Closer To You (Suits in Pursuit)

by Kelley, Lauren H.

  “Being with him is amazing. We laugh together, like the same things, want the same things. When we make love …” Her shaky voice pitched. “Making love is out of this world. He’s romantic. Ash, I screwed up.” She paused. The flood of tears overflowed down her cheeks. Barely audible, her voice strained. “I, I don’t think … he’ll ever take me back. I kept pushing him away. I said awful things to him. There’s no coming back from that. I’ve hurt him too badly.” She wailed loudly. Wringing her hands, she rocked back and forth in a fetal position until she sobered.

  “If he really loves you, and I believe he does, then there’s always hope.”

  She hung her head low, staring into her kneecaps. Her tears began to fall again. “I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know if I can work with him, see him every day.”

  “Can you ask to be assigned to a different project? Maybe things will blow over. This was just a fight.”

  “It was more than a fight. I’ve never seen him look the way he did. Ash, I think I should resign.” She sobbed loudly. Maybe ending things between them was best. It didn’t matter now. He had made the choice for them both. Perhaps this was the only choice that could be made.

  “Slow down. Why don’t you see how next week goes first?” Ashley patted her shoulder.

  She lifted her head to Ashley’s tender eyes and mouth drawn into a straight line. Kerrigan was silent a few moments before responding. “Okay. I can do that.” It had only taken a few weeks to fall for the man. Perhaps she could get him out of her system in the same amount of time. She was a rational thinker. But love follows its own principles, and neither rationale nor logic was relevant in a situation such as this. And she knew it.

  “Kerri, I’ve never seen you like this. Don’t lose hope. Did he say you and he were over?”

  “Not in those exact words, but close enough. He was extremely upset. He said that maybe we should end the relationship. He told me that I broke his heart.”

  “Give him some time. You just had a fight. Couples fight and then they make up.”

  Ashley hugged her friend and then stood up. “I’ve got to get going, but I wanted to check in on you. Call me anytime. I’ll see you Monday. Everything is going to be fine.”

  She dragged herself to the front door with Ashley. “Thanks Ash. I’m going out for some fresh air. Maybe I’ll grab some coffee and think things over. See you Monday.”

  As soon as Ashley left, Kerrigan slipped on her pink and gray New Balance walking shoes and headed outside. The air was crisp and cool as she paced the nature trail. The crunch and crackle of mulch and twigs snapping under her feet reminded her of her broken relationship. Remembering their first meeting in his office when he interviewed her, their attraction had been instant. A slight smile paused on her lips as she reminisced, recalling their first unofficial date in the skybox. He had declared their friendship there. Recounting the many emails they had exchanged, he slowly revealed his feelings.

  The first time she spent an evening at his house when he had essentially kidnapped her—the first time they made out on his balcony and then later in his office—these were all memories of two people falling in love. The memory of the picnic he had arranged for her made her heart swell. Throughout their entire relationship, his feelings had only grown and he had proven himself trustworthy. He loved her, he truly loved her, and she had been too wrapped up in self-doubt and pity to accept his love.

  At a near sprint, a shrub grazed her arm as she made a beeline for her car. Her favorite place to decompress and think while sipping on a refreshing mocha latte beverage was a quaint coffee shop located near Axel’s house. She would go there and clear her foggy head.

  The coffee shop buzzed with people when she walked in. She stood at the counter eyeing the menu and glancing at the tempting pastries on display. “I’ll take a medium-sized soy mocha latte.” She was nursing her self-inflicted wounds. “Add a slice of banana nut bread, please.”

  The young man behind the counter rang up her order. “The bread just came out of the oven, so it’s nice and warm.” He smiled. “That’ll be eight dollars and fifty four cents,” he said, putting the bread onto a small plate and handing the latte to her.

  She handed over her debit card. “Thanks.” Kerrigan shoved the card into her jacket pocket and then grabbed her plate and beverage. Her eyes scanned the café, searching for a quiet, private spot. A short woman carrying a laptop bag was leaving a table in the corner, near the front on the shop. The spot was perfect—out of the limelight, and she could make an easy escape when she was ready. She sank into the large leather chair, placed her plate onto the chair’s wide rectangular arm and sipped her coffee.

