Lavender backed away from his outstretched arms. “What are you doing here?”
He dropped his arms. “Tyler invited me.” He continued to smile, but it stopped south of his eyes.
She whipped around, finding it easier to take her wrath out on Tyler. “How dare you butt into my business. Again.”
“Don’t blame him. It was my idea.” Her father started to step forward but the look on her face appeared to stop him.
She truly doubted Brian Gerloch concocted this asinine plan, especially considering the guilt etched across Tyler’s face. “You’re not welcome here. Ever.”
“I just want a few moments to talk. To explain myself.” Her father stood his ground, which angered her all the more.
“No, it’s too late for that, Brian.”
He cringed at the way she said his name with such venom. Her hard heart cracked a bit. Her father looked so pathetic, so lost, so not in control. She’d never seen him like this. Fighting her reaction to this man she’d once called “Daddy,” she shored up her defenses.
Lavender shot a murderous glance at Tyler who shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes hooded and his mouth pressed in a tight, firm line.
“Please, honey, just hear me out. Can you find some room for a little forgiveness?” Brian laid his pride at her feet like a sacrificial lamb.
“Not now. Not yet. I’m not ready.” She resisted, even as she longed to hear his story.
“Lavender, just listen to what he has to say.” Tyler, the traitorous bastard, reached out to her.
“Butt out. You’ve interfered enough.” She turned on Tyler then back to her father. “You gave up the right for forgiveness years ago.”
The man sighed and ran his fingers through his damp hair. “You’re too much like your grandmother.”
“I am not.” She shuddered inside, fearing he might be right.
Brian slumped slightly and backed up a few steps. “This was a mistake.”
“You’re damn right it was a mistake.” Lavender twisted her ring until her finger ached. How could Tyler do this to her?
“Look, honey, I know I wasn’t there. I admit I gave up to easily. I didn’t fight for you like I should have. I just don’t know if it would’ve turned out any differently if I had. I didn’t want to put you and your brother in the middle of a contentious situation. It would’ve torn you in two. So I backed off. I honestly don’t think it would’ve worked out any better if I’d fought. I think either way you’d end up hating me. I hoped someday you’d come around, ask to hear my side. Your brother did.” Her father stared down at his feet, but not before she caught the stark and vivid pain in his eyes.
“Yeah, look where it got him. He’s lost his grandparents and a sister.” She lashed out like a wounded animal, hating herself for being vindictive like her grandmother, yet enjoying her power in a perverse way.
“Andy shouldn’t have to lose anyone. Neither should you. There’s room for both of us in your lives. No parent should make a child feel like they have to choose.”
“My grandmother did the best she could. You deserted us.”
His face fell. He gnawed on his lower lip and closed his eyes for a moment. “I didn’t. Believe me, I didn’t.” He held a large envelope out to her. She ignored it. “If you’d only take the time to look at the items in here.”
“I’m not interested.” She crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself tight, but nothing eased the ache of her broken heart.
Brian laid the envelope on the table. Lavender ignored it.
The door crashed open, and Doris Mead threw herself into the room and at Brian like a crazed she-wolf. Larry was on her heels and grabbed her before she made contact. Lavender backed up a step, while Tyler watched Doris with wary concern.
“How dare you show up here and try to lure my granddaughter away with your lies. You’re no-good, a dead-beat dad. Get out of here. Now!” She flailed her arms and struggled to get free of Larry’s hold. No way was her grandfather letting go of his wife.
“You’re kicking me out of my own house?” Brian stood his ground, facing his ex mother-in-law.
What? His house? Could it be true?
“It’s not your house. My daughter got it in the divorce.” Doris visibly controlled herself and elbowed Larry. He released her but kept one hand on her arm. She stood up straight and took a few steps until she was only a foot or two from Brian. She glared up at him.
“That’s a lie, and you know it, Doris. It’s in trust for the kids.” Brian held his voice steady. Lavender grudgingly admired his remarkable restraint.
Larry swallowed and tightened his fingers into a death grip on Doris’s arm. Lavender stared at her grandmother’s face, twisted and ugly with hatred. In her rage, she looked inhuman, like a wild animal. Lavender never wanted to look like that.
She needed to diffuse the situation and fast before it escalated into something even uglier, if that were possible. She turned to her father. “Please, you need to go.” Lavender couldn’t take the conflict. She never could. Her grandmother’s relentless harping usually wore her down until she did as the woman wanted just to buy a little peace in her life. This time would be no different.
“I’ll leave, but honey, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m not giving up on you again, I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”
Lavender jabbed a finger toward the open door. The wind blew rain inside, but she didn’t care. “Please. Just leave.” A sob welled up in her throat. Unshed tears blurred everything, except she still saw sorrow in Brian’s eyes. It almost undid her.
His body caved as if it’d been deflated, his expression that of a broken man. He shuffled to the door, and she almost went after him, almost threw herself in his arms. One glance at her grandmother stopped her.
Doris kicked the door shut behind him. “This is your fault.” Her grandmother unleashed her fury on Tyler.
