by Bry Ann
“I won’t lay into him, alright? Does that make you feel better?”
Molly snorts beside me.
“I just want to see what he knows. I want him to help me get my daughter to see us.”
“All of our staff has tried.”
I hold up a hand. “He clearly has some connection to her.”
She nods. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to go check on your daughter.”
“Well, tell her I said hello,” I mumble sarcastically. She throws me a sympathetic look over her shoulder and walks off. Once she’s gone, Molly jumps into my arms and starts crying.
“A sex ring, Charles. Sex ring?”
She starts hysterically crying again. I wrap my arm around her and stroke her back, staring blankly into the distance. This is the same conversation, the same reaction we’ve had every day since I got the call.
I got Sage.
She’s at the hospital.
It’s bad, Charles.
Then we arrived at the hospital and were greeted by agents from the FB fucking I, who told us our daughter had been kidnapped and forced into a sex trafficking ring. They don’t, and still don’t, know the extent of what she endured, but we do know not to expect the sarcastic, bright teenager we used to know.
I’d been prepared for the idea we’d find her dead, that we’d find her in some weirdo’s house, raped repeatedly. I knew it was going to be bad since she was gone so long, but this! Never, in my wildest, most dark dreams, could I have imagined this. I am unable to wrap my mind around it. And I don’t know how to make it right. I don’t know how to balance Charles Briar-Rose, business extraordinaire, with Charles Briar-Rose, father of a now extremely traumatized young girl.
“What do we do? What do we do?” she cries. “I can’t… I can’t…”
“Shh, let me call Nixon.”
I need to do something.
“Okay.” She sniffles, then clears her throat, trying to seem professional. When she pulls away from me, I walk out in the hall, heart pounding with fury, and slam on Nix’s number.
Seventeen Hours Later
She’s set to be released in exactly one day.
One day and she still refuses to see me.
I’m fucking terrified.
I pace frantically outside the door where Nix is speaking with Sage about talking to me. He’s been in there for an hour. How long is this going to take? I’m dying. I haven’t had to wait for something I want in years. I’m used to talking. Getting what I want by any means necessary. But to get what I want now, a chance to make things right with my wife and daughter, I have to go against everything I’ve done for years. Everything I’ve believed since the day I turned eighteen.
Finally, the door swings open.
Nix sighs when he sees me. He gestures for me to follow him, which I do. The kid lives quite the life. Criminal prodigy by night, apparently therapist to my daughter by day.
He seems off right now. He runs a hand through his hair.
“These are all her words. Not mine. I recorded it on my phone for confirmation.”
My eyebrows raise. “Oh?”
“Fuck, I hate this. Why am I doing this?” he mutters, more to himself than me. He straightens. “Okay, okay. Whew. She has conditions.”
“Conditions?” Are you kidding me?
“She is your daughter, Charles.” He smirks.
“What were her exact words?” I growl.
“You want me to speak with my dad, Nix. Fine, asshole. Tell him I have conditions.” He laughs and shakes his head. “Those were her exact words.”
“That doesn’t sound traumatized. It sounds just like her, actually.”
Nix narrows his eyes my way. “It’s her trying to be strong.”
“Sorry.” I raise my hands. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.”
He nods. “One, she wants you to make sure Tammy has the best care. To pay for whatever she needs.”
I blow out a breath. “Okay, I can do that.”
“Two, she wants Pamela to have the best funeral possible. She knows they probably haven’t found her body,” he whispers.
“Okay, I can do that, too. That’s fair. That all?”
“There’s one more,” Nix says nervously, which surprises me, given what he does.
“What’s that? Out with it.”
“Fuck, Charles, I don’t know what to say to her. I didn’t respond, okay? Don’t bite my head off. If Aaron” — his father — “found out…”
He shakes his head.
“She doesn’t want to go home with you right away.”
“She what?” I shriek. “What choice does she have? Where the hell is she going to go?”
Don’t scream. Don’t scream. She’ll hear you. I dig my nails into the skin of my palm.
Nix pulls out his phone, looks at me once, sighs, and hits play. Sage’s shaky voice rings over the speaker. It’s muffled like she has a pillow or something over her face. I can almost picture it in my head now, her beaten, tired form huddled in a pillow, demanding she gets what she wants.
“Can I just, like, stay with you for a while, Nix? Just a while until I get used to everything. My mom and dad are so intense. I’m not ready for the shows. The presentations. The makeup. I can’t… I can’t be what they want. I can’t. Please. Please. I’ll… I’ll pay you back. I don’t sleep. I’ll cl-clean for you. Don’t make me go back there.”
The sounds of her crying ring through the speaker. I break my own rule as tears roll down my cheeks. I’m so glad Molly isn’t here to hear this.
“Sage, you can’t come home with me. That’s not healthy. It’s not right. I’m not family. I’m an adult, you’re not yet.”
“But if my dad signs a paper and says it’s okay, no one will judge you. It’ll be legal and all. Please, please! They won’t understand me. What if Mom takes my hippo away? She’ll think it’s stupid I have a stuffed animal at my age. Then my Kindle. What if I can’t put on a good face and he takes it away? I know I don’t read it, but I don’t want it gone.”