  A group of obnoxious teens bolted through the doors laughing and making a loud raucous as they worked their way up to the register. Despite the distraction, a million thoughts raced through her mind as she people-watched and took bites of her warm delicious bread. Things were moving so quickly with Axel that Kerrigan had become scared. He meant everything to her. Interrupted from her thoughts again, she eavesdropped on a young couple that sat at a table near her. The man was apologizing for something he had done. Maybe she could go to Axel and apologize. She hadn’t meant to hurt him.

  From the way they stared at each other and how they touched, it was obvious that the young couple was in love. Was that how she and Axel looked to the rest of the world? She sipped her coffee. For the first time, she felt hopeful despite their fight that their love could survive and that he was her Mr. Right. She was going to win his forgiveness and get her man back.

  The deep thunder of a familiar voice snatched her attention away from the couple. Nervous butterflies fluttered in Kerrigan’s stomach. Axel and a blonde walked into the coffee shop together, their backs facing her as they made their way to the counter. Who was the attractive woman with him? They stood in line chatting. They couldn’t see her, but she saw them. Her heart hammered, and her hands turned clammy. She listened carefully to their conversation, making sure she wasn’t overreacting. The woman’s voice was distinctively sophisticated, obviously someone he knew from his circle. Don’t jump to conclusions. Listen to their conversation. She told herself.

  “I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for coming. I’m sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been preoccupied—Kerrigan.” He said.

  “I understand. You’re ready to move on now. That’s great.” The woman responded as she reached for his hand. He didn’t pull away.

  “This is going to sound harsh, but I’m done with her. I got what I wanted. She’s history to me. I wouldn’t care if she dropped off the face of the earth. In fact, I wish that slut would disappear for good.” His tongue spewed venom.

  “Axel, does that mean I’ll be seeing more of you?” Her voice hinted a smile.

  He laughed and wrapped her in his arms. “You’ll be seeing much more of me. I’ve missed you.”

  She had heard and seen enough. Kerrigan wanted to melt into her seat and die. Her stomach turned and knotted. She thought she might even vomit. A sheer force of will power kept her from bursting into tears. They walked closer to the counter, out of her earshot and out of sight. The first opportunity when their backs were still facing her, she leaped up and bolted for the exit. An elderly couple was almost victim to her stampede.

  Outside, she ran down the sidewalk away from the shop’s large windows to her car. Her hands trembled and chest heaved as she hyperventilated. She fumbled with the car keys and finally collapsed into the driver’s seat. Covering the steering wheel, she buried her tear-streaked face in the fold of her arms, and then sobbed loudly, uncontrollable. His words were etched in her memory and echoed in her head. She knew she could never face him again. He had used her, hurt her, and she was devastated. She knew this day would come and here it was.

  Still lying awake in bed at eleven o’clock on Sunday morning after a sleepless night, all Axel could do was to think about Kerrigan. In general, he didn’t sleep well. She had become his solace. With the rift between them
, his fits of restlessness returned, and they were magnified. He contemplated going to her apartment to talk, but decided against the thought.

  He crawled out of bed, showered and dressed, and then headed for the garage.

  Rob was already seated when he arrived at the restaurant.

  Axel slid into the booth across from his friend, his stubbly face twisted into a frown. “Hey.” He groaned half-wittedly.

  “God! What happened to you man?” Rob’s forehead wrinkled. “Let me guess. Woman trouble.”

  “Hmm.” Axel groaned. “That obvious?” He missed Kerrigan desperately. He missed her smell, the way she smiled, her laugh, her touch, her feel.

  “I haven’t seen you in weeks. Are you still pining after that hot little thing at the office?” Rob flipped through the menu, and then glanced up at Axel. “Kerrigan.”

  Just hearing her name made Axel’s stomach twist. “Yes, Kerrigan. There have been quite a few developments since you and I last talked.” He couldn’t eat. Nothing on the menu was appealing. “We’re dating. She’s my girlfriend, or at least she was.” Imagining his life without her was painful.

