by Leah Banicki
“I am sorry, I have made it worse.” Zee took a large hand and brushed a stray curl off my face. I closed my eyes as he touched my cheek. I was enjoying this way too much. I felt the alarm bells going off. I instantly thought of Anthony.
“Keep talking Zee, I am okay. What happened next?” I wanted him to keep talking. My thoughts need to be interrupted. Anything but thinking about Anthony today, I felt a swell of selfishness, wanting to hear about Zee’s worst day to distract me from my own troubles.
“Well I was rushed to the hospital. I lost a lot of blood and had several surgeries that first week to remove the bullets. While I was there the family of the man I shot decided to sue me for wrongful death. Even though he had a gun and had shot at me, his gun wasn’t at the scene, the man at the window escaped with the gun. My reputation was in the hands of the media and the police department had nothing to say in my defense. My name was smeared, my body broken and no one seemed to care except me and my family. Every week the Chicago papers took delight in splashing my name in the headlines, sometimes I was labeled a dirty cop. Other times, they brought my family into it, my girlfriend’s name was mentioned too and that ended our relationship very quickly.” Zee gave my hand a squeeze when he stopped. “I had a few panic attacks of my own after those days. I was so disillusioned about my job and my relationships. I thought I lost every friend I ever had for a while. A few true friends rose to the surface but I learned so much during that time. I was walking on crutches when the court case started.” He was frowning at a memory. I could see he was reliving it.
“I am speechless Zee. I want to comfort you but have no words other than, I am truly sorry. Are you okay? I mean, you aren’t in any pain now are you?” I asked and did a once over glance, like I had a way to see his injuries magically. I felt a bit silly but I was suddenly worried about my new friend.
“I am doing well, I will never be able to run like I did before, but I am healthy, I still get achy when bad weather rolls through. I’ve been threatening to make a few long trips to a warmer climate during the winters. But I cannot miss my nieces and nephews over the holidays. They would be devastated.”
His smile warmed my heart. I could imagine the crew around here on Christmas, tearing through presents and running through the house chasing Bailey around.
“Christmas in this place would be quite beautiful, do you decorate?” I asked, changing the subject to one that was hopefully less painful.
“My sister goes into a decorating frenzy and I make it worse by shopping after Christmas for new decorations every year. My basement is full. We go all out, roasting chestnuts, lighting the outside and the inside. The tree is always extreme fun. I have a fake one that was outrageously expensive but goes to the ceiling in the great room.” Zee pointed to the far wall and the enormous ceiling.
“That must be over fifteen feet tall!” I exclaimed in wonder, what a beautiful thought, Christmas in the Bliss cabin. I was reveling in the thought of snuggling under a blanket and drinking hot cocoa while the kids piled in after playing in the snow. Yeah, the picture was a nice one.
“Actually it’s almost twenty feet. I saw the look on your face. If you play your cards right I could get you an exclusive invite to a Christmas Eve party next year. You are my cover art photographer, after all.” Zee said with a wink. He gave me a look that was very sweet. It made me forget the trouble of the day.
“Can I stay for a while longer Zee?” I asked him softly. “I don’t want to leave yet. This is the most peaceful I have felt in a long time.”
“Of course, Hannah.”
* * * * *
Three more days of shooting photos and working magic on my laptop and I had some ideas to run by Jackson. The visit went well and Ruby’s whole family was there. I got to meet Kyle’s sister Tina too, she was quiet and small for her age, but her eyes took in everything around her. She was twelve and getting her own ideas about things, Ruby had shared. She was a reader and seated herself in the favorite red chair with a book within minutes after dinner. She had good taste, it was my favorite spot too.
I met Ruby’s husband, Carl, and he was a gentle giant. His trimmed beard looked ruggedly handsome. He was a few inches shorter than Jackson but still very tall. I was enjoying this family dynamic.
