by Reid, Angela
The sun had been up less than an hour when Gordon came to fetch me. He, again, pushed me along until we got inside the cabin. This time I didn’t trip, sparing myself a punch or a kick. The aroma of something delicious hit my olfactory senses the minute I stepped across the threshold. My stomach growled audibly. Logically, I knew I should eat and drink; I couldn’t survive on sheer will alone. If Cade held true to his word, I wasn’t going to die, just suffer a little. How could he let me suffer at all? I pushed the question away, knowing the answer. He didn’t care for me the way I had for him. I could never hurt him in all the ways he had hurt me. I decided to eat the food if they offered me any. My innards had settled, and if there ever was a chance for escape, I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t have the strength to run. Shit in the shed or not, I needed to be strong.
Cade’s back faced us when we entered. He’d removed the ski mask, no longer needing to hide his identity. He’d already laid bare the truth, and it hit me again when I saw his broad shoulders and narrow waist tending to something on the stove. His hair was dark and cut short. The spiked bleached tips were left in his youth. This man looked dangerous—he was dangerous--he’d proven it to me. He played his part well as an uncover agent. If he really even works for the FBI. The doubts grew inside me. Nothing about his tattooed, hard-ass demeanor screamed he was working with the good guys. Tears sprang to my eyes again, but I held back, knowing I had to pretend not to know him. You don’t need to pretend … You don’t know him. You never did.
Gordon pushed me down in the usual chair. “You will eat today, or I will shove the food down your fucking throat; your choice, little girl.” He walked to the stove and Cade handed him a plate. He did not make eye contact with me, and it squeezed my heart. Gordon slammed the dish down in front of me, sending pieces of egg sprawling across the marred wooden table. “Eat it. Now!”
I stared at him defiantly, the anger still so sharp inside of me, I wanted to fight. Common sense prevailed, and I picked up the fork and took a bite. The scrambled eggs were seasoned and tasted like heaven on my tongue.
Cade, or Donny, as I needed to remember, brought me a cup of coffee and a glass of milk. He set a bowl of clumpy sugar in front of me. I still enjoyed my coffee white and sweet, and somehow he knew that. I averted my eyes, worried Gordon would see something on my face. Both men flanked me in silence as we stared at our breakfast plates.
Half way through the meal, Gordon spoke again. “Donny-boy got you some clothes. You can clean yourself up after you eat. You stink. Personally, I like it a little dirty,” he said and cackled.
I made no response and continued with my meal. Cade also remained quiet. When finished, Gordon pushed me into a tiny bathroom and threw a plastic grocery bag at me. “You’ve got ten minutes so wash up and get out of there.”
I perused the space and discovered the lavatory window was so small not even a young child could crawl through it. I sighed, disheartened, knowing I had to re-visit my original plan of escape. The hot shower created steam on the mirror as I shed my jogging clothes and got into the stall. I assessed my bruises while washing my body, wincing as the water burned like acid on my cuts. Once finished, I dressed in the jeans, T-shirt, and heavy sweatshirt that Cade had provided. I looked at my reflection. Those big brown eyes stared out amidst a host of contusions and swollen features. My hair was a tangled web framing a face I couldn’t bear to look at anymore.
I thought back to high school when I’d first met Cade. Awkward seemed a fitting word to describe myself, and though I had outgrown that self-image, I didn’t understand what young Cade saw in me. I was always a little too thin, housing big brown eyes in a narrow face. My hair, was a dark blonde, not the sun-kissed flaxen I admired in other girls. I never saw one special thing in myself. Being with Cade was what ultimately made me special. I was the envy of all the girls, back then, but Cade always made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world—the only girl for him. He boosted my self-esteem to great heights which drew me to him even deeper. Losing him shattered me in every way possible. Tears I didn’t know I had left, dripped down into the rust-stained porcelain sink.
“Are you done, girlie?” Gordon’s cruel voice hammered through the wooden door as his fist beat on it. “I gave you five extra minutes so now I am coming in.” He flung the door open, and I realized it wasn’t locked. Shivers rocked me, knowing he could have come in with no warning.
