It was Ellie who kept him grounded, only Ellie who could calm him and make him see beyond the bad bits so he could hope for the good. She never put any pressure on him by telling him that he shouldn’t worry as everything would be fine: they both knew it wasn’t true. However, she was always there, a calming presence in the background, and Daniel knew that he wouldn’t have coped without her. He needed her so much, even though he felt guilty about taking what she offered when he had so little to give in return. At the end of the day, Nathan still came first.
Two weeks after the accident, Nathan was allowed home. Physically, he was perfectly fit, but mentally he was a different person. Daniel watched him like a hawk but there were no signs that he was going to relapse into his old ways and he grew quietly hopeful that they would get through it eventually. It was a big decision to return to work but Daniel knew that he had to do so if only to show Nathan that life could return to normal. Nathan was going into college that morning to talk to his tutors so at least he had the comfort of knowing where he was.
Marie greeted him with delight when he walked through the surgery doors. ‘Hello, stranger! It’s a wonder I still recognise you,’ she declared, leaning over the desk to hug him.
‘I know. It seems ages since I was last here,’ Daniel admitted, blanking out any thoughts about the nights he had spent at the flat above. The time he’d spent there was different, special. It had nothing to do with work.
‘Good morning. It’s good to have you back.’
His heart flip-flopped when he recognised Eleanor’s voice. Although they hadn’t managed to spend as much time together since Nathan had returned home, they had managed the odd occasion. Daniel was very conscious that Marie was watching them as he turned. Did Marie suspect that something was going on? he wondered, and then realised in surprise that he didn’t care. What he and Eleanor had together had nothing to do with anyone else. It was their business, their pleasure. The thought unravelled the knot of tension inside him and he smiled.
‘It’s good to be back,’ he said softly, his eyes meeting Eleanor’s and holding them fast.
‘That’s nice to know.’ Her smile was gentle and his heart managed to fit in another roll, like a seasoned circus tumbler warming up before a routine. Just looking at her made him feel better, Daniel realised, made him feel more positive, more alive than he had felt for years, all the years since Camille had died. What did it mean? Was he in love with her?
Questions raced around his head, but it would take longer for the answers to come. It wasn’t the questions that scared him after all, it was the answers, the fact he knew that once they came there could be no going back. He would have to make a decision then, make choices.
‘Right. I’d better show willing and make a start. I’ll see you both later.’ Daniel made his way to his room and sat down at his desk, his thoughts in turmoil. How could he choose between Nathan and Eleanor? Yet that was what he would have to do. His heart felt like lead as he picked up the framed photograph that stood on his desk. It showed Camille and Nathan standing on a beach with their arms around each other, laughing. It had been taken during a family holiday to Cornwall, the last holiday they’d had together, in fact. Camille had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer shortly after they had returned home and she had been too ill to go on any more holidays.
Now Daniel felt his eyes fill with tears as he looked at their smiling faces. He had honestly thought their happiness would last for ever but he’d been wrong. It had been snatched away from them and there was no going back to those days. Now he had a choice to make. He could put his own happiness, the happiness he knew he would find with Eleanor before everything else, including Nathan. Could he do it? Could he put himself first when it could have a detrimental effect on his son?
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you but I just wanted to make sure you saw the memo I left for you.’
Daniel started when Eleanor opened the door. There was no time to hide how emotional he was feeling and he saw her eyes darken. Placing the photo back on the desk, he stood up and went to the sink, needing a moment to gather his thoughts. ‘What memo was that?’ he asked, making a great production out of washing his hands.
‘The one about Madeleine Walsh. A Dr Hamilton phoned while you were off. Apparently, Mrs Walsh has been referred to her privately for counselling. Dr Hamilton is convinced she is self-harming and she’s worried because Mrs Walsh keeps missing her appointments. She wanted to know if you would mind having a word with Madeleine. Her phone number is on the memo if you want to call her back,’ she added, starting to withdraw.
‘I see. I’ll phone her later.’ Daniel made a determined effort to collect himself and dredged up a smile. ‘It seems you were right about the situation, Eleanor, and I was wrong. I apologise for questioning your judgement.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said huskily. ‘Being right isn’t the be all and end all.’
She didn’t say anything else before she left. Daniel frowned as he stared at the closed door. He had the feeling that there’d been more to that comment than first appeared. He sighed as he went and sat down again. What did it matter? He had more important things to worry about. He had to make up his mind what he intended to do and he had to do it soon. It wasn’t fair to Eleanor to leave her in this state of limbo.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SOMEHOW ELLIE MANAGED to get through the day, even though she wasn’t sure how. Seeing the sadness on Daniel’s face as he had studied that photograph had proved once and for all how stupid she was to hope that he would ever come to love her. Nobody could replace Camille in his life, and anyone who tried would only ever be second-best.
The thought made her feel sick. Several times she found herself almost overwhelmed by nausea but struggled to control it. However, by the time the day ended, her head was throbbing and she felt genuinely ill. Marie took one look at her and grimaced.
