Addiction (Magnetic Desires Book 2)

by Unknown

  He let me drop inch by inch until he was buried in me, holding me as close as we could get. Each slow thrust connected us more than the last. My legs quivered with the intensity in his gaze and the ache inside of me grew raw until it filled me. He kissed my throat and dropped his head onto my shoulder. His hot breath prickled my skin as he sent me closer. I gripped his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin.

  He groaned into my hair. "Fuck, Birdie, I can’t hold back any longer."

  His words sent a shiver up my spine, my insides clenching as I tilted my head back and let out a high-pitched whimper. "Drake."

  My whole body went tight for a brief second before I melted into him, and he pulled me down on top of him.

  I rolled off him to lay on my back, and he scooted on to his side, stroking my hair before tucking me into his side. "You’re all I need. I’ll never let you go."

  Curled up in Drake’s arms, my mind wandered back to what Leo had told me. Drake’s breathing slowed and deepened as he slipped into sleep. A tear trickled down my cheek. He’d been through hell. Losing Hailey had undone him, but it was the loss of his child that had broken him. My chest hollowed out and ached. I couldn’t even have that. The second stupidest decision I had ever made hung around my neck like a noose.

  "He wanted a big family... Can you imagine what happens to a man who can’t protect his own family?"

  I hadn’t wanted to be a mother. Hell, I’d been fourteen. I’d been too scared to even consider it, and so I had done the only thing I could. I’d regretted it every day since. The guilt weighed on me. "He wanted a big family."

  Would he want that now, with me? It wasn’t something I was willing to give him. I didn’t want children. Couldn’t even consider it after the decision I’d made. Was that why Leo told me to think about what I wanted before I asked Drake about Poppy? Because he could see that his brother still ached for those things.

  I shifted onto my stomach and his arm dropped down beside me. He was so relaxed in sleep, so peaceful. Trailing my fingers over his hairline, I watched his eyelids flutter. I’d thought there was hope for us, but I’d been fooling myself all along. I didn’t want to walk away from him. My heart broke for us, but I could never give him a family. This one promise to myself I could never compromise on, but I couldn’t steal that from him. I couldn’t ask him to choose me over the family he'd always wanted. He’d lost too much already.

  Skimming my lips over his, I slid from the bed to gather my clothes. I took them into the bathroom and dressed quietly. Then, I searched through my bag for pen and paper.

  The blood in my veins turned to slush as my heart stopped working, leaving me empty. Several fat drops splashed onto the words I was writing, smearing the ink and blurring the note I was leaving him.

  You asked me if I thought there was hope for us. There never has been and there never will be. I wanted you to show me what I’d been missing, but now that I know, I’m ready to go back to my normal life. The one without you in it. It’s been fun, but I’m not the kind of girl that wants more. I don’t want anything more from you.

  Had I always been such a liar? I gazed at him until a sob broke from my lips and I caught it with the back of my hand. Dropping the paper onto the pillow beside him, I left his apartment for the last time.

  Chapter Twenty

  Drake

  I held her note in my hand and scanned the contents once more. Balling it up in my fist, I tossed it at the trash. It bounced off the rim and scuttled across the floor into the corner beside the fridge. Every muscle in my body burst with tension. After last night, this was the last thing I’d expected. She’d used me. That was all, and now she was done with me. I was on fire with my anger, barely able to hold myself together. It surged through me in waves that receded to leave me hollow until the next one filled me. I paced the floor, unable to believe she meant the words she’d written. Scooping up her note, I unfurled it and smoothed it out with my palms. The ink had run a little on several of the words. Surely, this note was the lie and not last night, when I’d bared my soul to her. Planting my hands on my head, I exhaled audibly. Fuck, I wanted to scream, or hit something.

  I grabbed my keys and stalked out of the apartment, letting the door slam behind me. If she thought she could walk away so easily, she was wrong. This thing between us was far from over.

