by Ava O'Shay
“It’s the white house on the right. The one with the big asshole truck in the driveway.”
“Not yours I take it?”
She shrugged.
Jolin pulled along the curb. Ren grabbed the handle and got ready to jump out. He grabbed her arm before she could escape. “Ren.”
She turned and gave him a challenging look.
He dropped his hand and held it up in surrender. “I c-c-couldn’t sit at home n-n-not knowing you had a r-r-ride. I d-d-didn’t do it for any other reason.”
She closed her eyes. He watched her blow out a calming breath. “Just give me what you want in the project and stop trying to make this study thing work. Leave me alone, Jolin. It’s better that way.” Jolin thought frantically on how he was going to keep her from getting out…until his trusty old car took control of the situation.
Ren pushed on the door then turned on him. “Open the fucking door.”
Serenity
Friday, October 18
12:05 a.m.
Jolin grabbed her arm, stopping her from escaping the car they’d been sitting in for the last few minutes. “Ren.”
She didn’t want to look up. His eyes were so beautiful… she was afraid to see herself through them. Ren thought she knew what he wanted from her, the same thing everyone wanted…a quick blow job or a meaningless hook up. But it wasn’t something she could do for him anymore. She didn’t want to be a part of Brock’s diabolical plan. She wanted Jolin to like her for her, not for sexual favors and giving herself the luxury of even thinking he could like someone like her was a recipe for disaster.
“I’m not expecting anything from you. I just…I couldn’t sit at home knowing you didn’t have a ride. I was worried.” Jolin tried to lighten the mood. “What if something happened to you? Our project would never get done.”
Ren wasn’t sure what to do with his concern. In her life those people caring about her where abouts were few and far between. “I hope that was the only reason.”
She wanted to run from him and his sincerity. He was pulling her into a world with hope and hope was a wasted emotion in her life.
“Open the door Jolin.” She tried to keep her voice calm.
“I’m not asking you to do anything but talk. Can’t you sit here for a minute without freaking out. Without going all psycho on me like you did at the coffee shop?” He rubbed his shoulder. “I think you set me back a month in rehab.”
“I didn’t go all psycho on you.” She pulled on the door handle again. “You surprised me.”
“Surprised is a jump or a scream, not a beat the living shit out of me with your bag.” Jolin shifted down in his seat like he was getting comfortable for the evening. “Then pacing back and forth like a caged animal deciding if you were going to come back and kill me.”
“I think you’re over exaggerating.” Ren conceded. “But I might have overreacted a tad.” To be honest he’d scared the shit out of her. Her mom coming back dredged up memories of boyfriends hiding out…waiting to pounce on her unsuspecting eight year old body.
Jolin tapped out a melody on the steering wheel. “Overreacted…like the Japanese overreacted about the embargos we put in place when they bombed Pearl Harbor?”
Ren looked out the windshield at the party raging in her house. “Yeah exactly like that.”
Jolin shifted to face her, pulling a knee up on the seat. “Who hit you?”
“What?” Ren laughed nervously. “No one.”
“Seriously. I don’t know what’s going on with you or your life but it isn’t okay to be someone’s punching bag. I don’t want someone hurting you. Was it Quill?”
Ren gave him a hard stare. “You’re right. You don’t know one thing about me and until I had your dick in my mouth you didn’t have a fucking clue who I even was so don’t be all white knight on me. I’m sorry I hit you. I don’t need you treating me like a fucking charity case. For the last time I am your partner for a bio…period.” She slammed her shoulder into the door, finally freeing herself from her car prison.
Jolin called after her but she refused to let herself turn around. He didn’t need to know about her baggage. She just needed to graduate and get out of her shit hole of a life and he was messing up her plan.
Jolin scared the shit out of her. After only two study dates he saw through her bright hair and costumes.
He saw her like no one else did.
The music blasted her in the face when she opened the door to her house. Mom and boyfriend were dirty dancing in the living room.
“Serenity!” she screamed. “Dance with us.”
