by Reid, Angela
“Just relax, Gordon. I’ve this under control,” said Cade, taking my arm with an iron grip and leading me onto dry land.
“Yeah, it really looks like it,” Gordon replied, sizing up the wound to Cade’s head. “You might need stitches there, boy.” He seemed to find the idea amusing and laughed. “I told you she was a live one and to watch your back. You didn’t believe me, though, did ya?”
“Let’s just get to the cabin,” said Cade, keeping a firm, bruising hold on me. I could sense the waves of anger rolling off of him as his fingers dug into my flesh.
The three of us walked, and it surprised me how far I had run. Cade periodically stopped to wipe blood from his eyes as the wound drained down his face. I was glad it was him I’d hit. Not only did it feel good to inflict pain on him, for once, but Gordon wouldn’t have hesitated to kill me for such an act. The reality of how stupid I’d been to think I could get away, hit me like a gut punch, and my spirits deflated, making the long walk unbearable. My adrenaline left, and the fight in me was somewhere on the forest floor. Cade must have sensed the change, and he let go of me, allowing me to tread on my own. I was soaked, as was Cade, and we were both freezing. When we got back to the cabin, Gordon pushed me into the shed. I slipped in my vomit, now tinged red with Cade’s blood.
“You try anything else, and it will be the last thing you do, bitch.” He slammed the doors, and the lock clicked into place.
I stripped off all of my clothes, except the undergarments, to keep my blanket from getting wet from river water and puke. My shivering was so intense, I was sure the walls of the shed rattled. I kept the clothes near, so I could re-dress if I heard either of them coming back, and I didn’t have to wait long. It was less than an hour before someone was jiggling the lock again. I scurried into my jeans, which was no easy task. Saturated denim was not cooperative. I didn’t have time to get in my shirt, so my arms went to my chest, covering my sensible bra. To my relief, it was Cade, not Gordon. He had on dry clothes and a bandage on his head.
“Put your shoes on let’s go,” he said, picking up my dripping sweatshirt and water logged socks. He tossed them at me, and I forced them onto my frozen body. I was shivering so fiercely, it was difficult to get my limbs functioning. Cade picked up the blanket and wrapped it around me.
“What now?” I asked. “Does fuck-face need his gun cleaned again?”
Cade sighed and stared at me. “Just come inside and get warm. I have more clothes and an extra pair of shoes for you.” He looked back over his shoulder before continuing. Close to my ear he whispered, “I’m getting you out of here. I’m done. I can’t be a part of this anymore, not with you. I’m sorry, Ellia, for all of this. I shouldn’t have agreed to any of it, but I honestly believed I was doing the right thing. Now … not so much. I won’t watch you suffer any longer.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t know how. I wanted the hell out of there, but I wasn’t sure I could trust Cade, either. Maybe it was all a new twist to his mind games. “Tell me why you are doing this. Is your career that important to you? Have you hurt other people to advance yourself? That’s not the Cade I used to know. You always stood up for what was right, and now—now you can’t be trusted. You’re a liar and a scumbag.”
He looked genuinely wounded by the words, but I didn’t care, it was true. “I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I have reasons for all of my actions, but I can’t explain things to you at this time. Gordon is watching us from the window. Please, Ellia, trust me just enough, for now. I am getting you out of here tonight. That’s all you need to believe.” We reached the door and Cade held his finger to my lips. I nodded, and we went inside the cabin.
“I guess you are lucky my partner here is such a bleeding-heart pussy. I’d leave your ass out there to frost bite, personally,” said Gordon.
“There are clothes in the bathroom for you. You can shower again if you want to warm up,” said Cade, motioning toward the powder room. His tone was flat and cold again, like a switch had flipped inside of him. Who the hell are you, Cade? What happened to you? The questions haunted me, and I hoped to someday at least understand his motives. He was one hell of a great actor, making me wonder what had ever been real between us. My entire memory felt like a colossal lie. I headed for the shower but Gordon stopped me.
“Hold up, little girl. Take off those wet clothes so pussy-boy can dry them for you. You never know when you might need them again,” he grinned and winked.