“Sage, I don’t think they’d do that. Your dad’s been very upset.”
She scoffs.
“Sure. I’m sure the business world has had a field day. I can’t imagine how hard he’s had to work to maintain face with me gone. Wait ‘til everyone finds out I was a sex toy. Oh God, they’re gonna die.”
“Sage, he hasn’t worked since you went missing,” Nix whispers.
I can almost hear Sage go cold.
“Don’t lie to me, Nix,” Sage says in an eerily calm voice. “You want me do something. Fine. But don’t lie. Those are my requests. If you don’t want me, tell my dad I won’t go to some crazy person house and to find me somewhere else to sleep. Or just let me go on the street. I’m sure I could make money. I’ve had sex for money before. I’m used to it. And hey, I’ll get to keep the money this time. Go away, Nix.”
“Now I’m talking to you,” Nix sighs, clicking off the audio. “And she’s in there, curled up, crying.”
I look down, quickly trying to wipe away the evidence of my tears.
“Right. Thanks, Nix. You did well, given that.”
“So what are you gonna do?”
“I don’t fucking know. Technically, I don’t need her permission to go in there. She’s a minor in my custody.”
“Not technically?”
“I’ve never taken her wishes into account. I’ve heard the girl that was in that place with her is in a bad way. I’m scared that’ll happen to Sage if I start demanding she see me.”
Nix nods. “I mean,” he sighs, “I don’t mind if she chills on my couch for a couple days while you two mend up whatever needs mending. I have the space. I’m not home much, but… I don’t think she’d hurt herself. She’s shown no signs of self-harm nor has she expressed any interest in killing herself.”
“That’s crazy,” I mutter. “She has a home. A beautiful room. Staff. All the support she could need.”
“Via professional staf
f, right?” Nix cocks an eyebrow.
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t know!” Nix yells, frustrated. “I don’t know when I became everyone’s consult for a seventeen-year-old trafficking victim! I just talk to her like she’s a human, ‘cause she is, so that’s the person I get. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t want staff. She just wants to laugh and feel normal for a bit.”
“Well, of course, because that’s not what’s good for her. Of course she doesn’t want the thing that will help her!”
“Who are we to fucking say? Anyone rape you ever? Anyone beat you so bad you pass out? No? Yeah, well, until then, let’s try not to judge what she wants. Right now, if it makes her smile, I’m fucking in. Everyone should deal with the issue of therapy in a second. Let’s give her some time to adjust. I mean, hell, there are no pressing issues. She’s not cutting, suicidal, drunk, nothing. She’s earned the right to a little freedom. She’s a good fucking kid.”
Damn it. “I’m not cut out for this.”
“Sage is not hard to please, Charles. Show her you care and I think you’ll find she opens up to you. Good luck.”
He spins on his heel to go.
“Wait!”
“I don’t take orders from you.”
He keeps walking.
“Would you really be willing to let Sage stay with you for a few days?”
I honest to God can’t believe I’m considering this.
He stops walking, slowly turning on his heel to look at me. He’s smirking.
“Wow, Charles Briar-Rose really is that desperate.”
I hate it. I swallow my pride and nod.
“My pleasure, then. Do the paperwork. I’ll go tell her you agreed to the conditions.”
Fuck.
What. Am. I. Doing?
Paperwork can wait one moment. I turn down the hall, find the nearest men’s restroom, and cry.
I don’t know what I’m doing and her life is in my wife’s and my hands.
I’ve failed so epically once.
I just don’t know to make this right so I don’t continue to fail her.
Chapter Nineteen
Sage
It’s like someone’s ripped my heart out. I don’t know why I feel so hollow. Why will no one listen to me? I ended up in hell because no one loves me. Not even my parents. Now everyone wants to send me back to those very same people. I can be unloved all on my own!
Knock. Knock.
“Go away! I wanna be alone.”
I curl up tighter with the hippo in my arms.
Go away. Go away.
“It’s just me, Sage.”
Nix.
“Did I say go away everyone but Nix? Nope. I said I wanna be alone. That includes you.”
“Okay. Your dad agreed to the conditions. That’s all I came to say.”
I spring into a sitting position.
“What? Everything?”
“Every single one.”
“So, uh, well…”
“Yes?” Nix grins and leans against the doorway. Jerk.
“Am I staying with you?” I blurt out.
“Yes, princess. Just for a little bit while you and your parents mend your relationship.”
I frown.
Nix sighs and pulls up a chair.
“Your dad’s trying here, Sage. He’s really trying. Cut him some slack.”
Without thinking, I grab my Kindle and chuck it at his head. The rage in me is too much to contain. With inhuman speed, seeing as it was so unexpected, Nix snatches the Kindle mid-air and brings it to his lap.
“Careful.”
“Slack! You want me to cut them slack! Fuck you! I was dating a predator and he had no idea because he was too busy making me his show pony!”
I swing my legs over the side of the bed and take a few steps forward.
“Where are you going?”
Nix springs from his chair.
“The bathroom! Is that okay with you?”
“Of course,” Nix whispers, studying me.
