‘I see. So these past few weeks, they’ve been what exactly? An expression of our friendship?’
His voice echoed with hurt, with disappointment and so many other emotions that Ellie almost gave in and begged his forgiveness. How could she lessen what they’d had, diminish it this way? It had been the most wonderful time she had ever experienced, the most magical, the most meaningful, but she couldn’t tell him that when it could have devastating consequences for all of them. Daniel had to love her. He had to want her. He had to need her for it to mean anything. Anything less wasn’t enough.
‘Probably. Oh, I know things got rather intense but, if we’re honest, it was circumstances that made it that way, don’t you think?’
She carried on when he didn’t say anything, needing to fill the void before temptation proved too much and she told him the truth—how much she loved him, how much she wanted him, that she was willing to accept whatever crumbs he could give her rather than lose him. Maybe it would work for a while but it wouldn’t work for ever, wouldn’t be enough to know that she didn’t own his heart as he owned hers. ‘Nathan’s accident was the trigger. We would never have got together if it hadn’t happened, would we? It’s better if we accept that and move on.’
‘So that’s what you want to do, is it?’ he said harshly. ‘Move on?’
‘I think so.’ She stared back at him, the tears falling in her heart where he couldn’t see them. ‘It was fun while it lasted but all good things have to come to an end. If we go back to what we were before—colleagues—then it will be simpler.’
‘And what if I can’t go back? What if I don’t want to?’ He stepped forward, his eyes blazing, although Ellie wasn’t sure if it was anger or pain she could see in them. Probably a bit of both, she decided sickly. Daniel had every right to be angry. He had every right to feel hurt by what she was saying. He had held her, loved her, made her his, and he had earned the right to have an opinion. She just couldn’t afford to listen to what that opinion was in case she weakened.
‘Then I’m sorry but you’ll leave me no choice other than to leave.’ She stood up straighter, needing to look and sound convincing. ‘I have no intention of staying somewhere where I feel uncomfortable. I’d rather look for another job than find myself in that position.’
‘In that case I suggest you start looking immediately. Don’t worry about working out your contract. I shall be happy to release you.’
He wrenched open the door, his face set, his body rigid. That he was furiously angry was bad enough but that he was deeply wounded as well was more than she could bear. Ellie half reached towards him but he ignored her as he ran down the steps. Ellie closed the door, listening to the sound of a car engine being revved to within an inch of its life. Daniel was furious with her and no wonder. He probably felt betrayed, cheapened, insulted, the whole damned lot, but he couldn’t feel any worse than she did. She bit her lip to hold back another desperate sob. His heart wasn’t broken but hers was.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DANIEL COULDN’T BELIEVE what had happened. No matter how many hours he spent each night thinking about it, he couldn’t believe it. Eleanor didn’t love him. She didn’t want him. She had no intention of spending her life with him!
It was work that kept him going, work and his need to carry on for Nathan’s sake. However, he knew that he would reach a point where he would have to let go, give in and grieve. He just needed to stave off the moment because he didn’t want anyone to witness his devastation and especially not Eleanor. He couldn’t bear to think that she might imagine he was playing the sympathy card. He might not have much left but he did have his pride!
The atmosphere in the surgery grew so tense that he knew people were speculating about what had happened between him and Eleanor. That they had their own theories didn’t concern him, although he did worry about the effect it could have on team morale. He did his best to put a positive spin on things but he felt too raw to be positive, too wounded to sound hopeful.
As for Eleanor, the best he could say was that she was reserved. She was unfailingly polite with everyone, him included, but she held herself at one step removed. There was no idle chit-chat, no gossip, just work. It made him long for the day she would tell him that she was leaving at the same time as he dreaded it. Could losing her physically really be any worse than her cutting him out of her life like this?
When the day arrived, it was pouring with rain. The River Bees had breached its banks and there was widespread flooding throughout the area. Daniel couldn’t help thinking how fitting it was that she should have chosen this day to leave. Even the heavens were crying.