“I will when you get out and leave me alone,” I stated flatly. I tried to walk around him, but he grabbed my arm.
“Do what I said, or I will do it for you.” He snatched the front of my sweatshirt, getting a handful of breast with it.
I stepped back from him. “Keep your filthy, perverted hands off of me, you fucking pig!” I yelled, knowing it was a mistake before it even flew out of my mouth. Gordon struck with his fist. I tried to duck, but he caught me in the temple. I fell down, the room spinning. He was on top of me in an instant, ripping at my saturated attire.
“I will show you perverted, bitch,” he said, groping me. He stopped when he heard the hammer cock. He turned to look at Cade who held a pistol to the man’s head.
“Get off of her mother fucker, or I will kill you,” Cade spoke the words calmly, as if this were an everyday event, it sent shivers through me.
“What the fuck are you doin’, kid?” asked Gordon, getting up on his knees.
“Shut the door and change, Ellia ... now,” ordered Cade. Not hesitating, I crawled away from Gordon. I got to my feet, shaky and dizzy. Cade had laid dry clothing out for me, and I wondered where he had gotten them. Had he left me at some point to go buy things for me? A wave of anger boiled inside me, thinking he would leave me alone with Gordon. I changed into a fresh sweatshirt and jeans, identical to the ones that lay sodden on the floor. Maybe he’d come upon a buy one get one deal, I thought to myself, which might have been amusing if not for the circumstances.
I listened at the door but could only catch the low murmuring of their voices. When I opened it a crack, I could see that Gordon was sitting on the couch, and Cade was leaning on the frame of the front door, gun still in hand but pointed at the floor.
“I told you, Gordon, I wouldn’t stand for it. I warned you. She has a purpose to us; she is not here for your personal entertainment. You need to know where to draw the line. Do you think Meyers is going to cooperate if you’ve already damaged or killed his daughter? Are you so fucking sick you can’t control yourself?”
“I don’t see the harm in having a little fun while we got her here, that’s all. So what if we fuck her? That ain’t gonna kill her. You wanna pass up a good piece of ass like that? You gay, boy?” asked Gordon.
Cade sighed and shifted his weight. Gordon tried his patience. He licked his lips and pointed the gun at Camo-man. “Leave her alone. I am not telling you again. I will put a bullet in your cranium if you touch her again.”
Gordon chuckled, and that scared me. He didn’t seem to take Cade’s threat seriously. “You don’t think Dacks would have your ass taken out if you did anything to me. Who the hell you think you’re dealin’ with here? Fuck off, kid. You ain’t got the balls to pull the trigger, anyway. I ain’t seen you do much since you been with us, except coddle that whore like the little bitch you are. If nothing else, you’ve proven yourself worthless to Dacks.” He got up off the couch and headed to the bathroom. I tried to slam the door and use my body to hold it shut, but he pushed it in like I was a paper doll. He shoved me backward into the small, three-foot shower and stuck his hand up me sweatshirt. Cade was on him in an instant, and the two tumbled back out into the living space.
Terrified, I stayed huddled, hoping to avoid the fray. Then I realized I had another opportunity. I didn’t trust Cade, only myself, and now was the perfect chance to escape again. I exited the bathroom, and the two men were still fighting. Cade’s gun had been knocked from his hand and lay near the sofa. I snatched it up and debated killing Gordon. The fe
ar of accidentally killing Cade kept me from pulling the trigger. Maybe he deserved to die as much a Gordon, I wasn’t sure anymore, but it wouldn’t be by my hand if I could help it.
I kicked the gun near Cade, hoping he would get it and not Gordon, but I wasn’t going to stick around to see how it played out. I grabbed the van keys off the table and ran towards the door.
Gordon saw me, as did Cade, but he held Gordon down, letting me escape instead of running after me. I heard the gunshot just before I put the van in gear. My heart did a flip in its chest, worried it was Cade who took the bullet, but I didn’t hesitate for a second. I sped away from the cabin, nearly tipping the van on the first curve as dust trails flew up behind me like a sand storm. Whatever happened back in that house didn’t matter. I’d grieved Cade once, there was no need to do it again.