  Getting off my bike, I stormed up to her front door and knocked. I shoved my hand through my hair as I shifted from foot to foot. God help me if Mellie answered the door, but I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I had to see Birdie and find out for myself whether the words she’d written were true.

  The door opened and Mellie stared out at me. "Hey Drake, she’s not here."

  "Where is she?"

  She shrugged. "I don’t know."

  "When will she be back?"

  "I don’t know." She flicked up one side of her mouth in sympathy.

  I clenched my fists. "Was she with anyone?"

  "Look, Drake, I don’t know what happened between you two, but she doesn’t want to see you. If and when she does, I’m sure she’ll call you."

  I doubted it. I spun and stormed off the deck to my bike. Kicking it into gear, I screamed out of their driveway. Everything that we’d done together had been a fucking lie.

  Birdie

  "It’s been two weeks, Birdie. Are you ever going to tell me what happened?"

  I threw my pillow at the door. "Go away, Mellie."

  "No chance. Now get your ass out here."

  "Fine." I crossed my arms over my chest and let out a loud breath. Not that she’d hear it from the other side of the door.

  "So help me god, I will find Doctor Hottie and give him the beat down of his life."

  I sat bolt upright. "No."

  "Five minutes. I’ll put the kettle on."

  Tossing back the covers, I jumped out of bed. Why couldn’t they leave me alone when I wanted to mope? I pushed my knotted hair out of my face and grabbed a headband to hold it back. Bruised eyelids greeted me in the mirror. Two weeks of crying myself to sleep had left me looking worse for wear. I’d worked during that time, but my boss had been kind enough to let me work from home, and even that was coming to an end. In two days, I would have to present myself at the office or lose my job. Right now, it didn’t seem that important. I wandered into the kitchen.

  "You look like shit," Mellie exclaimed.

  "Thanks." I bowed. "That was exactly what I was aiming for."

  "Sorry." She slid a cup of tea across the counter, and I sank onto a stool. "What did he do?"

  "It wasn’t him." I stared into my cup and stirred the creamy liquid with the tea bag. "I told him it was over."

  Mellie cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow. "Why would you do that?"

  "Because I want to marry Mike." I offered deadpan and watched the skin around her eyes pucker. "God, Mellie. It’s so obvious you two aren’t over. Why the hell do you pretend?"

  I was deflecting, and for a moment, it appeared to be working.

  "Just like it’s obvious you belong with the doctor, and yet, here we are, both of us single. Only, I don’t have a choice. You, my girl, do."

  I bowed my head and murmured into the rim of my cup. "I can’t be what he needs. If we’d kept seeing each other, it would have only hurt worse when it ended. I’d rather have a clean break."

  "A clean break? You are such an awful liar. Seriously, you just shouldn’t. You’ve been moping for two weeks because you love him, and I bet…"

  "It doesn’t matter."

  "Of course, it does," she exclaimed. "He wants you, you want him. You’re good for each other. What could possibly be holding you back?"

  "Poppy."

  She stared at me long and hard. "Another girl? You think he’s screwing someone else? Didn’t we do this already?"

  "Poppy was his daughter. Would have been his daughter."

  "Oh?" Mellie slid onto the stool beside me.

  Tears trickled from the corner of m
y eye. "He wants a family. I don’t want to have kids."

  She patted my hand. "You’re young. You might change your mind in a few years."

  "No." I pulled my hand out from under hers and stared at her. "I never want to have kids. I can’t take that away from him, so I have to let him go."

  Mellie pressed her lips together in a thin line. "Are you sure that’s what you want?"

  I hung my head and took a deep breath. "What I want is to get drunk and forget about him for a little while."

  "You don’t drink."

  "I don’t care. If drinking will help blot him out for a while, then that’s what I want to do."

  She let out a low whistle. "That bad, huh?"

  I nodded and concentrated on keeping my bottom lip from trembling.

  "Okay, then I guess we’ll go to Blazers."

  I slipped off the stool. "I’m going to get ready."

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Drake

  I opened the door to find Will leaning against the door frame. "You look like shit, man."

