Scars of my Past

by DC Renee

  We spent the evening dancing, socializing, and drinking spiked punch with our friends. It was just as I’d imagined a real prom would be.

  “It’s time to crown tonight’s king and queen,” I heard as I looked up toward the stage and saw Amanda with a giant smile on her face.

  “Oh God, Cam, really?” I asked. “We could have skipped this part,” I said, unable to contain my laughter. He truly went all out. “Can I take a guess who wins?” I joked even though I knew it wasn’t a joke at all.

  “You don’t think you’re a queen?” he asked with a teasing smile. “Gen, you’ll always be my queen. This is just so everyone else knows it too.”

  “I’m pretty sure our friends get it,” I said as I hit his arm playfully.

  “Well, let’s make sure they really do,” he said as he started leading me toward the stage.

  “And the winners for king and queen are Genevieve and Cameron. Come on up and get crowned, you crazy kids,” Amanda said. That particular speech wasn’t supposed to go exactly like that, but Amanda always did put her flair in everything she did.

  Amanda placed a cheesy crown on Cam’s head first. He stepped aside so she could place one on my head all while our friends cheered like we’d won the highest honor. If I didn’t feel so comfortable with them, I’d have turned beet red with embarrassment.

  After the crown was on my head, I turned to face Cam, and my hands instinctively flew up to my mouth as I cried for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

  “Gen,” he started as he kneeled on the floor on one knee. The hope and fear in his voice caused my tears to turn into sobs. My God … I didn’t think I could love him any more than I already had. “For as long as I can remember, I didn’t want to be in love. Not because I didn’t believe in it, but because I think I believed too strongly. The love my parents had for each other was so grand that when my father passed away, my mom couldn’t survive. I didn’t want that for myself. But then I found you. It didn’t matter what I had thought before because try as I might, I couldn’t stop myself from falling for you. And I thank God every day for proving me wrong about love and for showing me that it’s worth everything. You’re worth everything. And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just that—that you mean more to me than anything else in this world. Please, Gen, please do me the honor of saying you’ll be my wife because I want to live each day right by your side for the rest of my life … if you’ll have me.”

  How does a girl respond to that? She launches herself into her lover’s arms, toppling them both backward and covering him with kisses between yeses.

  “I love you, Gen. I love you so much,” he told me.

  “I know,” I responded. “I love you so much too.”

  And I knew that I had just gotten my happily ever after with the monster from my past, the Prince Charming of my present, and the knight in shining armor of my future.

  EPILOGUE

  Twelve years later …

  “ANDREW WAS MEAN to me,” Cassidy whined and pouted at the same time. I had to stifle a laugh at how adorable she looked with a stern expression on her innocent face.

  “Who’s Andrew?” Cam immediately asked beside me.

  Cassidy was our oldest at eight years of age, but I swear she was going on thirty. If Cam had his way, he’d probably lock her up in her room forever. Jonah was our youngest at five years old, but the saying about boys maturing later than girls was right. I looked over to catch him and Nate—Amanda’s boy—trying to scare a couple of Cassidy’s friends with plastic spiders while my mom chased after them.

  “That one.” She pointed at Andrew. Cassidy had just turned eight that week, and we were celebrating her birthday at our house with a pool party. She invited plenty of kids from her class, one of whom was Andrew. The way Cam was staring a hole through the poor kid, you’d think Andrew kicked puppies for sport.

  “He’s eight,” I whispered to Cam all while laughing inside.

  “You know, sweetheart, Daddy was mean to Mommy when we first met too,” I told Cassidy.

  “Nuh-uh,” she responded. “Daddy loves you,” she said sweetly, looking just like her father at that moment. I smiled as I turned toward Cam to find a mirrored expression on his face.

  After we’d gotten engaged, we both finished school. Cam was expected to go into the NFL, but in a move surprising to others but not to me, he said that wasn’t the path he wanted to take.

  I was afraid he was doing it for the wrong reasons, so I sat him down and told him I’d support him no matter what he decided. In response, he said, “I used football as an outlet when I needed something to feel in control and needed a way to get my anger out. I played the part of a star because I needed something else in my life. I stopped needing all that the minute I met you. I’ve spent too much time in the spotlight and not enough time living my own life. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t need it anymore. I just need you.”

  I understood. I understood. I also knew that deep down, he was afraid that if he became famous, his past might be leaked for the world to know, and he’d never survive that—even with me by his side.

  We got married right after I graduated. I had no problem waiting longer, but Cam said he couldn’t wait to make me his bride; he couldn’t wait for the world to know I was officially his. I told him I’d been his forever. He smiled, kissed me, and then pushed for a wedding date.

  He went to law school while I worked at a non-profit organization that helped veterans get back on their feet. I’d kind of stumbled into that job. It had been tight for us for a few years, especially after Cassidy was born. She wasn’t an accident per se since we hadn’t been taking the proper precautions to avoid pregnancy, but things would have been easier if we’d waited a few years. And then a few years later came Jonah.

  But things were good now—great even. Cam had started his own firm a few years back, and it was picking up. Sure, he had days when he worked way too much, but there were also perks of owning your own firm. You generally got to make your own hours.