“I would love to do a family portrait of you before I leave.” I said while the adults sat around the table. “Something outdoors and a bit more spontaneous than a studio shot.”
“Leaving?” Ruby said loudly. “Not allowed… I like you too much.” She made a comical frown face.
“I have a job in Alaska in a week. I’ll be gone a few weeks then I have to go back to my apartment in New York. I still pay half the rent, and all my good computer stuff is there.” I grinned as I shared, but I saw all the faces fall around the table. Ruby tried to smile but it failed to be honest.
“I think my wife had grand schemes of having a new best friend nearby.” Carl said, the gentle giant speaks.
“I am sorry sweetheart. I do love it here but I don’t actually have a home here unfortunately. I have trespassed on my parents’ golden years too much already. The stress from the paparazzi is showing around the edges for both of them. I think they deserve to have a little peace.” I saw Jackson trying to smile too. We became fast friends. I would miss him. I would miss all of them.
“I know, Hannah.” Ruby said, “I just like you a lot. You bring a spark to all of us, I think. I may have to insist you fly out and see us sometimes, we may even let you visit with your folks too.” We all laughed. It broke the heaviness from the conversation.
“I do love to travel. My roommate will be getting married in a few months. I may need an escape afterward. She is on obsessive shopper and I may be shopped-to-death and need a vacation afterward.”
“And there is always Facebook.” Jackson said with a wink. We saw each other nearly every day this last week and still we messaged each other often. I could not see that habit ending any time soon. Chapter 20
My flight was leaving tomorrow. I was packed for the trip but my heart was still lingering here. I had to say goodbye to my new friends. I finished all my work for Jackson’s website and book cover. I even had a chance to get a family portrait of the Pearson family by the lake. Kyle was able to hold still, surprisingly.
I opened my laptop and saw a message from Jackson,
‘Come to dinner tonight. Let me thank you properly for all your hard work.’ Zee's message made my heart thump a bit; this felt somewhat like a date.
I replied with a ‘Yes’ and hit the send button before I changed my mind.
Was I ready? I asked myself. I wasn’t ready to get my heart involved again. I still held a few secret hopes
that Anthony would see the error of his ways. But my mind knew better.
I wanted to give Jackson the present I bought him. It was silly really. Just a painting I saw in an art shop. A young man in the Victorian era bent over his desk with a quill furiously writing by candlelight. I thought it would fit well within his taste, and add some life to his office. The colors were bold and earthy. I was hoping he would like it.
I dressed carefully for dinner went over my checklist a few more times while waiting to leave. I had a bad habit of getting ready too quickly then had to sit around and wait. I ran into my mom in the kitchen.
"You heading out to see Jackson again?" She asked with a certain look in her eye. She had met him a few days ago. She was very impressed. She also was a fan and had him sign her books. It was fun to see my parents with Jackson. He praised me in front of them and I must say I was flattered.
My mom had a few comments after he left. "He is starting to care about you." She told me that day. "I can see it when he looks at you. He is very protective."
I agreed.
"I care about him too. He saw me through a few rough patches in the last week and I think we bonded. I consider him a very close friend now. I already have a Christmas invite for a family party." I said with a smile. My mom laughed
and patted me on the behind, as I walked past her.
"Well, you do hob-nob with the rich and famous now don't you?"
Tonight she gave me that look again, the one that spoke volumes about Jackson and his intentions.
"It’s just a goodbye dinner, nothing to get your apron in a knot about." I said to her squinty look. I patted her fluffy hair and stole an orange slice off her plate.
"I will leave you be, I am hoping he can be patient with you. You have had a rough year." My mom stood and kissed me on the cheek.
"I hope you guys have a great trip next week. You deserve a getaway after all I have put you through." I could see my mom had dragged the luggage out from the closets. The living room seemed to be the command post for “Operation Hawaii.”
