by Reid, Angela
All my love forever,
Love Jenna
I was upset--really upset. He had never mentioned having a serious girlfriend in Detroit right before his move. He’d never told me about this girl at all. I was hurt and started to wonder if Cade was playing me. Maybe I had wasted my love and my virginity on a pretty face and a good line. He’d been awfully adept with me in the bedroom, much more so than I’d been with him, which made me wonder if he’d lied about it being his first time. I angrily stuffed his things into a bag and headed back to the hospital. He was dozing again when I walked into the room.
“Hey,” he said, with a lazy smile as I sat the bag on the chair.
“I will get the nurse to help you get dressed, and I’ll take you home,” I said, without a hint of emotion. I walked out of the room and motioned for the nurse. She came immediately and helped Cade into his clothes. He met me in the hallway, his bag of torn, bloody clothes on his lap.
“I’m ready,” he said, looking intently at me, not understanding my mood. I took over for the nurse and pushed the wheelchair into the elevator, not saying a word. Once we were in the truck, he finally asked, “What is wrong, Ellia? You are acting strange. What happened? Are you mad at me for something?”
I decided it best to be honest. If he was angry that I’d been snooping then we were definitely far from where I thought we were. “When I was getting some socks for you, I found your photo album.”
“Okay, I still don’t understand why you are mad at me. Was there something about my family that upset you?” he asked, still unaware of what I’d found in the album.
“Who is Jenna?” I finally asked.
“She’s an ex-girlfriend, why?” he asked and put his hand on my arm.
I pulled away, too furious to accept his touch. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about her? She obviously thought you two were going to continue your relationship when you moved here, so it’s not like it was all that long ago. The note made it sound like the two of you were in love. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me you were seriously involved with someone.” I struggled to keep my voice calm.
“I was no more seriously involved with Jenna than you were with Will. I broke up with her when I moved here because I didn’t want to try to maintain some long distance thing. My and aunt and uncle forbid me to go into the city, remember? In fact, I am in serious shit now for disobeying them. Jenna believed she was in love with me. She used to tell me so me all the time, and I admit, I said it back because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I never really loved her though, not the way I love you. I didn’t even know I still had that letter, and I’ll toss it as soon as I get home. If you want to ransack my room looking for more accusations, feel free.”
“Do you say you love me because you don’t want to hurt my feelings? Was I really your first or was that just another thing you said?” We pulled into the pharmacy so I could fill his prescriptions and get his crutches. He stared at me like I had a grown a second head.
“How could you say that to me? How can you think that? I’m not just fucking around with you, okay? I really love you. What do I have to do to make you believe me? You know I dated other girls before you, so why are acting like this? I didn’t lie to you about anything. This weekend would have never happened if I didn’t care about you, Ellia, I am not like that. I thought you knew me better.”.
I sighed, believing him. “I’m sorry. I just got a little freaked out, okay? This is new to me, and I just am so afraid of finding out something that’s going to ruin it. I am scared to death of losing you. Snooping in your things was wrong, but sometimes I worry I don’t know enough about you. The note fell out, and my mind started going into overdrive. You are so gorgeous and talented, I get insecure about why you would be with me.” He took my arm and pulled me across the seat, wrapping me so tightly in an embrace it was hard to breathe.
“Don’t do that. I have never known someone so unsure of herself. You are beautiful, inside and out, and any guy would love to be where I am. You just never gave them a shot. I feel grateful and honored that you gave me a chance to love you. I sure don’t deserve you. You could be with the most popular guy in school if you wanted to be, but you chose to take a chance on a loser like me. If anyone should feel insecure it’s me, and sometimes I do. I know you are going to go away to school and meet lots of guys that are way better than me. I worry that I will just be a high school memory for you, and I can’t stand the thought of it.” He looked me in the eye. “I love you, and I want to be with you forever. That is a promise.”