  Rob’s brows shot up. “Just dating? Judging from your appearance, I think you’re more than just dating. Looks serious to me.”

  “I guess I’m an open book. Our relationship is pretty serious.” He pushed the menu away and gazed around the busy restaurant. “I’m only getting coffee—not really hungry.”

  The waiter came and took their orders and then they continued talking.

  “Man, I’ve never seen you like this. What happened?”

  “We love each other.” She hadn’t said the words, but he knew she was in love with him. “I want more, and she’s insecure about herself and our relationship. She doesn’t trust me. She threw out some bullshit excuse about me wanting to experiment.” Axel rubbed his temple. “I was supposed to propose to her this weekend.” Rob stared at his friend, listening, and then he took a sip of coffee. “She said some very hurtful things to me, and I stormed out on her.” She had hurt him, and he had to teach her a lesson. If there would be a future between them, Axel didn’t want Kerrigan doubting his love.

  Shoveling a fork full of food into his mouth, Rob mumbled, “I’m sorry man. Do you think you can save your relationship?”

  Axel’s lips pressed into a tight line. “I hope so. I’m going out of town for a few days. The time apart might be good for us both.” He wanted her to trust him, to have faith in him. He wanted to remain optimistic, thinking that somehow they could work out their issues.

  Later that night, Axel crawled into his lonely bed, lost and confused. The realization that their relationship might not survive took a toll on him. His eyes heavy and tired, a lone tear dipped down his cheek onto his pillow, and then the outpouring—for the first time, he cried.

  Monday, October 29

  Monday hit like a brick thrown against hard pavement. Axel didn’t want to get out of bed. He was exhausted, but he had too much work to do. When he had been on good terms with Kerrigan, he ran on pure adrenaline.

  Peeling the duvet back, he dragged one heavy leg at a time over the edge of the bed. Forcing his muscles into motion, he stood and wandered into the bathroom, to get ready for the day.

  Bittersweet memories of their last time together still lingered. He remembered holding her close. When they made love, their souls were joined. He had never experienced a connection so carnal, spiritual and emotional all at once. He had to have her back. He decided to make things right between them. They had both suffered long enough. He began to put plans into motion.

  As soon as he sat down behind his desk, he called Brenda into his office.

  Clunky steps hammered against the floor as Brenda made her way toward the large black desk. “Good morning. What can I do for you sir?” She asked.

  He met her patient eyes. “Morning Brenda.” He growled. “Please ask Kerrigan to come to my office the minute she arrives.”

  “Okay. I’ll leave a message for her now. You realize you have back-to-back meetings all day.”

  “Please interrupt any of my meetings when she gets here. That’s all for now. Thank you Brenda.” He hadn’t eaten much in the last two days and even with the hunger pains gnawing at his empty stomach, he couldn’t bring himself to think about food.

  Brenda strolled out of his office, her instructions to contact Kerrigan clear.

  The clock on his computer read five thirty in the afternoon. Axel called Brenda back into his office. “Brenda, did you ever get in touch with Kerrigan? Where is she?”

  Standing in front of his desk, Brenda fidgeted with her hands. “No sir. She hasn’t returned any of my messages—voicemails, nor emails. Nothing! No one has heard from her all day, including Marie.”

  This was going to be harder than he thought. He was leaving that evening and would be out of town until the next week. There was little he could do besides leaving messages.

  Friday, November 2

  Axel walked through the main entrance doors to the executive suite.

  Brenda gasped and brought her hand to her chest as she sucked in a hard breath. “Sir, I thought you were returning next week. Is everything okay?”

  He shuffled passed her desk heading to his office, his arms overloaded with a laptop bag and duffle bag, and a small suitcase trailing behind him. “I cut my trip short. Have you heard from Kerrigan?” He yelled over his shoulder.

  Hurrying from around her desk, Brenda scrambled into his office. “No sir. Not a peep. Is everything all right?” Grabbing the handle, she retrieved the small suitcase from him.

