by Ava O'Shay
Akeo shot him a disgusted look.
“I know. P-p-pull my head out of m-m-my ass,” he repeated before he let his head fall against the window.
Serenity
Sunday, October 26
4:05 p.m.
She’d been locked in her room since early Sunday morning when Akeo and Jolin dropped her off. Finally, at a little after four in the afternoon, the music stopped. She froze and listened. She couldn’t hear anything. She hoped everyone was passed out somewhere in the house and she could at least go to the bathroom. Not to mention get something to eat. She was starving. Jolin’s mom’s spaghetti was her last real meal. Her stomach felt like it was eating itself. She tip-toed across her room. She’d changed into the soft sweatpants Jolin let her borrow and a tank top. Slowly, she pulled the lock off the door and cracked it open. Still no sounds. She peeked out and took one step into the hall when someone grabbed her around the waist and screamed “gottcha!”
She flung her arms around and caught him in the jaw.
“Fuckin’ A!” Quill yelled.
“Holy shit!” she screamed. “You gave me a heart attack.”
Quill moved his jaw back and forth with his hand. “Fuck you, Ren.” His words were harsh, but he was smiling when he said them.
Ren straightened and cupped his face with her hands. “Oh poor baby.”
He knocked her away and laughed. “The “ho” and her latest loser are passed out in the living room. There’s coke dust all over, so I think you’re safe for awhile.” He picked a wrapped up sandwich off the floor. “I figured you’d be hungry.”
“Where were you all weekend?” Ren unwrapped the sandwich and shoved a bite into her mouth.
“I stayed at a friend’s.” He wouldn’t look at her when he said it, so she figured it was a girl.
“You seeing someone?” She bumped his shoulder with hers.
He tried to suppress a smile, but it wouldn’t stay down. “You should find someone to crash with.”
Ren raised her eyebrow, like she had any friends to crash with. “Are you going to tell me who?”
“You don’t know her. She’s at the college. Has a place with a friend. Let’s me crash.” He shuffled his feet.
“Sounds like she’s got her shit together. Why she want to hang with you?” Ren teased. But really, she was jealous. She was busting her butt to keep this house and save money for their escape, and he’d already found his.
“I know what you’re thinking. I know how hard you’re working, and I’m going to help, but I can’t stay here. I can’t watch mom do this to you.”
“Q. It’s okay. If you have a safe place to go then go.”
“You need a safe place, too.”
“I pay for this place. I’m not leaving. She’s the one that needs to leave.”
Quill picked at a string on the front of his shirt. “I’m hearing some rumors that it isn’t just Brock anymore.”
Ren took another bite and waved him off. “Just rumors. You know how the cheerbots are.”
“Please don’t do it anymore. It wasn’t right what happened before. What the system did to you.” Quill’s voice wavered. “I’m still looking for another job. I’ll get one soon.”
“No one is making me do anything. I have everything under control.”
“That’s just it, Ren. You don’t have to have it all under control. Your life is a fucking train wreck. People don’t sell themselves to get rent money.”
Ren punched him in the arm. “I am not selling myself.”
“Ow. Shit, Ren, stop fucking hitting me.”
“I’m not selling myself,” she said again.
“You’re selling a service. It’s the same thing. And it’s against the law.”
“I’m doing what I need to get by. Brock is helping with the rent and some money for food. You should appreciate that.”
“Appreciate a guy who is making my sister do…” Quill held up his hands. “I don’t want to even imagine.” He shook his head trying to get whatever vision he had out of his head. “Let someone help us. Go talk to social services.”
Ren laughed. “Like who? Who is going to help? They have one solution, and I’m not going back to foster care. Or worse a group home. How do you think I got so good at what I do?”
Quill’s voice got quiet. “Why do you care about her? She’s never done anything for us. She blames you for everything.”
“She’s our mom.”
“No she’s not. She signed away her rights long ago. Grams is the only one that ever cared.” Quill grabbed Ren’s shoulders and shook her lightly. “If it wasn’t for her, none of it would have happened. You can’t do what you’re doing and not let it affect you. You are affected. You are slowly dying, and I won’t stay here and watch you do it.”