I kissed his bruised lips, but he didn’t seem to mind. “I love you too, and I want to be with you forever, too. But if you ever get back on that damn motorcycle I will break your other leg,” I said, lightening the mood.
“My motorcycle is toast,” he said. “It slid away from me once I hit the pavement. It crashed into a power pole. Thank God for insurance.”
“Thank God, period,” I said. “You could have died. I just don’t think I could go on if something happened to you.” My voice caught again and tears filled her eyes. “Promise me you won’t get another bike.”
He used his thumbs to wipe my tears away. “I won’t buy a bike right away, but I can’t promise I will never ride again. Bikes have been part of my life since I was old enough to straddle one. But for now, I will play it safe, fair enough?” he asked, smiling at me.
I took him to his aunt’s house and got him tucked into his bed. I lay with him for a while, and we talked until I got a text on my phone. “Shit,” I said and sat up.
“What’s wrong?” He propped himself up on an elbow.
“The school called my mom because I ditched my classes to come see you. She is pissed, and, of course, automatically thinks the worst. I am apparently grounded from you because you were not in school in either. She probably thinks we are off doing it somewhere.”
Cade laughed. “Well, now, that actually sounds like a good idea,” he teased. He pulled me down and kissed me.
“Stop it,” I said, laughing, and pushing him away. “If I go home all flushed from rolling around with you, I will be in more trouble. Do you need anything before I go?”
“Maybe just a glass of water so I can pop a pill later if my leg gets hurting. I really don’t want to tackle those stairs again anytime soon.”
I ran down the stairs and entered the kitchen just as Jimmy walked in the back door. “What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I brought Cade home from the hospital. He wanted a glass of water, and the stairs are tricky with his crutches. Can you tell me where your cups are?” He dropped his backpack on the kitchen island and got a glass down for me.
“There’s ice in the fridge door if you want it,” he said. “Does my mom know he’s home yet?”
“I don’t know. He told me your parents were working and wouldn’t pick him up until they were done, so I brought him home. Do you think you could call your mom and let her know not to bother?”
“Sure,” he said, but stood there like he wanted to say something else. “Ellia, you know about him, right?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking at him with a clueless expression.
“I know we haven’t exactly been friends in school, but you’re an okay chick. I just don’t really get why you’d be with someone like him. You know his dad is in prison for murder, and that his mom killed herself, right? I mean the guy has got to be kinda fucked up don’t you think?” He grabbed a bag of chips out of the cabinet and shoveled a few in his mouth.
“I know about his family, but I think he’s handled it all really well. You and your family might like him if you got to know him,” I said, filling the tumbler with cool tap water.
“There’s bad blood, Ellia, and you should probably stay away from it. He is a really good musician and stuff, but are you just gonna follow him around and be his roadie when we graduate? You’re our valedictorian, right? He just seems beneath you. I know it’s none of my business, but I just think you
should steer clear of him. He’ll end up into drugs and shit if he is not already. Lonnie Bench has it bad for you, ya know. He’s been waiting for you and Will to break up forever. He’d be a good guy for you.”
Lonnie Bench was Jimmy’s best friend and the quarterback of the football team. I almost laughed when I remembered what Cade said earlier. You could be with the most popular guy in school if you wanted to be. He must’ve known of Lonnie’s interest in me. Too bad for Lonnie, my heart belonged only to Cade.
“Actually, Jimmy, Cade is our valedictorian. His GPA and SAT scores are higher than mine. Have you ever seen him at a party? No, because he doesn’t drink or do drugs. I doubt very much he would ever touch any of that stuff. His father’s transgressions do not define him, and it sounds like your mother’s sister was a pretty exceptional mother to him. He has goodness and morality that came from somewhere. You need to give him a chance and stop judging him. He feels so awkward here, and it’s not fair. It would be nice if you all could treat him with a little compassion.”
