Perfect Wreckage

by Cowles, Catherine

Mom: Anyone you met on that godforsaken island isn’t worthy of you or our family.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised by her reaction, but somehow, I still was. The outright snobbishness of it all.

  Me: Call her off.

  Mom: You’re going to have to sort this out yourself. But think about how nice it was when you two were together. Your father and I miss having you both in our lives.

  That was the way it worked for my parents. If I didn’t play by the rules, follow what they wanted for my life, I might as well not exist at all. My best hope was that Alicia would get bored with these games and find someone in Boston to sink her teeth into.

  The bell over the main door jingled as someone entered. “Hello, Miss Penny. Is Crosby in? I have some paperwork for him from my dad.”

  The high-pitched voice had me rubbing my temples. Apparently, today was the day for unwanted women invading my office. I pushed up from my desk and crossed to the reception area. If Lacey Hotchkiss made it into my personal office, I’d never get her to leave. “Miss Hotchkiss, what can I do for you?”

  Lacey tossed her hair over one shoulder and batted her eyelashes. “I’ve told you time and again, call me Lacey.”

  Using the miss in her title was my way of putting a professional distance between us. A separation Lacey wanted nothing to do with. “All right. What can I do for you?”

  “My dad wanted me to drop this off for you.” She moved in much closer than was necessary, handing me the papers.

  I quickly flipped through them and muttered a curse. It was an offer from the Abbots to settle out of court for an insultingly low sum of money in exchange for The Gables. Apparently, the family wasn’t as confident as they appeared. But that could only mean two things: they would give up, or they’d get desperate. And desperate people were dangerous.

  29

  Kenna

  The bell jingled as I pushed open the door to Crosby’s office. I’d waited about as long as I could for news about how the first court session had gone. So, I’d decided to make a trip to The General Store for lunch, knowing I’d be able to see if his truck was at his small building behind the store. It was.

  I tried to tamp down my annoyance that he hadn’t called or texted with an update. “Hi, Penny. How—?” I froze mid-sentence. Crosby was there, all right, with Lacey practically pressed up against him.

  His gaze flicked up from the papers in his hand. “Hey, Brown Eyes.”

  “Crosby.”

  The coolness of my tone had him blinking and assessing his surroundings. He wisely stepped out of Lacey’s dry-humping range. “You’re right on time for our lunch date.”

  I opened my mouth to ask him what lunch date when I realized his plan. Instead, I muttered something about him needing to pray I didn’t poison it. Penny choked on a laugh. I guessed my mutters were loud enough for her ears.

  “You’re—you’re taking her to lunch?” Lacey spluttered. “For the case, right?”

  “Nope. I happen to be partial to her body and smartass tendencies.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Crosby, and he laughed. Lacey did not find the exchange amusing. “But you’re a McCoy, and she’s—she’s trash.”

  Crosby’s expression went glacial. “You can leave now, Miss Hotchkiss. And if your father has further paperwork for me, tell him to send another associate. You won’t be welcomed back.”

  “Crosby—” Lacey tried to reach out for his arm, but he sidestepped her. “You don’t know her like I do. She’s a gold digger and a liar. She uses people.”

  I snorted. “I think you’re talking about yourself there, honey.” I kept my tone light, but inside, I’d turned to stone. The taunts I’d heard for weeks before leaving for college. The photos of her and Grant that Lacey had sent to my email. She’d twisted the knife at every opportunity. But I wouldn’t let her know that her blows had hit their target.

  Lacey turned to me, her pretty features twisted in a sneer. “He’ll figure out the truth about you. And when he does, he’ll leave you in the dirt just like Grant did.” She flounced out of the office, but not before shoulder-checking me on the way.

  Penny let out a low whistle. “I don’t predict happy things for that one’s future.”

  I grinned at Penny but knew it wasn’t a smile that rang true. “We can only hope.”

  “Kenna.”