  He stalked into my apartment, leaving me no choice but to step to the side. "I’ve never seen your place this messy, except for at the beginning…"

  He turned to stare at me, his quick eyes taking in the details. I scowled at him. "I’m not high."

  "Okay then." He wandered across to the couch and picked up the damp towels strewn over the back of it. "What’s going on?"

  I planted my hands on my hips. "Why are you here, Will?"

  "I just thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to go to a meeting tonight." He crinkled his nose as he sat down and shifted the stack of pizza boxes on the coffee table with his foot. "I thought you’d at least have a cleaning service."

  I leaned over the back of the couch. "I gave them time off."

  "Well, you need to call them."

  I paced over to the window, not seeing anything as I gazed out over Reverence. "What does it matter?"

  "I guess it doesn’t, unless you have a girl like yours."

  "Then it’s not an issue."

  "Broke your heart, did she?"

  I turned to see him staring at me, one arm resting along the back of the couch. I crossed over to sink into the armchair. "Something like that."

  "You know, I thought she was going to be the one to fix that hole in your chest."

  I shrugged. "Obviously that’s not in the cards for me."

  He twiddled his thumbs as we sat in silence. "But you’re doing okay?"

  "I’m not fucking using." I thumped the arm of the chair.

  "How about you come to a meeting with me? A bit of fortification."

  "How about we skip the meeting and go get my ass drunk?"

  Will rested his elbows on his knees and cocked his head to the side. "Okay, but only if you come to a meeting with me first."

  "Fine," I growled.

  "And take a shower." He threw a towel, which hit me in the face. "I’m not taking you anywhere like this."

  Birdie

  Blazers was packed, and I pushed through the crowd, trying to shrink into myself so the people around me wouldn’t notice me. Mellie grabbed my hand and made a beeline for the bar. She ordered drinks and pushed one into my hands. "You sure you want to do this?"

  I held the blue drink up to my nose and sniffed it. It smelled sweetly delicious, but who was I kidding? I didn’t drink. Shaking my head, I put the glass down on the bar. Maybe I should go home and bury myself under the covers again. The loss I felt in my chest wouldn’t abate, but the pain was an important lesson that I shouldn’t try to numb.

  Mellie wrapped her arm around my shoulders and yelled in my ear. I could barely decipher her words over the thumping music, but I darted a glance in the direction she was staring. A strong back defined by black cotton, followed by riotous tattoos down to his elbows. My heart leaped and fell. It took all of my self-control not to go over to Drake and beg him to take me back.

  The strings I’d wound around my heart to keep it from falling apart unraveled, and I grabbed up the glass and tossed back the contents. My eyes watered, and I rested my back against the bar so I wouldn’t have to see him with his arms wrapped around the girl I couldn’t see.

  I glanced back over my shoulder, needing to know, needing to see who he’d replaced me with. His jeans hung low, and I hissed when I saw her fingers digging into the material covering his ass. She pushed a hand into a pocket, and I could imagine her flexing them, drawing him closer. He’s mine, bitch.

  I wanted to march over to them and slap her stupid face. Hell, I could kick her ass, but it wouldn’t do any good. I’d let him go, and I couldn’t change that. Still, it stabbed at me that he’d moved on so quickly. Had I not meant anything to him?

  I gripped the bar and leaned over it to yell at the bartender. "Another."

  I couldn’t rip my eyes away from him as I saw his head dip to plant a kiss on my replacement’s mouth. Pain screamed through me and I shut my eyes to block him out. What was he supposed to do? It was my fault he was with her. I glanced down at the glass in front of me, freshly filled and waiting to be consumed.

  Mellie stared at me with wary eyes, and I blinked and offered up a smile that I hoped she would take for me being okay. My heart pounding, I searched him out again. They’d moved closer to the wall. He had her pressed against the wall, and my stomach lurched at the idea he might be calling her darlin’.

  "Hi," the man who had stepped up to the bar beside me said. "Are you okay?"