  I still worked for the non-profit, and I loved my job.

  We had stayed in Los Angeles because it had become home to us. A few of our friends also did—most notably Amanda. A year into her graduate program, she met Drew. They fell in love, got married, and had Nate at the same time as we had Jonah. She also had a rambunctious two-year-old girl who she was currently chasing while Drew chatted with the other dads. My parents moved to LA a few years ago so they could be closer to us and their grandchildren. They were a godsend, helping us whenever they could.

  “It’s true,” I told Cassidy. “Daddy loves me now, but at first, he was a big bully.”

  “Like Andrew!” she cried.

  “Yep, like Andrew.” I chuckled.

  “But I didn’t let him get away with being mean.”

  “What did you do?” she asked wide-eyed.

  “Let’s just say I was very nice to him, and he couldn’t be mean to me anymore.”

  “So I should be nice to Andrew?”

  “Yes,” I responded at the same time as Cam said, “No.”

  “What?” he asked innocently after I gave him a stern look. “She shouldn’t be nice to any boy … ever. She’s not dating until she’s forty, and even then, we’ll have to have a talk.”

  I just rolled my eyes, not bothering to hide my smile from him.

  “Cass, sweetheart, you should be nice to everyone, especially bullies. You never know why they’re that way. Maybe they just need someone to be nice to them.”

  “I can do that,” she said cheerily as she hopped away to join the rest of the birthday fun, and it was most certainly fun. I admit we went all out with the cotton candy station, the ice-cream bar, the giant stack of pizzas, the activity station, the jumper, and a few other things, but she was our baby girl. How could we deny her everything she wanted?

  “I love you,” Cam whispered as he pulled me toward him. “And I’m thankful every fucking day of my life that you were nice to
me because I couldn’t imagine life without you.”

  “Good thing you don’t have to. You’re stuck with me forever.”

  “Forever with you wouldn’t even be enough.” And then he kissed me like he’d done plenty of times before, and with Cam, each time felt like the first. And I knew that for the rest of our lives, it always would.

  *****

  Seven years later …

  “Mom, Mom,” Cassidy cried as soon as she walked through the front door. “You’re never going to believe what just happened.” She rounded the corner with a giant smile plastered on her beautiful face. She looked like a perfect mixture of me and Cam, but Cam said she was all me. He kept complaining that he was already beating guys away left and right. I think having her in high school made him even more nervous because of the way he was, and even though he’d never admit it, I was sure he was worried about her having a hard time like I did.

  He didn’t have to worry, though; Cassidy was well liked by everyone. After that small “bullying” incident with Andrew at her eighth birthday, Cassidy had made it a point to be extra nice to just about everyone, paying special attention to those who seemed to have something weighing heavy on their shoulders. No one could be mean to a person who just wouldn’t let you be mean to them. As far as I knew, there were no more “bullying” incidents after that.

  I was one hundred percent proud of my baby girl. Cam, on the other hand, thought she should be mean to any guy within a two-foot radius. If he’d been privy to some of our girl talks, I had a feeling he’d increase that to a two-mile radius.

  “What is it, Cass?” I asked with a smile of my own, her enthusiasm rubbing off on me.

  “I got bullied!” she exclaimed with so much happiness I actually had to chuckle because I was genuinely stumped as to how that could be a good thing.

  “Who the hell bullied my daughter?” Cam asked, his voice stern and full of concern and anger as he appeared practically out of thin air.

  “This boy named Daniel,” Cass responded, the joy still apparent in her voice.

  “And this is a good thing, why?” Cam took the words right out of my mouth.

  “I was walking out of the locker room after dance practice, talking to Trish. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and I bumped into him. I made him spill his soda all over himself,” she admitted shyly to us. “I tried to tell him I was sorry, but he looked at me like I was a leper.” I could feel Cam stiffening beside me. I found his hand with mine and grasped it, calming him instantly as I prayed Cassidy got to the point quickly. I didn’t think Cam could handle much more of this. “‘You fucking ruined my shirt,’ he screamed at me. ‘This fucking bitch ruined my damn shirt,’ he said to his friend beside him.”

  “Cass, the point?” I asked, trying to get her to skip these details because it was taking everything in me to hold Cam down while tamping down my own urge to beat the shit out of the little fucker who cursed at my baby girl. Let’s not forget the odd sense of déjà vu creeping into the entire situation.

  “Sorry, right, er, where was I? Well, at first, I wanted to punch him, but then I realized he was bullying me.” She paused a moment, a secret smile playing on her lips.

  “Cassidy, sweetheart, if you don’t get on with the story, your dad is going to have a heart attack.”

  “So I looked him up and down. He asked, ‘What?’ And then I said, ‘You’re bullying me.’ He looked kind of shocked for a minute. Then he opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a kiss on his cheek.”

  “You did what?” Cam yelled.

  “Daddy, don’t you see? That’s what you did to Mom!”

  “No,” Cam replied somewhat shocked by Cassidy’s words, but Cassidy didn’t even hear him.