Tyler’s blue eyes blazed with anger. He clenched his fists, widened his stance, and scowled at Doris, his expression so fierce, Doris retreated a few steps, while Larry hid behind her.
Doris turned her attention on the person she’d have better luck controlling. “We’ll come back once you get rid of him. Make it permanent. Look at the grief he’s caused our family, and do the right thing.”
Tyler stood up straighter. “No, I’ll go. I need to pack anyway. I’m leaving in the morning.”
He stopped in front of Lavender and looked down at her, his expression unreadable. “If you want me to stay, I will.”
For tonight? Or forever? She longed to know the answer.
For a moment, gazes meshed and held. She saw things she’d never thought she’d see in his eyes, crazy things like love. In the next moment, she convinced herself she’d only seen what she wanted to see, nothing real.
A million things ran through Lavender’s mind, their fights, their bickering, Tyler’s control issues, his vulnerabilities, his gentle loving, his enthusiasm, his wicked sense of humor. His mastery of the F-word and attempt to break his bad habit. All of it. She glanced at her grandmother and saw the ultimatum in her eyes.
“Tyler, please go.” Tears blinded her and she rubbed her eyes. Her heart broke open and the contents shattered at her feet like broken glass on concrete.
“Are you sure? I won’t be back.”
“I’m sure.” She choked on the words, a sob strangled her.
Without another word, Tyler left. The door clicked shut behind him. Lavender sank onto the worn couch and buried her face in her hands, as the floor fell out beneath her.
* * * * *
Lavender watched from her window as Tyler locked the front door of the mansion. For a moment, he stood on the veranda and gazed around him. Then he walked down the front steps to his truck. Unable to stop herself, she trotted across the muddy field and slipped through the gate between the two properties.
Tyler saw her coming and paused, his expression guarded, his eyes hooded.
She met h
is gaze and held her chin high. “I’m furious at you for what you did last night, but I still can’t let you go without saying goodbye.”
“You’re furious because I tried to fix what’s broken. I get that. It was a stupid move on my part.” His hard blue eyes never wavered from hers, and his asshole mask was held firmly in place.
“You can’t force everything to be the way you want it to be.”
“Why not? It’s worked for me in the past.” He skirted around her and threw his duffle bag in the passenger seat.
“There are some things you can’t control.” She stood behind him. When he turned around, she effectively blocked him in.
“Tell that one to your grandmother, though she sure as hell does a good job controlling you. You fell right into her web.”
“My grandmother is not a spider. And she’s not evil.”
“I don’t think she’s evil either. Not anymore. I’ll admit I did at first. She needs help, Vinnie. She’s convinced herself she’s doing what’s best for you. She doesn’t understand how much she’s hurting you and your brother. Don’t you see how abnormal her behavior is?”
Lavender heard the truth in his words, but her mind wasn’t ready to accept them. She’d championed her grandmother for so long, defended her, put her on a pedestal, she couldn’t change her behavior overnight—even if she wanted. Tyler tried to force Lavender to see her grandmother as human with flaws. She couldn’t do that, not yet.
“I think it’s time you left.” She stepped away, but he stepped forward into the space she’d just vacated.
“I’m going, but I’ll be back. I’m keeping this place, Lavender. You can’t run from me and your life forever.” Tyler leaned forward, filling her nostrils with his clean, woodsy scent. Her entire body angled toward him, even as she kept her head thrown back.
“I’m not running. I’m walking away.”
Determination glinted in his eyes, the same determination she’d seen in television interviews just before his first Super Bowl. “When you decide to live your life, not your grandmother’s plan for your life, you know where to find me.”
“Goodbye. You won’t know where to find me. I’m moving.”
“But that’s your place. You know that now. Not your grandmother’s.”
“It’s also my brother’s and my father’s place. I can’t stay here.”
“You won’t leave the islands.” He spoke with such conviction, it irritated her. He knew her too well.
She’d given up too much to stay here and take care of her senior citizens, including an education and a more lucrative career. But it was home, and she loved it as much as she loved her old people. “There’s more than one island in the San Juans. We’ll be separated by a body of water, and it might as well be another country.”
His mouth settled into a thin line.
“Tyler, do one thing for me.”
He stared down at her a long, long time. Regret, need, and sorrow showed on his face and he made no attempt to conceal his emotions.
“Find your passion. If it’s not football, retire, and don’t give up until you find out what it is.”
“I have to go back to football.”
“You don’t have to do anything. You could retire if your heart’s not in it.”
“I don’t want to retire.” He spoke softly, almost reverently, almost as if he’d just discovered the truth for himself.
“Then go back to your team and show them you’re in this one hundred percent.”
“I could stay a while longer, if you’d only make this between you and me and not your grandmother.”
She bristled at his mention of her grandmother, feeling protective and defensive. “It is about us, and it’ll never work. You need to go back. There’s nothing holding you here.”
“You are.” He touched her face. The look of tenderness in his warm blue eyes sucker punched her.
She shook her head, fighting back tears and feeling torn between the jock she swore she’d never fall for and a grandmother whose love came with tough conditions.
“We don’t start training camp for a few more months.”
“Is Zach at the practice facility working out right now with the young guys?”
