Soothing His Madness

by Kayn, Debra

  Slade stood and Rain motioned him to sit back down. He returned to his seat. "Problems?"

  "Only the ones that came with sharing our colors with the Lagsturns." Rain leaned against the armrest. "I want you to escort Raul out, watch his back. I don't trust them, and I won't have them trying to take him out, just to avoid working with him as they merge with Bantorus."

  "Then your ass is coming with me." Slade remained seated. "I won't leave you unprotected."

  "If you're not feeling good about the agreement, speak now." Rain watched Duck and the other men congregate to the other side of the room, opposite of Raul. "Are you picking up anything I'm missing from the meeting?"

  "It's a necessary move, I just don't like it. The sooner we can get out of here and prepare everyone back in Pitnam, the better," Slade said.

  Together, Rain and Slade escorted Raul outside. Slade watched for any sign that Raul seemed bothered by the Lagsturns treatment, and came up empty. Raul stood relaxed and free of tension.

  Most of Raul's calmness came naturally. Trained to keep his cool and know when to play his hand, the former FBI agent had balls of steel. He wasn't totally behind Raul's dedication to club life. A man who leaves his club already had a black mark against him. Nevertheless, Raul's actions were earning his respect.

  So far, the rumors of him still being FBI had gone unclaimed. Slade didn't care one way or another, because right now, they needed Raul's connection to the Lagsturns.

  "Ronny and Jedman will stay behind and set up a plan. We'll use our formula of protecting the town. Double up first riders, seconds, and thirds amongst both clubs. The rest are on standby. I'll put the call out to let the other clubs know that Bantorus and Lagsturns ride together for the foreseeable future." Rain walked to his bike.

  Slade followed him, letting his president have his thoughts and time to swallow the bitter reality. Times were changing, and not for the good. He never thought he'd see the day a territorial motorcycle club would park their bike beside a one-percenter. The upheaval left an ugly taste in his mouth.

  Slade rolled out, falling behind Rain. For the next five hours, they rode in conformed lines, a mile long. The lack of other MC's along their route and no sign of Los Li disturbed him. They were out there somewhere, and they never stayed quiet for long.

  After seeing his president off at Cactus Cove, Slade rode toward home alone. He leaned heavy on the throttle, hoping his worries that a clear road didn't mean shit happened in his absence to interrupt his family's peace.

  He pulled into the driveway and parked his Harley. He glanced next door at Janice's house. Everything appeared normal, the drapes were open, porch light off, and the window on the side where the kitchen was located was lit up like a beacon, twenty-four/seven. He knocked on the front door of his house, while putting his key in the lock. His bike would've warned Taylor and Crystal he was home, but both girls were armed, and he'd be stupid to walk in unannounced.

  He found the living room empty. "Taylor!"

  "Back here." She called from the other end of the house. "In the bathroom."

  He grinned, heading in her direction. He'd forgotten that she was painting this morning. She should be done by now.

  At the door to the bathroom, his good mood over being home fled. "What the hell?"

  All four walls were pink. Not peach or even purple, which he could've handled—but the most putrid pink, almost the color of beer and pizza coming up after a bender. He stepped back in the hallway and dragged his gaze away from the walls to Taylor. "Really?"

  Taylor's solemn expression turned to Crystal and three seconds later, she laughed. And she kept on laughing. Crystal joined her, until both girls were holding on to each other to keep from falling over. He shook his head and strolled back into the living room, letting them have their fun. First chance he had, he'd visit the hardware store and pick up a real color, like white or brown. Yeah, brown was a kickin' ass color for a bathroom and take less cleaning.

  He settled into his recliner as Taylor and Crystal stumbled into the room, trying to hide their laughter and failing. He pulled the lever on the side of the chair and stared up at the ceiling in amusement. Doesn't matter how old he became, he'd never figure out women and what entertained them.

  Taylor came over and sat on the arm of the chair. He pulled her down and kissed her thoroughly, enjoying her lips on his mouth, her sweet taste, and her warmth. He was bone tired from putting all the miles on his bike today, and only wanted to sit here and have his hands on his woman.

