Addicted to You

by Serena Grey

Back in the bedroom, Landon is on the phone. He has unbuttoned his shirt and loosened his cuffs, and there’s something potently sexy about seeing him half-dressed. It’s such a far cry from the impeccably clad man everyone else usually sees. I linger at the door just to gape at him for a few precious moments.

  He catches me looking and reaches for the jug he’s brought with him on a tray. He pours water into a glass and comes over to hand it to me.

  “Goodnight,” I hear him say to whoever’s on the phone, before he turns his blue gaze to me. “That was Aidan,” he explains. “He managed to get home without falling down drunk somewhere.”

  He’s smiling, almost indulgently, and I sigh inwardly. How could I not love him? So young and yet, so caring. He’d been a father to his little brother, and he still was sometimes, without any kind of resentment or selfishness, because that’s the kind of man he is.

  “Aidan’s lucky to have you,” I tell him, meaning every word.

  His lips curve. “And I’m lucky to have you here.” He takes the empty glass from me and sets it down. “Nice t-shirt by the way. Looks very sexy on you.” He trails his fingers down my arm, making me tremble. “Can you guess what will look better?”

  I frown. “What?”

  “The owner,” he says, with a serious face.

  I burst into laughter and he joins me. There’s something so intimate in that moment. If I weren't so sure about his aversion to commitment, I would almost be convinced that he felt something more than just the overpowering physical need that defined our relationship.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” he says, shrugging out of his shirt. “Don’t fall asleep.”

  “I won’t,” I assure him, watching him walk away, shirtless, the muscles of his back firm and rippling. I sigh, then go over to the nightstand to retrieve my phone from my purse. There’s a text from Laurie in my notifications.

  “There was no fooling your mom, sorry. She guessed you left with Landon.

  PS are you sure you know what you’re doing?

  XXXX

  I debate whether to reply. I’m not sure of anything except that right now, I need to be with Landon. I wonder what my mother thinks, what she would think if I told her everything. I can’t imagine her ever being as conflicted over a man as I’ve been over Landon. Men have always been easy for her. She still has my dad wrapped around her little finger after a quarter lifetime together.

  I have no idea what I’m doing, I type in reply to Laurie’s message. One day, if this ends badly, she’ll probably have to nurse me through it. The thought makes me sad, and I place the phone on the bedside table and get under the covers just as Landon returns. He’s wearing only dark-blue silk pajama bottoms, his hair damp and tousled, the muscles of his chest making me want to reacquaint my fingers with every firm contour.

  “Your workouts must be intense,” I quip appreciatively, unable to tear my eyes away.

  Landon sees the direction of my gaze and shrugs. “I lift a few weights and do some martial arts training. When I have the time.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I tease, rolling my eyes. “Totally when I have the time.” He laughs and I continue. “Brett tried to get me and Laurie interested in working out when he started the gym…” I say, giggling. “I’m just destined to be fat and unhealthy.”

  “How are they?” Landon’s expression turns to concern.

  I sigh. “It’s very complicated right now.”

  “Emotions always get complicated.” He frowns, a faraway look creeping into his eyes. “Some people make it work, but sometimes it just ends badly.”

  I wonder if he’s thinking of his parents. His mother’s love had turned to jealousy, then ended with her death. She left the man she loved wounded and unable to carry on even with being a father to his sons.

  Or maybe he was trying to tell me that love was not in the cards for us.

  Maybe because he can read the uncertainty in my face, he joins me under the covers, pulling me towards him so that my head is resting on his chest. I close my eyes, resolutely forgetting about everything else, and luxuriating in his warmth and closeness, the feel of his skin against mine, and the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear. I want it to always be like this.

  But it won’t, that hateful inner voice makes sure to remind me.

  I push the thought out of my mind. I’m going to be satisfied with taking as much happiness as I can get from being with him, for now.

  I feel his hand stroke my hair. “You know I’ll give you anything you want?” he whispers in my ear. “You know that, right?”

