by Ava O'Shay
She was out the door and already across the grassy park surrounding the library when he caught up to her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. “I didn’t me-me-me…” The word wouldn’t come. Jolin lowered his head and breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth. “mean…”
Ren pulled away and crossed her arms in front of her. “Why don’t you watch your monkey show and give me your notes? I’ll put together the presentation and put both our names on it. I won’t rat you out. No one will know.”
At least she was talking to him.
“No.”
“Look.” Ren dropped her eyes to the sidewalk and toed a crack with her boot. “I…” She cocked her head at him. “I’m not going to…” She waved her hand around gesturing toward the front of his pants.
“I’m n-n-not asking you t-t-to.”
Her look told him she didn’t believe him.
“I didn’t ask you to before,” he said quietly.
“You didn’t have to,” she finally said.
-oOo-
After some heartfelt convincing he wasn’t trying to make the rumors come true, Ren agreed to let him take her to work. The ride was quiet except for the clicking of her constant picking at her black nail polish. Jolin tuned in a rock station on the radio. Ren turned her head to look out the window.
Jolin pulled into a spot near the front of the coffee shop. “When d-d-do you get off?”
She raised her eyebrow. He started to sweat, but mimicked the motion.
“I close.”
“What t-t-time?” he asked.
“Thanks for the ride. Leave it at that.” Ren opened the door to get out.
Jolin grabbed her arm, then dipped his head to look out the windshield to read the hours written on the side of the door. “Eleven? You’re c-c-closing so that’s what thirty m-m-minutes of c-c-clean-up?”
Ren took a deep breath. “Yes math boy and thirty minutes past eleven is…?”
“You c-c-can’t walk home at eleven thirty at night,” he said flatly.
“I can,” she hissed. “And when did you get to have a say in what I do? Putting your dick in my mouth doesn’t make you my keeper.”
Her words hit him hard, but he knew that’s what she wanted. It seemed hostile was her go to emotion. He wasn’t going to let her win this fight. “It isn’t sa-sa-safe.” He tried to keep his voice calm. He wasn’t going to feed into her anger.
“Safe from what? A rapist that wants me to give him a blow job?” Her tough exterior didn’t falter, but her eyes gave her away. She was protecting herself and currently it was from him.
Jolin raised an eyebrow again.
“I didn’t say I was walking.” She tugged at her arm, but he held firm. “Let’s not fill the rumor mill more than it already is.”
“I don’t care about the rumors. Who is p-p-picking you up?” She was right he did care about the rumors but right now he cared more about her.
“Sure you don’t.” She shook her head. Her hair tumbled over her shoulder, and the vanilla scent wafted into the car. “Quill’s picking me up.”
He let her arm go and she pulled herself out of the car. He thought she would huff off and leave him sitting there but she turned around bracing one arm on the roof and the other on the edge of the door. She leaned in and looked like she wanted to say something. But thinking better of it, she straightened and slammed the door.
Serenity
Thursday, October 17
5:30 p.m.
“Hey, you’re early.” Brenda, the owner of the shop came around the counter to clear a table. The strong smell of coffee filled Ren’s senses and immediately the stress of her day slipped away.
“I got a ride.” She left the seating area and went to the small lockers set against the wall in their staff room. She unbuttoned her shirt, removing it so she could put her work clothes on. She always kept a set of work clothes at work in case of situations like today. Sometimes it wasn’t feasible to go home and change.
“Rough day?” Brenda came up beside Ren, running a hand down her bare arm she grasped her hand turning her arm over.
Ren signed and sat down on the bench. “My life sucks.” Brenda rubbed her fingers lightly over the more than a dozen perfectly round circular scars burned into Ren’s skin. “I can’t believe that bitch came from my grandma.”
“Moms have a soft spot for their daughters.” Brenda continued to stroke her arm, trailing a finger along a thin white scar across her wrist.
Ren couldn’t suppress the loud laugh that erupted. “Not in my case.”
