by Reid, Angela
My father had always been a little harsh and demanded respect from those around him. It was nothing new. “Yes, Dad, I do understand, and I promise I will work hard. Thank you for your help and the opportunity.”
I made good on my promise to him. The next few years slipped by quickly. I was tunnel-vision focused on my schooling, taking extra credits to finish my degree right on schedule, despite the missing semester and wasted time. I didn’t party--ever, and never touched a drop of alcohol or any drug stronger than an aspirin in the three and a half years of college that followed my breakdown. I didn’t have many friends, and I didn’t date anyone.
My heart remained an empty vessel where echoes of the past were often heard, though I made it an art to forget and avoid the pain inside me. Many times I found myself faking the normal responses I was supposed to elicit, just to seem healthy. Acting became a daily occurrence. I was far from whole, but I was doing better than I thought I ever could. If living was the same as functioning, then I had it mastered. It was the best I could hope for in a life without Cade.
Chapter 14
The days at the cabin ran together as the winter wore on with no sign of trouble. We’d been there a few weeks and Christmas was near, but I didn’t want to celebrate; it seemed disrespectful to my mom, and Sam, and Matt. The sadness often hit me hard, and it was difficult to think about them. Cade did his best to draw me out, to make me face the pain, but I couldn’t.
“We will do whatever you want with Christmas, Ellia,” he said, handing me a cup of hot cocoa. We’d just come in from building a snowman and were still shaking off the chill. He sat down beside me and put his arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder. We’d found a comfortable existence with each other outside of the bedroom. We talked a lot, but he was still as tight-lipped about his life, as he had always been, and I often had to pull the information out of him. He’d relent and tell me what I wanted to know, about his feelings or about his work. I handled his truths well, except for Willow which would never fail to rile my emotions. I’d have a mini-melt-down, and we’d fight, eventually moving away from the subject and making up, tangled in the sheets. We were re-discovering each other on more than just a physical level, and I was falling in love with him all over again.
Though he frequently told me he loved me, I was trying hard to guard my heart. Saying it out loud felt too scary—too real, so I never returned the sentiment. He finally stopped expressing his love, knowing it made me uncomfortable. But I believed he knew how I felt, even if I wasn’t ready to vocalize it. Cade had always been good at assessing my moods and reading my body language. That ability most likely served him well in his career with the FBI. Sometimes I was sure he knew me better than I had ever known myself. He’d foresee my disposition before I saw it coming.
Christmas came and went without mention, other than an extra special prayer for my family over an elaborate ham dinner prepared by Cade. He didn’t let my mood linger in a dark place for long, and that night, he arrived to bed dressed as naughty Santa, complete with a Santa hat, a black belt, white fur cuffs, and black boots. His costume had a wrapped box, resembling a present, over his genitals. He was otherwise naked, and I enjoyed the view of every sculpted muscle. I had no idea which trip to town had procured the items, but I broke out into hysterical laughter as he ho-ho-ho’d his way over to the bed. I took my time unwrapping his present, teasing him and driving him wild with anticipation.
The next morning, I was up first, and I giggled as I stepped over the discarded Santa costume in my path to the shower. We’d had a great night, and I was thankful he had distracted me from the depressing thoughts that plagued me. After I showered and dressed, I checked back in with Cade. Curled on his side, he was still sleeping. Rather than sit around and wait for him to rouse, I decided to go for a hike, confident in my ability to navigate the trails on my own. I tucked the loaded gun into my pocket and scrawled a quick note for him in case he woke before I returned. I was breaking a rule we’d made about going out alone, but after so many weeks, and no sign of trouble, I didn’t see the harm.
I walked for almost two hours, in the area Cade and I often jogged. He worked out daily to keep fit, and I always joined him for the outdoor cardio. I wished I had a camera to capture the beauty of the hills and the playful wildlife that frolicked there. It was easy to forget about danger when surrounded by such serenity. I was half way back when I saw Cade stalking up the trail towards me. There was a light coating of new snow from the night before, so it had been simple for him to track me. “Hey, Santa baby,” I said, happy to see him.