  Why does that statement make me happy and sad at the same time? “You don’t have everything,” I reply.

  His chest moves. “Don’t walk away, again,” he murmurs. “Don’t.”

  I’m silent, and his hand stills in my hair. I feel his heartbeat quicken as he waits for me to respond. “I won’t,” I say softly. “I won’t.”

  I fall asleep in Landon’s arms. Peacefully, without any miserable dreams where I’m alone and yearning for him. He’s everywhere, his arms cradling me, his scent in my nose, and his warmth all around me.

  When I wake up in the morning, he’s already up. I open my eyes to see him standing at the door to the dressing room, already dressed in one of his tailored shirts and pants. He’s fixing his cufflinks and watching me as I stretch.

  “Good morning,” I say with a grin.

  He smiles. “I was trying to decide if I had the heart to wake you up. You looked like you were having a good time.”

  “I was.” I slept like a baby. I stretch again, then remember that I have to get to work. I grab my phone off the nightstand to look at the time. “Christ! I’m going to be late! I have to get home to change.”

  Landon’s smile is calm, almost teasing. “Don’t worry.” He walks towards the bed. “Joe already got your clothes. Laurie was very helpful.”

  I calm down. “Really? What are you? Some sort of super boyfriend?”

  His gaze turns serious. “I’d settle for boyfriend.”

  My heart warms, as a small thrill moves through me. Landon’s looking at me, waiting for me to say something. “You never told me what it is you wanted that I couldn’t give.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not…” I stop, not sure what to say. I know that I don’t want just any relationship, that I want the possibility of love at least, and an assurance that I won’t just be another woman passing through his life. I take a deep breath and watch as he comes to sit on the edge of the bed.

  “I know I have a lot of baggage,” he says, “and all the other issues you know about.”

  He’s talking about his dreams. The result of being right there and helpless the day his mother died. My eyes mist. “I don’t care about any of that.” I tell him. I don’t care that sometimes he wakes up at night crying out, still struggling to save his mother. I don’t care that by his own admission, years of therapy didn’t do anything to make him less wounded. I care about the man I know he is.

  “Every other woman wanted something from me… commitment… some sort of relationship… But I’ve offered you that, Rachel. I didn’t even have to try, because it’s what I want, more than anything, to know that I can be sure that you’re mine.”

  His. I search his face. “And you, will you be mine?”

  Landon chuckles, and his hand travels up my arm. The movement is a light caress, and yet unmistakably sexual. My body reacts, instantly filling with desire. “I’m already yours,” he admits, his voice low.

  What did that mean? That sexually he was bound to me. That he needed me physically the way I needed him?

  “It’s just sex, Landon. We’re still practically strangers.”

  “So we’ll get to know each other.” He sounds confident, but I’m not. I can see us together for a few weeks, maybe months. We’ll get photographed and attend events together, and then one day, I’ll watch him do the same things with some other woman.

  The thought fills my heart with a severe, wrenching
pain. I rise to my knees, leaning towards him, threading my fingers through his hair. If I’m going to be with him, then I have to take advantage of the one way I know to control the pain and the uncertainty. I press my lips to his, running my hands over his chest through the cotton of his shirt.

  A soft groan escapes him, then he moves one hand to the small of my back while the other strokes my thigh. My body fills with heat and I let my lips drift to his ear. “I need you,” I whisper.

  A deep breath shudders through him, then his lips are on my neck, my chest, with his hands stroking me everywhere. He pulls my t-shirt over my head, leaving me naked. His eyes caress my body almost reverently, his gaze like a heated touch, making my skin burn and my breath come short. Desire pulses between my legs. When he’s like this, when we’re like this, I don’t have to think about what the future holds.

  “Rachel.” He says my name like it’s a prayer. He moves, rising to his knees in front of me. His hands cup my breasts, then squeeze gently. I moan and reach for the front of his pants. The outline of his rigid erection is visible through the material. I undo his fly and pull down his briefs, eager to feel the evidence of my effect on him. I curve my fist around him and stroke him gently, loving the feel of warm, silky skin stretched over his hard length.

