need your lame-ass excuses for having sex with other women. It's not like you're the first man to do this. I thought you were different and..." I didn't get to finish. His cold tone and held temper voice that had his jaw tense and his eyes glaring came through quite clear on how he felt.

  "Are you always this short tempered with everyone in your life?" He said it with the same tone I have heard myself use a time or two on people I have run out of patience with. I knew he was referring to the fact that I jumped in and defended him, briskly with a curt tone at his parents' house. Now that I had time to replay my tone of voice to his father and family, not to mention the few nasty words I said in the car ride home that Sunday, I had not exactly come across as a southern belle, more like a bull in a china shop puffing out steam.

  Either way, that did not change the fact of how confused I feel at the moment. I was not about to accept the 'story' he was giving me about naked 6D. He could go find himself another woman that was a bit more reserved than me. I don't need some Johnny come lately fly by night sexy as hell man who's good with his hands and has a brain on him that will make him the president of his father's corporation one day. I don't need a man like him if he thinks I'm crazy enough to share him with 6D.

  Something in me steeled hard, with all the anger of things gone wrong in my life, my mother's constant disapproval and nagging, and the need to just feel as if I fit in with his family when I really should not have met them that early on in our dating. As I felt the anger rise within me, I directed it at Mason, even though it was the last thing I really wanted to do. "I think I need more than just a short break from you Mason. I need a permanent one."

  He glared at me with hurt, then his whole face went cold; he looked distant and aloof. "Nice. Have it your way." He took a deep breath and then let me in on what happened with 6D. "Just so you know; I was taking a shower when Sarah broke into my place and surprised me naked. If you watched a moment longer, you would have seen me push her off me, then insist she leave my apartment. However, something tells me you don't want to hear the truth; you just want to jump to conclusions. And that goes for my family. They are truly sorry by the way." He turned and walked right out of my apartment without even closing the door behind him. At least four neighbors were in the hall standing just outside my door staring the direction from which I stood and Mason just left.

  He was already down a flight of stairs before Ms. Handly, the old lady who lives two apartments away from me shot off a smart-aleck remark. "Even with my hearing aid turned down, I can hear you all the way down the hall. Keep it up princess and I might start selling tickets to the show."

  I heard some mumble from Mr. Miller from the other direction down the hall, as he spoke loud enough so Ms. Handly could hear over her turned down hearing aid. "That girl has some growing up to do. Might do her some good to get married and pregnant."

  Nice. That comment stung. With Marion and Carl pregnant, and the front-runner for a potential mate just storming away, I was now thirty and nowhere closer to where I wanted to be in life at twenty-nine. I seem to have followed in my aunt's footsteps of crazy chaos and party poopers instead of getting my act together.

  I stared at my neighbors, and then decided I had enough. I slammed my apartment door shut and practically ran into my bathroom where I slammed and locked the door shut. I doubted he had a way to unlock this door. Although, he is the super for both buildings, and he probably could unlock every door in the place, including Sarah from 6D.

  Now that he has stated with what he says is the truth, I didn't see us working this thing we had going on. I guess if he had stayed in my apartment and announced his love for me and begging for my forgiveness, I might have believed him. As all that sank in, it did not take me but a minute to have myself into a full-blown pity party. Tears were streaming; snot was working its way out; eyes were burning, and my heart felt like it was in a vice grip. I highly doubted that what I saw was a mistake. Sarah from 6D got into his apartment somehow, that was most likely him letting her in. She also had her arms around him, and I know I saw his hands come up to her shoulders. Alternatively, now that I think about what I saw versus what he said happened, I wondered. Could it be true? Did 6D let herself in, get naked, and surprise him as he was out of the shower and about to get dressed? Did she walk towards him, naked boobs and all, and put her arms around him as his hands came up to do what? Gently guide her away and tell her that he is taken? If I had been rational and calm, I might have been able to ask him. However, I wasn't.

  I finally got mysel
f calmed down. Perhaps, there could be a chance, that maybe, on an off chance that what I really saw was 6D Sarah, coming on to Mason and him pulling away. However, he did not exactly try too hard to convince me of his love for me over 6D. I decided to text him: 'We should talk. I'm calm now."