  Crosby tried to wrap an arm around me, but I ducked out of the way. “I’ve got to get back to work. I was just stopping by to hear how this morning went.”

  “You’re welcome here anytime. You don’t need an excuse.”

  “It wasn’t an excuse, it was the reason for my visit. But this lovely scene ate up too much of my time, and now I have to get back.”

  I turned and headed for the door, but Crosby caught me by the elbow. “Not before we talk. Come on.”

  Instantly, I was being guided and maneuvered out the door and towards the docks. By the time I came to my senses, we were halfway to one of the picnic tables overlooking the water. I ripped my arm out of his hold. “I am not some bimbo you can just move around as you please. I told you, I don’t have any more time.”

  He grinned. “You’re jealous.”

  My temper spiked, cranking up my internal temperature. “Of what? A woman with the IQ of a raisin?”

  Crosby’s smile widened, and he took a step closer. “What do you have against raisins? They make a great snack.”

  “Then why didn’t you chase after your snack. I’m sure she’d be more than willing to take a tumble with you.”

  Crosby straightened, all humor fleeing his expression. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You actually think I’d mess around on you while we’re exploring this thing between us?”

  My heart thudded in my chest at the idea. And it was in that moment that I really understood how much it would hurt when he walked away. “You haven’t made me any promises. Maybe you’ve been sleeping with other people this whole time. You’ve made it clear that I don’t exactly have a right to ask.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? I said that I wasn’t a man for marriage and family, not that I’d disrespect you by sleeping with someone else behind your back.”

  The anger lighting Crosby’s eyes seemed to make the brown glow almost gold. I wanted to curse. Even his ire manifested in ways that made him look gorgeous. “Well, how am I supposed to know that? I’m not a mind reader.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe not, but I thought you knew me better than that.”

  All of the anger and frustration went out of me in an instant at Crosby’s words. He was right. He’d shown me time and again the kind of man he was, and it certainly wasn’t a cheater. “I’m sorry. Lacey…she just brings stuff up for me. I don’t always think clearly after encounters with her.”

  Crosby studied me carefully. “Grant cheated with her, didn’t he?”

  I turned my gaze out to the docks, to the fishermen and tourists loading and unloading. “He did. And she sent me photos of the two of them in compromising positions for almost a year after we broke up. I’d block one number, and then they’d start coming from another.” The girl hadn’t had any idea that she was sending me those delightful gems during the worst time in my life. I’d hidden my pregnancy from everyone except those closest to me, but I wasn’t sure she would’ve cared either way.

  Heat and energy swirled as Crosby stepped closer. He slid a hand along my jaw, turning my face towards him. “I’m sorry. So damn sorry she put you through that.”

  I shrugged. “I was already going through a rough patch, so it impacted me more than it might’ve at another time.”

  “No one deserves that shit. Especially not you.” Crosby pressed his lips to my forehead. “I could come up with something we could sue her for.”

  I chuckled. “Bell reported her for underage drinking and got her thrown in jail for the night.”

  Crosby pulled back so he could look me in the eyes. “She didn’t.”

  “I think the sheriff’s d
epartment was so sick of her and her dad’s antics that they kept her overnight out of spite.”

  Crosby barked out a laugh. “I’m not surprised.” He pulled me tighter against his body. “I’m in this for as long as it lasts. I might not be able to give you forever, but I’ll give you all of me while we’re here.”

  Having all of him meant that it would hurt that much more when it was over. But I couldn’t seem to force myself to walk away.

  30

  Crosby

  “Oh, hell no. Are you insane, Crosby? You climb this?”

  I chuckled as Kenna peered over the side of the rock face. We’d hiked up the opposite side of the mountain, but this face was one of my favorite natural climbing walls. “I take it you won’t be going climbing with me anytime soon?”

  “Not with that kind of drop.”

  “You wear a harness. It’s completely safe.”

  Kenna’s gaze turned away from the cliff’s edge and back to me. “Ropes can break.”