  His eyes close, and I lower my head, adjusting my body so I can take him in my mouth. As my lips close over the sensitive head of his cock, he lets out a low groan. He only allows me to suck on him for a few moments before he pulls out of my mouth and lifts me bodily, pushing me back on the bed. He doesn’t bother with the rest of his clothes. Still on his knees, he pulls me towards him by my legs, until the head of his cock is positioned at the entrance to my body.

  I press my hips forward, and the head of his cock slips inside me. He groans again, and my eyes flutter to his face. The brazen arousal in his expression sends an urgent pulse between my legs. “Please, Landon,” I urge. “Fuck me now.”

  I don’t need to say it twice. He pushes inside me, filling me up, chasing every other thought from me but how good he feels, how big he is, and the sweet sensations when he starts to move, his thrusts slow and exquisite.

  He releases his hold on my legs, letting them fall on the bed. I brace my feet and grind my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust. His hands stroke my thighs, my belly, my hips, his fingers caressing my heated skin. Finally, he moves one hand between my legs, finding my clit and rubbing it in sweet, maddening circles.

  The room is full of the sound of my moans. With each deep stroke of his cock, I feel myself going a little crazy, pleasure building inside me like a dam ready to burst. I hear myself moaning, saying his name, begging.

  “You like it,” his voice is an aphrodisiac to all my senses. “You like it when I fuck you like this.”

  “Yes,” I moan, my body tightening in ecstasy. “Yes.”

  “Come for me, baby,” he growls. “Let it go.”

  My climax bursts out of me like an explosion of pleasure and relief. I scream his name, my hands gripping the sheets like my life depends on it. He keeps thrusting through it all, his movements getting harder and faster even as my body pulses around him. He grips my thighs and groans, coming so hard I feel his whole body vibrate.

  Afterward, he drops my legs and leans over me, his chest heaving.

  “God!” he breathes, then pulls out of me and lays back on the bed beside me. “Oh God.”

  I turn towards him, unable to hide my satisfied grin.

  He gives me a look, one beautiful eyebrow going up. “You should wipe that smile off your face if you have any plans of getting to work today,” he warns. “I could do this all day.”

  “Who’s stopping you?” I tease.

  He laughs. “You’re insatiable.” Getting up from the bed, he turns towards the bathroom. “I’m going to repair the damage you’ve caused,” he says, gesturing towards his clothes. “And I think I’ll definitely need a big breakfast after this.”

  I watch him disappear, still smiling. Then I take a moment to luxuriate in the pleasure flowing through me. I can do this, I think happily, getting up to join him in the bathroom. I can live with this.

  WHILE I’m in the shower, Landon cleans up and changes into a fresh suit. I hear him leave the bathroom before I finish, and I wrap myself in one of his robes and pad over to the dressing room to find the clothes Laurie sent for me. The ivory sheath dress, one of my favorites, is hanging from the rack. My shoes are on the floor beneath it, and my change of underwear is inside a small shopping bag, placed on one of the shelves beside my handbag.

  I dress up quickly and run Landon’s comb through my hair before securing it in a quick braid. In the bedroom, I toss my phone and the purse from last night into my bag, then make my way downstairs.

  Landon is in the kitchen, seated at the island. There’s a pot of coffee, with eggs benedict and light fluffy pancakes. The delicious smell reminds me that I haven’t eaten since early last night. Landon’s eyes flick over me when I join him, showing the quick flare of desire that always does things to my insides.

  “You didn’t snap your fingers and conjure breakfast out of thin air,” I remark playfully. “Even you don’t have those powers.”

  “I don’t, but I have a dedicated chef in the hotel kitchen.” He pulls out a seat. “Eat. You’re almost late.”

  “I know.” I take the proffered seat and pour myself some coffee, adding a generous serving of cream and sugar. The pancakes are delicious, and the eggs benedict are heavenly enough to make me sad when my plate is finally empty.