“Who are you to tell us how to run our household, young lady?” asked a woman’s voice from behind me. I turned to see Cade’s aunt. She looked eerily similar to Cade’s mother, but with short hair, even though they were only half-sisters. I wondered if it was hard for Cade to see her every day. “Who the hell are you?”
“Mom,” said Jimmy, pointing at me. “This is Cade’s girlfriend. She brought him home from the hospital.”
“Well, I will be sure to thank Cade for letting me know he had a ride. I just wasted my gas driving up there to find out he had left.” She slammed her purse on the counter. “I don’t know why I even agreed to take that kid into our house.”
“I was taking him a glass of water. Is it okay for me to do so?” I asked, so angry I didn’t trust myself to stay in the same room with the horrible woman.
“Fine. Whatever. Tell him I will be up shortly to speak with him. I need to know how he intends to pay for his medical bills. His parents didn’t bother with health insurance or any other damn thing,” she complained.
I took the water upstairs and Cade was propped up on his pillow, notebook in hand. “Hey,” he said when I came in. “You look pissed, what did I do now?” He grinned at me.
“I am pissed, but not at you. I had a run in with Jimmy and his mother. That woman is a total bitch. I swear if I had a bunch of money, you and I would just get a place together and not have to deal with all the bullshit. Just a head’s up, she is going to make you pay for your medical bills. It’s like she’s mad that you got in an accident. I am so freaking pissed right now.” He took the water from me and set it on the night stand, before reaching out his hand to me.
“Come sit a sec,” he said. “I have a little spending money set aside, Ellia, I will pay the medical bills, don’t worry about it. My parents did not leave me totally destitute like she makes it seem. I am fine. This is just a temporary situation. It’s what my dad wanted, and I don’t intend to make him worry about me. It’s not forever, and I can handle it, okay? I am not as fragile as you think.” He pulled me in for another kiss as my phone went off again.
“I better go,” I said. “My mother is on the war path.” I hugged him so hard he winced. “Sorry.”
“I am fine—no worries. Call me later if you can. I love you.”
“I will, and I love you too,” I said, leaving his house. I texted my mother to tell her I was on the way home and would explain everything when I got there.
My mother was pacing the floor like a crazy person when I arrived. She wasted no time tearing into me. “What in the hell do you think you are doing, Ellia? Ditching school to be with that boy? I warned you about your behavior and what the consequences would be,” she yelled.
“Mom will you please calm down and listen. Cade didn’t come to school today, and I kept texting him and trying to call his phone. I couldn’t reach him, so I tracked down his cousin. Seriously, mom, Cade never misses school, and I was really worried. Jimmy told me he’d gotten into a motorcycle accident last night. He was in the hospital. I got scared and just wanted to make sure he was okay.”
“Well, is he all right?” my mom asked, concern for something other than her daughter’s virtue breaking through the anger.
“He is cut, and bruised, and has a broken leg; but he is otherwise okay. His bike is totaled. Some guy pulled out in front of him, and Cade swerved to miss him. He is so lucky.” My eyes blurred with tears at the thought of how easily I could have lost him. “I ended up taking him home because his aunt and uncle didn’t want to be bothered with him. I was at his house for just a short while before I came home, and his cousin was home. We weren’t doing anything, so I’m not sure why you are so mad. He is hurt and nobody in that house cares about him. I met his aunt, and she didn’t even care about his welfare, she just wanted to know how he planned to pay his medical bills. She is so horrible. I wanted to punch her in the face. They treat him like crap, and it makes me so damn mad!”
“Well, it would have been nice if you could have let the school, and me, know the circumstances. Ellia. You can’t just do whatever you want. Like it or not, you are not an adult, and you don’t get to make decisions on your own. Do you understand that? I was worried sick, and I’m angry.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe I was inconsiderate, but I really don’t understand what I ever did to make you distrust me so much. I go to school every day, and my grades are probably even better since I’ve been studying with Cade. Why are you so worried all the time?”
