Perfect Wreckage

by Cowles, Catherine

  He extended the card. Even at a distance, I could tell the paper was thick, the letters and numbers embossed into the cardstock. I didn’t take it. Grant let it slip from his fingers, and it landed on the threshold. “You’re going to want to pick that up.”

  My muscles tightened as I watched Grant turn and walk away. I stood stock-still as he climbed into his sports car and drove off. I didn’t move even an inch until the vehicle disappeared from sight. Until the threat was well and truly gone.

  I didn’t bend to pick up the card, I simply shut the door over it and flipped the lock. But my hands trembled with every movement.

  10

  Kenna

  I slid the hair straightener over that one troublesome spot. The mahogany lock that always seemed to want to spring back into a curl. Steam rose, and finally, it lay flat. Every strand in place.

  Put together. Perfect. That was my armor. I knew it wasn’t the most balanced reaction to life, but it was better than using alcohol to numb the pain the way my mother had, or running away from my problems the way— No. I wouldn’t even think his name. He didn’t deserve space in my head.

  But that hadn’t stopped Grant from traipsing around in my mind for the past few days as if he had every right to be there. I leaned closer to the mirror, tilting my head so I could check to see if the dark circles under my eyes were thoroughly disguised. Dark blue patches from three nights of barely sleeping. My brain had been running away with itself, on a track that cycled in a spiral, revisiting all the things I never wanted to think about, and always coming back to its starting position, never making any real progress. When sleep did find me, it was quickly interrupted by dreams that always turned into nightmares.

  I blinked rapidly, clearing the image in the mirror. I reached down and plucked up a pearl stud, slipping it into one ear and fastening the back. I repeated the process on the other side. My fingers halted on the beautiful, flawless surface. My Harriet pearls. I’d watched her get ready for years and always loved it when she donned these. They were classic, timeless, and seemed so very elegant.

  When I graduated from college, Harriet had given them to me. I didn’t cry often, but I’d burst into tears right in the hotel suite. She had known me so well. Gifts with a story always meant the most.

  I inhaled deeply, my breath stuttering as it moved. I would face today, my head held high, for Harriet. I would pretend that Grant, Clark, and Annabelle weren’t even there. I locked eyes with my reflection and made a vow to never once let my armor slip.

  A knock sounded on the door, breaking my trance. I quickly grabbed my purse and slipped on my black wedge heels. I flicked off light switches as I moved from room to room, this place that had become my sanctuary. It called me to stay—safe within its walls. But I couldn’t.

  I tugged open the door, and Bell immediately pulled me into a hug. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  I gave her a quick squeeze and then straightened. “They don’t get to steal this moment from me. They don’t get to ruin it with their hate. I’m going to say goodbye to Harriet.”

  The Abbot family hadn’t even bothered to let me know when they’d scheduled the memorial. The pastor of Harriet’s church had informed me. They would’ve put Harriet to rest, not even giving a second thought to the fact that I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye.

  “That’s my girl.” Bell bumped my shoulder with hers. “You ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  Ford was waiting at the front of his SUV. As we approached, he stepped forward, wrapping me in a gentle hug. I don’t think I’d ever hugged him before. I’d known the man for almost my entire life, and he’d never wrapped his arms around me. The tenderness of the gesture almost broke me.

  “I’m so sorry. We’re here for you. Whatever you need.”

  I swallowed back the swirling ball of emotions gathering in my throat. “Thank you.”

  The ride to the cemetery was mostly silent. Ford took pity on me and flipped on the radio, letting the soft music cut into some of the awkwardness. I’d known these two forever. Bell had seen me through all of my highs and lows for twenty-some years. So why did I feel as if I wanted to crawl out of my skin?

  Ford pulled into a spot at the back of the lot. Caelyn and her siblings, Will, Ava, and Mia, were waiting near their SUV. As soon as I stepped out of the vehicle, Mia flew towards me. When she was a foot away, she launched herself at me. I caught her mid-jump and swung her into my arms, the move startling a laugh out of me on a day when I’d thought a smile would be too much of a struggle.