  “What are you doing this weekend?” Landon asks.

  I give him a naughty smile. “You. If I’m lucky.”

  “If I’m lucky,” he corrects, chuckling. “I have to work this weekend,” he tells me. “I’m going to Newport to look at a property.”

  Disappointment floods through me. “So you’ll be gone the entire weekend?”

  He nods.

  I frown, realizing that I’d been looking forward to spending the weekend with him. I hadn’t considered what a busy man he was. That’s something else I have to keep in mind, I tell myself. Now that we were officially in a relationship. I had to make sure I didn’t become that girl, waiting for him to have time for me.

  “I want you to come with me,” he says.

  “Oh.” I’m delighted, but also wary. “But you’ll be working.”

  He gives me a meaningful look. “Not all the time.”

  I raise my brows. “And when you are, what will I be doing with myself?”

  He strokes a finger over the side of my mouth, flicking a spot of sauce from my lips. “You’ll be waiting, naked, in bed.” He sounds like he’s teasing, but he looks serious. I consider the image. It’s tempting for sure, but deep down, I suspect that the surest way to hasten the end of our relationship is to become his idle arm-candy.

  I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

  “How can I convince you?” he leans back. “Just me and you, alone, on the beach, the sound of the sea, the gorgeous sunsets…”

  I shrug casually, as if the image he’s painting isn’t filling me with slack-jawed anticipation. “What’s in it for me?”

  “Rest and relaxation? And some poor shmuck who can’t look at you without getting a hard on?”

  I giggle. “Fine. I’ll come.”

  Landon grins. “Good. Now we’d better go before I give in to my baser instincts and do what’s on my mind.”

  “What?” I ask, getting up.

  His lips lift in a small smile. “Something that’ll result in neither of us leaving for work anytime soon.”

  Ah.

  “DON’T forget lingerie,” Laurie advises.

  What?” I look from the overnight bag on my bed to where she’s sitting at my desk, holding a Pringles tube.

  “Lingerie. Something sexy.” She shakes her head at my cluelessness.

  I look at the deep blue bikini I’ve already packed, there’s also shorts and a t-shirt, a summer dress, an
d my favorite LBD. Landon didn’t ask me to pack anything, but I’m covering all my bases.

  “Okay.” I go over to my dresser and retrieve a set of sheer lingerie. I imagine Landon’s face when he sees me in it and the thought makes me smile.

  “You’re glowing,” Laurie observes. Since that last text message where she asked if I was sure of what I was doing, she hasn’t questioned my decision to be with Landon. In fact, she seems happy about it.

  I look up and meet her eyes. I feel like I’m glowing. The excitement, the happiness I feel even though nothing has really changed… It’s almost embarrassing.

  “I know, right,” I sigh. “It’s pathetic.

  Laurie frowns. “No, it’s not. Rach, you’re happy. That’s what matters. Sometimes you just have to enjoy stuff while it lasts instead of overthinking and ending things before they begin.”

  I nod. “You’re right,”

  “Aren’t I always?”

  “No!” I narrow my eyes threateningly. “I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving me alone with Landon the other day. Seriously. That was a betrayal of trust.”

  She’s unapologetic. “If it has anything to do with how happy you are right now, then I’m not sorry.”

  I give up. “Have you spoken with Brett yet?”

  She is silent.

  “You know you can’t give him the silent treatment forever.”

  “What if he was right and we do need some time apart?” She sighs. “I’m tired of always being mad about the same thing, Rach. He’s not going to change and neither am I.”

  “Laurie…” I sit on the bed facing her. “You’re not seriously thinking about… walking away, are you?”

  “I don’t know.” She frowns and looks down at her hands. “Forget about me, I’m just confused.”

  “What will you do while I’m gone?” I ask. “Will you go home?” She’d mentioned going to visit her parents upstate.

  “I’m just going to study,” she says. “Thankfully I won’t have my annoying cousin around to distract me.”

  I stick out my tongue. “We both know who the annoying one is.”