“These aren’t all from her.”
Ren couldn’t look her in the eye.
“Please…” Brenda’s eyes held the same concern Jolin’s had when he saw the bruise on her cheek. Ren couldn’t handle anymore people poking in to her life.
Ren cut her off. “Don’t. Not today.”
Brenda brushed Ren’s hair away from her cheek, cupping her jaw. “Did she do this to you?”
Ren pulled her face from Brenda’s grip and grabbed her shirt. “Can we not do this today?”
“Baby, call the police. She can’t beat on you like this. Let me make a report. Don’t let it start again. You’ve come so far since your grandma took you in. Don’t allow her influence to knock you back. Get your case worker involved. That’s her job to keep you guys safe.”
Ren stopped, her shirt halfway up her arms. “I can’t call the police. She’ll get arrested and the state will come out and check the house. It’s full of drugs.”
“Your case worker then? Didn’t she come over after Grams died? Does anyone know your mom’s back?”
“Someone called but they didn’t come by. Guess they figured I was old enough to tell them if anything was going on.”
“But you didn’t.”
Ren rolled her eyes.
“Did they reinstate your mom’s rights?”
Ren sat down and began to braid her hair. “I don’t know. The school’s been up my ass about her coming in and Brock’s dad wants her to sign a new lease but as of now she hasn’t been sober enough to leave the house.”
“The state is there to help you. They’ll get her out if she’s strung out. It isn’t good for you and Quill to be around that. I don’t want you in the house with the men she brings around.” Brenda frowned.
“The state doesn’t help us. The state pays people to keep us. People who don’t care about anything but the money.” Ren looked up at Brenda. “Do you know the first house I was put in didn’t believe in holidays? So here I am thinking I was being saved by these nice people and I will have a normal family and they take away Christmas and my birthday.”
“That’s pretty shitty but the fact remains I don’t like you in the house when she’s doing drugs.”
It was no secret that Quill was far from a choir boy and she certainly wasn’t a saint but she wasn’t going to sit here and admit to her boss they dabbled in a few illegal substances. “She knows I won’t call anyone because I don’t want to be separated from Quill. If I’m not watching out for him no one will.”
“Isn’t that the point? Getting her out is watching out for Quill. You have to stop all the crap she brings into your life?”
Brenda had a point. It would stop all the shit. “I can’t take a chance they’ll put us in a group home. We only have a few months left before we graduate. I don’t want to start at a new school and they won’t place us with a family this close to turning eighteen. Mom knows she has me over a barrel. My hands are tied and she’s taking advantage of it.” Ren wrapped a rubber band around the bottom of her braid.
“I have an apartment upstairs. You guys can move in there until things settle down.” Brenda gave her a small smile. Brenda knew Ren’s mom in high school. She probably even knew Ren and Quill’s sperm donor but Ren was afraid to ask. It was bad enough having one loser as a parent she wasn’t sure she wanted to invite another. There was a slim chance a nice guy had slept with her mom.
Ren tried
to give her a reassuring smile back. “Thanks but it’s only a few months. As long as I give her space we should be okay. Besides I kind of egged her on. It was my fault she lost it and hit me.”
“Ren. It is never a child’s fault when a parent hits them. I don’t care what you said.”
“Well I said a whole shit load of stuff so I may have hit me, too, if the tables were turned.”
“She doesn’t deserve you or your brother.” Brenda cupped Ren’s cheek again.
Ren closed her eyes and let the warmth of Brenda’s hand take away the sting of the slap. “No, she doesn’t.” Ren pulled in a deep breath. “But that doesn’t change the fact she’s all we have now.”
“No sweety. She isn’t all you have. Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family is people who care about you. I care about you. I’m here. My apartment is here. Please think about it.”