“I’m finished,” I said and faced him while drying my tears.
“I see you are. Too bad.” The malice was ever present in his voice. He grabbed my arm and shoved me back into the main living area. His manhandling was unnecessary and for his own enjoyment, I wasn’t resisting. He was a psycho, and I hoped he would spend the rest of his miserable life in prison.
Cade was finishing the breakfast dishes; his black T-shirt hugging him--the way I used to. I remembered the first day I met him. It was first period AP Literature class in Mrs. Munson’s room. I’d been reading Crime and Punishment and looked up when I heard someone enter the room. Rumors about a new boy had been flying about for days, and he had ended up in my first hour session. The kid sauntered in like he owned the school, and I admired his confidence. The initial thing I noticed was a glimpse of a tattoo peeking from beneath his sleeve. Tattoos weren’t common in our small farming community, especially on teenagers. He wore hoop earrings, several sets, in both ears, also unheard of for a straight male kid, leaving me to question his sexual orientation. His wallet was attached to a chain that hooked to a belt loop. Even though he was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen in person, he looked like a gangster which equated to white city trash. The fact that he’d just walked into my AP class was puzzling. Losers didn’t take advanced placement classes. He had to either be lost or smart, crushing all my preconceptions and stereo-typing. The latter proved true.
Mrs. Munson sat him kitty corner to my desk and told the students to welcome Cade Cantrell. The whole scene was reminiscent of a cheesy teen flick. I watched the interaction between the new boy and the teacher, expecting him to be rude or a smart-ass. He fit the profile of a thug, but he was polite to Mrs. Munson and seemed almost shy when she spoke to him. His words, looks, and actions conflicted. The strange new guy fascinated me. Shyness was something I related to when I was young. I had two good friends, and even a boyfriend, but they were my entire social circle.
Distracted by studying the new boy, I jumped when the bell rang. My book fell to the floor, and in a total cliché act, Cade Cantrell stopped to pick it up for me. When he smiled at me, my heart skipped twenty beats, and I knew we were destined for something. I never imagined it would be something so tragic.
“Sit on the couch,” instructed Gordon, bringing me back to the present. “I will let you stay inside as long as you cooperate with me.” He gave me a crooked grin, and I was afraid again. Cade turned around and looked at me, our eyes touching briefly before I looked away. I’d told him I would play along, but now I wasn’t sure I could do it. Conflicted emotions ran through my heart like children playing tag.
Gordon sat down beside me and put his hand on my thigh. Disgusted by the grime under his fingernails, I cringed, as his other hand produced a gun. “You see this?” he asked. I nodded as my heart did cartwheels, wondering if he would shoot me. “I want you to suck on it,” he said.
He squeezed my leg as he put the pistol barrel to my lips. “I want to watch you suck my gun, girl. Open your mouth.” I looked over at Cade, who remained quiet while watching the scene unfold, no longer meeting my gaze. Gordon released my thigh and roughly grabbed my chin, spinning my head back around to face him. “Why are you looking at him? He ain’t the boss here, little miss. Donny-boy will do what I tell him to do. Won’t you, Donny?” he asked, looking at Cade, who made no response beyond a nod of the head. “That’s right. See, little girl, this is my show. Now act it out for me. I told you to suck my gun like it’s your boyfriend’s cock.” I was scared, really scared, and didn’t want to do it. The ac
t was degrading and disgusting, exactly the sort of thing guys like Gordon got off on watching.
The slap to my face reinforced I had no choice unless I preferred a ruthless beating, or worse. He might make me suck something else.
“Put it in your fucking mouth, right now, or I will knock every tooth in your pretty little head out, one by one.” I knew he was serious, and I wasn’t sure if Cade would stop him. What were a few teeth when a big career arrest was at stake? Being nothing more to him than a pawn in his game, I couldn’t trust him, and I was livid, knowing he had no problem letting this sick son-of-a-bitch violate me. I would never forgive him for this or anything else he had done. I never would have believed it possible to hate him, but I felt it pure and hot in that moment. The anger fueled me.