She sighed and stared at me, as if searching for the words in my face. “I am not blind. You really think you’re in love, but this is high school. I don’t want you to end up pregnant with no future. As much as I like Cade, you are both only seventeen, and it would be a damn shame to see two intelligent young people make a mistake by getting carried away in heated moment.” She paused to sit heavily down on the sofa as if the weight of the world rested on her back. “I was the same way with your dad. The sun rose and set on that man for me. I’d have done anything for him. He got me to sleep with him when I was younger than you are now, and though I love you dearly, Ellia, it was a mistake. We got married when I was sixteen and you were born later that year. We were only happy that first year. He pursued his dream of becoming a detective at all costs, and I was left alone a lot. He would go undercover for weeks with no contact with us. He did things in the name of his job that I was supposed to accept, whether I liked it or not. I found out after Sam was born that he’d been cheating on me with various women the entire time. I stood by his side through a lot of bullshit … the infidelity … all of it, because that’s how my parents raised me. ‘Stand by your man,’ they said. What a joke. Your dad grew dissatisfied and disgruntled with his job, and that’s when things got really bad. You must remember how he verbally assaulted all of us when he had difficult days. Eventually, I had to leave and start my life all over again. He was destroying all of us, piece by piece. If I had waited to have sex and not gotten pregnant, we may never have gotten married. I wouldn’t have had to live years’ worth of misery. Obviously, I am grateful for you and Sam, but Ellia, I am telling you, it’s not the path you want to take.”
“Mom, I am not naïve. Cade and I would never find ourselves so caught up in a moment that we would be that irresponsible. We aren’t the top two students in our class because we are idiots. Don’t trivialize our love and don’t compare us to you and dad. You need to trust me.”
“You are already sleeping with him aren’t you?” asked my mother bluntly. “This is going to end, right here and right now.”
“Mom, please …” Desperation found my voice. “I won’t let you keep us apart.” I had my hand on my hip, taking a stubborn stance.
“So what is that supposed to mean?” She was off the couch and in my face. I wanted to smack her.
I exhaled and stepped away from her before I lost my temper. “Look, I am on the pill so you can stop this incessant worry. I went to the doctor long before
we ever decided to take our relationship that far. I wanted to be prepared for that wild, uncontrolled moment you kept warning me about, but guess what? It didn’t happen like that. I told you I was responsible, so you need to cut us a little slack. We are not going to do anything to jeopardize our futures. Obviously, we are a lot more mature than you and dad were.” I sat down in the recliner, while my mother began pacing.
“Oh, Ellia,” she said, clearly upset. “There are no words for how completely disappointed in you I am.”
“Come on Mom, you buy condoms for Sam. Did you think I didn’t know that? How is that okay when he jumps from girl to girl, and he is only fifteen. For God’s sake, I am in a committed relationship, and I’m almost eighteen years old.”
She smirked at me. “You’ve known this boy like ten minutes. You can’t begin to grasp the concept of a committed relationship.” She ignored what I said about Sam as usual, making me live by her double standard.
“A few months or not, I love Cade, and he loves me. Can we please just drop this? I am capable of taking care of myself. I’ve been doing it most of my life, anyway. It’s not like you are ever around to be a parent.” I regretted the words instantly.
Her face was flush and screwed up in anger. “That was low even for you, Ellia. Everything I do is for you and Sam. I am sorry I couldn’t be Susie Homemaker because I had to work to support you. Your dead-beat father never helped much, yet you and your brother both act like he walks on water. I am done with you. If I’ve been such a shitty mother to you, don’t ask me for anything. Figure out how to pay for your own gas, and your own insurance, and your own college. Since you are such a grown mature woman, you don’t need me. Figure it out for yourself!” she yelled and stomped from the room. I heard he uncork a bottle of wine as I ran to my own bedroom and slammed the door, falling face down on the bed in tears. We had never fought like that in all my life. Even though I hurt her feelings, she hurt mine too.