She shook him off. “You’re being dramatic. Why do you hate her so much? She never let anything happen to you.”
“Because I couldn’t protect you and I shouldn’t have had to.” Quill’s hard shell slipped a little. He was a softy through and through. “I know you kept them away from me. I know what would have happened if you didn’t try to run interference.”
She punched him in the arm playfully. “You’re my brother. I got to look out for you.”
“I should have done the same.”
“No. You shouldn’t have. You’ll make it all worth it if you graduate and get into college. Do something great with your life, and I’ll know my sacrifices were worth it.” Ren ruffled his hair.
Quill smiled the smile he reserved for whenever he was getting ready to spin a lie. “Top of my class twinny. Top of my class.” Then he headed off to his room. She assumed to collect more of his possessions to take to his new hide out. It didn’t matter. As long as he was safe, she could take whatever her mom dished out. She’d done it before.
Ren took advantage of the drug induced coma downstairs and took a long hot shower.
When she finished, she gathered up her clothes and snuck through the living room to throw some laundry in. She stripped off Jolin’s sweats, but instead of dropping them into the washer she brought them to her face and breathed in the scent of his cologne that lingered. She’d screwed up with Jolin. She should have told him what Brock had asked of her. Maybe he would have covered for her. Sooner or later, Brock was going to come after her. Jolin told him she’d lied, and he’d want his money back. Or worse, he’d want to amend the deal again. A shiver went through her. He wanted to fuck her. He’d made that clear from the start.
Someone stirred behind her.
Ren turned around, ready for a confrontation. Her mom stumbled into the laundry room.
“Hey, baby girl,” she cooed. “I didn’t know you were home.” Her eyes were hooded. She was coming off her high.
“Yeah, I was doing some laundry.” Ren scooted up against the washer. She wasn’t sure how long this calm side of her mom would last.
Her mom stepped up to her and ran the back of her hand down Ren’s cheek. “So beautiful. I use to be beautiful. Then I had twins. Blew my body to shit.” She threaded her fingers through Ren’s hair and pulled tight. “I told you to get rid of this,” she snarled, referring to Ren’s rainbow dyed stripes.
“I’m going to. I haven’t had time.” Ren tried to keep her voice calm. Her mom was on the edge of nutso, and she didn’t want to push her over.
Her mom sighed and released her hold. “Well take care of it.” She turned and headed back into the living room. “I’m going to lie down. If you see your brother tell him to get his ass back home once in awhile. We haven’t had a good party with him since I got back.”
Ren let out the breath she was holding. She knew Quill smoked a lot of pot. Hell, she smoked pot and drank too much, but the idea of her brother sitting in the living room getting high with her mother made her sick. She prayed the washer would finish in the next two seconds so she could put her stuff in the dryer and lock herself away again. Ren worried if she left her stuff unattended too long either her mom or he
r friends would steal it. She glanced up at the ceiling. Before her shower, she had been jealous of Quill and how he escaped, now she wished for him to get out before their mom found him and dragged him back into their hell.
Jolin
Monday, October 27
6:30 a.m.
Akeo was outside honking for the last five minutes. Jolin wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to do it before Akeo realized Jolin wasn’t coming.
“Jo!” his mom yelled from upstairs. “Either go to school or tell him to go away, but get him to stop honking.”
Jolin sighed. The point was he didn’t want to talk to Akeo. Going out and telling him to go away wasn’t following that plan. He honked again.
“Jo!” she screamed again.
“All right!” he yelled back and went outside.
Akeo slammed his hand against the horn once more. “Dude get in. I don’t want to be late.”
Jolin stopped a few feet away and crossed his arms. “I’m not g-g-going.”
Akeo looked confused. “Why not? You sick?”
“No.”
Akeo leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. “You’re mad.”
“Yeah I’m m-m-mad!” Jolin threw his hands up.