“This is how he likes it,” I said and proceeded to give a show that would rival a porn star. My eyes rested on Cade more than once as I performed the seductive fellatio, as much for Cade’s benefit, as for Gordon’s. Let that bastard see what he threw away, I thought. Gordon masturbated as I took the barrel down my throat. Tears rolled down my face as I fought the emotion and the gag reflex. When Gordon finished jacking-off, the goo from his poor-excuse-of-manhood running down his T-shirt, I thrust the gun towards him.
“Did you like that Gordon? Did you enjoy that, you sick fuck? How about you, Donny? Did you get your rocks off, too?” Gordon was laughing at first, but then his mood changed and he back-handed me on the side of the face. I’d done what he’d told me to, so I wasn’t sure what warranted the assault. I fell back on the couch, tasting blood and gun metal on my damaged lips.
“Don’t sass, girl. Don’t speak unless I tell you to.” He was off the sofa, dragging me to my feet once again. “I think you had enough comfort for one day.” He yanked me along behind him, and I was sure he was taking me to the outbuilding to ease any lingering sexual angst brought on by my award winning performance. But instead, I found myself alone, locked in the cold, dark shed once again. Cade never said a word during the event, nor did he make any attempt to stop Gordon’s degradation of me. A hurricane of fury built inside of me. How could he claim to have loved me and then watch some creep force me to do something so disgusting? Obviously, it might have been worse. Gordon could have forced me give him a blow job, instead of the gray steel of his weapon, but that was no excuse to let Cade slide on his actions. Bile seeped into my throat, and the need to vomit was consuming. I crawled to the door and retched directly in front of it, where I hoped one of them would step in it. Served them both right. With an empty gullet and a deadened spirit, I lay down on the blanket, thankful for the jeans and warm sweatshirt. My eyes stared into the darkness as my mind thought about Cade again.
***
When Cade Cantrell handed me the book I’d dropped, all I said was thank-you before hurrying on to my next class with a hammering heart. He was a damn good looking kid, despite the display of tats and jewelry. His eyes were the most intriguing color I’d ever seen. To my surprise, and secret delight, he was in all of my classes except the last one, and in my lunch. He had to be smart to be carrying the same course load. It was all college prep work. The enormous amount of homework left little time for much else, and only a dedicated student would put themselves through the stress.
During lunch, he stepped into the hot food line behind me. I felt those captivating eyes on me and was instantly self-conscious. I hoped my butt looked good in the Hollister jeans Will’s last paycheck had purchased. Guilt hit me for such thoughts. Will was my boyfriend, and I should only care about his opinion of my ass.
After we got our trays, filled with undefinable items the school passed off as food, we entered the commons area. Kids crowded onto fold-up, picnic-style tables, and Cade stopped at the entrance. I recognized that deer-in-the-headlights look as he scanned the room to decide where to park himself. Understanding his uncertainties, I approached him, my tray tilting, threatening to spill all over the asbestos floor. The new boy reached out with deft precision and righted it. I blushed, feeling like a complete klutz for the second time.
“Oh, thanks. It’s Cade, right?” I asked, and he nodded. “You can sit with my friends and me. My name is Ellia Meyers.”
“Okay, thank you, that’d be great. Nice to meet you, Ellia.”
He followed me to the lunch table where two girls and a boy watched us approach. I smirked like I had a secret as their inquisitive faces stared.
“Hey, guys, meet Cade Cantrell, he is new here. I told him he was welcome sit at our table.” I pretended to be cool and nonchalant as I sat down next to my boyfriend. Cade took a seat on the other side of me, our elbows touching, giving me goose-bumps.
“Cade, this is Maria,” I said pointing to the girl across from him. Maria had long black hair and a permanent tan thanks to her Latino heritage. “This is Ashley.” I gestured to the heavy-set blonde next to Maria who sat stiffly smiling at Cade like she’d just shit her pants. “And this is Will.” I put my hand on Will’s arm. He tossed the dark brown curls off his forehead and addressed the new kid.