“Well, Mr. Briar-Rose agreed to the conditions, so by all means, bring him in. But his wife didn’t and she’s not welcome.”
I walk into the bathroom and slam the door.
Once I’m sure the door’s locked, I go to the opposite wall, slide down to the floor, tuck myself up, and cry.
I forgot my hippo, too. Damn it. Of course I did.
I rock back and forth, treasuring the dark, dirty silence of the restroom. It’s familiar to me. I hate hell, but something’s twisted and wrong with me, because I miss it, too. This world is confusing and is only about to get worse when my parents come into it.
“Sage.”
I glance up to see the door open and Nix standing there, looking down at me.
“I locked it,” I sniffle.
“I know. I unlocked it.”
“From the outside?”
“Bad guy, remember?”
He comes over and sits next to me.
“Wanna talk about it?”
And with that, I just shatter. It’s ugly. I gasp and burst out in tears, rocking back and forth. I scream silently. I sniffle. There are snot, tears, and drool. Without touching, Nix stays the whole time. Once in a while, he utters soothing words, but mostly he just lets me experience my feelings. He lets me release them freely without judgement or condemnation.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper when I start to come down, feeling suddenly exhausted. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes start to flutter. I slip sideways. I just need to sleep, but I try to fight it.
“Woah, woah…” Nix snatches the side of my arm, pulling me back into a sitting position.
My eyes flutter more. “I’m tired. I can’t fight it…”
I slip again. He holds me up. “Let me help you to bed.”
I shake my head. “It’s dark here. Night night.”
“Nope, Sage. Let’s just get you in bed. I’m not letting you sleep on the bathroom floor.”
No. I collapse totally.
I hear Nix groan before his arm goes under me and he carries me into the bed, being sure to tuck my hippo into my side.
I’m just about to fall asleep when I hear him murmur, “No bad dreams now, brave girl. You are free.”
I slowly come back to reality. There were no bad dreams last night. It was more of a coma than sleep. Truly. I can’t ever remember sleeping like that.
When I move to sit, I realize I’m completely horizontal, hanging off the sides of the bed. I move to sit right as I hear a loud snore. I snap up. Looking to my left, in the chair by my bed, I see my dad.
Charles Briar-Rose.
My eyes widen. He looks so normal like this. Dead asleep in a hospital room. He’s got dark circles that were never there before. His suit isn’t quite as nice. His hair is kinda messy. This may all sound small, but for Charles Briar-Rose, it’s a big freakin’ deal. I tuck up and sit and watch him. I just stare at him.
Quite a bit of time passes before his eyes flutter open.
“Sage!” He gasps, shooting to sit straight and straightening his hair and suit.
Like I care.
“How-how are you?”
“Fine, and you?” I ask tentatively.
He laughs bitterly. “Are we really doing this?” he mutters. “Yeah, I’m just fucking fantastic.”
Was he just funny?
I slink back.
“Okay. And, uh, Mom?”
I scrunch my nose. I can’t explain it, but it feels like I don’t have parents anymore. I feel so far removed from them.
Except for the anger.
“Sage.” He levels me a flat stare I know well. “Come on.”
I don’t know what else to say or do.
“Your conditions were… interesting.”
He cocks an eyebrow. I can’t help but smirk into my knees. I made a deal with Charles Briar-Rose and won. Not many can say that.
“Is Tammy moved? Pam was an orphan. Did you figure out how
to arrange her funeral? I wanna go. I wanna be involved.”
“I’m working on it, Sage.”
“If you don’t do it, I’ll—”
“Sage,” he says, holding up a hand, “I gave my word.”
I nod and tuck myself up again.
“Okay, good.”
There’s another awkward silence. Dad looks down and then back up.
“Sage, I’m sorry. I… I don’t know how to make it up to you, but I’m determined to.”
I feel my mouth pinch. “You can’t.”
He winces, but takes it. “You know me. I don’t quit, and certainly not on you.”
He shakes his head.
“Never again. I love you, Sage.”
“No, no, don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”
I throw my hands over my ears. Everything’s going haywire. I’ve wanted to hear those words my whole life, and he’s telling me now. Now!
“Sage…”
His face and voice are pained. No, he can’t be serious.
“No, no. I can’t take that.”
I scamper backward so far that I tumble off the side of the bed.
“Sage!” my dad screams, shooting to his feet.
“No, no.”
I frantically search the room. When I see the blackness of the thin slit under the bed, I know where to go to escape. Hurriedly getting to my belly, I slide under the bed, creeping my hands up to cover my ears.
I can’t hear that. I can’t. No. No. No
I love you, Sage.
I always wanted to hear that from him more than anyone, and now, after I’ve been stolen, used and abused mercilessly, he loves me. I can’t. I’ve only wished for death once: the night Nix saved me.
But right now.
I need blackness.
I NEED DRUGS!
I’ve handled the detox well so far. No one can deny that! Not one damn person, but now, I need them! I’m done with these half-assed, I-still-have-to-feel-the-pain meds they’ve been slowly weaning me off of.
I frantically scratch at my skin.
“Sage, do you remember me? I met you earlier. I’m Dr. Bradford, the resident psychiatrist.”