Akeo banged his forehead against the steering wheel.
“Seriously, K-k-ke. You made me ride in the car with a g-g-girl who was p-p-paid to give me a blow job!”
“I thought we already hashed this out last night.”
“We hashed until you ran after her and p-p-pulled her into the car. It was humiliating. I can’t face her. I c-c-can’t b-b-be her lab p-p-partner.” His stutter was out of control.
“Ahh. And the truth shall set you free. You’re embarrassed why? Because she was paid or you liked it?”
Jolin opened and closed his mouth a few times.
“That’s what I thought. Get in the car. Let’s go,” Akeo ordered.
“I’m n-n-not g-g-going.”
“Get it the car.” Akeo gave him a look that made him think if he didn’t get in he was going to throw him in.
“Dammit.” Jolin ran back to the house, grabbed his backpack and got in Akeo’s car. “I’m g-g-going to switch p-p-partners for b-b-bio lab.”
“Oh I’d like to hear you explain the reason to Mr. Carson. You see, Mr. Carson, she tried to give me a blow job, and I turned her down.”
“You’re r-r-really starting to p-p-piss me off,” Jolin said.
“And you don’t think I’m not in a constant state of pissed off at you?” Akeo snapped.
“Are we m-m-married?”
“Fuck you, Jo.”
Akeo’s words slammed into Jolin. Akeo’s more frequent use of fuck was getting concerning.
Akeo didn’t say anything more until they parked in the high school parking lot. “Jo, you’re my best friend and I don’t want that to change but seriously…” He turned to face him. “A lot goes on in people’s lives. Things happen that make them do the things they do. You don’t know Ren. I told you to leave her alone. I warned you to keep her out of your drama. I don’t know what would make her take money to blow you. But, dude, what you did with Lizzard? Was it any different? You just did it for popularity instead of money.”
Jolin didn’t know what to say. When did Akeo grown up and leave him behind? “You’re a dick.”
Akeo laughed. “Is that code for you’re right?”
“Shut up. I get it.” Jolin pushed the door open and walked into the building. He’d made them late and hardly any students were still around. Jolin turned and put his hand on Akeo’s chest, stopping him. “I’m sorry about you not getting into Yale. I wish you would have told me.”
“You had your own stuff going on.” He shrugged.
“But you can’t blame me for being wrapped up in my life if you don’t tell me what’s going on in yours.”
Akeo raised an eyebrow. “You know when you get out of your head you stop stuttering?”
Jolin stopped and thought back to what he’d said. Akeo was right. The tension in his jaw hadn’t come. The frustration he felt trying to get the words out wasn’t there. “Hey.” He smiled. “I’m c-c-cured….shit.”
“And back into your head you went. Jo, I know you would have listened if I cried about college. You have been there for me in the past and I wanted to be there for you after the accident. But I’m over it now. We’re buds. No worries.” Akeo squeezed his shoulder.
“How’s your dad taking not getting into Yale?” Jolin asked.
“How’s your dad taking you not playing football again?”
Jolin groaned. “He hasn’t talked to me since the day he walked out of the hospital. Checks in with mom but nothing directly with me.”
Akeo shrugged. “Ditto. But without the hospital to walk out of.”
“Parents suck.” Jolin laughed dryly.
“Yeah. Sometimes they do.” Akeo patted Jolin’s shoulder. “I’m out. Already late. If I keep this up, I’ll be lucky to get into the Community College.”
“Yeah that would be the day,” Jolin called after him.
A few stragglers rushed by Jolin until the hall was completely empty. He stopped by the office for an admittance slip then headed for his locker. Muffled voices floated through the hall the closer he got to his section of lockers. Jolin stopped at the corner and slipped behind an adjacent row of lockers when he saw Brock, who stood very close to the lockers. Jolin couldn’t see who was with him, but a second pair of legs poked out from under the open locker door, yellow and black striped pants in a pair of black motorcycle boots.
Ren.