  "Sorry, honey." Taylor snuggled down on his chest. "We just got the second coat on, and when it dries it'll be sealed up nice and strong. In a couple of days, I'll repaint it a color you like."

  "Brown." He sighed, and looked over at Crystal on the couch. "Raul will be here any minute. He wanted to drive by your guys' house first and then he'll swing by for you."

  Crystal nodded. "Is he…okay?"

  He'd watched Crystal destroy Rain and Tori's life, then come back to make amends. Whatever her and Raul had together seemed to work, despite Slade not understanding how they could forget about each other's past. Betrayal and lies were something he wouldn't put up with from a woman.

  "Yeah, sweetheart, no problems with the Lagsturns or Raul." Slade heaved him and Taylor into a sitting position.

  "Good." Crystal slumped against the couch. "Will the Lagsturns be coming to Pitnam?"

  Slade softened his words. "You'll have to talk to Raul. That's club business."

  Crystal nodded and then her attention went to the door. The sound of a Harley growing closer distracted her from asking any more questions he couldn't answer. He lifted Taylor off his lap, stood her on her feet, and got up to let Crystal out.

  Taylor said a quick goodbye to Crystal, and Slade shut the door after she and Raul rode away. "I'll walk over and get the boys."

  "Hang on a sec." She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head went to his chest, and he slid his fingers into her hair, holding her against him. His upper body warmed, and his lower body pulsed. Damn, it felt good to be home.

  Her body trembled on a sigh. He tilted her face up to look in her eyes. "You okay?"

  "Yeah." She smiled, but dropped her gaze to her hand, which was smoothing his vest. "Just glad you're home and everyone is okay. Now you can get the boys, and everything will be perfect. I'll go start dinner. I bet you're hungry."

  She moved away, and he pulled her back. "Baby girl…"

  She smiled brighter. "I'm okay. Really."

  He cocked his head and watched her hurry into the other room. Going through the stress of the club was hard on her. She needed time and attention. Once shit slowed down, he'd make sure she understood where she belonged in his life. Maybe then, she'd settle down and relax.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Three days after the merge of colors with Lagsturns, Slade announced he put himself on the schedule to work at the Garage and Taylor convinced Slade it was perfectly safe for her to go back to work at Cactus Cove. She leaned over the open dishwasher and flipped the silverware pointy end up after asking the boys to put away their dishes this morning before Slade drove them to school. Being back in a semi normal routine put her in a good mood.

  She hummed as she cleaned, stooping over to pick up a stray matchbox car. Hands circled her hips and dragged her back to a hard body. She peered over her shoulder and welcomed the sight that greeted her. Slade's eyes grew darker, and a lazy smile signaled his arousal. The proof of his desire pressed into her backside.

  "I like coming home and seeing you in the kitchen." Slade moved against her.

  She stayed bent over and held on to the counter. "Yeah? Is this a biker thing or a man thing?"

  "It's my thing." He grinned, caressing her hip, her thigh, and holding on.

  "I'm working day shift and you have twenty minutes to get to work, honey." She almost wished they had one more day together without going back to their jobs, so they could chill at home while the kids were
gone. Things were going good between them. She just wanted more because when it came to him, she'd never have enough.

  He left her body, and then he had her in the air and in his arms. She held on, and laughed when he marched down the hall. She squealed when she hit air again and landed on the bed, followed by Slade's weight between her legs, pinning her down.

  "You're going to be late," she said.

  He moved down her body and for a blink, she was afraid he was going to stop what he was doing. Then he undid her jeans and pulled them, along with her panties, off her in one swoosh. He settled again between her legs, this time using his mouth on her. Her muscles lost the will to work and she melted. The suction, the heat, the velvety texture of his tongue hypnotized her.

  Slade held her in place, and she could no more move or speak to voice her concerns over him being late to work. Pleasure warmed and spread from her sex to her limbs. She was floating. No, she was flying. Flying on a one-way ticket to a place only Slade knew the location to.

