by Reid, Angela
“What kind of music do you play?” asked Ashley, reading my mind, at least partially.
“Rock and a little rap, but mostly rock. I write my own stuff and don’t do covers of other people’s music very often. My band and I were working on a record deal, but since I am here now, that has to wait awhile.” He took another bite of his food while we all stared at him, trying to decide whether he was being truthful.
“Bullshit,” said Will. “I wouldn’t go around making shit up and bragging to make yourself look like somebody if you want to make any friends here, Cantrell.”
“I wasn’t making anything up or bragging. You guys asked about it so I told you. I don’t give a crap if you believe me or not.” He calmly continued eating, his comment not laced with anger or defensiveness which convinced me he was being truthful.
“Well, I believe you,” said Maria, reading my mind again, and Ashley nodded. “I think that is so freakin’ cool. We have a talent show coming up to raise money for student council projects. You should sign up for it. You could win fifty bucks. It’s not much, but it would put gas in your tank for a week.” Maria giggled, which seemed unnecessary based on the conversation.
“We’ll see,” he replied, and smiled at her. It was the first time I’d seen Maria redden under her warm skin tone.
The discussion moved onto gossip, but Cade sat and listened as if genuinely interested. Being seated next to him, I couldn’t view his face, but I imagined an amused smirk. Our lives probably seemed small and pathetic as compared to the enormous school district from which he’d come.
After lunch, Will walked me to my next class. He stood in the door frame with his forearm resting on the metal casing, blocking me from entering as Cade slid by us to talk to the teacher. “I don’t trust that guy,” said Will. “Stay away from him, Ellia. He looks like a total loser, and I bet he is here because he got in trouble or something. If he says or does anything, I will knock his head off, Jimmy’s cousin or not.”
I touched his arm to reassure him, hoping to diffuse a situation. “Don’t be so judgmental, Will. I promise if he is a jerk, I won’t talk to him, but I know what it’s like to be the new kid. It sucks, especially in this cliquey little town. I won’t be mean to him just because he has tattoos and earrings. I won’t be that kind of person.”
Will rolled his eyes and sighed while leaning in and giving me a peck on the lips. This was not a common act, and I knew it was for Cade’s benefit. Public displays of affection were grounds for Saturday detentions. “See you after class,” he said.
I told him goodbye and proceeded to my assigned seat. Cade got his book and took a desk at the back of the classroom. I felt disappointed I wouldn’t be able to surreptitiously ogle him.
The rest of the day continued much the same. He wasn’t in my sixth period, which left me a little downhearted. After school, I headed to my little red truck which was waiting next to Will’s big red pickup. Everyone thought it hysterical that we both drove red trucks; my truck a mini version of his. We didn’t plan it; it was just a quirky coincidence. Will always stayed late for weight lifting, but we had plans to meet up at my house later. I waited for Cade to exit the building. He emerged with a back-pack full of books, and he walked toward the black and chrome Harley parked near the teacher’s row. I watched him swing his long legs over the seat and put his helmet over his spikey hair. There were no helmet laws anymore so I was happy to see he was smart enough to wear one, anyway. Of course he rides a motorcycle. I chuckled to myself. The stereotype could not be complete without it. He pulled out of the parking lot, and I followed him. Not wanting to look like a stalker, I turned the opposite direction.
The next day, Cade asked if he could sit with us again, and I agreed, though I knew Will would not be happy about it. He had spent most of the previous evening bashing the new kid instead of paying attention to the movie we’d rented.
“I found out his dad is in prison and his mom is dead,” Will said while perched on the edge of my bed. He’d hit Jimmy up for information. “Nobody wanted to take him in because his dad is majorly bad news, but Jimmy’s mom, who is Cade’s mom’s half-sister, agreed. Jimmy never even knew about this kid before he came to live with them. His family avoided them because the dad was into really corrupt, illegal shit. I mean like murder, and drugs, and stuff, Ellia. He was the head guy in a motorcycle gang. Cade probably isn’t much better. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s dealing drugs or some kind of criminal bullshit. You need to stay away from him. Seriously, who tats and pierces themselves up at our age? He walks around like he thinks he’s somebody; pretty pathetic if you ask me. He did play in a popular Detroit band, though, that part was true, but I doubt he had a recording contract. Don’t look at me like I am lying, Ellia.” The look on my face gave me away. “I Googled everything Jimmy said, just to see, and sure enough, it is all there on the internet.”