  Mia pressed her face to my chest. “Kenna-Benna. I’ve missed you.”

  Guilt lit through me. I usually saw the kids a few times a week, trying to help lighten Caelyn’s load as much as I could. But over the past few weeks, I hadn’t been by as much as I should’ve been. I hadn’t been sure I could keep it together. “Sorry, Mi. How about I come for a sleepover next weekend?”

  Her little head snapped up. “Bells, too?”

  “Me, too.” Bell stepped in and rubbed a hand up and down Mia’s back. “You gotta tell us what you want from The Mad Baker.”

  “Rainbow sprinkle cake.”

  I stifled a laugh. As if there were any other answer from my sweet Mia. “That we can do.”

  Caelyn moved in close, giving my arm a squeeze. “She’s got you wrapped around her little finger.”

  “Just where I like to be.” I smiled at Ava and Will. “Hey, guys, how are you?”

  “Good.” The single word Ava spoke was barely audible.

  Will straightened, his teenage face looking so grown up in that moment. He and Caelyn both had endured way more than they should’ve had to, at way too young an age. “I’m sorry about Miss Harriet. She was a great lady.”

  “She really was. Thanks, Will.”

  He ducked his head and placed a hand on Ava’s shoulder. “Should we go?”

  Ford glanced at his watch. “It’s almost time.”

  Mia squirmed, and I gently set her down, her small hand slipping into mine. The pang that sliced through my heart wasn’t as strong as it had once been. When Bell and I returned from college to help Caelyn with her siblings, time with Mia and Ava had burned. Every giggle. Every first. It all reminded me of the things I’d never have with my little girl. But each day, it got a little easier. And now, the twinges barely registered.

  We made our way across the parking lot, cars growing more tightly packed as we went. Heavier footsteps sounded as someone fell into step beside me. “How are you holding up, Brown Eyes?”

  I kept my gaze straight ahead, would’ve picked up my pace if I weren’t holding Mia’s hand. “I’m fine.”

  “You know,” he drawled, “I’ve always hated that word.”

  Mia giggled. “Why?”

  He tilted his head down, giving Mia a grin. “People use it when they don’t mean it.”

  Mia’s gaze jumped to me. “You’re not fine? What’s wrong?”

  I bit back a curse and scowled at Crosby. “Don’t listen to him. Crosby doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Maybe we should get him a dictionary so he can finally master the English language.”

  Mia hesitated for a moment as if she weren’t sure who to believe, then she smiled. “A dictionary would be a really boring gift.”

  I grinned. “Then let’s get him one for his birthday.”

  “Yes, let’s! I’m gonna go tell Cae Cae.”

  Mia darted off for Caelyn, and my scowl returned. I pointed it right at Crosby. “You need to watch your words around little ears. Mia’s sensitive. She picks up on everything.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I’ll be more careful next time.”

  I blinked in surprise. No smart-ass retort, no biting remark. Crosby actually looked…worried. Guilty. Before I could think better of it, I reached out a hand and placed it on his forearm. The fabric of his suit was luxurious and so incredibly soft. “She’s fine. I promise.”

  Crosby nodded, his eyes drif
ting down to where my hand lay. I snatched it back.

  “Are you going to be okay with the Abbots being here?” he asked.

  I straightened my spine. “I’ll be fine. This isn’t about them. It’s about Harriet. Remembering her. Honoring her.” I refused to let any other member of this family ruin today.

  “A lot of people have your back, Kenna.”

  His words branded me. A painful belonging. Claiming. I wanted so badly to lean in to them, but I just couldn’t. “I can take care of myself.”

  “I know you can, but it doesn’t hurt to have people who want to help, to support you.”

  I brushed my hair out of my eyes, surveying the crowd that was gathering on the hillside. “No, it doesn’t.”