“What the fuck are you doing, Ellia?” he yelled at me. He was angry as he clenched his jaw and spoke through his teeth. “Can you ever do what I ask you too? There was one fucking rule to staying at this cabin, and you broke it. If you need time away from me, fine, go in another room; don’t take off in the mountains. What if you had fallen and gotten hurt? What if an animal had attacked you? What if your father’s ex-friends were out here? Sometimes you act like such an ignorant, irresponsible child. Have you forgotten why we are here? This isn’t a goddamn vacation.”
It angered me when he treated me like a juvenile. “You don’t own me. If I want to take a walk I will do so. Who in the hell do you think you are?”
“I am the idiot who’s trying to keep you alive when you apparently have no regard for your own life. Since you couldn’t muster up whatever it took to throw yourself out a fucking window or swallow some sleeping pills, are you looking for alternatives at this late date? You could have saved me the trouble of brining you here.” I could see the regret of his words as he sighed and looked to the ground. A backhand across my cheek couldn’t have hurt worse. How could I ever trust him when he threw the darkest moments of my life in my face? I stormed past him, and he grabbed my arm to stop me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Pulling away from him, I said. “Well, you did, so fuck you, Cade.” I took off running down the path and didn’t slow until I reached the cabin, my lungs on fire. He was right behind me when I arrived and not nearly as out of breath as I was, which, made me even angrier. I went to the bedroom and slammed the door. After stripping off my coat and boots, I threw them in the corner hard enough to knock over the floor lamp. The bulb shattered on the hardwood, but it gave me little satisfaction. He doesn’t want to be here with you, Ellia. You are still just a job he feels compelled to finish. Why he is toying with your heart in the process, is a mystery. Maybe he is just that callous. You know he was right, though, you shouldn’t have went out alone. It was dangerous and stupid. Sometimes you are daft. I was beyond irate at him, and myself, and there was nowhere else to direct the energy. I paced around for a while, then walked out on the deck and took a few deep breaths. Finally, the anger began to dissipate, and my heart rate slowed. As if he knew it was finally safe to approach, he walked out on the deck behind me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, El. I shouldn’t have talked down to you like that, but I was scared. I saw your note, and you put the time down that you left. It had been hours. I completely flipped out, but it’s because I was afraid that something had happened to you. My fear turned into anger. It was a cruel thing to say, and I am sorry,” he said again.
“Don’t worry about it. I apologize for going out alone and worrying you; it was thoughtless and dangerous, you were right. Hopefully, I won’t have to trouble you much longer. The sooner the FBI closes this case, the sooner you can be done with me,” I said, and turned to walk away from him. He stopped me, and made me look at him.
“That is not what I meant so don’t twist my words. I’ve told you countless times how I feel about you, and I will never regret bringing you here. Yes, I wish this really was just a vacation, but it’s not. We need to be vigilant, El. I apologize for making my point by being an asshole, but this is serious.” He stared at me, waiting for a response. When it didn’t come, I saw the fear in his eyes, and I knew I had jumped to the wrong conclusions again. “Is this just a fight, or is it
a complete set back for us?”
“Just a fight,” I said, and walked past him. “I’ll get over it. It seems I always do when it comes to you.”
I curled up in chair and read a book for most of the day while he stayed outside and cut wood. By dinner time, I was talking to him again. I understood why he was upset, but I hoped it wasn’t the way he’d always try to affirm his stance. My shame was difficult enough without him flinging it back at me.
It was early the next morning when Cade bolted upright. “Get dressed,” he said jumping out of bed and throwing himself into his clothing, complete with boots and gun.
“What?” I asked, still groggy, not sure if I was having one of my infamous nightmares, or if he was on the heels of his own.
He grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me off the mattress. I was momentarily afraid of him, and he saw it in my face. He loosened his grip, kissed my forehead, and whispered in my ear, “Someone’s in the cabin, Ellia. I need you to put your clothes on and don’t forget your boots. Get your gun and stay focused.” I nodded and did what he said, while he waited next to the bedroom door, listening, with his own gun drawn. He motioned for me to come and stand behind him, once I was clothed. I shakily held my pistol out in front of me, but Cade took his hand and lowered it to point at the floor. He was nervous I’d shoot him by mistake in a state of panic. Plinking at trees a few times for target practice, made me no expert. He held his finger to his lips and reached for the door handle, just as someone kicked it in, slamming it into Cade’s shoulder. He was ready, but so were they. Three men entered and circled him like coyotes working a jack rabbit. Cade held his weapon on them, but they were also armed. It was a stand-off.