Refusing to take the bait, I wouldn’t judge the guy based on having a terrible father. My own dad was no gem himself, at least in terms of being a parent. Just because Cade Cantrell came from bad stock, didn’t automatically make him a rotten person. I changed the subject and made Will finish watching the movie. After he left, though, I couldn’t resist. I searched the internet for information about Cade and his family, curious about this mysterious new boy. Will was right, Cade fronted a band called, Unraveled. They had won a bunch of local awards in the metro area, and they even opened for a few fairly popular bands that played the Detroit arenas. He impressed me. The unflattering family stuff was also true, though. His father was in prison for murder, and his mother had committed suicide. My heart ached for this beautiful, sad boy. He’d lost his entire immediate family. I didn’t give a crap what Will said, I wouldn’t shun him because of his familial ties.
Cade followed me to the lunch table as Will’s face turned a deep red. He was angry, just as I figured he would be. The girls were thrilled, and they chatted him up while I listened and Will pouted.
“So do you like to party?” asked Maria seductively working her tongue around the straw in her milk. She wasn’t shy about showing whatever she was thinking.
“If you are asking if I drink or do drugs, the answer is no. That’s not my scene. Are you guys into that?”
“No, not really.” Maria was known for going to parties and drinking, but I didn’t call her out on it. “I have to be pretty good or Momma Ellia will disapprove.” She laughed and tossed her straw at me. I wiped the milk splatter off my face and smirked at her as she kept talking “Miss goody-two shoes doesn’t go to parties or do anything fun, but Will does, don’t ya Will?” She winked at him as if they had an inside joke. Will went to the occasional party with his friends, but he had never mentioned seeing Maria there. I wondered what I was missing.
“I’ve gone to a few,” he said but refused to meet my eyes. The distinct feeling a significant secret lay between my boyfriend and my best friend, plagued me. I looked questioningly at Ashley, who averted her gaze and shrugged.
“Hey,” Maria said to Cade. “I brought you something.” She pulled a yellow form out of her back-pack and handed it across the table to him. “It’s a sign up sheet for the talent show. We really need some good people. This school is lacking in a lot of things and talent is a big one.” She laughed heartily, again. “Ashley and I are going to perform a dance or something, but trust me; we don’t have any talent either.”
“Speak for yourself,” said Ashley, elbowing her. “I may be fat and ugly, but I am quite light on my toes.”
“Stop Ashley.” I scolded her. “Don’t do that. You are beautiful just the way you are.”
“Thanks El, but I know the truth. The mirror doesn’t lie. It is okay, though, I believe what you always tell me, ‘someday somebody will love me for me, and I won’t have to prove my worth to anyone’” The words were sarcastic and punctuated with an eye roll, but she laughed despite the pain I knew was behind it. My eyes landed on Cade. He was staring at me, and I blushed which he noted with a s
mile, making me redden deeper.
Not wanting to look like a ridiculous groupie with a crush, I called him out on the look. “What?” I asked, too self-conscious to meet his gaze. I picked at my spaghetti with a fork instead.
“Nothing,” he replied. A glance in his direction caught him still smiling at me. I wondered what he was thinking. He broke the contact, though, and looked at Ash. “You should listen to your friend. Don’t ever change to fit anyone else’s standard of what they think you should be.”
“Thanks, Cade.” Ashley swooned. “Do people give you a hard time about your tattoos and stuff? What are they, anyway?”
Cade smiled at her with nearly perfect white teeth and rolled up his right sleeve to the top of his shoulder. “This one is a Celtic knot depiction, and it’s for my mom. She was Irish.” Then he pulled up the other sleeve to show a tattoo that resembled a snake curled around itself, but it had no head or tail. “This one is a Maori tattoo. It’s the design of Pikorua. It represents life and the different paths that we take, only to end up in the same place where our journey began.”