You don’t look too good to me—are you OK?’
‘I’ve got a headache, that’s all.’ Ellie drummed up a smile but it was a poor effort.
‘You need some paracetamol or something,’ Marie declared. She looked over Ellie’s shoulder. ‘Ellie’s got a headache, Daniel. Can you give her something for it?’
‘Of course.’
Ellie didn’t turn round. There was no need when she could hear the concern in his voice. Daniel might never love her but he cared about her and she knew he did too. Tears welled into her eyes because all of a sudden it was too much to bear. Daniel might care about her, but his heart still belonged to Camille and it always would. It was a moment of such utter despair that she couldn’t contain her feelings and she saw the worry in his eyes as he bent over her.
‘You should have said that you weren’t feeling well!’ He laid the back of his hand on her forehead. ‘You feel rather hot to me. Do you have a temperature?’
‘No. It’s just a headache. I’m making a fuss over nothing. Sorry.’
The apology got swallowed up by a sob and the sob turned into another before she could stop it. When Marie rushed around the desk and led her to a chair, Ellie didn’t protest. It was easier to let them think that she was ill rather than admit that her heart was aching, breaking, ripping itself apart. Daniel would never love her like he loved Camille. Deep down she had always known that but it hadn’t stopped her falling in love with him, had it? The thought almost brought her to her knees. She had done what she had sworn she would never do and fallen in love with him!
‘Here. Take these. They should take the edge off the pain.’ Daniel’s voice reflected his anxiety but Ellie knew that she mustn’t make the mistake of reading more into it than that. She didn’t say anything as she took the tablets, swallowing them down with some of the water that Marie fetched for her.
‘It’ll take about twenty minutes before they have any effect,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ll help
you upstairs so you can lie down and rest.’
‘There’s no need,’ Ellie began, but he cut her off.
‘Of course there is! It’s all down to me that you’re feeling this way, Eleanor—we both know that.’
Ellie flushed, hoping that Marie would attribute the comment to the extra work she had been doing during his absence. As far as she was aware, nobody knew about them and that was how she wanted it to remain. Licking her wounds in private when they parted would be preferable to doing so in public.
Marie fussed around, fetching her coat, finding her bag, and giving her advice. Ellie was touched when she offered to stay with her, even though she refused. She needed to be on her own to deal with this and it would make it all the harder if she had to pretend and hide how she was feeling. She had done that when she and Michael had split up. She hadn’t wanted anyone to know how hurt she had been so she had played down her feelings. However, breaking up with Michael had been very different. Maybe her pride had been hurt but her heart had been intact. And it made it all the worse to realise it and understand that real heartbreak was a very different beast.
Ellie didn’t say a word as Daniel led her out of the surgery and round to the flat. She had gone into this with her eyes open and it was her fault—hers alone—that she had believed she could handle it when it ended. When Daniel asked her for the key, she handed it over, too heartsick to refuse. This was the end for them and she knew it was, knew it had to be because she couldn’t carry on, not now she knew for a fact that he would never love her like he had loved his late wife. No, it was better to let him go now rather than wait until later and suffer even more.
‘I wish I could stay.’ Daniel opened the door, his face reflecting the battle he was having, concern for her warring with his need to take care of Nathan. ‘But I have to get back to Nathan, Eleanor. I’m so sorry.’
‘Of course you do.’ Ellie nodded then winced when her head throbbed even harder.
‘You do understand, don’t you?’ He touched her cheek, his fingers brushing her skin, so lightly, so gently, so familiarly that she could have wept all over again. She remembered every touch, every caress; they were as familiar to her as the feel of her own skin.
‘Yes. You go, Daniel. I’ll be fine. Really.’
‘You’re sure? Promise that you’ll ring me if you feel any worse.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ she repeated, desperately wanting him to go so that she could grieve in peace. ‘You go and check on Nathan then I can stop worrying about how he is too.’
‘I will.’ He dropped a kiss on her mouth, taking her words at face value, thankfully. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, although you’re not to come in if you still feel rotten. OK?’
‘Uh-huh.’ Ellie managed to smile, even managed to hold it until he had gone down the steps, but once he disappeared that was it. Sobs tore at her throat as she closed the door, dry racking sobs that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside her. She stumbled into the bathroom and was violently sick then leant against the basin, shuddering and shaking as she wondered where she would find the strength to keep going, but what choice did she have? She had to learn to live without Daniel because he would never be hers.
Ellie made her way to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, too exhausted to undress. The painkillers were starting to work and the headache was easing enough to let her think. She had to work out what she intended to do. She couldn’t stay in Beesdale—that was obvious. No, she would have to find another job, preferably abroad because that would be easier than remaining in England and allowing herself to carry on hoping. She and Daniel were over. What they’d had was finished. The sooner she accepted that, the better.
She drifted off to sleep only to wake in the middle of the night with her heart racing. Somewhere during those bleak hours a thought had surfaced: she had felt sick and nauseous all day. She had also missed a period. Was it possible that she was pregnant?