  “No. Everything isn’t all right. I don’t know where Kerrigan is.” He was losing patience, and he was beyond worry. She wasn’t taking calls from him, and she wouldn’t return his messages.

  “Mr. Christensen, Kerrigan called out sick on Monday, but that was the last time Marie heard from her. Would you like for me to email her again?”

  “No, Brenda. Call her at home again and put her through to me at once.” He barked.

  She sighed heavily. “Okay. I’ll try her at home, again.” She wheeled the suitcase next to the red leather sofa, and then exited.

  Two hours later, Brenda strutted into Axel’s office for a second time and stood in front of his desk. “Sir, I left another message.”

  He pounded his fist on the desk. “Damn! Where in the hell is she? Do you have her cell phone number?”

  “No sir. I’ll ask Marie for the number.”

  “No. No. I’ll call her myself and leave another message. Please close my door. I don’t want to be disturbed. Brenda, thank you.”

  Reaching for his cell phone, he dialed her mobile number. After, ringing several times, the call went to voicemail. Axel was beside himself now. He had only meant to jar her. She was taking their argument harder than was rational, and than he had intended. Feeling helpless, he did the only thing he could think to do. He picked up the phone and dialed the extension.

  “Good afternoon, A.C. Advertising. This is Ashley Turner.”

  “Ashley, this is Axel Christensen. Can you come to my office now?”

  She paused. “Uh, yes, yes sir. I’ll be right there.” She stammered.

  Axel slammed down the phone and rambled his way to the door. “Brenda, Ashley Turner is on her way up. Please escort her in as soon as she arrives.”

  In less than five minutes, Axel swiveled around in his chair facing Ashley whose face was scrunched, her eyes narrow, and forehead wrinkled with grooves and creases. He knew Ashley would see the look of distress and anguish on his face. Bags and dark shadows settled underneath his eyes had made their semi-permanent residence.

  “Brenda, please close my door. We’re not to be disturbed unless Kerrigan Mulls calls or shows up.”

  “Yes sir,” she replied. Brenda excused herself and closed the doors.

  He grimaced at Ashley. His arms waving aimlessly, “Have a seat,” he said, pointing to the chairs across from his desk in one of the guest sea
ts.

  “Mr. Christensen, what’s this about? How can I help you?” Ashley asked with a puzzled expression. She didn’t know why she’d been summoned to meet with him.

  “Ashley, please call me Axel. I need to ask you some questions. Do you mind?”

  “I guess not.” She paused. “What’s going on?”

  He leaned in closer, elbows firmly planted on top of the desk, splattered with a sea of disheveled papers. “You’re friends with Kerrigan Mulls, aren’t you?”

  “Yes. She’s my best friend. I’ve known her since college.” Her rickety voice rang out.

  “Then you know exactly what this is about, don’t you?”

  “I know that the two of you are involved, but no, I have no idea why you called me here today.”

  His hands clenched into tightly balled fists. “Ashley, I need to know that she’s okay. Have you talked to her recently?”

  “She hasn’t returned my calls in over a week, but that’s not unusual, especially since you entered the picture.” Her accusatory tone didn’t surprise him, and he wouldn’t make any apologies.

  He ran restless fingers through his dark thick mane. “I’ve tried calling her for the past several days and can’t reach her. She called out sick on Monday, and no one has heard from her since.” He muttered.

  “Well, I got worried when I couldn’t reach her by phone for a few days. I went to see her last Saturday afternoon. She didn’t look good. She was upset and told me that the two of you had a fight, and you broke up with her. She blamed herself and defended you. I expected to see her this week, but I haven’t seen her or heard from her. I only get her voicemail when I call.”

  He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Shit! I’m sorry to bring you into this, but I’m worried. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  He studied Ashley for a moment, and then covered his face with his hands and leaned back in his chair, groaning loudly.

  “I love her so much. I didn’t mean for our argument to go this far. I planned to see her Monday to work through our issues. I’ll go by her place again tonight. I’m very worried. Please, if you hear from her, ask her to call me immediately.”