  He growled against her, his lips vibrating against her clit. She reached down and fisted his hair, holding him captive, begging him silently to keep doing what he was doing between her legs. She couldn't tell where he was going next. It was a lick, a suck, a nibble, and then his tongue. Oh, God.

  That tongue of his was driving her crazy. Her muscles spasmed, and she arched her back trying to keep her orgasm at bay, but her insides coiled, pushing her over the edge, and she…

  "Slade." She slid her hand between his mouth and her sex, covering her sensitive flesh as her body trembled. "I can't…"

  He pushed up until he kneeled on the mattress and flipped her over onto her stomach, laughing when she squealed in surprise. She braced her hands and knees on the mattress, panting and hot.

  "Yeah, baby girl, you can," he said.

  His hand trailed along her ass and gave her a swat. She jolted and shifted her body backward, laying her head on the mattress, her ass in the air. Her body recovered from her orgasm, and heated up again from the vulnerable position.

  He took that moment to plunge into her wetness. She cried out from the shock, the sensitivity, the freak-tastic feeling of Slade filling her.

  Slade stilled his body. "Let me take a look at you, baby girl."

  She peered over her shoulder, barely able to speak. Slade posed behind her. His eyes on her face, and the savage desire she was feeling stared back at her. He might never say the words I love you, but there was no denying that look. The one he only gave to her. The one that said she was his and no one was going to take her away from him.

  He pulled out, pushed in, and stroked her with his cock. "That's it."

  Dizzy and wanting, she panted through each thrust. She curled her fingers in the blanket and braced against the rhythm. He sped up, his grip on her hips tightened, and his mouth opened slightly with his breathing. The sight of him high and losing control gave her another orgasm. Her pussy spasmed around him and in this position, the exquisite sensation curled her toes and left her weak.

  Slade plunged on a groan and heat filled her insides as he came. She laid her head back down on the mattress. Exhausted. Content. Satisfied.

  He pulled out of her and walked to the bathroom. When he returned, she rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed, too lazy to put on her panties and jeans. His eyes softened, and he leaned over and kissed her.

  "Always make time for us, baby girl. Always." He stroked her face, and added, "Promise you that."

  She caught his hand and clutched it to her chest. "Honey, I need to tell you something."

  There were a million things she'd done, or thought of, or wanted to do, but she'd held off long enough because Slade was going through some heavy shit.

  She had to tell him how she was feeling, so he'd know. Whether paying off Ray was selfish on her part, because she wanted to hold on to Slade longer or an act of doing what was right, because Slade deserved his children in his life…the reason no longer mattered.

  "I love you," she said.

  The breath went out of him and his shoulders slumped. She forged ahead, because no matter what he thought, he had to know what she was feeling.

  "I know you might not be in the same position as I am in our relationship." She held up her hand when his mouth opened. "No, please. I jumped into this relationship knowing it was all about sex and I can't lie, it's something bigger to me. I don't want you to think it's all about what happens to us when we're in bed. It's so much more. All I ever wanted is you. At first I wanted to beat down the barrier you surround yourself with, and then without even trying, you let me experience the most wonderful emotions ever. Ups and downs and crazy shit made me feel like I was insane without you. Every minute of the day, I'm consumed by everything associated with you, the club, Cactus Cove, my home, my dreams, your kids, and our life. Do you know your shirts smell of grease and mountain breeze? I know this, because I tried every laundry detergent at the store until I could find the right scent, and then I used it on my clothes, because when you weren't around, I still wanted you with me. It's not the same, but it's enough for me to know you're near, and if I can close my eyes, I imagine it's you holding me when it's really the shirt I'm wearing."