‘I’ve found another post.’ She came into his room without bothering to knock, proof of how eager she was to get this show on the road. ‘A practice in Surrey is desperate for cover over Christmas and the New Year and I’ve agreed to do it.’
‘I see. So you’ve decided to go for a short-term contract,’ he said as calmly as he could, not that he cared how long the wretched contract lasted. She was leaving and that was all that mattered.
‘Yes.’ She shrugged as she pushed back her hair, which had grown longer since she had been at The Larches, and it suited her...
‘Sorry. Say that again,’ Daniel instructed as his mind drifted off. What did it matter how she looked? She didn’t give a damn about him or his opinions, as she had made it abundantly clear.
‘I’ve decided to apply for a job overseas eventually, Australia probably, although I haven’t made the final decision yet so it could be New Zealand.’ She met his eyes. ‘It’s something I’ve thought about before and now seems like a good time to do it.’
‘If that’s what you want,’ he said neutrally, although the thought was making his heart race. If she went overseas he would never see her again and he wasn’t sure if he could bear it.
‘It is. Anyway, I’m leaving at the end of the week, if that’s all right with you? I know it’s short notice but you did say that you’d be willing to release me from my contract,’ she reminded him briskly.
‘I did and I shall.’ Daniel stood up and offered her his hand because that was all he could offer her when she didn’t want his heart. The thought made him feel all choked up but he hid it well. ‘I wish you every success wherever you go, Eleanor. You’ve made a valuable contribution while you’ve been here and I appreciate it.’
‘Thank you.’ She started to leave, paused, half turned back, and then shrugged. ‘Thank you too, Daniel. I’ve enjoyed working with you.’
Only enjoyed? he wanted to ask, but didn’t because there was no point when it wouldn’t change anything. He sat down after she left, feeling worse than he had felt in his entire life. He felt cold and empty and desperately alone. What made it all the worse was that he had allowed himself to hope, to dream, to want more than he would ever have. If he couldn’t have Eleanor, he didn’t want anyone else and he never would.
Eleanor just made it back to her room before the tears came. She let them pour down her face, needing the release from all the tension. She had done what she’d had to do and now there was no turning back, no second chances, no reason to hope that there might be a better solution, one that wasn’t so painful.
She would get through this for the sake of her child, a little boy or girl who needed her to be strong. She would love and care for it, make sure he or she knew that it was wanted, cherished. She understood how it felt to feel that you weren’t enough and her baby would never be allowed to feel lacking in any way. She would give this child all the love it needed, love it to eternity and beyond, love it enough for her and Daniel. No child would be better loved. She would make sure of that!
* * *
It was Friday afternoon and the day Eleanor was leaving when Daniel decided to visit Madeleine Walsh. It was a premeditated decision. If he visited Mrs Walsh, he could collect Nathan from college afte
rwards and then drive straight home. He wouldn’t have to return to the surgery, wouldn’t need to speak to Eleanor and wish her well before she left. He could get that over with at lunchtime and maybe it would help lessen the impact in some way.
He kept it brief, shook her hand, thanked her, and left. Marie was muttering something about them all meeting up for a drink that night but he pretended not to hear. He wasn’t going to sit in the pub and celebrate, neither was he going to drown his sorrows with a pint of best bitter. He was going to handle Eleanor’s departure with dignity even if it killed him!
He drove out of the surgery, taking the road to Hemsthwaite as the Walsh family lived that way. The rain was lashing down and the River Bees was overflowing, muddy brown water swirling over the banking and across the road. Potholes had formed where the tarmac had been washed away and Daniel slowed down as he tried to steer around them. He had almost reached the turning to Cherry Tree Lane when the road gave way, a huge chunk of it falling into the swirling river. Daniel had just seconds to react and he wasn’t quick enough, probably because his mind wasn’t focused when he was thinking about Eleanor and her imminent departure. He swerved to the right, praying the tyres would find something to grip onto, but more of the road collapsed. All of a sudden he felt himself floating, the car spinning round and round as though he was on some kind of crazy fairground ride, like those teacups that Nathan had loved as a child...