Brock had his hand extended. Jolin slid closer and saw he had Ren’s chin gripped tightly between his fingers. “I told you what I expected if you didn’t do it.”
Ren pulled her face from his hand. “I did it. You asked if I sucked his cock and I did. How is it my fault if I couldn’t get him off? I couldn’t stand there all day with his dick in my mouth.”
“Jolin made it pretty clear nothing happened.”
“Well Jolin is a moron because I am pretty sure what went where and it was a blow job,” Ren spat back.
“We had an arrangement.” Brock pulled her in close.
“And I…” Ren turned her face to get away from him and saw Jolin standing in the hall.
Brock followed her gaze and dropped his hand. He stepped away from her and put a dead smile on his face. “Daniel. Better hurry. You’re late.” He turned back to Ren, pointing at her. “You’ll pay your debt.” Taking a step backward, he walked away from them. “Nice seeing you again, Daniel.”
Ren collapsed against her locker, resting her hands on her knees. “Shit,” she muttered.
“Are y-y-you okay?” Jolin asked.
“Leave me alone. Why couldn’t you have kept your mouth shut?” She grabbed her books and headed to Biology.
“I didn’t tell anyone what happened at my house.” Jolin jogged to catch up.
Ren turned on him and smacked him in the chest with the palm of her hand. “At the party. You shit. You told him at the party nothing happened. Why would you do that?” Ren took a step back and laughed dryly. “Oh yeah. Because you were trying to get into your ex-girlfriends pants so you could fuck your way back into popularity. How’d that work for you?”
“About as good as letting Ty into yours worked for you.” The words left Jolin’s mouth before he could stop them.
Ren’s hand flew up to slap him, but he caught her wrist before it made contact. He pulled her in close. “I did not have sex with her.”
Ren’s hard exterior wavered then returned. “I. Don’t. Care.” She ripped her hand from his. “Stay out of my life.” She turned and walked away.
“I wish I could,” he said under his breath. “But you’re my fucking lab partner.”
Serenity
Monday, October 27
12:30 p.m.
Quill met Ren at their lunch table and sat with his mouth in a perfect O shape while she told him the mess she was in.
“Stop staring at me.” Ren put her head in her hands.
“I told you to stop playing with him,” Quill said.
“I wasn’t playing with him. You don’t understand. This has gotten out of control.”
“I told you it would. If you want control don’t go down on your knees for a man.”
Ren looked up and hissed. “I’m doing it for you.”
Quill stood, causing his chair to slide across the floor. “Don’t. Don’t use me as an excuse for what you do. I can take care of myself.”
She stood to confront him. “Then do it. Get a job why don’t you, because all you’ve done is move in with a different girl. Take care of yourself for once and stop mooching off everyone else. You do the same thing as me. Use your charm and who knows what else to get the foster families to fall in love with you. Get the girls to pay your way. You are just like me so stop getting all high and mighty. See how long you last on your own. And don’t come running to me when she kicks your sorry ass out because you slip up and flirt with another girl to get something new. She’ll be done with you. I’m the only one that let’s your lazy ass get away with it.” Ren stomped off out the back door and into ran into Jolin.
“Get out of my way.” She shoved him to the side, but he grabbed her wrist and twirled her around.
“Why are you mad at me?” he asked.
She pulled at her wrist. “You’re stupid that’s why.” She pulled harder, but Jolin was stronger and pulled herinto his chest.
“Why am I stupid?”
“You’re hurting me.”
“Then stop twisting your arm around. Talk to me, Ren.” Jolin’s voice pleaded, making her stop.
“Why? What difference would it make?”
He seemed at a loss, but then a sly small pulled at his lips. “I’m your lab partner.”
She rolled her eyes. “Which is how this situation started.”
“Come to my house today.”
For a brief moment she thought about going to his house and convincing him to let her finish what had gotten her into this mess in the first place, but she couldn’t. She didn’t have control when she was with him. Just being near him knocked her down at the knees and not for a blow job. He was playing with her heart, and she couldn’t risk it. She didn’t have the luxury of liking someone.