“What the hell is Maori?” asked Will, looking skeptical as usual.
Cade rolled his sleeve down. “The Maori are a tribe indigenous to New Zealand. That means they originated there.” Cade smirked at Will.
“I know what the indigenous means,” Will replied, but I wondered if that were true.
“Oh my,” said Maria, “those are beautiful? Did your mom die or something?” I wanted to kick my friend, she had no tact.
“Yes, she died last year.” The sadness in his eyes made me want to reach out and stroke his face.
“What happened to her?” asked Ashley. “I mean … if you don’t mind telling us.”
Cade’s demeanor changed abruptly. He shifted in his seat and rubbed his hands on his thighs. He appeared uncomfortable—almost nervous. “It’s a long story.”
“I know,” said Will, and I elbowed him in the ribs, but he continued anyway. “Jimmy told me his mom committed suicide to get the hell away from his dad. Sucks man … sorry.” I wanted to scratch the smugness off of Will’s face. Based on Cade’s murderous glare, he felt the same way.
“Yeah, well that’s one theory, I guess, but far from the truth; and it does suck. Do you have anything else you’d like to say about it?” Cade challenged. Will’s expression went from arrogant to skittish as he stared down at his tray and pushed his food around with a plastic fork. He was unsure about tangling with the Detroit boy.
“No man … I got nothing to say,” said Will in a hushed whisper. Cade stood up, dumped his tray and exited the commons.
“You are such an asshole, Will,” said Ashley. “Why did you blurt it out like that--geez?”
“I’d have to agree, that is a perfect description,” I said, standing up and taking my tray to the garbage bin. I left the cafeteria and went outside, the direction I’d seen Cade walk. He was sitting on the curb out front, watching traffic pass.
“Hey,” I said as I sat down next to him. He made me nervous, but I wanted to comfort him. “I am sorry about Will. He can be very insensitive. I am also sorry about your mom.”
“Thanks,” he said, still observing the cars zoom by us.
“With the exception of Will, what do you think of our school so far?” I tried to make small talk to take his mind elsewhere.
He laughed and looked at me, making me feel like my insides were burning. “I don’t exactly fit in here, Ellia. I expected as much, but I guess I hoped it might be different. I appreciate you and your girlfriends being nice and sharing your lunch table with me, but I don’t want to cause trouble for you and your boyfriend. Tomorrow I can sit somewhere else.”
“No, you don’t have to do that. You can keep sitting with us. I will make Will leave the table if he continues to be an ass. Our school is pretty much formulaic for a small town. We all have boxes we’re supposed to fit in, and you scare people because we have no predetermined container in which to shove you. Nobody here looks like you, and the ones that come remotely close, usually drop out or move away before they make it to senior year. You are intelligent, yet you look … I mean, your nice looking …. But ….” I twisted my hands together, getting flustered, not finding the right words. I didn’t want to insult him. He chuckled but kept quiet and let me squirm. “You just look … dangerous, I guess. You’re a curious anomaly, Cade. No one has figured out where to put you. If nothing else, high school is a place of social categories.” I laughed and so did he.
“I didn’t exactly fit in where I came from either. Most guys who plan to dedicate their life to music aren’t so freaking anal about school. I love music, but I love knowledge, too. I am a total nerd trapped in a dangerous body, I guess.” He chuckled as I thought more about his body, causing me to blush again. “I don’t care, though. People can think what they want. There is a big world out there beyond high school. I can wait this out.” He stood up, so I did too. “You should go back in and sit with Will. I get the impression you’ll be in trouble for being out here with me.”
“He’ll get over it,” I said, as we walked back towards entrance.
“So are you two serious?” he asked, just before opening the door for me.