Ren took the stairs two at a time, slamming her door behind her and pulling the lock firmly closed. She could hear her mom’s cackling laugh downstairs and a click of beer bottles. She threw her bag onto her bed and flopped next to it. With one hand she dug her phone out and texted Quill.
Got somewhere to stay tonight?
Absently she rubbed her arm where Jolin touched her. She needed to get Jolin out of her head. Jolin Daniel didn’t want anything from her but another blow job, and she was fooling herself if she thought he wanted more. She’d already given her half of the money to Brock to pay the rent. If she got a few extra hours at The Perk this week, she’d be able to keep the electricity on.
Her phone beeped. Staying at Simon’s. You ok?
Party at the house. Stay away. See you. She warned.
Within a minute he texted her back. *smack*
Ren smiled. Quill sent her a goodnight kiss.
She kicked her shoes off and grabbed her a towel, her toothbrush, and soap. She couldn’t keep anything outside of her room without her mom taking it. What she did with half used tubes of toothpaste was a mystery, but if Ren left it on the counter it would be gone by morning. She padded across the hall. She hated that she wasn’t able to lock the bathroom door. But as long as they were occupied downstairs she should be able to take a shower in piece. Ren ran shampoo through her hair and rinsed the smell of coffee off her body. The warm water turned cold before she could completely relax, but at least she was clean. She wrapped a white towel around herself and gathered her things. Then cracked the door and listened to hear if the music was still going. When she heard her mom’s giggle, she made a run for it.
“Hey babe.”
Ren froze mid-stride. Boyfriend was standing in her doorway.
She straightened and put on her pissy face. “Get out of my way.”
“I don’t think so.” He swayed a little. If he’d been drinking like mom he was blasted.
“Mom!” Ren yelled.
“She’s busy.”
“Mom,” she yelled louder.
He took a step toward her. Ren held her ground. She wouldn’t let him know she was scared.
He reached out and trailed a finger along her collar bone.
“Don’t touch me.” Her words got stuck in her throat and the tough girl persona she was going for slipped.
“You look like your mom.” He brushed the damp hair off her shoulder. “But so much better.”
Ren side stepped his touch in an attempt to get by. If she could get into her room she could lock him out. But he was faster than her, grabbing her neck, he pushed her up against the wall.
“Omphf.” All the air was pushed from her lungs.
He pushed his hips into her, lowering his free hand to run up her leg. Before he could move under the towel she kneed him in the balls, pushed him to the side, and ran into her room. Shoving the lock closed, Ren slid to the floor, digging her nails into her hands.
Her lungs constricted. She struggled to pull air in. She hated her mom. She hated her life. Ren cursed God and his ability to give her a glimmer of hope before ripping it away again and again. How much more could she really take?
Her head ached as she clenched her teeth together trying to keep her emotions intact. Her entire body shook with pent up adrenaline. She hated her mom with every ounce of her being and hated the direction her life had taken. She was going t
o explode if she didn’t let her anger out. Ren leaned forward and grabbed her bag off the bed. She poured out the contents until a thin, white piece of paper slid to the floor. She pulled a small razor out and slid it over her trembling finger. The sting helped to alleviate the pain deep in her core. The shakes slowly subsided as the blood flowed from the cut. She stretched her arm out, balancing it on her knee and dragged the razor across the already scared skin. A crimson trail of blood trickled from the cut. Ren closed her eyes and imagined the pain flowing out with it.
Jolin
Friday, October 18
1:30 a.m.
“Hey, Jo, why are you still up?” Jolin’s mom walked by his stool, ruffling his hair.
“I was helping a friend.” He’d waited outside Ren’s house until her light went out then went home. He couldn’t sleep, so he made a sandwich and was sitting at the kitchen bar eating when his Mom came home from work.
She pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge, twisting the lid off to take a long drink. “Elizabeth?” She sounded hopeful.
He shook his head, then swallowed the bite he had in his mouth. “No. She b-b-broke up with me remember.”