  Crosby stepped in closer to me as we walked, the warmth of his body seeming to seep into mine. “Then you won’t mind if I stick close.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but, damn, the man had trapped me. And I simply didn’t have the energy to battle with him today. I’d need every last ounce of energy I had to make it through these next few hours. To hold my mask in place and keep the cap on my emotional well firmly affixed. “Do whatever you want.”

  Crosby leaned in, his lips just barely grazing the shell of my ear. “I love it when women tell me that.”

  I brought my elbow up and back in one swift movement. Crosby let out a muffled grunt. “Keep your lips and other body parts to yourself.”

  “You say that now…”

  I shook my head and kept right on walking, but I couldn’t help the twitch of my lips.

  * * *

  “May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May He look kindly on you and give you peace. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

  The minister’s words filtered through the air, his well wishes and a prayer for the mourners before we departed. I couldn’t look at him, I could only stare at the coffin. My hands itched, my muscles strung so tightly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if one snapped. I wanted to throw myself at the foot of the coffin, to hold on to the brass rail and refuse to let Harriet go. Because when they lowered her into the ground, Harriet would truly be gone. There was no coming back.

  People began moving around me, headed towards the church for the reception. I wasn’t sure I could make myself turn away.

  Warmth pressed into my side. “Do you want to go?”

  Bell’s voice was gentle, but I hated the tone. It was one that said she was worried I would break. I said nothing, just kept staring at the glossy wood before me. I could make out the reflection of the sun and clouds in the lid. It was one of those perfect weather days, the ones Harriet lived for.

  A hand slipped into mine. Caelyn. “We’re here. Whatever you want to do.”

  “Excuse me.” The shrill voice had my head snapping up. The timbre of Annabelle’s voice had always held an edge of meanness, but I’d overlooked and excused it. The truth was, she was a miserable and cruel woman.

  I met her gaze, no longer a scared little girl she could push around. “Can I help you?”

  Pink tinged Annabelle’s cheeks. “We are about to do the burial. That is family only. You need to leave.”

  Caelyn sucked in a sharp breath, and Bell muttered a curse. I didn’t look away from the woman in front of me. The one with evil in her eyes. “You must have an incredibly sad life.”

  “Excuse me?” The pink in Annabelle’s cheeks turned to red and spread down her neck.

  “Mother, why don’t you go see if the minister needs anything.” Grant steered Annabelle towards Pastor Andrews before turning back to me. “My family is in mourning. The last thing my mother needs is you being cruel.”

  Bell let out a scoff. “Please, that woman has ice running through her veins.”

  Grant’s jaw worked back and forth. “I can see the company you keep hasn’t improved.”

  I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of a scene. I refused. Every word I gave him, every hint of emotion, was just one more piece he’d have of me. And Grant didn’t deserve a single one. I turned to my friends. “Ladies, how about some ice cream cake? Two scoops cookies and cream on the beach?”

  Bell grinned. “That sounds like the perfect way to celebrate Harriet. She hated all this stuffy formal event crud anyway.”

  I chuckled, and it felt so damn good. “Let’s go.”

  Grant’s mouth opened and closed like a fish’s, so unused to being dismissed. I turned on my heel and started across the cemetery towards the parking lot, where the rest of our crew waited.

  Bell and Caelyn hurried to catch up, Caelyn slipping her arm through mine. “I really want to castrate him with a rusty spork.”

  We all dissolved into laughter, the kind that had tears streaming down our faces and our bellies aching. The type that would make Harriet smile if she could see us, even if it was at the expense of her grandson’s balls.

  11

  Crosby

  “Has Bell seen much of Kenna lately?” I did my best to throw the question out casually, but from the look Ford gave me, I wasn’t very successful. I might never be an Oscar-winning actor, but it didn’t matter at the end of the day. I was worried.

  After the funeral, we’d gone to The Gables, to the beach that was Harriet’s favorite, and we’d had ice cream cake. The kids had changed into swimsuits and played in the waves. We’d shared our favorite stories about Harriet—the funny and the heartfelt. It was just the kind of celebration Harriet would’ve loved.