  I ripped my gaze from Drake and it landed on Will who stood slightly apart from them. He caught mine with a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and I slammed down the second drink. Leaving Drake with the blonde, he stalked toward me. My head swam as my limbs became fuzzy. I grabbed hold of the guy beside me and glanced up at him, fluttering my eyelashes. Anything would be better than having Will feel sorry for me. "What’s your name?"

  "Roy." He gave me a shy smile as I sidled closer to him. He was tall and clean cut, dressed in black pants and a gray V-neck sweater. The alcohol hit me, causing me to stumble and he caught my elbow to steady me.

  "Birdie," I offered as I ran my hand down the front of his sweater.

  "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

  "Please." I struggled to keep my gaze on him as I shot sideways glances at Drake.

  Our gazes clashed for the briefest second. I sucked back the sob as pain lanced through me at the way his eyes went blank. It was as if he hadn’t seen me, had never known me at all. Will was still working his way toward me through the crowd, his jaw tight and his brow furrowed as he pushed through the choke of people.

  "I haven’t seen you here before."

  "What?" I glanced up at Roy and he handed me a drink.

  "You don’t usually come here."

  I pounded my drink. I could see Will over Roy’s shoulder now, and I didn’t want to speak to him. Wrapping my arms around Roy’s neck, I tugged his head down to mine. The smell of his cheap cologne and the beer he’d been drinking slammed my senses. My stomach lurched as he pressed his lips to mine. His mouth was too soft, his hands didn’t hold me the way Drake did. There was nothing right about letting him kiss me. My head spun as the third drink hit me, and I gagged on his tongue. Wrenching out of his arms, I darted glances at the crowd.

  I could no longer see Will or Mellie. Roy reached out to steady me, and I shook my head. I needed to get out of here. My gaze caught on Drake. He was sitting on one of the loveseats. The girl he’d been kissing was on his lap, her legs spread, and his hands were in her hair. My stomach rose in my throat and I pinched my lips closed. Was she actually grinding on him?

  I darted away from Roy and the bar, pushing through the crowd as I rushed toward the bathrooms.

  Covering my mouth with my hand as I heaved, I slammed through the door. I stumbled into a cubicle and yanked my hair out of the way, as I bent over the porcelain and emptied my stomach. Tears stung my eyes and streamed down my face, partly from my inebriated state, but mos
tly from seeing him look at me with blank eyes while he found someone new to take my place. Like we were nothing, like I’d never meant a damn thing to him.

  I just wanted to go home, sink into my bed, and be alone. If I told Mellie I was going though, she’d come with me and I didn’t want her there. Not now, not yet. I fumbled through my purse to find my phone and beg Orion to come get me. Drake’s name stared up at me from an unopened text and I caressed it with my finger. What I wouldn’t give for one more night with him. I opened his message. "I thought you said you didn’t drink."

  I sobbed harder and messaged Orion to come and get me. Splashing water over my face, I wondered if it would ever get easier to put him behind me, or would I always ache for him the way I did now. I shut off the tap and went to find Mellie.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Drake

  I saw her long before she saw me. How could I not, when I was so tuned into her? Seeing her again did nothing to improve my mood. Two weeks of wondering how the hell I was supposed to get past her using me was nothing compared to the sucker punch of seeing her again.

  A blonde in a tight silver mini dress staggered between us and broke the connection. I grabbed her and hauled her up against me. "Hello there, sweetheart."

  Her fingers flexed against my bicep and her tongue darted out over her lip as she explored my tense muscles. She stretched up on tiptoes. "Hello, sexy."

  Blondie giggled, and I knew she’d be accommodating, but I didn’t want her. Seeking out Birdie in the crowd, I spotted her on the other side of the central bar. She was talking to the guy beside her, and I crumpled. Capturing the blonde against the wall, I crashed my mouth to hers. A little gasp escaped her and then she squeezed my ass. Anything was better than watching Birdie and that guy flirt. But I couldn’t help torturing myself, and I glanced back at her as I released Blondie's mouth.