Not My Heart to Break

by W Winters

  Most importantly, he says so many times how much he loves us, the three of us.

  I love us too. I love all of us and although it hurts how we got here; I’m so grateful that we did get here. This is all I ever wanted. To love and be loved and share that love with our little prince.

  “Can we name him Cameron?” I ask Seth. Judging by the way he peers at me, with long-ago memories in his eyes, I think he knows why. “I just feel like…” My throat’s tight and I want to cry just thinking about Cami.

  I don’t remember much, barely anything at all really. A month went by and all I did was sleep. There’s some part of me though that feels like she was holding my hand. Like I wouldn’t have gotten through any of this without her. Maybe I just miss her that much. Maybe there’s more to it, I don’t know. “I just want to remember her always and honor her in a way… is that… I don’t know. It’s—”

  “I love it,” Seth says, cutting me off, kissing my cheek and preventing me from crying even more. “Yes. Yes, let’s name him Cameron.”

  Seth

  “You’re growing so fast,” I say and my words are lost since they’re whispered to a sleeping baby boy. Even though he’s dreaming, he holds my thumb with all his might. His wrists are chubby, his cheeks full. He’s gaining weight and the pediatrician is happy with his progress.

  We’re in the clear. It took three more days after Laura’s release, but we’re finally able to breathe now that we’re in the clear.

  I never knew how much relief those words would bring me, doctors telling us we can all go home. Bring us.

  “I love it when he holds my fingers like that.” Laura’s comment is gentle and comes from the open door to the nursery.

  In only her silk robe that clings to her curves, she tempts me like she never has. Seeing her with our baby boy, little Cameron, makes me ache for her.

  I’m already hard by the time her eyes move from Cameron to my gaze. She must know because even with only the faint light from the hallway behind her, I can see her blush rise up from her cheeks to her temple.

  “You’re impossible,” she huffs humorlessly, wrapping her arms around her front. Her bare feet pad on the floor as she comes to me, although I know it’s only to scoop up Cameron into her arms.

  We have another week before sex is an option. I am counting down every fucking hour.

  She teases me even more, taking Cameron from me, but settling down into my lap. With my arms wrapped around her, I keep her close to me, smelling her fragrant hair as I sigh easily.

  I never knew how badly I wanted this. Her with me and a child too. A family.

  It’s more important than anything else, which is why I’m continuing to lay low, only running the bar for the Cross brothers… indefinitely. I don’t ever want Laura or our son mixed up in anything else. So I took a step back and everyone was on board with that.

  “I want a million more,” I comment and with my admission, our little prince stirs in Laura’s arms.

  She only laughs, soft and easy. Her shoulders shake against my chest with it and then she rocks Cameron. I expect her to joke about another being too much or that I’m just ridiculous. She doesn’t though. “I do too,” she whispers.

  “Could you not sleep?” I ask her.

  “I got six hours straight,” she answers with a smile and then looks deep into my eyes, still rocking our baby as she adds, “I dreamed I was missing you two.”

  A soft hum leaves me, vibrating down my chest and she snuggles in closer to me.

  As much as I love this, as much as I want to live in this moment forever, I know what day it is.

  The reminder makes me hold Laura closer to me. I kiss her temple, her hair tickling my nose when I do, trying not to think about what’s going on outside these walls.

  I want to stay here forever with her. In love with her and loved by her.

  Declan told me it was all right. He said the note told him he had to go alone and there was nothing I could do. Still, I want to know what happens. I need to know this shit with Marcus is over. Forever.

  I got my happily ever after, but I don’t know at what cost.

  “You all right?” Laura’s question brings me back to this moment and it’s then that I realize my heart is racing with fear for Declan.

  “Fine,” I lie to her and kiss the tip of her nose. She shouldn’t worry, not when I don’t know what to tell her.

  “I love you, Laura,” I tell her rather than confess my fear. “I would do anything for you.”

  She has no idea how much I mean it. I’d sacrifice everything for her.

  “I know,” she answers with a soft smile on her lips as Cameron coos in her arms. “I love you too.”

  “You need to sleep,” I comment, noting how our little prince is falling asleep in her arms. “Let him sleep and you get into bed.”

  “I’m not tired,” she protests and I’d smack her ass if it wasn’t firmly in my lap right now.

  “You will be when I’m done with you,” I whisper at the shell of her ear. Her eyes close and her breath hitches.

  “But we can’t—”

  “I know what we can and can’t do,” I say, cutting her off. “I’m far too aware.”

  As quiet as can be, she sets our son down in his crib, giving him one last look before peering back at me. She catches me standing up and her gaze goes straight to my cock. I’m so fucking hard for her. I take my time closing the distance, watching that rosy color in her cheeks grow.