"I just hope your father can relax and enjoy being still for a full two weeks. We have big plans for island hopping. I am gonna make him swim with dolphins, you watch and see." My mom’s smile was infectious. She had shared that prediction already but I didn't care, I loved the happy look on my Mom's face.
"I will need a picture of that. I have an inexpensive waterproof camera I can loan you. No worries if it gets lost, it was a refurbished find. You know me, addicted to camera shopping." I ran to my room and grabbed the waterproof camera from a backpack of things to go to New York.
I came out of my room and showed her the camera with a flourish. Within a minute she had a grasp on its mechanics. It's a simple camera without too many bells and whistles.
* * * * *
I arrived at the cabin of bliss and marched up the gravel driveway in my heels. It was a bit dangerous. I felt a bit nervous and jumpy. Not sure why, perhaps because I was leaving. Back to New York after my trip to Alaska seemed so foreign to me now. I couldn't imagine being able to get away from the crowds or paparazzi in the Big Apple.
Hearing the crunch of my heels through the gravel was a sweet sound as I catalogued the memory of the warm glow of lights pouring through the windows. He went all out and lit candles on the fireplace and the place looked like a postcard. Come to Michigan, it would say, making a pretty good advertisement.
"Hello Hannah." Jackson said in a low voice as he opened the door and settled his hand on the small of my back to guide me in.
I peeled off the shawl that was unnecessary in the warm room. I was wearing a dress I salvaged from the show. It had no memories with it of anything special. I wore it to a date ceremony. It had a low back that made me feel a bit dangerous, I thought at the time I chose it.
"I am honored, you got dressed up for little ol' me." Jackson took the wrapped gift, set it to the side, as he grabbed my arm and lifted it high, and with a deft move that I would never understand, gave me a twirl to see the full extent of the dress.
"Devastating!" He said simply.
"You do flatter me." I said trying to ease my discomfort. He was stirring me up in his all black attire. He cleaned up nice, too. Just dress slacks and a pin-striped button down shirt, but he wore it well.
"I have a gift." I said awkwardly. This was feeling a bit like a date, a real one without cameras or a crowd of people. The idea had merit. I said to myself.
"You did not need to get me anything. This is supposed to be my official ‘thank you for all you did for me’ dinner." Jackson gave me a scornful look for a moment then gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I picked up the gift and handed him the wrapped frame awkwardly. He opened it and he caught the card as it fell.
"You can read the card later. It is just... thanking you for the other day." I was suddenly embarrassed about the things I wrote. I didn’t want to appear too clingy, ‘would you be my friend’ in it. I was an idiot of the highest degree.
"Whatever you say, Hannah." He leaned against the couch and finished unwrapping. He held out the frame as the wrapping dropped to the floor.
"This is wonderful." He smiled sincerely and took it over to a brighter light. "This is just the sort of thing I love." He said, his smile getting wider.
"I do hope so, I looked around at what you have, and well I thought this would blend in nicely. It said volumes about you too. I can see you in the midst of a scene writing just as feverishly as this young man in the painting." I smiled back warmly. He set the painting down on the counter and approached me for a hug. For the briefest moment I thought he was going to kiss me but was glad for the hug. Not ready for romantic stuff...yet.
"We have known each other long enough and I am blessed to have you as a friend Hannah." His hug was brief and warm. He smelled of a musky cologne. I could have melted into him for at least a minute more. * * * * *
"I will give you your present after dinner." Jackson said. "For now get over to the table and I will serve you."
I could see he had made an effort the dining room was transformed with a tablecloth, crystal and expensive china set out perfectly. I had a strange feeling that he was trying to impress me.
Suddenly I had a thought, on the Soulmate show, every date I had fifty or more people orchestrating everything, the food and the decorations. It took very little effort on my part, or on the part of Anthony to do anything for each other. I never got to be impressed by how hard Anthony worked to impress me. I was just happy to be chosen to have another date, which was really quite pathetic. Isn’t love sometimes the sacrifices you make for each other? Going out of the way to do something special for someone?
I had been thinking too hard because I heard a harrumph coming from the kitchen.
"You have a very serious face, you don't like my granny's China?" Jackson asked with an eyebrow raised.
I grinned and shook my head, no. "Just thinking too much. I am very pleased by all the hard work you did tonight. The table looks beautiful." I said but my words came out stunted. I know I didn’t sound sincere.
Jackson had a salad bowl and a caddy of dressing headed over to the table. He had a calm look on his face but I thought he must be wondering why my mood has shifted so fast.
"Are you alright Sweetheart?" Jackson sat down and served some salad on plate number one.
"Yes, please forgive my tone, I am just a little angry with myself. I was so impressed with your thank you dinner set up, it got me to thinking." I admitted.
"A dangerous past-time." He grabbed my hand across the table, he urged me to keep going with a squeeze.
"I realized how much I allowed my emotions to get involved on the show when certain things had never been there." I swallowed my pride. "Like consideration, patience, and generosity, when everyone on the staff did everything for us, when did we ever go out of our way for each other? The only thing Anthony ever did for me was pick me for a date. In a relationship that should be a given. After dating for a week you should know whether or not you are going to be chosen for a date, if you aren't, any sane person would just assume they weren’t interested." I laughed a little at the thought. Standing around in a ball gown waiting for cards every week seems really stupid.” I realized I was talking too much about myself and gave Jackson an apologetic look.
I picked a salad dressing from the caddy and dove into my salad. It was good with tons of veggies and all the good stuff mixed in.
"You make a good salad Zee." I said softly.
"You know, I don't mind you sharing your thoughts. You know they will never leave this room. You have been through a pretty extreme situation. When you come to a light bulb moment of clarity, I know from personal experience, it helps to talk it out. I care about your friendship and I truly hope you never feel like you have to pretend with me. I can be your pretend-free-friend, okay?" His smile was my undoing. I felt a tear escape, but I laughed a little at the pretend-free-friend comment. I was not sure if I had met anybody like Zee.
"Okay, I have to admit you started the whole problem tonight Zee." I gave him a fake glare.
"Muah?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yes, it made me realize that a real relationship is based on more than the external stuff. I think I just shook another layer off my break
up woes. Thanks I needed that." I said sincerely and gave him a real smile.
"Well I say we get all our tears out over salad because I want you to cry over my creation for its own merits. Prime rib coming right up." He jumped up and kept talking as he took long steps into the kitchen. "This bad boy has been slow roasting all day. I was certain I was going to die earlier from longing to dive into the juicy meat. I think I did a good job hiding the teeth marks, I must say."
I couldn’t help but giggle.
"How did you know that Prime rib was my favorite of all things?" I asked, “I adore it.”
"I didn’t know, but seriously, it's my specialty. My father taught us boys, but I know mine is the best. I may have surpassed the teacher." He lifted a cocky eyebrow, as he brought out the carving board loaded with a nice portion of meat that smelled heavenly.
"You brought enough for an army. I have an appetite but ummm, this is a bit much." My eyebrows were locked into a shocked position over the platter of prime rib.
"Well because I do adore prime rib so much, I always make a heap of it when I do. I have three days of amazing sandwiches. I have a writing spree to do when you leave." He pouted momentarily. "I figured I will need to cheer myself up once you are gone, the best way to do that is a murder mystery. It's all your fault, someone has to die." Jackson gave me his cop face and it scared me just a little bit.
I cringed while laughing.
"I hope the blood on my hands will be someone that deserved to die." I stated, still giggling.
He started carving the prime rib, it was perfectly done. I could not wait to taste it.
"Actually I am so upset by your leaving it will probably be something devastating, like a little old lady or something dramatic like a minister."
Jackson handed me the plate, He went to the kitchen and brought out a bowl of mashed potatoes and flaky crescent rolls. He served us both quickly and sat down so we can dig in, finally.