Brenda left Ren on her own to finish changing. The Perk was the only place Ren could be found dressing what most considered normal. The regulation black jeans and collared shirt was plain and simple. The only adjustment she made was a long sleeve undershirt to cover the scars that ran up and down her arms. She didn’t want to explain how she’d been a human ashtray to her mom or how sometimes a razor was the only way to release a pain too big to keep bottled up inside. She slid on her shoes, and went to work.
Ren lived in a college town so The Perk saw its busy hours in two bunches. The first was right after the high school let out when groups would come for coffee. She enjoyed this time because it was a different group than the one dominating the high school. The athletes and cheerleaders had practice so they never came. Later the college kids came in for caffeine fixes before hitting all night study sessions.
“Hi. The regular?” Ren peeked over the display case to ask a boy she shared a math class with.
“Yep. How about a raspberry scone, too.” He was nice looking and his girlfriend hung tightly to his arm. As if Ren could steal him away with her coffee making skills. The popular girls made sure the rumor mill kept a steady stream of misinformation about her. It was easier to fight off horny high school boys who came after her for a quick hook up than it was to fall for the nice guys. Besides the nice guys didn’t want anything to do with her. Unless it had to do with coffee.
“Missed you in class today. We had a quiz.”
Ren reached around the counter and slid his scone to him. “Does Becky want anything?”
He turned to the girl with the death grip andasked about her coffee choice, Ren turned the steamer on drowning him out.
“No, she’s good.” He smiled.
“I got asked to leave Biology due to a dress code violation and figured better just get out of dodge.” She rung up his total and dinged the little tip bell after he shoved a dollar in the jar.
Jolin
Thursday, October 17
11:20 p.m.
Jolin had been in the parking lot for an hour. He’d shown up at ten thirty to be sure he wouldn’t miss her leaving. He had a feeling she was lying to him about Quill picking her up, and he wanted to make sure she actually had a ride. Quill was a beast on the football field but not so reliable. He liked to party and was known to go at it pretty hard. Jolin didn’t think Quill had a car, so walking over here in the cold evening to get his sister home seemed like a stretch for him.
Jolin’s phone buzzed on the passenger’s seat.
HEY!
It was Elizabeth.
He didn’t respond.
Ren looked different through the window of The Perk. He’d never been inside. With practice and Elizabeth’s plans for the afternoon, he didn’t get out much. Besides, he wasn’t a coffee drinker. However, the smells coming from the store were making him rethink his stand on no coffee.
I know you are getting this. You always have your phone.
She’d call in a few minutes if he didn’t answer. She texted him every night since she’d broken up with him. She thought she could control him with sex. So far he’d restrained himself. He wanted a relationship not a booty call. He rubbed his forehead. Maybe he didn’t want a relationship with her. He was currently sitting outside the Perk stalking Ren.
Jolin jabbed at the buttons on his phone. Call Brock.
Wasn’t the one that got dumped supposed to be the one the chasing?
I want you tonight.
He snorted as her message scrolled up the screen.
Ren put all the chairs up and was finishing a final sweep of the floor. Jolin checked his watch. It was eleven twenty. Still no sign of Quill.
I miss you. Come over. He could almost hear the whine of her voice through the text.
He wasn’t sure what he felt anymore. He did feel a sense of freedom without having the responsibility of being with her. She controlled every aspect of his life. He couldn’t put all the blame on her. He’d let her. It was easier to be led around to parties and social functions. He never had to make a decision. She laid down the law from the get go. Even sex was planned out to the minute.
You broke up with me.
Jolin threw his phone in the console and wondered if along with the phone he was tossing his shot at getting back in with the group down the toilet. But when he watched Ren disappear into the back of the store, he had to shift how he was sitting. His mind and body didn’t seem to be working together these days. The lights turned off. She didn’t come back out. There must be a back entrance. He waited a few minutes, and then got out of the car. The wind was chilly, but the fall weather hadn’t settled in completely. He hung around under the front awning for a few more minutes then decided to walk around the back. He made it to the edge of the building before slamming into her as she rounded the corner.