  But in the two weeks that followed, Kenna had gone radio silent. I hadn’t seen her at The Catch or The General Store, where Caelyn worked most days. I hadn’t seen her in town or at her usual swimming spot.

  Ford wiped down the bar top but kept one eye on me. “She’s been keeping a pretty low profile. I think she wants to avoid any potential run-ins with the Abbot clan.”

  I muttered a curse. Much to my dismay, Clark, Annabelle, and Grant were still on Anchor, taking up a few suites at The Cove. They hadn’t been in touch about the will since our first meeting, but the fact that they were still here did not spell good things.

  “Why do they dislike Kenna so much? You’d think they’d be grateful that someone was looking after Harriet all of these years so they didn’t have to come back.” I’d only picked up bits and pieces of the family’s history when it came to Kenna. As open as Harriet was about most things, she was mostly tight-lipped when it came to this. And God knew Kenna wasn’t sharing anything I didn’t pry out of her.

  Ford’s movements stilled. “I don’t know the whole story. I just know that none of them treated her well. I think there are a lot of scars there.”

  I felt a twisting sensation low in my gut. Ford was holding something back. But I wouldn’t push. The things he knew were likely courtesy of his fiancée, and I didn’t want to make him break that confidence.

  “I hate that anyone’s hurt her.” The words were out before I could think better of them. Before I could consider what they might mean. There was just something about Kenna that drew me to her. It was a broken strength. Something that said she’d been through hell and had come out the other side stronger and fiercer than ever.

  Ford tossed the rag he was using into a bucket on the floor. “She hasn’t had an easy life. None of those girls have. I think that’s why their bond is so tight. The people in their lives that they should’ve been able to count on were never there the way they should’ve been, so they counted on each other.”

  I was glad that Kenna had Bell and Caelyn, that they had one another. Still, the anger simmering in my blood at Kenna’s mother and the Abbots wasn’t cooled by that knowledge. The pain she’d endured, whatever it was, had left a nearly impenetrable shell in its wake.

  I pushed to my feet, sliding my wallet out of my back pocket and pulling out a twenty. “Thanks for the meal. Tell Bell I said hi.”

  “Will do. You want to hit up some rock climbing this weekend?”

  I
grinned. I’d gotten Ford hooked on the sport, and we went out a few times a month now. “Just name the time.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll shoot you a text.”

  I gave Ford a chin jerk and headed out. The dusky twilight of early fall meant I barely needed my headlights to navigate the winding island roads. The air was still tonight. No sea wind shaking the trees. I rolled down my windows, hoping the scent of the salt air would calm the twitchiness running through my limbs.

  It didn’t help the way it usually did. I gripped the wheel harder, my hands making the leather squeak. Instead of heading up the mountain toward the bluffs, I turned left in the direction of the sea and The Gables.

  Paved roads turned to gravel, and I soon caught sight of the grand main house and its miniaturized counterpart. I pulled to a stop outside the guest house. Before I could think too hard about what I was doing, I hopped out of my truck.

  I didn’t bother beeping the locks, just strode up the front walk and gave three quick knocks. I held my breath as I waited, straining to hear any sound within. Just as I was about to rap again, I heard soft footfalls coming from the other side of the door. The lock flipped, and the door swung open.

  The light from the lanterns that hung on either side of the door hit Kenna in a way that made her look like an oil painting. Her hair was fixed in a low bun at the nape of her neck. Her skin, smooth and free of makeup, seemed to gleam in the low light. But her eyes… They told the truth. They were dull with none of their usual spark, and they were ringed in dark circles.

  She gripped the door frame. “Crosby.”

  There was no welcoming note in her tone. “Hey, Brown Eyes.” I hoped for a flicker of annoyance in those amber depths, but there was nothing.

  She sighed. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to check on you.” The words sounded bizarre to my ears. I wasn’t her confidante. I wasn’t even sure she’d classify me as a friend. I was more of an annoying acquaintance.