The car hit a tree and Daniel hit his head on the side window. Teacups and water and roads that were collapsing suddenly started to jumble themselves up together and he had no idea what was real any more. It was a relief when blankness descended on him and he could no longer see, think or feel. There was less pain that way, less heartache, maybe even a smidgeon of hope. Maybe there was a way to stop Eleanor leaving if it wasn’t too late.
* * *
Eleanor was in her room, trying to come up with an excuse not to go to the pub that night, when Marie came rushing in to find her.
‘There’s been an accident!’
‘An accident,’ Ellie repeated blankly like some fifth-rate actor struggling to remember her lines.
‘Yes! It’s Daniel. The road’s collapsed and his car’s been swept into the river.’
It took a second, one precious second that Ellie knew she would relive over and over again, before she reacted. She shot to her feet, her heart racing in fear. ‘Is he all right? They’ve got him out, haven’t they?’
‘Yes, but it was a close call. If Philip Applethwaite hadn’t seen what happened... Well, it doesn’t bear thinking about! Apparently, Phil and one of his lads—Steven, the youngest—waded in and managed to get a chain on the car while it was wedged up against a tree and they pulled it out with their tractor. A couple of seconds later, the tree disappeared.’
Ellie sank down onto the chair as her knees buckled. ‘Where is he?’ she whispered hoarsely.
‘Daniel?’ Marie gave her a funny look. ‘They’ve rushed him off to Leeds. York’s flooded and the ambulances are being diverted wherever they can squeeze them in.’
‘I’ll get straight over there.’ Ellie stood up and gathered up her bag. She was halfway out of the door before Marie spoke.
‘Wouldn’t it be easier to phone and ask how he is?’
‘I need to see him.’
‘Ah. Right. I get the picture.’ Marie smiled smugly. ‘I thought something was going on. Seems I was right.’
Ellie had no idea what she meant and didn’t wait around to ask. She had to get to the hospital and check that Daniel wasn’t badly hurt. A sob caught in her throat but she didn’t have time to cry when she needed to drive there. The journey seemed to pass in a trice, even though it took hours to negotiate the flooded roads and all the traffic. She parked outside on the road, not caring if the car would be towed away. Daniel needed her. That was more important than anything else.
A and E was frantically busy but she persisted until she found a young nurse who knew where Daniel was. She followed her along the corridor, around the corner, and there he was, lying on a trolley, eyes closed, a huge dressing covering the right side of his head. Ellie didn’t know if she felt relieved or what. He was obviously injured but he was alive and, so help her, he was going to stay that way. No way was she going to let him go now, not after this, after being so scared, so shocked, so utterly and completely devastated. Even if he could never love her the way she wanted, it would be enough. She would make sure it was!
She walked straight over to the trolley, bent down and kissed him on the mouth because this wasn’t the time to play games. This called for the truth, every tiny, scary bit of it. ‘How dare you do this to me, Daniel?’ she said furiously when he opened his eyes and stared at her in surprise. ‘How bloody dare you scare me to death like this?’
There was a moment when he didn’t react and then he smiled. Slowly, wolfishly, smugly. ‘I was right then. It was all an act. You love me, don’t you, Eleanor?’
‘Yes,’ she hissed, unwilling to let him off the hook after she had suffered such torments, and his smile grew bigger, bolder, even more confident before it turned into a laugh.
‘Then it seems we’re quits,’ he murmured, his eyes holding hers as he slid his hand round the back of her neck and drew her down to him. ‘Because I, Eleanor Munroe, love you too, you bloody annoying woman!’
* * *
The nurse somehow managed to find them a space in cubicles. Daniel had a sneaking suspicion it was embarrassment at the sight of people their age making out that prompted her to redouble her efforts. Granted, any privacy was illusory with only paper curtains to separate them from the patients in the adjoining cubicles but Daniel could ignore them if he couldn’t see them. After all, he only had eyes and ears, and everything else, for Eleanor.
He kissed her again, slowly and deeply to make up for the torment he had suffered these past terrible weeks. After they drew apart, he waited while she pulled up a chair then took hold of her hand. ‘Why?’