“Hey. How’s it goin’? I’m Ellia’s boyfriend. Are you in her third hour class or something?”
Will was always jealous of any attention other boys gave me, but Cade was so good looking, I had no doubt his presence provoked Will worse than usual. It was a futile emotion, in my opinion. A guy like Cade would never be into a nerdy girl like me, anyway, but it ticked me off that Will felt the need to blurt it out in a way that seemed out of context, like he was laying down a claim on me.
“Yeah, so far, I have had every class with her.” Cade smiled and took a bite of his food as I watched the information process on Will’s face. He didn’t like it, and he would grill me about it later, even though I had no control over Cade Cantrell’s class schedule.
Will and I began dating our freshman year, and we managed to stay together until the start of our senior one. Everyone assumed we would get married someday, but I knew better. My plan after high school was freedom, not only from Will, but from my small town life. It wasn’t crazy love that kept me with him, I simply liked having a boyfriend, even if he was tedious at times. He was a body to take me to dances and listen to my troubles. He was comfortable and familiar. I loved the stability he offered.
Maria had on and off boyfriends all the time, guys that used her and then left her. Poor Ashley had never been out on a date. The closest she’d ever come to a romantic liaison was a brief sexting relationship with a douche-bag in California who turned out to be a forty-year-old, married man. She went to prom alone the year prior and sat in the bleachers crying for most of the night. I protected myself from those things by staying with Will.
My heart hurt for Ash, and I usually invited her to tag along on my dates. It annoyed Will, but I didn’t care. Her presence made me happy, and it also kept him from pressuring me about sex. After three years of dating, he believed we should be going all the way, but I was still refusing him. I never let him do anything with me, always making excuses for not accepting his advances. It seemed wrong to give up my virginity to someone I liked, not loved. I wanted to be in love for real, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. It was a point of contention between us, but I continued to hold firm on the subject.
Someday, after we graduated and moved on to college, I figured the relationship would just melt away, naturally. He was on his way to State on a wrestling scholarship, and I was planning to attend the University of Tennessee on an academic scholarship. I hoped the distance of separated states with twelve hours of travel between would be the end.
“Where did you move here from?” asked Maria, smiling and licking her finger at the same time. Overt flirting was always her thing.
“Detroit,” he answered, and we all nodded as if that explained his appearance.
“Why would you move up here to hicks-ville in your senior year? That seems crazy,” said Ashley. Her plump cheeks turned red, and I knew a crush was developing.
“It’s a long story, but I mov
ed up here to live with my Aunt and finish school. My cousin goes here, but I don’t have him in any of my classes. Do you guys know Jimmy Ferguson?” asked Cade.
We all knew his cousin. Our school was small, and Jimmy was a popular jock, fitting every stereotype that word implied. I didn’t like him. He was mean to me in fourth grade when I’d moved there. The jerk put a wad of sticky bubblegum in my hair that led to a haircut I hated. In high school, freshman year, he called me ugly and fat because I wouldn’t give him the answer to a test question in social studies. The nasty remarks and obscene gestures had continued all through school, so I avoided him. Lucky for me, he was basically an idiot in remedial classes so I didn’t have any periods with him. Not wanting to offend Cade, I kept my mouth shut about his asshole cousin.
“I wrestle with Jimmy,” offered Will. “He also plays football and baseball. Do you play any sports?”
“Nope,” stated Cade. “I used to play football but got tired of the bullshit. Now I stick to playing my guitar.”
“Do you sing, too,” asked Maria, even more interested in the rebel.
“Yes, I play and sing lead in a band, but obviously I am here now, so that’s on hiatus for the time being.” He pushed his food around with his fork and exhaled. He didn’t want to be there, it seemed obvious.
His potential story piqued my interest further. What brought him to our town? Why is he living with his aunt? What genre of music does he play? Does he have a girlfriend?