  “Not if you care for them properly. Check for any wear or snags, and they are one hundred percent sound.”

  Kenna gave an exaggerated shiver. “You go ahead and put your life on the line. I’ll stick with hiking, thank you very much.”

  I grinned and tugged her to me, giving her a quick kiss. The warmth of her body pressed up against mine felt so comfortable, it should’ve scared me. Instead, I only wanted more. I turned her around so that we were both facing the view. “What do you think?”

  Kenna eased back into me. She didn’t fight my casual affection anymore, she welcomed it. And the knowledge lit something deep inside my chest. “It’s breathtaking. I can’t believe I’ve never been up here before.”

  “It’s my favorite spot on the island. It feels like we’re on top of the world.” The sea spread out in front of us, other islands in our small chain dotting the waters. It was impossible to stand at this point and not feel free, to feel like anything was possible and life could be whatever you wanted it to be.

  “It’s so quiet. Almost like the world has gone still around you.” Kenna was quiet for a moment, just staring out at the view. “I missed so much.”

  I pulled her tighter to me at the sound of regret in her voice. “What do you mean?”

  Kenna reached up and held onto my arms that were wrapped around her. “I’ve been so worried about building this perfect, secure life that I forgot to enjoy the world around me. I was too consumed with trying to control it.”

  I pressed my lips to her hair. The scent of something floral and uniquely Kenna filled my senses. “It’s understandable. A lot of your life wasn’t exactly stable.”

  Kenna let out a sound of agreement. “I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to enjoy the life I’ve been given, everything about it, even when it’s messy and hard and painful.”

  “Some of the most beautiful things don’t fit into a mold of perfection. Hell, I’d say perfection is pretty damn boring. Look around us. None of these islands are perfectly symmetrical, the ocean isn’t one color, that tree is growing sideways. It’s the imperfections that make them beautiful.”

  Kenna squeezed my forearms. “Who knew you were such a poet?”

  She was trying to make light of her realization, of our discussion, but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook so easily. “If you really want to live your life to the fullest, you have to let go of who you think you should be and let yourself become who you truly are.”

  “What if I don’t like that person?”

  The uncertainty in Kenna’s voice almost brought me to my knees. “Impossible.”

  She turned in my arms, the fire I loved back in her voice. “How do you know?”

  “Because you’re amazing. You let your true colors show when those walls come down a little. You’re strong and kind and fierce in your care of others. No one hurts the people you love and gets away with it.”

  A slight tinge of pink hit Kenna’s cheeks. “There’s a lot of other stuff mixed in there, too. I’m stubborn. I don’t let people in. I’m judgmental as hell. Look how I treated you. I made assumptions about the man you were, and I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

  I chuckled. “But it was so fun sparring with you when you thought I was a slacker asshole.”

  Kenna shoved at my chest. “It’s not funny. If the roles had been reversed, I would’ve read you the riot act the first week we knew each other. I would’ve laid out a twelve-point argument about how wrong you were.”

  I shrugged and pulled Kenna back into my arms. “I’m done proving myself to people. I’ve done it for most of my life. Tried to be the son my parents wanted, the fiancé Alicia needed, the most dedicated employee. But along the way, I lost touch with what I wanted. Trying to be so many things to so many different people meant I didn’t stay true to myself.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that.”

  “I’m not. It was a gift. It showed me how I never wanted to live again.” Life would now only be on my terms. I wouldn’t be someone I wasn’t to win the approval or the love of another person. “I have to be content with who I am. Never again will I mold myself into what someone else needs me to be.”

  Kenna tipped her head back to look into my eyes. “I wish I had your fearlessness.”

  “You do. I see it in you every day.”

  Kenna had no idea just how much strength she had at her fingertips. How much that internal fire could feed the fearlessness she hungered for. She just had to let all the rules and walls she’d set for her life fall away.

  Doubt flickered across her features. “I guess I just need to grab hold of it a little more firmly.”