‘Because I was afraid.’ She didn’t ask him what he meant—she knew. And the pain released its grip that bit more because they were so in tune that they didn’t need to explain the important bits.
‘That I didn’t love you?’ he said simply, and felt her shudder.
‘Yes. I knew when I saw you with that photo that you could never love me as much as you loved Camille.’
‘That isn’t true.’ He squeezed her fingers, only slackening his grip when he felt her wince.
‘Isn’t it?’ she said in a lacklustre voice that cut him to the quick.
‘No. I’ll admit that how I feel about you is very different from how I felt about Camille. I loved her and I would have carried on loving her if she hadn’t died. But she did.’
‘Then how can I ever measure up to her? I can’t compete with her, Daniel. I wouldn’t try!’
‘Good, because this isn’t a contest. This is something far more important than scoring points, for me as well as for you.’ He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles, one by one, then placed their joined hands on the side of the bed. ‘Camille and I were very young when we met. I was twenty-two and she was nineteen. We fell in love and grew up together, loving one another.’
‘It must have been a wonderful time,’ she murmured, her voice catching.
‘It was. There’s something magical about first love, but it doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love again and that it won’t be just as special, maybe even more so.’
‘More so?’
‘Yes.’ He leant over and kissed her, ignoring the throbbing in his temple. What did a bit of pain matter when he needed to sort out the rest of his life? ‘The moment I met you, Eleanor, I knew you were trouble. I felt all shaken up, tense, on edge.’ He laughed at her stunned expression. ‘I think I have some idea how Sleeping Beauty must have felt when she was woken by her prince—totally and u
tterly discombobulated!’
He carried on when she didn’t reply, knowing how hard she must find it to believe what he was saying. A wave of tenderness swept over him and he smiled. Heaven knew, he understood how she felt. He’d had the devil of a job getting his head around it and he’d had weeks, whereas he had just landed this on her without any warning. ‘The trouble was that I hadn’t expected to feel this way—ever. I’d settled for what I saw as my lot in life—i.e. widower, father, doctor, et cetera. I wasn’t looking for more—I didn’t want more, to be honest. But then you came along and there was something about you that made me start wishing for things that I wasn’t sure I could or even should have.’
‘You felt guilty?’ she said quietly. ‘About letting go of Camille and seemingly forgetting her? I would never expect you to do that, Daniel! I know how much she means to you and Nathan...’
‘I know you do. That’s why you’re so special and why I can’t bear to live the rest of my life without you.’ He took a deep breath as all the emotions he’d held in check swirled to the surface. It felt as though they were choking him but he had to keep going, had to make sure that Eleanor understood how much he loved her.
‘I fell in love with you, Eleanor, because I couldn’t help myself. Yes, it scared me and, yes, I was stricken with guilt as well as fear about how Nathan would react if I had a relationship with you. But, despite all that, I couldn’t not fall in love with you. You’re the matching beat of my heart, you’re the breath in my lungs, the heat in my blood. You’re part of me and I can’t live without that part because it’s too hard. What I feel for you is warm and gentle and tender and sweet. It’s also burning hot and all-consuming and it will continue to burn just as hotly even when we’re old and grey, sitting side by side in matching bath chairs. There isn’t a bit of you that I don’t love, don’t want, won’t cherish. If you’ll have me.’
Ellie could feel tears stinging her eyes even as a huge great wave of elation consumed her. Daniel loved her. He really loved her! She wasn’t second-best but first choice, the woman he had chosen, the woman he would love for ever and always. Leaning over, she kissed him, letting her lips tell him how she felt, how overjoyed, how happy, how relieved. It was several minutes before she pulled away, although it could have been a lifetime too. It felt like it, felt as though she had been reborn as a whole new woman, the woman Daniel loved. She realised then that she had to tell him about the baby, that this was the perfect moment to layer joy on joy until it grew so huge that nothing could sweep it away. She and Daniel were going to have a child. He deserved to know just how wonderful their future was going to be!
The Boss Who Stole Her Heart Page 15