  "Baby girl—"

  "I know, it's cracked and you probably think I'm insane. I even called my parents and pretended our living together is something more. In my head, I make-up the perfect life for us where everything is okay. It's not okay. Our life is fucked up. You're a biker, you have an ex-wife that should care about your children, and doesn't. Jodie has a husband that's a loser and took your money, and the mafia is trying to take over our town and despite how much it all scares me to death, I can't think of a single place I'd rather be than right here with you." She inhaled swiftly. "So, yeah, I love you, and I don't care what you do with that bit of information, but I hope you hold it inside of you and always remember, I'm here…and if that makes me sound needy and desperate, then yeah, I'm that too because I love you…I love you with all my heart."

  Slade sat down beside her and let his hands dangle between his thighs. She sat stiffly, wound up on confessing her love, and fighting the urge to take it all back to protect her heart. Or, maybe it'd be better just to fall down on the ground and beg him to say something, anything, to let her believe she was doing the right thing and they belonged together.

  "You're right. My life's fucked up. I've failed my kids, but I will die fighting for them because inside—he thumped his chest with his fist—they are a part of me." He looked at her. "That goes for you too. I will fight and kill to keep you with me."

  The pain and frustration in his emotionally roughened voice prickled the back of her neck. She reached out and put her hand on his thigh. He looked down at her hand on his leg and placed his hand over hers as if he wanted to protect and shield her.

  "I know you would, honey, and I would never ask you to kill anyone for me," she said. "I do know you care about me."

  "You don't get it. There always been a part of my heart that remained empty. My kids can't fill it. Belonging to the MC can't fill it. My job can't fill it. Half the time, I've got demons at my back, because things don't go my way. I fight the system, fight for what's right, fight for my family, and the madness swells and contaminates everything I touch." He brought her hand up to his mouth and placed his lips on the back of her fingers. "Then you show up, and I feel like I can handle whatever is thrown at me. You're there when I need you, touching me when I need touched, talking when I just want to listen to the nonsense that comes out of your mouth about pink bathrooms and thigh high boots—which I love on you but, baby girl, I don't give a damn about boots. It's your voice that calms me, so I let you keep rambling."

  "Honey, you're doing your own rambling." She swiped at her cheeks, brushing at the tears that escaped. "You don't have to tell me."

  "Should've said this all a long time ago. Between taking Jodie to court to try and gain custody and keeping you secret for fear Jodie would use our relationship agains
t me, I held how I felt about you inside too long." He leaned over and put his forehead against hers, and whispered, "I love you. You, baby girl, fill that empty spot in my heart."

  "I do?" she whispered back.

  "Yeah. So much, it hurts inside when I can't give you what you deserve. But, I swear, I'm going to make that happen. Once we take care of the problem with Los Li and the kids settle in again, it's going to be all about you, the kids, and me. I promise." Slade kissed her.

  She sighed against his lips. All the love in her body threatened to explode. She wanted to tell Tori, Crystal, and Ginger. She wanted to bring the boys home from school and share with them how great their dad was and how much she loved him.

  "I love you, but—she groaned and wrinkled her nose—you better go to work. You're running late."

  He threw back his head and laughed. A laugh he seldom shared. One she'd only heard a few times and each of those times, it was when he was with his kids and surrounded with everything he loves.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  A quarter of the Bantorus members hung out around their motorcycles in the parking lot of Cactus Cove. Slade leaned against the seat of his Harley and crossed his ankles. Going by the smiles and the low-key attitude from the bikers, it wasn't the Los Li who drew them out of the bar.

  Kurt peeked out of the front door, waved, and grinned in conspiracy. He lifted his chin in reply. The boys swore they'd keep his secret, and they knew tonight was too significant to share with Taylor. He'd involved them with the tradition, because he wanted them to understand he didn't make his decision lightly. What he planned to do was a lifelong commitment.

  Taylor pushed through the door, searching for him. He remained on his seat. In all his years, he never thought he'd have this moment. Not even with Jodie, who gave him a loud no when he asked the one and only time.

  Her eyes found him, and a smile broke out on her face. His chest warmed. Nothing, not the biggest, baddest, panhead engine would ever fill him with the love he gets from his woman happy to see him.