* * *
It turned out that Daniel’s fears about how Nathan might have fared at college had been groundless. Far from unsettling him, it appeared that the chat with his tutors had reassured him. He was in a buoyant mood when Daniel got home and cheerfully informed him that he intended to carry on with his studies and, if there were bits he had forgotten, well, he would just have to learn them again.
It was a huge relief, although Daniel knew it was too early to relax. Nathan could change his mind if he encountered a major setback so no way was everything cut and dried. However, it did help to relieve some of the tension he had been under for the past few weeks. Maybe the situation wasn’t as dire as he’d thought it was. Maybe Nathan could cope with the idea of him having a relationship with another woman. After all, Nathan seemed to genuinely like Eleanor so perhaps it wouldn’t be as stressful for him as Daniel had thought.
If he handled things slowly and gave Nathan time to come to terms with the idea, it could work. He desperately hoped so. Not only did he owe it to Eleanor not to string her along, he owed it to himself as well. It was about time that he enjoyed some personal happiness again. He went into work the following morning, feeling more upbeat than he had felt in a very long time. Marie was setting up for the day and she grimaced when she saw him coming in.
‘Ellie just phoned to say that she still feels rotten so she’s taking the day off. I offered to go up and make her some breakfast but she said she’d rather be on her own.’ Marie lowered her voice when an early patient arrived for a fasting blood test. ‘Apparently, she’s got some sort of sickness and diarrhoea bug, the poor love.’
‘Maybe I should pop up and check on her,’ Daniel said in concern.
‘I wouldn’t. I got the impression that she’d prefer to be on her own. I can’t say I blame her. I wouldn’t want anyone watching me throwing up or worse!’
‘All right,’ Daniel conceded reluctantly, although he would have preferred to see for himself how Eleanor was. However, the last thing he wanted was to embarrass her.
He went to his room, aware that it wouldn’t make any difference to how he felt to see her at her worst. He would wipe her brow, soothe her, care for her, and be happy to do so too. After Camille had died, the one abiding thought that had filled his mind was that he couldn’t go through an experience like that again. But he could. And he would if Eleanor needed him. If that wasn’t love, true love, then what the heck was it?
The thought settled into his mind, filled the gaps and the empty spaces not with fear, as he had expected, but with joy. He loved Eleanor. He loved her without reservations, without doubts or regrets. He and Camille had had their time and he would never forget it, always cherish it, but now it was time to look to the future. With Eleanor. If she would have him, please, God.
* * *
Ellie spent the day holed up in the flat. Although she genuinely felt sick, the rest was pure invention. She simply couldn’t have gone into work and faced Daniel wondering if she was pregnant. She would have to buy a pregnancy testing kit and find out for definite, although she knew deep down it was true. The missing period, the sickness and nausea, the fact that her breasts felt heavy and swollen were all indications. Although she was on the Pill there had been a couple of occasions when she had taken it later than normal after she had spent the night at Daniel’s house and it was that which had probably caused it to fail. Once she knew for certain that there was a baby on the way then she could make plans, although one thing was certain: she had no intention of getting rid of it. Although she doubted if Daniel would want this child, she wanted it. Desperately. Caring for their son or daughter would give her a purpose and make all the heartache worthwhile.
Ellie managed to slip out in the middle of the morning and drove to a supermarket on the outskirts of a neighbouring town where there was less chance of her being recognised. She bought a pregnancy testing kit and drove back. She took the kit into the bathroom and followed the instructions,
unsurprised when two pink lines appeared in the tiny window. So she was pregnant and now she needed to formulate her plans so that when Daniel came to check on her this evening, she knew exactly what she intended to do.
The last thing she wanted was him becoming suspicious. Even if he didn’t want this baby, she knew that he would want to do the right thing—offer to support her, maybe even suggest marriage. It would be so very tempting to agree and take what he offered and not worry about what he never could. However, Ellie knew that it would be unbearable to live her life knowing that he hadn’t really wanted her, that he had simply done his duty. Better to be alone for the rest of her days than be second-best. When the knock on the door came shortly after six p.m. she forced herself to her feet. This was something she had to do. For her sake. For Daniel’s sake. And, most important of all, for the sake of their child. She didn’t want their child to grow up feeling that it wasn’t truly wanted.
‘How do you feel?’ Daniel asked as soon as she let him in.
‘Not too good,’ she told him because it was true. She felt as though she could drop down dead on the floor, although it wasn’t some horrible bug that was making her feel this way but a broken heart.
‘I wanted to come up and see you before, but Marie said you wanted to be on your own.’
‘I did. Chucking up and racing to the loo is not a good look,’ she replied offhandedly. ‘Not even in front of friends.’
‘I thought we were more than friends, Eleanor,’ he said quietly, his brows drawing together.
‘Did you?’ She shrugged. ‘That’s nice of you but let’s not get carried away. We’re friends—oh, and colleagues, of course, Daniel, or that’s what we are in my eyes anyway.’
The Boss Who Stole Her Heart Page 14
