by Leah Banicki
* * * * *
After the horrible nightmare and discovering the vultures, aka reporters, were still crouching nearby I decided to stay in hiding for the day. I tried to read and failed, so I mindlessly stared at the lake and saw Jackson in disguise in his little boat slicing through the water. He pulled into the dock and I leaned out the back door.
“I am sorry Jackson, I am having a dark day. Not sure I’d be good company.” I said, pulling my bulky sweater around me. I was fighting another crying headache and was certain I was a hideous mess of swollen everything.
Jackson parked his boat and sprinted up the dock. He was not daunted by my mood. Actually he seemed to be even happier to be there. He snuck in despite my non-verbal cues for him to not bother.
“So sit.” Jackson said. He fluffed a pillow and then held a blanket nearby to tuck me in as I sat. “I have had a few dark days myself, anything happen today?” His stare was so caring, it was my undoing. Two hot tears plopped out and fell down my cheeks.
Ugggg, I would pay money to sew up my stupid tear ducts. I thought.
“Just reliving some junk, old news… my own demons haunting me a bit while I slept, the nightmare was brutal.” I tried to be vague. I hated everyone knowing my history. I pushed back regret again.
“Ah..” Jackson said. “How’ve you been sleeping?”
“Poorly the last few days, I had a pretty horrible nightmare last night. Woke up and couldn’t shake it off.” I felt more hot tears escaping. Jackson reached out and swiped a few tears away with his big hands.
“I know all about the bad dreams. I can recommend a few things that helped me through.” Jackson moved next to me on the couch, I felt him slide an arm around my shoulder. I nodded pathetically and then buried my head in and cried a few minutes. He just let me.
“I hope you know how much I love you.” I whispered after my emotions calmed.
“I know, but I love hearing it again.” He gave me a grin.
“I want to talk about everything that has happened, but not sure I am ready. I just want you to know that it is really over with Anthony; I have a few insecurities that I need to work out, God and me. When it’s time, can I come and talk to you about it?” I asked.
My heart wanted to break at the tenderness and protection he had in his eyes. How lucky was I to find Jackson when I did?
“Take your time. I’ll be praying for you darling.” I saw he had something else to say and I gave him time to do it.
“Well Hannah, I have something to say too. If you are ready I would like to take this time to officially update the world on your current relationship status.” Jackson continued after a second to read my face, “Not this moment, but soon. We will let you get all gussied up and we will walk out of here with no disguises and let them ask a few questions that we control. That way they can start the rumor mill. Because, until they know that you and Mr. Soulmate are really over, they will stay parked in your neighborhood.” He was excited about his idea. After a moment of thought I agreed it might work.
“A few people have called and asked me why I was with you. I think we should let them know. I would also like to hire a security team to hang out here and also at my place to make the Paparazzi a little more uncomfortable. Please let me. I am tired of watching them push you around. Let me make it my gift.” He smiled really big and nodded, I sniffled, smiled and nodded back. He did a fist pump and hugged me.
“Let’s do it tonight, the whole meet-the-press thing. I want this to be over.” I said, feeling a lot lighter.
“It will get a bit worse before it gets better, especially with the author thing.’ He added.
“I know, but at least it feels more like us controlling it instead of it controlling us.” I sat down and pointed at the kitchen.
“I am going to need some caffeine, be my hero and pour me some, please.” I said a little syrupy. My brain was overwhelmed but I was trying to look on the bright side. Maybe I should call Chrissy and have her help me get ready. I can almost hear her squeal with delight.
Two hours later my bed was a few inches deep in clothes and Jackson was so bored he was resorting to playing games on his cell phone wishing he could escape. Chrissy and I were deep into the try-on-outfits game.
“Now for hair and makeup and our date with the Paparazzi will be ready. I wonder why I care since they took a picture of me last week having a panic attack. I am trying to block out that memory.” I said after we got the outfit picked.
Jackson took the boat back and decided to drive his SUV over to stir up the hornet’s nest. He figured arriving officially by car would wake them up. It did.
He strolled in wearing an expensive dark suit, dashing and very recognizable as the ‘Author persona, not the chopping wood and strolling through the woods’ guy, but I liked this look too. I gave him the ‘once-over’ and approved.
“You will have to thank Ruby, I nearly arm wrestled her over going to the tailors and getting a few custom suits made. Being so tall it is hard to find suits that really fit off the hanger. I had one, she made me get several.” Jackson did a low bow and spin for Chrissy when she gave a whistle.
I finished getting ready and touched up the hair with my curling iron and Chrissy did her best up hairdo. It was impressive. I gave her lots of vocal praise and invited her to stay if she liked. She declined and scooted. I could hear the crowd outside getting antsy and Chrissy got ‘em excited by telling them that we were coming out soon. They would be a pack of wolves by the time we emerged a few minutes later.
I said a prayer before Jackson and I opened the door. Just get me through this Lord, help us find our way out of this mess.