  “You will. Now, what do you say we hike back down and go visit Zoe?”

  Kenna grimaced. “I want to see Zoe, but going down this mountain might kill me. My butt is going to be so sore tomorrow.”

  “I’ll massage it for you if you ask real nice.”

  She snorted and shook her head. “Just do me a favor and don’t start massaging in public, okay?”

  My hands slid down to her ass, kneading the muscles there. “There’s no one around now…”

  Kenna shoved at my chest. “If you think I’m having sex with you on the side of a mountain when anyone could come along or we could get carried away and roll off, you’re crazier than I thought.”

  “What happened to wanting to be fearless?”

  “That doesn’t mean I have a desire to get dead or arrested.”

  I released my hold on Kenna but grabbed her hand, leading us away from the cliff’s edge and back towards the trail. “Aw, Brown Eyes, you never want to have any fun…”

  31

  Kenna

  I took a long drink from the glass of water Ingrid had given me. “I can’t keep up with those two, they’re putting me to shame.”

  Ingrid laughed, turning her eyes back to the soccer scrimmage Crosby and Zoe were engaged in. “She’s something to behold. I finally got her connected with one of the rec teams.”

  I eased into one of the patio chairs, fighting a wince. I would be in pain tomorrow. “That’s great. Is she liking it?”

  “Zoe loves playing. She’s still a little unsure about the other kids, but I think that will ease over time.”

  It would be impossible for Zoe to be anything but unsure. Her life had been turned upside down repeatedly in her nine years on this Earth. “Is she letting you in?”

  Ingrid turned towards me, raising her sunglasses so they balanced on the top of her head. “It takes time. I’ve gotten peeks at the little girl under the armor, but she hasn’t let me in yet. That’s okay, though. We have all the time in the world, and I’m patient.”

  “She’s really lucky to have you.” I let out a whoop and a cheer as Zoe dodged Crosby and shot the ball into one of the mini-nets Ingrid had set up. “Go, Zo! You show him!”

  Crosby shot me a mock scowl. “I can’t believe she’s cheering for you over me.”

  “Girls have to stick together, Crosby,” I called. Zoe
laughed, and when I held out a hand, she jogged over to give me a high five. “You show him who’s boss.”

  “He is pretty old, it won’t be hard.”

  Crosby gave an exaggerated moan and fell to the grass with a dramatic flourish. “They’re killing me.”

  Ingrid laughed as Zoe ran over to Crosby and helped him back up. “You two are really good with her. Do you want some of your own?”

  It had been so long since I’d gotten the question, it was like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. No one had asked me because I had erected walls and Do Not Enter signs all around me. But when those walls started to crumble, when I let new people into my life, they were bound to ask things. The questions weren’t careless; the people had no idea they’d just detonated a bomb in the memory center of my brain.

  I cleared my throat. “No plans right now. But maybe someday. My best friend has custody of her siblings, though, and I help her out quite a bit.”

  Ingrid smiled, showing no signs that she noticed me barely hanging on. “Well, you’ve got the touch. Some people are just born with the gift to reach children that’ve been hurt. There’s an innate empathy in them that lets the children know they’re safe. Callie with the Alliance, she has it. And so do you.”

  My chest warmed at Ingrid’s words. I knew if what she said was true, that empathy was born of my own rough start and the gift that was Harriet’s gentle patience as I grew older. I loved the idea that my own pain could be turned into a blessing, something I was grateful for. It certainly helped me to understand what Zoe might be going through right now. “I hope she feels safe with me. Seen.”

  Ingrid reached over and squeezed my hand. “She does. And having you guys stop by and hang out with her has really helped her settle in here.”

  “You know we’ll do it as often as we can.” I loved spending time with the little girl. And seeing how Crosby lit up around her was something to behold. If I had an empathy Zoe could recognize, then Crosby had a child-like energy that was impossible to ignore. He brought Zoe out of her shell with a playfulness that had me grinning like a fool.