Mom leaned against the counter. “I thought she’d come around after everything calmed down and went back to the way it was.”
Jolin looked at her. “I don’t think things are g-g-going back to the way they w-w-were.”
His mom touched his arm. “Things change. Doesn’t have to be bad.”
“My whole l-l-life ch-ch-changed. Everything.”
Mom sat up and changed the subject. “So who’s your new friend?”
Jolin stood, put his plate in the sink and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek. “Someone I missed before. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Friday, October 18
12:00 p.m.
“How’s bio going?” Brock slid into the seat next to Akeo and Jolin. Jolin left the football table and started eating with Akeo before they could push him out. Maybe the bruise on his brain changed him. Or maybe the turn his life took when he couldn’t play football anymore changed him. Whatever it was—he didn’t have the patience for the small talk going on.
Jolin sat back and assessed the sly grin on Brock’s face. “What do you want?”
“You’d think he’d be more appreciative of me. I did change partners for him.” Brock stood, smacking Akeo in the shoulder.
“What was that about?” Akeo asked after Brock returned to the popular table.
“Changing partners started all the rumors. He’s an asshole and he’s trying to fuck with me.” Jolin shoved his lunch across the table. “Why are you still my friend?”
Akeo let out a laugh. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Jolin laughed and shook his head. “No. Seriously why have you p-p-put up with all my shit and st-st-still hung around?”
Akeo leaded back on his chair; looking up at the ceiling, he rubbed his face. “Dude,” he groaned.
Jolin drummed his fingers on the table and looked over at the giggling and teasing going on at his old table. “I’ve b-b-been a major d-d-dick, and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Then why do you want Lizard back?”
“I can be with her and not be a d-d-dick.”
“I’ll have to see it to believe it,” Akeo started gathering his trash.
“Was I really that b-b-bad?”
“You weren’t that bad,” Akeo finally said.
“That’s reassuring,” Jolin snorted.
“I was trying to be nice.”
“Thanks.” Jolin cradled his head in his hands.
“Jo. You’re my best friend. Always have been. I understand you got pulled into something bigger. But when you let me pull you away from the cult… you were still my friend.”
“You c-c-called me an asshole. Numerous times.”
“And your point.” Akeo was popular but not sports popular. Students constantly said ‘hi’ or asked how he was doing. No one talked to Jolin. He’d been set apart. They didn’t think he’d respond so they never asked. If he thought about it, they were right. He hadn’t paid any attention to the rest of the school for the last three years.
Jolin pushed Akeo in the shoulder and got up to grab his tray. Ren caught his eye from across the cafeteria but dropped her gaze quickly.
“What’s up with you and R-R-Ren?” he asked Akeo.
“She’s a friend. We end up at the same parties a lot.” He shrugged.
“Quill l-l-layed into m-m-me about her.” Jolin shifted, watching Ren’s hair drape over her shoulder. He couldn’t see what interesting look she’d put together today. She was absent from Bio so he hadn’t seen her until now.
“You know twin power and all.” Akeo stood up.
With Akeo’s words Quill appeared and slid into the seat next to Ren. She gave him a strained smile. Her lips barely moved when she talked. Jolin watched Quill’s expression change from light and carefree to anger. He pushed his chair back and stomped out of the room. Ren grabbed her books, shoving them in her messenger bag and went after him.
“I r-r-remember her.” Jolin stared at the door they’d left through.
“Yeah I figured you would eventually.” Akeo grabbed his arm when he moved to go after her. “Leave her alone, Jo. She’s got a lot of shit going on and you’re coming late to the game.”
“B-b-better late than never.” Jolin flashed Akeo a sad smile and followed after them.
It wasn’t hard to find her. Quill was swearing a blue streak, pacing back and forth across the hall with his hands on his head. Jolin couldn’t understand what he was upset about. There weren’t many descriptive words between his cussing. Ren’s eyes were glued to the floor. The end of lunch was coming fast and any minute the halls were going to be filled with students. They needed to finish up.