Jackson and I stepped out and the lights were flashing and everyone started yelling. ‘Look this way.’ Jackson held his hand up and the crowd quieted for a second.
“If you would remain silent for a moment, Hannah will now speak.” His take-charge manner had everyone speechless. I was so proud.
“Thank you, I appreciate the chance to speak, and hope you will get the word out, for this is hopefully going to be the end of the media circus.” I cleared my throat. “Jackson Zenko and I are officially a couple. I will not be reconnecting with Anthony Capriccio from the Soulmate TV show but I wish him happiness. I am glad some of the rumors and lies about what happened on the show were put to rest and I wish to move forward with my relationship with Jackson.” I looked up to see Zee smiling. “I hope this will ease your minds about needing to watch my home all hours of the day and night. I wish to go back to having a private life again. I am not a celebrity, just a girl that got dumped on TV…. It happens.” I smiled, shrugged, and got a laugh. It felt good. “So now as a peace offering, I give you one more public display of affection, please let this be my last one for the media.” I gave Jackson the cue, he swept me into a grand kiss, and I could hear the crowd cheer and click away with their cameras. The kiss was nice and distracting.
“Ok, now if you will please clear the way. I am hungry and you aren’t invited.” I heard the cameramen laugh again and Jackson guided me to the car and we drove away.
* * * * *
Two weeks of being a couple in the public eye had helped a little. I still had people following me but the numbers had dwindled. I did an interview with Sandy Thomas of the local news as a peace offering. It was difficult to agree to it but once I did she was all sweetness. I gave her the questions she was allowed to ask and had a contract that gave me the rights to see the final cut before approving the aired interview. They agreed and put everything in the way I wanted it. No deletions or special editing, just a simple interview.
I told everyone about how Jackson and I met, and how he helped me deal with the media attention. I was pleased to be able to say a few nice words about Anthony and to wish him well the best I could. The TV interview was a hit and since then, I have received a ton of letters and cards from other girls who had battled a break up and were encouraged by my story. It was very humbling that someone such as I, a emotional
wreck, could help others through their problems.
Jackson and I were enjoying more freedom to be together in public now.
It was now the end of August and I was getting ready for another photography trip to Florida, then planning a trip to Israel right after that. It would be miserably hot but I prefer to travel in the off seasons, smaller crowds equals better pictures. Jackson will pout because I will be gone for three weeks.
“You know what happens when I get sad and lonely.” Jackson was sitting on my bed as I packed.
“I have two days at home still,” I said, his melodramatic tone was adorable.
“I will have to kill someone in a book and it’s going to be your fault again!” Zee threatened.
“I think you should get some help about that!” I gave him a look. He smiled at me angelically.
“Perhaps the next trip I can come along. I am very portable ya’ know.” He suggested.
“That is unlikely for awhile.” I gave him a frowny face after I said it.
“Why awhile? Why not a little bit? We are grown ups. I am all for getting to know each other but I think we are moving along nicely. People Magazine call us a golden couple.” Jackson grinned big and grabbed my hand.
“I cannot fold one-handed silly.” He let go and pouted again. “Stop it Jackson, we are moving along nicely, yes. I just want to make sure you know what you are getting into before making any big decisions.”
“What I am getting into, I am getting into you. A beautiful, sensitive and talented woman, that makes me glad to be alive.” He said it sincerely and it worked to make my heart thump a little.
“Thank you, but you know what I mean.” I said, not willing to look at him, I went back to folding my laundry.
“I have no idea, you are everything that I have been looking for.” Jackson grabbed my hand. “Look at me Hannah. Tell me what you mean.”
I would not be able to back down now, I started this. I have to finish the thought now.
“Well I mean about… being cold. Anthony was not the first person to say it to me.” I blurted it out.
Jackson just shook his head.
“Just because you have morals does not make you a prude or frigid.” He said, holding my chin so I could not look away.
“Well, I know that but I am simply stating an issue that has come up more than once. I want you to be okay with me and know that you may not be happy with the end result.” Okay, I said it. I can’t take it back now.
Jackson gave me a questioning look and pulled me down in his lap, a small stack of folded shirts fell off the bed with a soundless plop.
“Have you thought about sex ever?” Jackson asked and looked me in the eye. I was desperate to look away but his persistent gaze was more than a little magnetic. I was forced to answer.
“Yes.” I was sure my face was purple but I held my expression.
“Do you want to be my lover?” Jackson was trying to hide a smile. I raised an eyebrow to warn him to behave himself.
“Actually I do.” I said rather quickly, it felt good to say it out loud. Was it a sin to want to? Of course not, I felt the answer from somewhere inside me.
“You are many things Hannah, but cold is not one of them. When I put that wedding ring on your finger I will be the best lover you ever had.” Jackson’s smile smoldered its way through me and left me speechless. I found my voice and attempted to tease him.
“You will be the only lover I have ever had.” I lifted an eyebrow again and waited for his reply.
“That is something I will thank God for every blessed day of our lives!” Jackson grinned like a mischievous boy and leaned in to steal a quick kiss.
