In Times Gone by

by Tracie Peterson

  That evening, after everything was set to rights and Judith had made them a delicious dinner, Kenzie sat with the others in the front room while Caleb played the piano and Judith sat on the bench beside him. Camri and Patrick held hands and talked at a small table in one corner of the room, while Micah took his place beside Kenzie on the sofa. Thankfully, Victoria had retired to Camri’s old room. She claimed she was feeling overly sad about her family, but Kenzie didn’t believe her, nor did she think the others believed it.

  “What do you think about Caleb going to Missouri to meet with your father?” Micah asked as Caleb and Judith broke into song.

  Kenzie smiled at the way they seemed always to have such fun together. “I hope I’m that happy one day.”

  “If I have anything to say about it, you will be.”

  She looked at him, and her smile waned. She was still so frustrated by Arthur’s reappearance. She didn’t want Micah to be hurt in any of this. “To answer your question, I’m glad Caleb is going. He feels certain there is more to Arthur’s arrival than meets the eye.”

  “I’m convinced there is too. Not that I wouldn’t cross the entire world to find you if you’d gotten away from me.” He gave her a wink.

  Kenzie’s heart skipped a beat. “Micah, I don’t . . . I . . .” She couldn’t figure out what to say.

  His expression sobered. “Will you speak honestly with me?”

  “Haven’t I always?”

  He gave a slow nod. “Yes, you’ve been brutally honest, and I trust you will be now. It’s important that you are, because what I have to say will greatly affect our future.”

  She tensed. Was he going to propose again? She lowered her gaze and waited for him to continue. She knew she loved him, but her confusion and guilt over Arthur made it impossible to accept Micah’s offer of marriage. She had to sort through those matters first, and Micah would just need to understand that.

  Micah took a breath. “I want the truth. Do you still love Arthur?”

  Her head snapped up. “What?”

  His expression left no doubt that what he was about to say was difficult. “I want to know if you still love Arthur. If you love him, truly love him, then I don’t want to cause you more pain and difficulty. I’ve thought about this a great deal. I don’t want to lose you, Kenzie, but if you love him and you’re convinced that he’ll make you happy, then I’ll walk away.”

  She couldn’t hide her surprise. “Just like that?”

  “I want you to be happy.” He gave a heavy sigh. “I talk about not letting you go and how deeply I love you, but love doesn’t demand its own way. If the only way for you to be truly happy is to be with Arthur, then I will have to trust that the Lord has someone else for me. Your happiness matters more to me than anything.”

  If she hadn’t already realized her love for him, Micah’s words would have convinced her. That he was willing to put her feelings first touched her deeply.

  “No one has ever offered me such a selfless act of love,” she admitted.

  “No one has ever loved you as I do,” he promised. “It wouldn’t be easy for me to step aside, but if you tell me that you truly love him, that you want him for your husband, I will.”

  He looked so miserable that Kenzie couldn’t keep him guessing. “I don’t . . . I don’t think I love him.” She frowned. “Caleb spoke about true love bearing and enduring all things. If that’s the basis of real love, then I can’t say that I ever experienced that for Arthur. Still, with all the lies and deception his family used to separate us, I feel guilty for willingly complying and giving up so easily. I never bothered to seek him out or try to understand what had happened. I simply ran away.”

  “You were hurt. It’s not unusual for a wounded person to want to get away from the cause of their misery.”

  Judith and Caleb were laughing about something, and for a moment, Kenzie focused on their joy. She loved being part of this family. She didn’t regret leaving Missouri, although she did miss her mother. But when she considered everything that had happened over the last year, Missouri no longer felt like home.

  “I have one more question,” Micah said, pulling her thoughts back to him.

  “All right.” She could see he was serious. “I’ll try to give you an honest answer.”

  “Do you love me . . . even a little?”

  She swallowed hard, but the lump that formed in her throat refused to move. Could she say what needed to be said without causing him even more frustration?

  “Kenzie?”

  “I do,” she barely whispered, “but just as I’m confused about all that transpired with Arthur, I don’t want to make another mistake with you.”

  “What are you saying? How could loving me be a mistake?”

  “It feels like my entire life this last year has been based on lies. What if my feelings for you are as well? You pursued me when I was most vulnerable. I was heartbroken—devastated by the loss of my dream of true love. You came along and insisted I let you in my life. As I got used to you and came to accept that you were a good man—that your feelings were genuine—I began to allow myself to have feelings for you.”

  “Although you fought it all the way,” he teased.

  “But what if those feelings are nothing more than emotions built on the ruins of my love for Arthur?”

  “What if they are? You make them sound less valid because they came forth from the ashes. Will the city being built now have less relevance or validity just because the new is being built on the ashes of the old?”

  He always had a way to explain away her concerns. “I just don’t want to make another mistake.” She met his gaze. “I want this to be real.”

  “It is real, Kenzie. Arthur is the past. Don’t let him ruin what we can have together. We’ve always been honest with each other—sometimes painfully so. I love you, and you know that you love me. You told me so just a few minutes ago, and you cannot take it back now.” He grinned.

  “I don’t want to. I just want to be certain it will last.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Kenzie let her head rest on his shoulder. She was surprised at how right it felt. She tried to remember ever feeling like this with Arthur, but in that moment, she couldn’t even call him to mind. Micah’s presence was too overpowering—too wonderful. She sighed.

  “See,” he whispered against her ear, “this is exactly where you belong.”

  When Victoria was certain that the others had retired to bed, she pulled on her robe and made her way downstairs. She was thankful that Camri had agreed to share a room with Judith so that Victoria could have a room to herself. It would afford her the opportunity to scout out the house without the others questioning what she was doing.

  The house was dark. The electricity hadn’t yet been restored, but Victoria knew where she could get what she needed. She’d made a close inventory earlier in the evening of anything she thought might prove useful. There were a few pieces of bric-a-brac she might be able to sell, and the silver candlesticks in the dining room should fetch a good sum. If she could just get enough money together, she could buy a train ticket to New York. She had friends there, and surely they would see that she gained both her inheritance and her freedom.

  She felt her way along the hall and into the dining room, where she knew she’d find candles and matches. She quickly lit a small candle and glanced around the room. It was a fairly large dining room. Not anything like her Grandmother’s, but it was better than she’d anticipated.

  Back in the hall, Victoria headed toward the back of the house.

  “Who’s there?” Caleb called out.

  She startled and froze in place, then drew a deep breath. “It’s Victoria.”

  A door opened to her right, and the warm glow of lamplight illuminated Caleb Coulter. He smiled. “Is something wrong?”

  She tried to figure out how to best play this hand. “I was . . . well, I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Why don’t you come in, and we
can talk? I can tell you about God. You said you’d like to know more.”

  A sermon was the last thing she wanted to hear, but Victoria knew she would do well to play this game. “Yes, of course. I’d like that.”

  As she followed him into the room, she undid the sash of her robe. Her nightgown and robe were hardly appropriate attire, and should someone else see her like this, they might question what was going on between her and Caleb. She smiled and fervently hoped someone might happen upon them.

  “Sit here by the fire so you won’t get cold. I’ll fetch you a blanket as well.” Caleb crossed the room to a wooden trunk and pulled out a small quilt. “This should do the trick.”

  Victoria took a chair. “I’m not cold.” She smiled up at him as he put the blanket across her lap. “But thank you.”

  Caleb picked up his Bible from the desk and joined her at the fire. “Have you had any religious training?”

  She shrugged. “We attended church with some regularity. I have to admit, however, that it was all beyond me. The minister talked of one thing and another, and it always seemed so confusing. I was never able to figure out what it was all about, and no one in my family seemed even remotely interested in explaining it to me.”

  “Pity. But we’ll rectify that as best we can. Do you know who Jesus is?”

  “Of course. They call him the Son of God. He was born in a manger, and that’s why we celebrate Christmas.”

  “Do you understand the concept of sin?”

  She shrugged. “I suppose I do as well as the next person. Sin is . . . well, evil. I suppose to a religious person it would be doing anything but sitting and praying and reading your Bible.”

  Caleb chuckled. “Not exactly. Christians can do a great many things besides praying and reading and still avoid sin. You see, God created man in a perfect state. He made Adam and Eve as the first man and woman and placed them in a beautiful garden. Life was perfect and all was well. But then things changed.”

  “Oh yes. I recall hearing about Eve eating an apple that God had forbidden.” Victoria tried her best to appear interested. “The serpent told her to eat it, right?”

  “Yes. The serpent, or Satan, convinced her that she hadn’t heard God correctly—that it wouldn’t really be wrong. Satan is still doing that to each of us. He whispers in our ear that it isn’t really wrong to lie or cheat. That it’s not really a sin if we forsake God. His entire purpose is to separate us from God. That’s what sin does. It separates us from God.”

  “So is there a list of rules we can follow? Something that tells us what is a sin and what isn’t?” She shifted in her chair, letting her robe open even more. “I know there are those ten commandments. Is that what I have to follow?”

  Caleb smiled and opened his Bible. “Once, when Jesus was speaking to a group of people—most of whom were quite knowledgeable about the commandments God had given—one of them asked which commandment was most important.”

  “What did Jesus say?” She leaned forward, hoping she looked enticing.

  “Let me read his answer to you.” Caleb flipped several pages. “‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.’”

  She shook her head and laughed without meaning to.

  Caleb looked at her with a raised brow. “What’s funny?”

  “I couldn’t do that. I could maybe love God, but my neighbors were boring, insipid people who always complained about one thing or another.” She frowned. “Although I suppose now that their house has burned down, I don’t know who my neighbors are. But I certainly cannot love them as I love myself.”

  “Your neighbors are everyone around you. God wants you to show love to everyone, Victoria. Not because they’re rich or poor, beautiful or plain. If you love others, then you won’t be inclined to act against them in sin. You won’t want to lie to them or steal from them. This is why Jesus spoke the way He did. When you love God, you will do whatever you can to please Him, which means avoiding acts of selfishness or self-centered desires.”

  She vaguely recalled hearing all of this before, but since it wasn’t something she could ever imagine doing or even wanting to do, Victoria had disregarded it. However, this was important to Caleb, and if she was going to win his trust, she would have to pretend.

  She put on a look of sorrow. “I could never be that good.”

  “No one could, Victoria. That’s why God sent His Son, Jesus.”

  Caleb seemed to be waiting for her to say something. “I don’t understand.”

  He nodded. “He knew we needed someone who could account for the sins of the world—our sins. We could never be good enough or offer enough sacrifices and prayers to be forgiven all our sins, so our heavenly Father sent His only Son, Jesus, to be the sacrifice for us all. We can never be perfect, but we should strive to live our lives to please God. Having Jesus helps us to do that.”

  “That was very nice of God to do that,” she finally replied.

  “It was amazingly nice—it was a sacrifice of love. We can’t hope to have eternal life unless we accept Jesus as our Savior and allow Him authority over our lives.”

  “I see.” Victoria looked into the fire, wondering how much longer he would drone on about God.

  “Victoria, remember how I told you that I found peace in God’s love? I can’t imagine how you must feel without having Him to turn to. You see, I was raised by parents who believe God’s Word and helped me find Him at a very young age. I’ve always known Him, it seems.”

  She could hear by the tone of his voice that this was very special to him. She nodded. “You were very fortunate. My parents were never with me very much. I had a nanny to raise me and see that I did what was proper. I don’t think she knew much about God.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. You lost your mother when you were very young, didn’t you?”

  Victoria steeled her heart. “Yes. It was the hardest thing I ever dealt with.”

  “I can’t even imagine. Your pain must have been great. I’m sure it’s still painful to recall.”

  Victoria started to deny it but reminded herself that having Caleb’s sympathy would be to her advantage. Then another thought came to mind.

  “It is. When Mother died, I sought comfort where I could. I had a friend whose mother was very understanding. She invited me over to their house often and she showed me all the love that I was missing. Grandmother, you see, was far too worried about Cora. Our family never recovered from Judith being taken, and that remained our grandmother’s concern, even after I lost my mother. My friend and her mother were all that got me through my grief. That’s why I long to go to them now. I know they would offer me great comfort in my time of loss.”

  “I didn’t know that,” Caleb replied. He looked at her for a moment. “Do you believe they would take you in?”

  She felt her heart beat a little faster. “I do. They now live in New York City, and I know they would have me. They’ve told me as much on many occasions.” It wasn’t a complete lie. She did have friends there, and with the right things said, she was certain they’d allow her to come stay for a time.

  Caleb nodded. “Then perhaps we should consider it. Why don’t you write down their name and address? I’ll make some inquiries.”

  “You would do that for me? What if Judith doesn’t approve?”

  He smiled. “Judith wants you to be happy, Victoria. Despite whatever else you believe about her.”

  Victoria rose and stood in front of him. “I don’t know what to believe about Judith, but I think you truly care about me. I shall try to put my trust in you.”

  “Better you should put it in God, Victoria.”

  He rose, and Victoria pretended to stumble. She swayed to the right as if she might fall. Caleb easily caught her, and Victoria grabbed on to his shirt.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be so clumsy.”r />
  “No harm done.” He released her, but she continued to hold on to him.

  “Thank you, Caleb. You are wonderful. I can see why Judith loves you.” She stretched up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek before he could protest. “I think I could love you as well.”

  CHAPTER

  15

  The next morning at breakfast, Caleb was caught up in his newspaper while Kenzie listened to Camri and Judith talk about their renewed wedding plans. Micah had once suggested Kenzie consider making the affair a triple wedding, but so far she hadn’t allowed herself even a sliver of a dream in that regard.

  “I know it may sound silly,” Judith said, helping herself to a plate of biscuits, “but I’m content for our wedding to be very simple. After all we’ve been through this last year, having a big event with all sorts of frippery and finery isn’t important.”

  “I agree,” Camri said, nodding. “It’s amazing how the earthquake and fire changed my perspective. When I see people digging in the ruins of their former lives—finding so little to rebuild on—it just doesn’t seem right to spend a fortune on a wedding.”

  Victoria came into the dining room. She was dressed in a powder blue gown much nicer than the occasion called for. Kenzie could see she had attempted to dress up her hair. Without someone to do it up for her, however, all she had managed was weaving a ribbon through her blond locks and tying it in the back.

  “Good morning, Victoria.” Judith gave her a smile. “I was beginning to think I’d have to come wake you again.”

  Victoria suppressed a yawn and took a seat opposite Caleb. “I apologize, cousin. I’m afraid I was up rather late.” She smiled at Caleb. “I want to thank you for our time alone last night, Caleb. You certainly made me feel better.”

  Judith wasn’t able to hide her surprise. Neither was Camri. Kenzie knew by the look in Victoria’s eyes that she enjoyed their shock.

  “I very much enjoyed the fire and the quilt you insisted I have. It was much warmer than my nightgown.”

  Caleb raised a brow and looked at Judith. “Victoria found me in my office quite late last night. She told me she wanted to know more about God. I thought perhaps if you ladies were going to start again on your Bible study, you might include her.”