“Holy shit!” She stumbled backward then swung her book bag hitting him in the shoulder and taking him to his knees.
“Jolin?” She raised her hands to her mouth and leaned over him. Jolin rolled to his back, holding his shoulder and tried not to cry in front of her.
“What the fuck?” She straightened up and any sympathy she may have had flew away on the breeze. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Jolin rolled to his knees and rested his head on the sidewalk in front of the store. The pain from his shoulder was slowly dissipating, turning into more of a throb. “Fuck,” he groaned.
“Why are you here?” She repeated.
He groaned again.
She started to walk off. Jolin struggled to pull himself to stand up, but had yet to catch his breath. His shoulder was cleared for physical therapy, and he was sure getting smacked with a load of books was off limits.
Her footsteps faded, leaving him in a ball on the sidewalk. Slowly, Jolin sat up, leaning back on his knees. He was afraid she’d done some serious damage. He turned to where she’d walked off and saw her dark outline at the corner. She looked like she was talking to herself, pacing two feet one direction before turning around and pacing back the other way. It was late, and the street was bare of any cars. The cool weather had all the locals snug in their houses for the night. Jolin finally pulled himself up and made it far enough to lean against the side of his car.
“Are you okay?”
Jolin looked over his shoulder to find Ren standing at the front of his car with her arms crossed. When he didn’t answer, she tried again. “Why are you here Jolin?”
“N-n-no, I’m sorry I sm-sm-smacked the shit out of you with my b-b-book b-b-bag?”
He heard her feet shuffle against the side walk.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect you.”
Jolin pushed off the side of the car and opened the driver’s side door. “D-d-doesn’t look like Quill’s c-c-coming. G-g-get in.”
Her head shot up. The look in her eyes told him she didn’t trust his offer.
“You c-c-can either g-g-get in the car where it’s warm or you c-c-can walk and I’ll follow b-b-behind you until you get home.” He ran his hand over his face trying to regain some composure.
She wavered, looked up the
street, then back at his car. Reluctantly she walked to the passenger’s side and climbed in. Pulling her bag close to her chest, she started picking at her fingers.
Jolin slid in beside her and wondered if he was going to have to have surgery again.
He gave the car a minute to warm up before he backed out and headed in the direction of his house. He figured it was a good start.
“Turn on Mercer.” Her voice was quiet but held the edge he’d become accustomed to. She had a hard shell that wasn’t easy to break.
“D-d-did you lie about Quill c-c-coming or is he the asshole I think he is and b-b-blew you off?” His words came out snottier than he’d intended, but the pain in his arm left him irritated.
She glanced his way. “He comes sometimes.” She pulled the band from the bottom of the braid she’d put her hair in for work and ran her fingers through it, untangling each strand. “Sometimes I catch a ride with people. Turn left at the light up there. You can drop me off at the corner. I can get home from there.” Her voice was soft and smooth. It made the hairs on his arms stand up.
“No, I’ll t-t-take you home. This isn’t a safe neighborhood.” Jolin gave himself a mental head slap. This is where she lived. “I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t apologize. I know it’s shitty here.” She looked at the window and sighed loudly. “What do you want from me?”
“I want to drive you home.” He glanced at the side of her face. The occasional street light illuminated the red welt on her cheek bone.
“How long did you sit outside?” Her hands clung to her bag like someone was going to reach in the window and steal it from her.
“Not long.” He stopped at a red light, then turned right.
“Stalker,” she laughed. “Seriously drop me at the corner.” She shifted like she was going to jump out the door.
“I’m t-t-taking you all the way home,” he repeated.
“Look, Casanova. I don’t want anyone to see you dropping me off. Stay away from me. You want your life back, and I’m not the way to get it.”
Jolin wanted to argue she was wrong, but she wasn’t. If Elizabeth found out he was following Ren around he would never get Elizabeth back. But right now he wanted nothing more than to keep Ren in his car.