Chapter 4
The series of twists and turns in the seasonal road had my bearings completely off kilter. Darkness had rolled in, and I worried I might accidentally circle back to the cabin. Anxious sweated dripped off of me as I kept pushing the van to its limits. Relief settled when I came to a black-top road, knowing it had to lead to civilization. The street seemed endless in the dim headlights as fear gnawed at me. I imagined that Gordon would catch up with me, but no lights ever appeared in the rearview mirror. After a short while driving on pavement, I realized where I was. Lost for nearly two hours on the trails, I was shocked to realize I’d been on the outskirts of town the whole time. Directional sense had never been my forte.
Three hours later, after speaking to the sheriff’s department and the State Police, and having a hundred pictures taken of my injuries at the hospital, they allowed me to make calls. The police wouldn’t offer me any protection until they investigated my claims, but they advised me not to stay at my place, either. I wanted to scream, duh, but refrained.
A part of me still wanted to protect Cade, though. If he was alive, I didn’t want to reveal his cover. I didn’t mention the FBI or Cade’s real name. I didn’t tell them I knew the man named Donny or that we had history together. The story of our past stayed locked inside me. I wasn’t sure what to believe with Cade, but I’d let the police decipher it for themselves.
After having called my mother and brother, both phones going straight to voicemail, sending me into panic mode, I phoned Matt. He picked me up at the hospital, where they deemed me physically fit enough for release.
When I saw his blonde hair come through the door, wearing his concern in the furrow of his brow, I erupted into sobs and buried my face in his softness and wept. So many emotions collided inside of me all at once.
“Shh, baby,” he said, stroking my head. “God, I was so worried about you.” He pulled back and looked at me. “Jesus, Ellia, what happened to you? Who took you? What the hell happened? Why were you jogging alone? You know how I feel about that.”
“I’m okay. They just smacked me around a little, and I’ll explain later. Right now, I need to go somewhere safe. The police are giving us an escort to my place so I can pick up some things, but they won’t assign an officer to keep watch beyond that until they determine if I am still in danger.”
“Are you still in danger?” He searched my face for answers.
“Yes, I am definitely still in danger. This wasn’t random, Matt. They targeted me because of something my father has done. Those men are looking for me. The police just want to make sure they aren’t spending valuable resources on a crazy woman with a big imagination. The allegations against my dad are serious, and you know cops; they protect each other. It’s not safe for you to stay with me, either. I will go to a hotel and hope the security is tight.” The thought of being on my own again was utterly terrifying.
“Ellia, there is no way I am letting you stay alone. Come on, let’s go.”
I wanted to argue, I truly did, but I was exhausted and overwhelmed. His arms around me gave me more comfort than I could’ve imagined possible.
We discovered my house had been ransacked, leaving my belongings upturned and broken. The officer called for an investigative team, and after two more hours, I was finally able to gather up a light bag. I located my purse and found its contents strewn about the dining room table. No money or credit cards were taken, indicating to the police, robbery was not the motive. The only thing missing was my cell phone, which lent weight to my story since the goal was to find my dad.
Dizzy and ready to collapse as my blood sugar plummeted. The cops set up a room for us at a motel, finally taking my situation more seriously and putting a guard on us. We made a brief stop at Matt’s place to pick up his clothes. I relayed an abbreviated version of my saga on the way to the motel. The place was a run-down little brick building with a flat roof that sat on the edge of town, almost in neighborhood, but it offered apartment-style accommodations so we wouldn’t have to venture out for much. I always thought it was an odd place for a motel, not close to the main thoroughfare like the others, but it filled up during the summer, due to its location on the shore of Lake Michigan.