“Run Ellia!” he yelled at me. The intruders blocked the exit so I opened the slider, hoping the fall to the ground below wouldn’t kill me. Another man was just outside the glass, waiting for me on the deck. He grabbed me and wrestled the pistol from my grip with little effort and threw it over the railing. Why did I ever think it would be safe to hike alone? They must have been watching me. I couldn’t defend myself against a dragonfly. By my hair, he dragged me inside the room, and it was just enough distraction to allow the thugs to subdue Cade. They put him to the floor, and the biggest one put a knee in his back while the other handcuffed him. The guy on his spine pointed the barrel at Cade’s skull, and I was about to watch him die for the second time.
“Stop!” I screamed, tears rolling down my face. “Please don’t kill him. I will go with you and do anything you want. I have information about the money,” I lied. “Let him go, and I will tell you where my dad stashed it.”
“You have information of money?” asked one of the men, using an accent, possibly German.
“Yes,” I continued with the falsehood. “I’ve known all along, and I promised I wouldn’t say, but I will now if you spare his life. If you kill him, I will never reveal the location, and you will have to murder me too.”
“Don’t Ellia,” said Cade, but the man on his back thumped him in the temple with the butt of his gun, and he went unconscious.
“Don’t hurt him,” I commanded calmly, “or you fuckers can go to your grave never knowing.” The three men spoke to each other in a foreign language.
“Fine,” said the one with his knee still on Cade’s back. He stood up but kept his boot on top of Cade, looking like a big game hunter with his trophy buck. He issued orders in his native tongue, and they escorted, me towards an SUV’s that was rambling down the dirt driveway. The abductor shoved me into the backseat where a man in a suit awaited me.
“Ellia Meyers,” said his silky smooth voice. He had dark hair, slicked back, and tan skin. I guessed he was mixed American/Arabic descent, but couldn’t be sure. He spoke as if raised in the United States though. “It is so good to finally meet you.”
“Who are you?”
The man chuckled. “All things in their own good time, my darling,” he said.
The other men came out of the cabin, and we started to leave the mountain. I looked back over my shoulder, praying the evil monsters had kept their word. One of them lit a match and tossed it towards the cabin. Big hot flames erupted, billowing smoke into the sky as the other man pitched the empty gas can into the fire. The cabin was engulfed in a matter of minutes, and Cade was still inside the tinder box.
Hysteria set in as I realized I’d lost him again. “They said they wouldn’t hurt him,” I yelled.
“They said no such thing, young lady—you made assumptions.”
“You bastard!” I struck out against the man in the seat next to me, but he expected my reaction and punched me in the face, rendering me unconscious.
When I woke, I was on concrete, its unforgiving roughness biting into my backside. I was wearing nothing but a hospital gown though it was clear I was not in any medical facility. I sat up, and the pain in my head was so sharp, it made me dizzy. The room was devoid of light, and the damp smell of mold was present. I thought about Cade, and it was a familiar knife to my gut. I hid the pain away. If I dwelled on it, I’d never survive. I took deep breaths, willing myself to stay calm. I’d lived through Cade’s death once before, and I’d have do it again. The grief would need to hide under the suffocating blanket in my mind, to keep despair from swallowing me. All I needed to focus on was escape.
I searched around in the dark, and discovered I was not in a shed this time but a cinder block room. The locked door seemed heavy, like a fire rated steel one. I had the idea I was in a basement with no obvious way out. The realization that no rescue would come, dawned on me like an oppressive weight. The FBI would assume I was still off playing house with their rogue agent, not locked up somewhere at the hands of the enemy. My fate was clear unless I made it out on my own.