  I waited for over an hour and never got a text back. Perhaps, this was for the best. I guess. Therefore, I did something very mature of myself and my new age of thirty; I sent a second text that simply read. 'Never mind me, I'm not worth it, have fun with 6D'. I guess my mature days were going to be short lived, as maybe I could have left 6D out of that text. In the digital world, once you hit send; it is too late.

  Chapter Twelve

  After cleaning and scouring my apartment for an hour, thinking if I cleaned my home, my life would somehow miraculously get better, it dawned on me. The text I left him, he could take it as me being mean instead of me trying to say, don't waste your time with me because I will only bring you down and yell at you when I am mad, and you don't deserve that. You deserve 6D and some fun in your life before you have to jump right in and play CEO to your dad's company. However, how did I say all that, the text sounded more like screw you and screw 6D. Even though, that was my anger talking, when really I felt, deep down, that he would be better off not getting involved with me. I didn't want to have to live up to huge expectations; I just wanted to be me and if that wasn't good enough for his family, then they are the ones missing out on the goofy, fun loving, makes lots of mistakes - me.

  Texting him again would only look immature, which I was queen at. I needed to grow up. I decided to head out and gas up my car for work tomorrow. As soon as I filled my tank on my fixed car, thanks to my dad, I realized it was only noon. I decided that a quick recovery on the flu was in order, and I drove into work. As I walked in proudly claiming that my health is back, I noticed things seemed a bit crazy.

  Well, nothing makes a woman feel more wanted, than a man who tells her he needs her, desperately. Wally Woo could not have looked happier to see me as I came in through his office doors. The production line was down; the auditor was coming next week on Monday, and he misplaced one of his gold chains in his office, that or someone stole it. With the price of gold these days, he was wigging out. I jumped in with both hands to his trash and caught sight of the shiny gold chain. This was not his first go around on the pony ride if you know what I mean. He has misplaced them before because he cannot wear them when he is inspecting the production line. Problem one, fixed. Then I took the files off his desk and told him I would make sure everything was ready for the auditor in two days if I had to work forty-eight hours straight or even into the weekend, so that come Monday, we would be set to go.

  Somewhere around seven o'clock that night, Wally told me to go home. I told him I couldn't, seeing as I just ordered a large pizza and had about three more hours of work I wanted to kick out before I would be in bright and early tomorrow morning. It was in that moment that my boss stopped and looked at me dead in the eyes as he said what he had to say next.

  "We all get caught up in our own personal life drama, but Amber, you are the only truly committed employee I know that once you realized I needed you, you were there. I can't thank you enough. You're a hard worker, organized and smart."

  I raised my eyebrows. "Gee Wally Woo, I was afraid you might have chewed my ass for calling in for the last three days."

  "Nah. Besides, shit didn't hit the fan until about an hour before you showed up. I know if I called you, you would have rushed right over. You're dependable that way. If you ask me, that boyfriend of yours, he's not worth it. You deserve a man who appreciates you, and that goes for your mom too. Maybe someday she will." His smile was full of sincerity and concern. Wally Woo and I spent a lot of hours talking about each other's lives in a supportive way, and I guess right now, if felt good to hear those words from him. It gave me a bit of reassurance of who I am as a person is not so bad after all.

  I laughed. "Well, I think the boyfriend probably is worth the trouble. I just think we need some time right now. The best thing for me is to throw myself into my work as a distraction and for that, I guess I have you, the production line crew, and the auditor to thank."

  "Lines up by the way. Crew starts back up in the morning. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with that and the auditor." He tipped his white sideways ball cap, with the shiny brand sticker still on the brim, and started to turn to walk out of my cubicle, but I stopped him.

  "Hey Wally. If I had just been an ounce or gallon, more mature, you would not have had to fend for yourself in the first place. I am sorry my personal life affected me. It won't happen again. Believe me, I swear; I am grown up now."

  "Geez girl. Don't go all high and mighty over the rest of us. You act mature, and then I have to act mature. No sense. I like it when your life entertains me. Besides, remember that last crazy bitch, I dated. Just keep it real." He did a peace out sign and was gone.