“Now let’s get out of here before I kiss you again.” He jumped up and grabbed me by the arm. We were headed back to the Bliss House where the family was waiting. I let him get a few steps ahead of me to allow some needed space between us. I was not sure how it happened every time but he knew how to handle me. He took my fear and doubts and ground them into dust. I felt so much trust and faith in what we had. He wanted me, and respected me. I didn’t know a real man could do that.
Chapter 32
After my trip to Florida and Israel, Jackson and I had a few weeks together before he had a book tour and some promotional appearances on TV and bookstores everywhere. I spent the time when he was gone, working and getting jobs around the United States to keep busy. When I got a text from him from New York, I decided to be impulsive and book a flight. I called Allison and asked if I could crash in the spare bedroom for a few nights. She agreed and I got a red-eye out of Chicago the next day.
I woke up in my old apartment in New York. The decor had changed but the sounds of the city had not, still rude, loud and energetic. I grabbed my cell phone and saw it was past 11 a.m. I did not mean to sleep this late but I decided now was as good a time as any to surprise Jackson.
I texted him.
‘A little bird told me you were in NY.’ I wrote.
‘Chirp, yea that was me.’ He replied.
‘I am too. :)’ I wrote.
‘What?’
‘Yea- I hope you like surprises.’ I wrote.
‘I have nowhere to be for a few hours.’ He writes. ‘Where are you?’
I texted him the address and barely had time to get ready before I heard the buzzer. Allison laughed when
she answered the door to see two dozen red roses blocking the doorway.
“I am here for the elegant Miss Parker.” Jackson came in and I tackled him with a hug. A month had been
too long and I needed some contact.
We spent an hour hanging out and he invited me to his book signing event. I agreed to tag along but I told
him I would not stay for the whole thing.
It was fun seeing him in his charming Author persona, being polite to all the fans. I even had a few people
that asked me to sign next to his name in a book. It was fun. The large bookstore had a long line and eventually I
got hungry.
I escaped and spent a few hours with Allison, shopping and catching up. That evening I got a text to meet
Jackson with a location.
I spent a little extra time and put on the green velvet dress from the TV show. I packed it just in case and
was secretly thrilled to wear it again. He had wanted to see me in the dress and I figured tonight would be a great
night to bring it out.
The taxi took me to Time Square and I got out and saw the traditional crowd gathered, there was always
something happening here. I took a glance around to find Jackson, his height made him easy to locate, usually. I got a bit flustered when the big screen lit up with my name.
HANNAH PARKER
I look around a little more frantically. Not panicked but curious.
A spotlight appeared and a small stage with a staircase was leading up to Jackson on the platform. Oh no… what was he doing?
He spoke and it was amplified through a sound system, and now he was on the big screen too. “Hannah Parker…” He said with his voice beckoning me. ,
I walked over and climbed the steps carefully, my heart beating happily in my chest.
When I got up to him he swept me in his arms and kissed me silly for a minute. Then he gave me a slow
spin around, I could tell he liked the dress.
“Hannah I cannot go another day without knowing that you will be with me. Would you be my wife?” He
dropped to one knee and melted my heart completely.
“Yes Jackson. I will marry you.”
The crowd cheered loudly and we gave the media something else to talk about for a little bit longer.
-The End
<<<<>>>> Join the fun online – https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist
Dear Reader,
This story has been a joy and challenge to write. Designing a TV show was harder than I ever thought it would be.
Hannah Parker is a special girl to me, tho
ugh fictitious, she has had a few rough patches that I can truly relate too. Her struggles with anxiety were something I personally struggled with also. After some hard situations in my own life, with rejection and an unexpected illness and then my sister’s death, I felt that a lot of things were spiraling out of my control.
There have been a few years of healing and hope in my life and I really praise God for helping me take steps to get better. Lots of prayer, journaling and even writing this book, was very therapeutic for me. Rejection is real and certain people handle it better than others. No one is immune to depression or anxiety,
My own experience with depression and anxiety does not make me an expert or well educated on everything that is known about it. Please seek help, talk to your loved ones and your doctor. You are not alone! There are so many people willing to help. It is hard to admit that there is a problem but the healing starts when we face it head on.
There are so many great books and websites available to help those who are struggling.
Sharing this story has been such a blessing for me. To put the word out there that depression isn’t your fault. Sometimes a situation just gets out of hand and we fall into a dark and rough time.
At the end I will recommend a few good places to go if you are personally struggling with anxiety or depression and need help.
If you would like me to pray for you my email is [email protected]
I hope this story has entertained but also blessed you in some way. My hope is that you laughed and cried along with me.
I welcome new friends. Please join me on my Facebook page and let me know how you liked the book. New stories and books are blooming in my head and I will be writing more and more as life, motherhood, puppy ownership and homeschooling will allow.
https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist
I welcome new friends! Please join with the discussion about books and life and the everyday stuff that keeps us going.
Sincerely,
Leah Banicki Resources:
