by Leah Banicki
“Wow, Chrissy. I don’t know what to say.”
“Just nod, and cry a little, a happy cry this time.” She said as we shared a bear hug. Mended fences are so much stronger than the one you build the first time.
“Ok.” I agreed and let the tears flow.
The media storm did not take long to find me. I stayed the night at my parents after a late night talking with everyone. We discussed everything from the love confessions of Anthony to my new relationship to Jackson and what I was going to do about Tony wanting to text me now. Argh!
The cameras showed up again at my parent’s front door and I could not leave. I wanted to go back to my home and Chrissy and I tried a foolhardy plan of trying to back up slowly so they would move out of the way. They outsmarted our plan by not moving – foiled again.
Chrissy and I gave a hug pose to the cameras before going back inside. At least everyone would know that our relationship had healed, if people still cared about the comings and goings of boring Hannah Parker.
My dad called the show back to ask for protection from the media hounds, but they informed him the show was no longer responsible for paying for security. My dad hung up and called the local police.
I called Jackson on my cell to warn him not to come to my parents looking for me.
“Hi beautiful.” He said slowly, something strange in his voice.
“Hiya Handsome, I just called to warn you not to come to my parents today. Our plans are changed. The media hounds are back.”
“Yea, I figured that would happen after last night.” He said a bit dejectedly, it was very unlike him.
“Stupid Soulmate, gosh I wish that all this drama would end, it’s over and done. Why can’t they just leave me alone?” I said lightly but my heart was wondering why Jackson sounded so down.
“Are you okay Zee. You don’t sound like yourself today.” I asked.
“Well, I watched the special on last night. Ruby called me and told me it was on. I guess it just got me in a panic. It is what it is.” He said, trying to sound more chipper but not quite reaching it.
“Jackson, I said I love you because I do. I was not waiting around with baited breath for some guy on a TV show to change his mind. If anything I never would have met you if I hadn’t been on the show. I would be in New York awkwardly single and chasing some photography job, I am sure. I love you, Jackson Zyskowski! Now cheer up. I will find a way to come over if I can lose the Paparazzi.” I said firmly, I hoped he was really listening.
I make a few cheesy kiss noises into the phone until he laughed and we said goodbye. I hated to put him through this mess too. So aggravating.
I was trying to shove away any anxious thoughts and took deep breaths until the police arrived. I attempted to leave in the chaos and my dad’s mustang stalled out in the driveway. My dad ran out and popped the hood and was lost to us for the rest of the day.
“Lost in tinkering.” I told my mother.
I decided this week it was time to buy a car, my own car. I called Ruby and asked if she could come and get me at a neighbor’s house. I snuck through the backyard wearing a wig that looks like Chrissy’s short hairdo. I waited next to the garage and jumped into Ruby’s car when she arrived. My heart actually pounded like I was in a stupid spy movie while I waited for my ride. How silly is this?
I spent the rest of the evening with Jackson watching movies and hiding out in the Bliss House. I spent some quality time reminding Jackson how much I cared. I got lost in his eyes a few times.
Tomorrow was car shopping, Chrissy was going to pick me up at the Tasty Twirl, ice cream shop, so I could avoid the paparazzi knowing where Jackson lived. I was really ready for this to be over. * * * * *
While car shopping I got three texts from Anthony asking to talk. I responded all three times saying the same thing.
‘I am seeing someone new.’
He was not getting the hint. I felt something brewing; something inside me was prepping me for another face-to-face with Tony. I focused on the task of buying a car but my thoughts were stirring. I was praying every few minutes for God to help me handle the situation maturely and peacefully.
Chrissy was an excellent partner for car shopping and my father showed up half way through the day to start intimidating the sales crews to give us a good deal. He was an expert haggler and soon I had a new vehicle to drive home, a very practical sedan with a big trunk that would fit all my camera gear. It was silver with navy trim. I liked it; it was simple and suited me nicely.
We drove home in three separate cars and I got a surprise when a TV van was parked just outside my rental house.
“Hi Sandy, I see you have found my hideout.” I waved as I got out of my new car. Grrr. “Why would you be hiding out sweetie, no one has hurt you dear, we were just hoping for a little one-onone about your feelings about Tony and his announcement last night. Did you watch it?”
“Yes, I did see it and other than that I have no comment.” I squeezed myself past the camera guy; my keys were jangling in my hand as I nervously tried to find the right key for the door. I was now wondering about getting a guard dog or two.
“We can play this easy or hard. I don’t think anyone has a clue where you live right now.” Sandy Thomas’s voice was low and conniving … I took a deep breath and turned around.
“All the media has done is lie about me and give me anxiety. I would just like to be left alone. Tony and I broke up, end of the fairy tale. Go find someone else to bother. Please and thank you.” I finally got my key to work and I slid inside before Sandy had another chance for me to get angry on camera.
Within four hours my little cottage was surrounded again. I was tired of calling the police and creating a racket but I did not know what else to do. I got a call from Ruby who said the local McDonalds was crawling with reporters.
“Well, at least it’s drumming up business for the local economy.” I said sarcastically. “The police can clear my driveway but can do nothing about parking across the street. They paid the neighbors for permission to park. I haven’t even met them yet and I am pretty sure they think I am a crazy loon now.”
“Well, crazy neighbors are nothing new. I have some of those, myself.” Ruby laughed as she said it. I laughed with her and I hung up feeling a little better somehow.
My iPhone rang and I saw Jackson’s name.
“Hello doll, would you like a rescue from the three-ring circus?” He said cheerfully, he must have gotten over his doldrums.
“Yes. But I have no idea how.” I was hoping to be rescued. It sounded like fun.
“Well I was thinking about coming by on a row boat. We can try to escape by water. I doubt any of the reporters rented a boat.”
“I wouldn’t put it past them.” I laughed. Just the thought of a water rescue sounded exciting, but I was wondering how to get away or return without getting noticed. “You better wear a disguise, not sure you want in on this carnival ride. That would only fuel the fire. The headlines write themselves.”
“Well sweetheart, I am a big boy. I have handled the press before. I kinda like the thought of being your hero.” He made his voice all swarthy and low like he was talking on the radio. I could not help but chuckle.
“Ok, I will be ready on the dock. I’ll be the one in the big floppy hat.”
“Oh baby, I love that floppy hat!” He said in that swarthy voice.
The rescue went off without a hitch. My hero came by with a ball cap pulled low and some large sunglasses. Once the boat took off we watched the shoreline. The reporters all saw us but didn’t have much to do. Any pictures would be worthless with us in our disguises. But they knew it was me, it was a priceless moment. There was something delightful about watching them all scrambling to find out where I was going. Jackson spent some time rowing along the edge where the high weeds were thick and tall. I figured it was his plan to lose the onlookers. When we thought we were in the clear he started the small engine and we zoomed over to the Bliss House to hang out for
the evening. We made a vow to pretend like nothing was going on and we just hung out and watched a movie.
At ten o’clock I claimed exhaustion and decided to hitch a ride home. My hero got me back in the boat and we rowed back in the dark. The only company we had was the mosquitoes, I was glad to be back on land and stop being the feast for the pesky creatures. Zee helped me out of the boat and tried to walk me to the door when floodlights switched on. My stomach dropped as the army of cameramen, reporter vans and mic operators formed a wall around my property, all facing me. Standing by my door was Anthony Capriccio.
I had never been more aware of Jackson holding my hand. I gave it a squeeze to remind him not to let me go. He held it tighter in response. My blood started to pump into my head.
“Hannah, is there any way I can come in.” Anthony said.
My worlds were officially colliding now. I had no idea what to do. The camera flashes were so bright and flashing so fast in front of me I could not see.
“I..I …” I was trying to breathe. My chest was pounding so fast, and someone was squeezing me. Something large, I was losing control. “Jackson…” I looked to Zee and held my chest with my free hand. I just needed to breathe.
The crowd by my house was yelling but it was getting far away now. I felt Jackson scoop me up. The closeness felt nice through the pain in my chest.
“Get in the house you idiot.” I heard Jackson say. His voice was rough and in a strange place. In my mind I thought that it was probably his tough cop voice. I was sure Jackson set me on the couch. He got my head between my knees again. Gosh this seemed familiar.
I just tried to breathe to lower my heart rate. I listened while Jackson and Anthony carried on a conversation in my living room. I was not sure how much worse this could get.
“Are you some kind of idiot? Do you know how much the Paparazzi have been hounding her? This was your stupidest stunt to date, Capriccio.” Jackson was keeping the tone of his voice low but it had all the intensity of yelling.
“What is wrong with her? I didn’t mean to freak her out.” Anthony sounded contrite and a bit stressed.
“I don’t know Mr. Bachelor of the Year, perhaps dumping her on National TV, followed by betrayal, a media circus, then last night’s escapade on TV, I have no idea why her nerves are obliterated. Maybe the best thing you could do is put yourself in her shoes for a half a second and you might see how hard this is for her. I know that is a stupid suggestion because you have been the biggest, selfish jerk since week ten of that stupid TV show.” Jackson was mad but his voice was stony and cold. I listened and sat up a little on the couch, I was now able to take deep calming breaths. The pain in my chest was starting to ease.
“That isn’t how it happened.” Anthony sounded a bit defeated.
“She is just trying to move on and now the national media will not let her, thanks to you.” Jackson said this in a calmer voice almost like a plea.
“Jackson, can you get me some water?” I asked in a weak voice. I held my head in my hands because the headache was coming back. Sometimes it was worse than the panic attack.
I heard the fridge open and close.
“Who are you?” I heard Anthony ask.
“Jackson Zenko. Here sweetie,” He put a water bottle in my hand. I wondered why he used his pen name.
“The best-selling Author, Jackson Zenko?” Anthony’s voice had a bit of a squeak to it just then. Now I know why… Jackson was playing the famous card to keep Anthony from playing his. This was so awkward. I chugged some water and took some more deep breaths.
“Guys, when you are through pacing you may have a seat. We can talk while sitting, too.” I said. I massaged my temples and opened my eyes a bit more. I saw both of them pick a chair. Jackson sat next to me possessively.
“Hannah, I am sorry, I should have called first but I figured you would just hang up.” Anthony had his hands clasped in front of him. He looked the same; he had a haircut since the TV interview and was back to his old look. The charm had worn off for me though.
“Yea, I know, but I was hoping you would understand especially since you had this happen to you.” I said then took another few breaths to calm down.
“Are you okay?” Anthony asked softly.
“I am not dying but I am not okay at the moment. I had some anxiety issues after the show then after all the other junk in the media. Death threats, breaks up and sellouts all in a short time… I didn’t handle it well.” I said and sipped water again.
Jackson rubbed a hand up and down my back in a comforting motion. Anthony saw it and his defenses went up.
“So I guess this is you moving on now, huh, with the Author?” Anthony said with a low tone I had never heard. It wasn’t menacing, just interesting. This was Tony not getting his way.
“Yes, Tony, I did tell you about it. I told you I was with someone else now.”
“That is awfully quick work Hannah.” He retorted.
“Wow, coming from you after you slept with Desiree and dated twenty-four other women at the same time as me.” I could feel my anxiety rise again with a little anger mixed in.
“Just breathe Hannah.” Jackson reminded me with a whisper.
“You really needed to hash this out didn’t you, Tony? You wanted it you got it. I came to some conclusion that might help you, Tony. What we had wasn’t real.” He attempted to interrupt me but I cut him off. “Oh, I know it felt real sometimes, in Australia and all the letters. But it wasn’t actually a committed relationship at all. You never once got to call me, or buy me present, or take care of me when I was sick or lift a finger to do something nice for me. You couldn’t, I know, the show made you do it. I get it, I really do. I joined it too. Thinking maybe I could find romance. But it was just a lot of fake nonsense. I think the only way a relationship becomes real is in the other moments such as: when you know enough about me to read my moods and what I like in my coffee and the thousand other things that makes a companion. We were never committed Tony. You didn’t cheat, because we weren’t together. If you had proposed I would have probably said ‘yes’ but it would have been hard work. We knew next to nothing about each other. I have never once seen you angry or annoyed. We might have discussed a hundred things but I don’t know when your birthday is or what your favorite candy bar is.” I finished and gave Zee a look before I sipped more water.
“Hannah, I want to know all those things and share all those things with you. I want to be that companion to you. I can wait for you.” Anthony said a bit desperately.
“You didn’t wait for me Tony, you didn’t.” I said in defeat. He still wasn’t getting it.
“I didn’t mean to, it was just stupid.” He looked down at his hands.
“There were plenty of times when you kissed me, I wanted to cross the line with you but held back because of my beliefs. I thought you were on the same page.” I looked to Jackson with an apologetic look. I hated that he had to hear this.
“I was, it was just… Desiree was so hot, it was about heat, and things got out of hand.” Anthony said stupidly, looking shocked when it stammered out.
“So in essence I wasn’t hot enough. I have already dealt with this Tony, I know what I am. A pretty girl that would make a great companion…” I got a little choked up and wanted to stop. This was exactly how I feared this would go. Me, being the ice queen and facing my fear of never having anyone want me.
“I think this is enough.” Jackson stated firmly. He grabbed a tissue box and handed it to me.
“Tony, can I ask you politely to go now. I think I have said enough. I forgive you but I am not interested anymore.” I said weakly and began to cry again. All my fears and insecurities were on display. I was the biggest fool ever.
Anthony made a wordless escape. Jackson stayed with me for a few hours as I cried and said nothing.
As Jackson left I finally got the nerve to say how I feel.
“Jackson I am so sorry about this. I didn’t want you to hear…” I sniffled, and trie
d to collect my thoughts through the crying headache I had developed. “I am thankful you stayed. Please don’t give up on me yet. I have high hopes for us.” I gave him a wobbly smile.
He kissed me and gave me a long hug that told me all I needed to know for now. I needed to let him go home and process it all.
Chapter 31
I had a few quiet days to process all the fun with the Paparazzi. My family and Jackson were there when I needed them. I spent quite a few evenings alone though, pushing people away and claiming I wanted to be alone. It was not always a good idea. I spent a little too much time feeling sorry for myself, not missing Anthony at all, just a bit of a pity party about having panic attacks, and then seeing it on the news programs and a large article in several magazines and newspapers. It seemed Hannah Parker and Anthony were the talk of gossip rags. I was done with it. I was threatening myself with crawling back into depression and having a complete come-apart but I spent some good prayer time and Bible time that helped. My mom and Ruby were excellent to talk to and helped me through some rough crying jags.
I prayed that God would help me through this, it was going to be work but I felt peace amidst the storm. The depression slithered away like the snake it was and I faced the new reality of living my life. No more TV shows and dealing with the media as it hopefully got less and less interested in my love life. It would take a while, I had to be patient and stop panicking when stuff didn’t go my way, which was easier said than done, but I had a new determination to be peaceful. I let my friends and family back in and stopped being alone when I got moody. I let Chrissy stay a few more days and she was good at distracting me. Girl movies and lots of snacks made for a fun weekend. She was headed back to college to finish out her schooling with what was left of the TV money. I was proud of her and repeatedly reminded her of it. It was nice to have something new to talk and think about.
She left after a long weekend and I felt a bit better. Sunday night I had a long talk with Jackson and told him about my weekend fun. He shared the plot of the next book he was working on. I was starting to feel like life was moving forward.