I hesitated, not finding any words to say. Will and I had been together all throughout high school but serious was a whole other question. I answered as truthfully as I could. “Well, he is,” I said, and a smile spread across Cade’s face. I wasn’t sure what his expression meant, but I smiled right back, knowing I’d managed to relay I might be interested.
Mentally, I chided myself for being completely insensitive to Will. Cheating and lying was not my style. Will had put a lot of time into me, and it was mean to hurt him like that. I shook the thoughts off as I entered the overcrowded commons. I collided with Will, who was on his way out to fetch me. He had been watching us through the glass. Cade walked away, leaving me to deal with my jealous boyfriend.
“What are you doing, Ellia? Do you have a thing for this guy or what?” He practically spit the words at me. A few people stopped to eavesdrop as his volume drew attention.
“Stop it, Will. I am just trying to be his friend since he doesn’t know anyone but Jimmy. And you said Jimmy treats him like crap too. You grew up here, and you’ve never had to move to a new school. It is hard. Cade has it even harder because he is a senior and had to leave all his friends back in Detroit. So what if he has tattoos and piercings? Everyone needs to stop judging him, most of all, you.”
“What does that mean?” he asked. “Why me most of all? I am not the only one who thinks he’s a loser, so why do you act like it’s all me? His own cousin says he’s trash.”
“You were not always very popular. I remember you getting teased and picked on in grade school and junior high. It wasn’t until you got into wrestling that you stopped being a quote-unquote geek in the eyes of the people who tormented you. Luckily, you were good at the sport, or they’d still be picking on you. Do you remember how that teasing made you feel? Do you recall how hurtful that was? Well, you should try to remember, because you are turning into one those bullies. I don’t like it--I don’t like it at all. Cade Cantrell has been nothing but nice the two days he has been here. He is welcome to sit at our table, and if you can’t be a decent human being, then you can go find a new place to park your ass.” I pushed past him. The bell was about to ring, and I made it to class just in time. Cade was already in his seat. We exchanged another smile. I had an overwhelming premonition this odd boy would be the ruin of me.
***
My ears perked up as I heard shuffling outside the shed. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was one of them approaching or an animal sniffing out my scent. The smell of my regurgitated eggs and coffee was pungent. It was a person, though, I could tell by the sound of the gait. I decided, without much forethought, to grab the shovel, determined to whack whoever came through the door, whether it was Cade or Gordon. In my mind, they both deserved a little pain of their own. I needed
just enough time to make it to the woods where I hoped I could out run them. I was more confident about my chances surviving the cold, now that Cade had supplied me with warm clothing.
The chain rattled, and the shed door opened. The light blinded me after having been in the darkness for hours. I squinted my eyes and swung the shovel with every bit of my power. The metal scoop connected with someone’s head, and his body landed in my puddle of rancid vomit. It would have been funny under different circumstances. I wasted no time and took off, jumping over the downed form. Whoever I hit, grabbed for my ankle, but I slipped away. I ran into the woods like my hair was on fire, not stopping to peer back. Cade yelled my name, his footsteps quickly making up ground behind me. I was a little rabbit trying to outrun a hungry coyote, and I needed to hide. No way could I out pace him. He was faster, despite my sleek design against the bulk of muscle he carried. The leaves were off the trees, though, so not even climbing upward would give me cover. I came to a hill and nearly lost my footing while running down it. Water babbled from a nearby creek, and I sprinted toward the sound while branches tore at my face. I had no more reached the water’s edge, when he caught me, sending us both tumbling into the frigid stream. I fought him hard, punching, and kicking, and screaming. He bled profusely from the wound I’d inflicted with the garden utensil, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get away from him and had no problem causing him more damage to achieve that goal.
“Stop, Ellia, Jesus Christ, just stop it!” he yelled.
“Fuck you, DONNY,” I screamed, using his fake name. “You are every bit as sick as that fucker, and I am not going back. You’ll have to kill me.”
“That can be arranged,” Gordon hollered, a precursor to the shot that reverberated in my eardrum. I stopped struggling at once and looked to the edge of the brook. Gordon stood there with his stupid smile. “Where would you like the next bullet, Ellia?”