  Sometime after ten p.m., I left my cubicle with a half-eaten large pizza in a brown cardboard box and stepped out into the dead of the night to about the only car left in the parking lot. The security guy walked me to my car and then asked me if I was going to take my pizza home for leftovers. Not that he looked to have been on any low-carb diet as of late since his belly was bigger than a nine-month pregnant woman was, so I offered him my leftovers, which he took gladly.

  Pulling up to my apartment building, I noticed a few lights on in apartments, most of which were being illuminated by late-night TV watchers. Mason's was pitch black, which made me think that he could be in 6D's. I tried to figure out which apartment might be hers, assuming their numbered apartments were the same as my buildings but reversed. Then I felt my head pound and realized I was trying too hard to make something out of nothing. Even if it was, now was not the time to deal with it. I desperately needed a good night's sleep so that I could be at work by seven in the morning.

  My alarm went off as soon as my head hit the pillow to go to sleep, I was sure of it. However, the sun was peeking, and the night had passed. I did not even remember fluffing my pillow before I fell asleep.

  I jumped in the shower and washed briskly. Then I attempted the ten-minute get ready for work plan. It consisted of wet hair, twisted in a clip with only a few bangs out in the front and side. While those dried, I painted on enough makeup to hide the circles under my eyes and gave myself some color on the cheeks. Two swipes of mascara per eye and a finger fluff to my bangs, and I was ready to deal with work.

  I tossed on jeans and a blue Crawly embroidered polo over my basic white bra and cotton panties. I didn't think I would need to worry about lingerie for a while. I needed to focus on work and only work right now, not that Mason did not creep into my thoughts every minute instead of second. That in itself was an improvement.

  As I pulled out of my parking space in my apartment lot, I noticed that Mason's car was not in his parking spot. I tried not to think about where he was or what he was doing, but I did.

  Once I got busy at work, my whole week played out in my head and there was one very important person I had not let in about what happened on Monday after my car died. Sometimes, I wanted to give her a break from all my drama. I decided to grab my cell phone and hide out in the office supply cabinet while I caught my best friend up on my week of weirdness.

  As soon as I got the logistics out, and quieted my babble about what happened, Marion chimed in. "It sounds like it went from bad to worse. I wish you would have called me. I just figured you were busy at work and hopefully making up with Mason. I didn't think it was all that bad. You know I'm here for you."

  I took a deep breath and replied. "I guess I feel like I am nothing but constant drama. I wanted to sulk this one out on my own for a bit. Not have you worry about me for a change. Seeing as soon as the twins arrive, you will have enough to handle with them instead of always bailing my emotional mess out. It wasn't so bad, you know, not calling you and crying. Besides, the two pounder bag of M&M's helped, a
long with Aunt Heather."

  "Let me guess. You ate all the blue ones first." She snickered.

  "You know it girl." I taunted.

  "Well, next time, don't leave me out if you need me. A shoulder to cry on is what we do for each other. Maybe because everything seems to fall in your court lately, you might have forgotten about all the times you've been there for me, when I needed someone."

  She had a point. I guess, I just felt like my drama was on red alert, while that may be true, it wasn't long ago that Marion's was just as crazy.

  Marion spoke up and said something that made me think even harder about my role in my family. "Hey. How many times have you been there for your dad, you know when he is drunk? How many times have you sobered him up and made him presentable before your mom got home from work? Then there is Bethany. Sure, she is book smart, but fashion and street smart; she is not. How many times have you been there to help her with that? Huh?" She laughed as I got out a mumbled 'I guess'.

  "Now. Your Aunt Heather, sweet, dear, party hardy let the good times rolls still stuck in the eighties' Aunt Heather? How many times have you bailed her out of a situation? When my dear, it should be the other way around. Although, I don't recall you ever landing in jail or naked in a city pool at midnight. She's crazy. Not to mention the fact, that you have been your mom's emotional punching bag. She has turned to you whenever things aren't right with her life and tried to focus on yours with nit picking at you. Really, did you think you are all that messed up? Because you are the most dependable, lovable, sweet woman, I know. Not to mention, you are smoking hot. I know you don't think you are sometimes, but you don't always see what other people see. And yes, where would Wally Woo be without you? He is the lamest production manager or boss in general that I have ever worked for, when I worked there, but he is loveable, and you do make him look like an excellent boss. Without you, he would probably be back on the production line."