Guilt sat heavy on my shoulders for not telling Matt about Cade. I was still too afraid to share that piece of information, even with him. Although I’d told Matt I lost a boy I loved very much when I was young, I never gave him any details of that either. He had no idea what Cade meant to me, or the mess I’d found myself after he died. I got sick, mentally and physically which led to a lot of illicit behavior and addiction. It was another aspect of my life I refused to think about or talk about with anyone. I was so ashamed of the person I became after Cade’s death. My way of coping with the unpleasantness, was to push it down deep inside me and never bring it up for review or reflection. Matt knew my commitment issues stemmed from something painful, but he didn’t push me to expose the root, and for that I was grateful. Even after a decade, I could not face those things. The only way I made it through every day, was just to focus on the present and the future, letting the past sit behind a dark shroud.
“You don’t look so good, Ellia,” said Matt. “Do you need to go back to the hospital? Please tell me the truth, baby. I don’t have any idea what to do here.”
The tears fell again. “No, I’m just … exhausted.” It was true. I was completely drained in every sense. I wanted to sleep so my mind would quiet.
Matt got me two ibuprofen and tucked me into the queen bed that sat in a small room off the kitchenette. “First thing in the morning, you are going to a doctor if you don’t look any better.” He touched his lips to my forehead. “Get some rest, babe. I am here and so is that cop outside in his car. I won’t let those bastards hurt you ever again.” He got up, but I pulled him down on the bed with me.
“Please hold me, Matt,” I begged. I scooted over, and he crawled in next to me. I could sense the tension in him. He was scared and fraught with a million more questions. Matt was the most patient, gentle man I had ever known, and he would take of me.
“I Love you, Ellia,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “You are my everything.”
“I love you, too,” I said, and it was true. I loved him but not the way he loved me. Guilt and sadness for not being what he deserved, weighed heavy on my heart.
Despite my fatigue, sleep eluded me, but I pretended for Matt’s benefit. I figured he was too wired to sleep, and I didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay next to me. He quietly got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. I stared at the ceiling and reminisced about the early days with Cade.
***
A month after Cade moved to our high school, I broke up with Will. Cade asked me out an hour later, and we were inseparable after that. He become my sole focus. Looking back, I was borderline obsessed with him, probably not the healthiest relationship for a high school girl.
Will didn’t take the break up well. He was hostile towards Cade, knowing he was the reason, even though I tried to downplay the truth. Will tried to keep me from leaving by making accusations and false claims about Cade, but I had spent more time with him than h
e was even aware. I was confident I had a good grasp of the real Cade Cantrell.
“Why would you want to be with someone like that? He isn’t going anywhere in life, Ellia, geez. He’s a total loser with a criminal family. I thought you were smarter than all those other girls who swoon over him. He believes he’s gonna be a rock star or something. You stupid chicks fawn on him like he’s actually going to be famous. It is so pathetic. He flirts with every skirt in this school. Why would you throw away what we have to run around with a man-whore who is going to end up leaving you when he gets what he wants?” asked Will, his voice taking on a whine that irritated me.
I sighed and perched myself on the edge of Will’s bed. We sat surrounded by all his Star Wars memorabilia, and I was glad I’d never have to see all that junk again. “He is not a man-whore, Will. He can’t help it if girls flirt with him. Cade is nice looking and smart, of course girls will chase him, but I haven’t seen him return their favors at all.”
“That’s because he’s holding out for you. Everyone in our school knows you are still a virgin. Don’t you think he knows that, too? He wants to make you his conquest. After he gets you to sleep with him, he will leave you. There is no other reason for his interest in you. What could you even have in common with him?”
I wasn’t sure if he was cutting me down, so I ignored his remark, refusing to give it weight. “You never gave him a chance. All this judgement is based on your jealousy, and it’s not very attractive, I might add. I am friends with Cade, and you could’ve been too if you weren’t so caught up in being an asshole.”
“So that’s it? You really are breaking up with me for him?” asked Will again, getting off the bed and pacing past his Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker figurines.
“Cade has never asked me out … at least not yet. I haven’t cheated on you, and he would never disrespect you that way. I like him, I admit it, and I hope he likes me. We haven’t discussed what happens next, though. As you are already aware, we spent a lot of time together doing that physics project, but he never made a move on me. We got familiar with each other and became friends. I am the one who has developed feelings beyond friendship, and I have no idea whether he reciprocates or not. Will, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to lie to you either,” I said.