“Yeah, every day, so I hear.” He regarded her warily, as if he knew what was coming.
“Go back. Go to team headquarters, start working out, throw yourself into it with all you’ve got. Show the doubters it’s still your team, and you aren’t giving it up without a fight.”
Hands on her shoulders, he studied her for a long time. He made no attempt to hide his feelings from her. He’d definitely come a long ways. Had she?
“You’re pretty special, Tyler Harris. Let the rest of the world see what you let me see. Be the person you can be, and you’ll find your passion again.”
His deep blue eyes searched hers, peeling away her defenses layer by layer. His gaze trapped her, chipped at her armor, made her believe in miracles. “I think I love you, Rebecca Gerloch.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Lavender shuddered at his use of her given name even as her heart danced at the words until she wrapped her brain around his actual words. He thought he loved her. But that wasn’t enough. He needed to know he loved her.
“You love me, too.” With a confident nod, Tyler stepped back and released her, as if he knew something she didn’t.
No sense denying the truth. “Love isn’t enough. We have too many strikes against us. Football is a greedy mistress. You and I will never work out.” Eventually he’d leave her just like her father had, and she’d be left without a family and without him. She’d be all alone. She didn’t think her heart could survive, so it was better to get it over with now.
“You’re right about one thing, the two us will never work out—as long as your grandmother controls your life. You have to learn to follow some of your own advice. Be your own person. Stand up for yourself.” With a sigh, he planted a chaste kiss on the tip of her nose, and turned back to his truck.
“Tyler.”
He hesitated, hand on the door handle. “Yeah?”
“I’ll miss you. Make your dad and Ryan proud.”
He nodded and swallowed. “I have, and I will.” On that note, he got into his truck and shut the door. Cougar stared at her through the window from his place on the back of the seat. The cat’s accusing gaze said it all.
You’re a coward.
That she was.
With one last sad smile, Tyler pulled down the driveway. She watched until his truck rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight. A lump sat in her throat almost choking her. She was a coward of the worst kind. She refused to see the truth because hiding behind lies and assumptions made her life easier in the short run, even as it ate her up inside a little bit more every day.
She trudged down to Twin Cedars’ dock. A storm moved in. Dark clouds brewed angrily in the distance. Waves crashed against the rickety dock and rocked it. She braced her legs apart to keep from falling into the swirling waters. The wind whipped at her hair. Rain peppered her face, but she didn’t feel any of it.
Instead she recalled a night of passion on this very dock on a calm, starlit night and a man who made love to her with such profound tenderness, it rocked her to her very soul.
The ever-changing waters rolled onto the beach then receded, only to return again. Like life, the waves altered the landscape by pushing driftwood up the beach, cutting away at the rocky bank, carving a new shape to the islands, adding some here, taking away there. A constant evolution, ever adjusting to nature’s demands.
Wiping a tear from her face, Lavender splashed through the mud puddles back to the house, ignoring the rain, which found ways past the protective shell of her raincoat. A blast of heat welcomed her as she opened the door. She removed her coat and shook it out on the vinyl flooring of the entryway. After hanging it on a peg near the front door, she wandered into the small living room. Slicking back her wet hair, she pulled a bulging envelope from its
hiding place under the couch.
She stared at it for a moment then stashed it back under the couch. She wasn’t ready yet. For a lot of things. She wondered if she’d ever be ready for the truth.
* * * * *
Tyler ground his teeth so hard his head throbbed. A vein pulsed in his neck from the tension. He pulled his truck onto the ferry. Shutting off the engine, he leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes. Coug climbed over his shoulder and purred in his ear. He rubbed his face against Tyler’s five-o’clock shadow, as if loving the scratchy feel of Tyler’s chin.
Tyler’s laugh rang hollow to his own ears, as he spit out a mouthful of cat hair. He pulled Coug onto his lap.
“Damn cat.” He stroked the animal’s soft fur, while the ferry engines thrummed as the boat pulled away from the dock.
“We’re going home, buddy. You’ll like the place.” The cat stared at him. “Okay, maybe you won’t. No mice, and you can’t go outside in the city. You’ll get used to it.”
Yeah, but would he?
Dang, he’d told Lavender he thought he loved her. Maybe not the best choice of words. They’d just bubbled from his lips. As soon as he’d uttered the three scariest words known to man, he knew he’d meant them. He didn’t just think, he knew. She hadn’t even batted an eye, but swatted him down like a pesky fly. Even worse, she’d chosen her psycho grandmother over him. He gritted his teeth harder, which didn’t help the pounding in his head. Nor could he drown out that cracking sound, which surely signaled the splintering of his once-hard heart.
Damn, he fu—effing hated this. He never let down his guard. He never let a woman inside his most secret places. Never. But he’d let Lavender in, and she’d messed with him. Okay, so maybe shoving her dad down her throat as a birthday present might qualify as a stupid-assed idea.
Still, she’d thrown his words back in his face, as if she didn’t believe him. That hurt worse than anything else because for once he’d been honest about what was in his heart.
He guessed honesty didn’t count.
Forward Passes (Seattle Lumberjacks) Page 27