“Hey R-R-Ren.” Jolin wanted to sound upbeat, like he just happened to find her in the hall, but it didn’t come out that way.
Quill’s head shot up, fire in his eyes.
Jolin put his hands up in a defensive move. “Hey, Quill.”
Ren’s eyes were red but she wasn’t crying. Jolin looked from one to the other. Finally Quill pushed out a deep breath and dropped his hands. “Hey, Daniel.”
“Everything okay?” Jolin walked closer.
Ren wouldn’t look at him.
“Yeah man. Everything is fine. I better get going. Ren?” He nodded at her.
“Go to class.” Her words held a warning.
“I said I was,” he snapped. He lifted his chin to Jolin then walked past him into the hall. “Later.”
The bell announcing the end of lunch sent a mass of students into the halls. Ren hadn’t moved. Jolin let the crowd push him toward her until his chest brushed her shoulder. Her hair hung over her face so he couldn’t see her expression. Without thinking, he reached out and brushed it over her shoulder. The red mark on her cheek had faded but the purple bruise on her hair line caught his attention. She flinched away from him. Jolin’s stomach clenched at the thought of her shying away from his touch. It killed him that she thought he only wanted another blow job.
The noise of the hall was deafening. He needed to act fast or she was going to leave him standing here. He leaned in. “Did you eat?”
Her head barely moved, but he caught the sway of her hair when she shook it.
“Want to get out of here?”
She grabbed her bag off the floor and turned to walk down the hall. Jolin followed, praying they were heading to the parking lot and not Calculus. He watched her rainbow hair move back and forth as he tried to keep up. Years of walking as a powerful group left him lacking at the dodge and weave skills needed to maneuver the hallway. She, however, was an expert.
The halls opened up when they got closer to the exit doors. He sped up a little to stay with a group of students so it wasn’t obvious he was getting ready to bail.
When the sunlight of the outside hit his face, he let out the breath he’d been
holding. He no longer had the privilege of popularity, and he wasn’t sure how this would play out tomorrow, but right now he wanted to be with Ren. Alone.
Jolin lost Ren in the hall but could see her waiting by the car. Not sitting on it. Not even leaning on it. He jogged over.
Jolin unlocked his door then leaned over to unlock hers. She slid in, placing her bag on her lap exactly like the night before.
He didn’t ask her where she wanted to go. He already knew where he was going to take her. Jolin backed out and drove them out of the parking lot. He could hear her breathing heavy. He glanced over to check if she was crying, but her hair fell forward again and shielded her face. Jolin didn’t say anything while he drove to a small diner on the edge of town. They wouldn’t run the risk of being seen by any parents there. He pulled into a parking spot and turned the engine off.
“Stay here and I’ll get some food.” Join jumped out before she could argue. Ren’s hard shell was down, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. It was easier to banter with her hard ass persona.
Jolin grabbed some burgers, fries, and drinks. When he got back to the car hehalf expected her to have disappeared. But she was still there.
“Got some b-b-burgers.The b-b-best in town. Not everybody knows b-b-because they d-d-don’t come this far out. My D-D-Dad and I use to come out here all the t-t-time.”
Ren’s breathing was calmer, but she still wasn’t talking.
“We don’t talk much. He moved and is busy with the police force.” Jolin got back on the road and headed to a small picnic area by the river. It was deserted when they pulled in but he still parked in the back lot, to keep their skipping less obvious.
Ren sighed before she climbed out of the car. Jolin waited until she slammed the door before gathering all the food and drinks and followed her. She chose a table in the sun. The cool air off the river left it a bit chilly. He was thankful he still wore his letterman jacket. Ren wore a pair of pants with thick black and pea green stripes. Her familiar thick brown belt hung low on her waist. On her feet were her black combat boots. She shivered through the baggy sweater draped across her shoulders. He thought about giving her his coat, but didn’t think she’d accept it. She climbed onto the table and sat down. Jolin sat on the bench below her, laid out the food and handed her a burger.