  Cupping her cheek in my hand, I press my lips to hers and then give her one last warning. “Get your ass on that bed, Babygirl.”

  I don’t have to swat her ass, because she immediately turns around, making her way to our bedroom. I do anyway though, a slap that makes her gasp that sweet sound. The smile’s wide on her beautiful face and there’s a happiness and a lightness in her step that I haven’t seen in so long.

  She’s mine forever like this. And I’ll make damn sure it stays that way.

  Marcus

  * * *

  He came alone like I knew he would.

  The youngest of the Cross brothers has always been the most trusting. He doesn’t remember the events of his past like the others do. He didn’t have to go through it like they did. That’s the only explanation I have for his trust in me.

  He shouldn’t trust me. No one should. Just like I don’t trust a damn one of them.

  Seth didn’t trust me either, but he sure as hell was willing to make a deal.

  He may think I didn’t follow up on our arrangement, oh, but I did.

  Little Audrey, with her long blonde hair, would have killed herself so many times before. She begged for death and her tragic story pleaded for me to let her let go in the years I’ve known her. In an effort to convince her otherwise, an effort for her to see the greater good, I told her she couldn’t do it, unless her death became someone else’s miracle.

  It worked for a while… until she happened upon Laura. She found a picture online of two girls. One that looked like her and the other was Laura Roth.

  She was too wise for her age. Finding Laura and knowing she could save her was the way out she’d been hunting for years. She said it was a sign.

  It certainly gave me leverage, but if I could have saved Audrey, I would have. I tried. Some souls are just too far gone.

  Audrey’s death, her suicide, hurt me more than anyone would ever know, even if she did save a life.

  Seth got what I promised him and it killed me to allow it, to tell Audrey the moment I knew about the accident. But I won’t hold him to our deal. It wasn’t for him anyway. It was a test of his dear friend.

  Declan steps closer to a stone carved with his own last name on it. His brother’s first. The dried leaves beneath his feet crack and crumble.

  Declan came to me for this. He came months ago wanting something I didn’t know if he deserved… So I tested him.

  No man would allow the woman he loves to die. Seth could never say no. He would have done anythi
ng for her. I allowed Declan to know. I let them plant the wires, I let them listen in as I offered the deal.

  He knew his best friend was made an offer he couldn’t resist. Declan knew Seth had to kill him in order to save the woman he loved.

  After seeing what happened…

  Declan deserves what he asked for and I’ll give it to him.

  I do have regrets, for the pain it put Seth through, but that’s on Declan. Not on me. All of these men, they want, want, want, but I have never gotten what I wanted. Not until now.

  Snow gathers in the sky, making it a cloudy gray to blanket the darkening evening. The chill is biting and it reminds me of the night everything changed for me.

  The night I met her.

  A stream of light descends between us and it casts his shadow long against the stone and grass that litter the graveyard. More importantly, the light gleams from the metal in his hand.

  I’m certain his gun is loaded. Maybe he has less trust than I thought he did.

  No matter. If he thought I’d let it end like this, he thought wrong.

  “Declan.” I call out his name before he can leave. His back is to me, his shoulders tight and tense. So at odds compared to my easy posture.

  He doesn’t turn around, which only brings the corners of my lips up into a smirk.

  “I have one last deal to offer.” One more. Because I have to. “I know something you don’t. Something you really, desperately want to know.”

  “What is it?”

  “Turn around, Declan.”

  “Are you going to kill me?”

  “No,” I answer him and a nervousness rolls up my spine, coupled with a sickness in my stomach. It’s been so long since someone’s learned who I am.

  It’s a risk, but one I have to take. I need to for her.

  She begged me for this.

  Declan’s slow to turn and face me. The recognition lights in his eyes, his expression turning from stone to one of confusion and then quickly, betrayal.

  I give him a moment and he speaks a single word. “You?”

  * * *

  Marcus’s story, This Love Hurts, is up next. Start reading today!

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  Start at the beginning of this world and read Carter’s series, All He’ll Ever Be now!

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  Sneak Peek at All He’ll Ever Be

  A USA Today bestselling, gripping and heart-wrenching romantic suspense.

  * * *

  I get why Beauty fell in love with the Beast, but it doesn’t change who Carter is. There’s no magical rose or kiss that will turn him into a prince.

  All Carter Cross will ever be is a beast. A cold-hearted and ruthless, mafia king, trapped in a castle of his own making

  I’m the daughter of his enemy and his new possession. A mafia bargain for war.

  I thought that’s all I was to him, but I was never prepared for for the next page of our story…

  * * *

  “Dark, sexy and incredibly masterful, Carter and Aria's story had me riveted from beginning to end…” - Nightbird Novels

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  All He’ll Ever Be is the complete collection of the USA Today bestselling, Merciless series. It’s a dark, modern retelling of a tale as old as time.

  Chapter 1

  Carter

  War is coming.

  It’s something I’ve known for over two years.

  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

  My jaw ticks in time with the skin over my knuckles turning white as my fist clenches tighter. The tension in my stiff shoulders rises and I have to remind myself to breathe in deep and let the strain of it all go away.

  Tick. Tock. It’s the only sound echoing off the walls of my office and with each passing of the pendulum the anger grows.

  It’s always like this before I go to a meet. This one in particular sends a thrill through my blood, the adrenaline pumping harder with each passing minute.

  My gaze moves from the grandfather clock in my office to the shelves next to it and then beneath them to the box made of mahogany and steel. It’s only three feet deep and tall and six feet long. It blends into the right wall of my office, surrounded by polished bookshelves that carry an aroma of old books.

  I paid more than I should have simply to put on display. All any of this is a façade. People’s perceptions are their reality. And so I paint the picture they need to see so I can use them as I see fit. The expensive books and paintings, polished furniture made of rare wood… All of it is bullshit.

  Except for the box. The story that came with it will stay with me forever. In all of the years, it’s the one of the few memories that I can pin point as a defining moment. The box never leaves me.

  The words from the man who gave it to me are still as clear as is the memory of his pale green eyes, glassed over as he told me his story.

  About how it kept him safe when he was a child. He told me how his mother had shoved him in it to protect him.

  I swallow thickly, feeling my throat tighten and the cord in my neck strain with the memory. He painted the picture so well.

  He told me how he clung to his mother seeing how panicked she was. But he did as he was told, he stayed quiet in the safe box and could only listen while the men murdered his mother.

  It was the story he gave me with the box he offered to barter for his life. And it reminded me of my own mother telling me goodbye before she passed.

  Yes, his story was touching, but the defining moment is when I put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger regardless.

  He tried to steal from me and then pay me with a box as if the money he laundered was a debt or a loan. William was good at stealing, at telling stories, but the fucker was a dumb prick.

  I didn’t get to where I am by playing nicely and being weak. That day I took the box that saved him as a reminder of who I was. Who I needed to be.

  I made sure that box has been within my sight for every meeting I’ve had in this office. It’s a reminder for me so I can stare at it in this god forsaken room as I make deal after deal with criminal after criminal and collect wealth and power like the dusty old books on these shelves.

  It cost me a fortune to get this office exactly how I wanted. But if it were to burn down, I could buy it all over again.

  Everything except for that box.

  “You really think they’re going through with it?” I hear Daniel, my brother, before I see him. The memories fade in an instant and my heart beat races faster than the tick tock of that fucking clock.

  It takes a second for me to be conscious of my facial expression, to relax it and let go of the anger before I can raise my gaze to his.

  “With the war and the deal? You think he’ll go through with it?” he clarifies.

  A small huff leaves me, accompanied by a smirk, “He wants this more than anything else,” I answer him.

  Daniel stalks into the room slowly, the heavy door to my office closing with a soft kick of his heel before he comes to stand across from me.

  “And you’re sure you want to be right in the middle of it?”

  I lick my lower lip and stand from my desk, stretching as I do and turning my gaze to the window in my office. I can hear Daniel walking around the desk as I lean against it and cross my arms.

  “We won’t
be in the middle of it. It’ll be the two of them, our territory is close, but we can stay back.”

  “Bullshit. He wants you to fight with him and he’s going to start this war tonight and you know it.”

  I nod slowly, the smell of Romano’s cigars filling my lungs at the memory of him.

  “There’s still time to call it off,” Daniel says and it makes my brow pinch and place a crease on my forehead. He can’t be that naïve.

  It’s the first time I’ve really looked at him since he’s been back. He spent years away. And every fucking day I fought for what we have. He’s gone soft. Or maybe it’s Addison that’s turned him into the man standing in front of me.

  “This war has to happen.” My words are final and the tone is one not to be questioned. I may have grown this business on fear and anger. Each step forward followed by the hollow sound of a body dropping behind me, but that’s not how it started. Y can’t build an empire with blood stained hands and not expect death to follow you.

  His dark eyes narrow as he pushes off the desk and moves closer to the window, his gaze flickering between me and the meticulously maintained garden stories below us.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” his voice is low and I barely hear it. He doesn’t look back at me and a chill flows down my arms and the back of my neck as I take in his stern expression.