  “So I told him, ‘Thank you. You probably don’t realize this yet, but one day, you’re going to marry me.’ Then I walked away, and he really was shocked then. Isn’t this the best news ever? I found my soul mate just like you guys did!” She practically shouted with sincere exuberance as she gave us each a kiss on our stunned cheeks before bouncing away like she’d won the lottery.

  “Well, I guess that’s one way to handle a bully,” I said after a minute.

  “We’re locking her up until she’s forty,” Cam responded.

  “But then she won’t be able to marry Daniel,” I responded mockingly.

  “That’s the point, Gen. That’s the exact point,” he said with a small laugh.

  “Don’t worry, Cam. When the time comes, she’ll find a guy who treats her the way you treat me. With so much love and respect, it’s almost like it’s too good to be true.”

  “Oh, Gen, it’s true, it’s very, very true,” he said as he swept me up into a kiss. “And later, I’ll show you just how much I love you.”

  “Promise?” I asked.

  “Promise,” he responded, and I smiled knowingly because Cam never broke his promises.

  *****

  Eight years later …

  “We should have locked her up,” Cam whispered beside me with amusement as the officiate spoke.

  “Oh, hush you,” I said with a quick elbow to his ribs. He chuckled softly beside me. “I told you she’d find someone who treated her with the same love and respect I found with you.”

  “Yeah,” he conceded. “It’s just … Isn’t it odd?” he asked quietly.

  “It’s fate,” I told him and placed my hand in his.

  “And now the bride and groom would like to say their own vows,” the minister said as we both gazed at our baby girl. She was twenty-three and the most breathtaking bride to have ever lived, but she was still our little girl. I had accepted that she was an adult more so than Cam had even though he admitted on several occasions that her groom was “not a bad guy.” That was his way of saying he approved, but it didn’t stop him from wishing Cassidy hadn’t grown up so darn quickly.

  One minute, we had been holding her in our arms in the hospital as she took her first breath, and now she was getting married.

  “Cassidy,” he said. His voice was hoarse with emotion just as Cam’s was when we had gotten married—thick with love, devotion, and awe. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek before he even started his vows. If I had any doubts before that she’d found the one, I didn’t then. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for bringing you into my life. I could tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are inside and out, but then we’d probably be here for days, and I’d really like to make you my wife,” he joked, and we all laughed. “From that very first day you crashed into me—quite literally”—he smirked, and a secretive smile lit up Cassidy’s face—“you turned my world upside down in the best way possible. I was—what did you call me? I was a bully, but you wouldn’t take it.” He chuckled. “You surprised me that day. Of course, I thought you were crazy then,” he joked, “but I knew at that moment I had to get to know the girl who didn’t back down and who smiled at me when I pushed her away. And I’m so unbelievably happy I did because I got to really know you, and you … you’re too incredible for words. Your devotion to the people you love, the way you care for everyone you meet, putting a smile on even the coldest of hearts, you’re just…” He trailed off as his words became slightly choked with emotion. “You’re the kind of girl who feeds a stray animal, the one who gives up her seat to old ladies, the kind of girl who finds the goodness in everything, even a big old bully like me. You looked at me that day and said I’d marry you one day. I consider it destiny because here I am, the absolute luckiest man on earth because you picked me. I get to marry you. And I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you just how thankful I am that you’re my wife. I love you, Cass. I loved you the moment you kissed my cheek, and I’ll love you more with each passing day.”

  I looked over at Cassidy, happy tears ruining her makeup as she stared into Daniel’s eyes. To them, no one else was there. It was truly a mother’s joy to know her daughter had found someone who looked at her like he’d been given a s
uperbly magical gift, and he’d cherish it forever. I finally understood the knowing look my mother had given me when I’d married Cam.

  The ceremony continued, and Cassidy and Daniel were pronounced husband and wife to a chorus of cheers as Cam and I clapped the loudest. Who would have predicted that Cassidy had been right that day in high school? She’d found her soul mate in a misunderstood bully like I had. All it had taken was a little love and never giving up when things got rough.

  “Like mother, like daughter,” Cam said as he wrapped me in his arms.

  “Good,” I responded with finality as a smile played on my lips.

  “Jonah, stop,” Alexa—Amanda’s daughter who was two years younger than our Jonah—cried somewhere nearby.

  “Like father, like son,” I said with a laugh.

  “Good,” Cam responded with his own laugh.

  “Full circle, huh?” I asked.

  “Full circle,” he said with a nod. “Fate,” he added, echoing my words from before.

  “You, Cam, you’re my fate.”

  “Thank God for that,” he said as he claimed my lips with all the love he had—exactly as he did every time. He’d started as my ruin, but he’d ended as my salvation. And when I kissed him back, I told him that—exactly as I did every time.

  ~The End~

  If you or someone you know is at risk for suicide, please contact toll-free the

  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  I know I’m lucky when it comes to my family. They support me in anything and everything that I do. They are my biggest cheerleaders, they shower me with praise and encouragement, and they surround me with love. Thank you to my hubby, my baby girl, my sister (without whom most of my books wouldn’t exist as she’s my muse), my parents, my in-laws, and my nieces and nephew.