Time was hard to judge, but I figured at least a day had passed. My mind had always been cruel, and this was no exception. I imagined rats, or spiders, or snakes, in my proximity, but in reality, there was nothing in the room with me but my imagination. I questioned if I was even alive. Maybe they had killed me and this was my hell. I supposed I deserved it.
Exhausted and chilled beyond hope of ever being warm again, I lay prone on the cold cement. The spaced reeked of the urine I’d left in the corner. There had been no one to answer my pleas for help. I heard the buzz of an old light bulb as it sprang to life above me. It was dim, but the luminosity hurt my eyes after being in the oppressive blackness for so long. The man from the cabin stood over me, the one who had hit Cade. His Salt-and-pepper gray hair cut short in a flat-top, shone under the illumination of the globe. He said nothing, just reached down and dragged me to my feet. I stumbled along in the man’s tight grip and wondered why he had to be so rough; it wasn’t like I could escape. There would be no Donny to keep me safe this time.
He pushed me through the heavy metal door, and I tripped, falling onto bare knees, the concrete ripping my skin. It reminded me of the night I’d jumped from my father’s car to reach Cade at the hospital. The man grabbed my hair and brought me back to a stance, scaring the memory away, only to shove me down into a high backed wooden chair. I faced a table with an empty seat behind it. Salt-and-pepper man tied my arms to the seat and then my ankles. The ropes were too tight, and the rigging tore into my flesh with no movement at all, so there was no point in struggling; I would just hurt myself more.
The man from the car appeared and sat in the chair across the table from me. “Hello again, Ellia,” he said with a chuckle. I didn’t respond. If I couldn’t escape, which I saw little chance of doing, I hoped they would kill me fast and not make me suffer. “So you mentioned to my men you know where your father hid the money.”
“That was before you killed the person I asked you not to hurt. I don’t think I have anything to say to you,” I said.
“That’s all right. I’m aware you are lying. You serve a singular purpose here, and that is to help persuade your father to give us the information we need. Bring in Chief Meyers so we may all have a chat.”
&nbs
p; My dad came through the door escorted by two large men. His face was black and blue, one eye swollen nearly shut, and crusted blood hung on the corners of his mouth. It seemed his injuries extended beyond the face as he hobbled in, his expression screwed up in an anguished grimace.
“Look at this sweet family reunion,” said the man I referred to in my mind as the Arab, even though that was not really accurate. “Hello again, Chief Meyers, are you happy to see we brought your daughter in to join the fun? We found her shacking up with Zachariah Cantrell’s boy, you know, the one I thought was dead for the last ten years. Were you aware he became an FBI agent? Ironic that you covered up his death just so he could come after all of us with the law on his side. You have disappointed me in every way possible, Bradley.”
My father’s mouth hung open, as if he wanted to say something as the surprise registered on his face, but he remained quiet. “I guess you figured no thieving Cantrell would ever be a cop, huh? Let’s hope my men took care of that little problem, this time. It feels good to know the last of that clan is wiped from the earth. My father can rest easy.”
My dad sat stone faced, not saying a word, letting the man I knew was Camerson, do all the talking. He looked over at me. “Ellia, there is a lot more at stake here than money, or we wouldn’t be so diligently trying to pry open your father’s lips. This could be an issue of national security if we don’t recover our merchandise. I am sure Cantrell explained all this. The FBI wants your father to talk as much as we do, and I imagine several Bureau heads will roll if the items are not recovered. Bradley is such a popular guy, aren’t you, Chief?” Camerson chuckled again, and I didn’t know what he found so amusing.
“Cases of high tech military weapons have gone missing, and Bradley claims to have no idea where they might have disappeared. You can imagine the back lash if these guns ended up in the hands of Islamic terrorists. Our organization obtained these arms, not for use against our own people, but for a group of wealthy businessmen in Eastern Europe. These men are unhappy they did not receive what they purchased. Their interrogation experts have traveled a long way to speak to your father. They have specialized training in the art of information extraction, and when we are done, loose lips will prevail.” He paused a moment, I was sure for dramatic effect, as he turned to address my dad. “Where would you like to start, Bradley, ol’ buddy? I am hoping you say your daughter because my boys are itching to get at her.”
