by Brenda Novak
“It’s impossible,” Cora finished.
“Sadly, yes.” She raised a wet, soapy hand. “But enough about New Horizons and what’s going on with the school. You’re here to relax and have a good time. Why don’t you tell me a little more about your family? I’m guessing you’re missing them by now.”
Cora did miss her family, although, once she got beyond that first night she’d been too caught up in adjusting to her new situation, fighting her attraction to Eli, making friends with Darci and feeling guilty for keeping her true identity a secret to get too homesick. “I’ve already been back to see them once. And I hear from them regularly.”
“You’re close to your parents, then?”
Cora hesitated before putting the glasses in the dishwasher along with the silverware. “Yes.” Otherwise, she wouldn’t feel so guilty for wanting to include her birth mother in her life.
“How’s your brother doing?”
“He’s been out of town. Claims he’s going to come see me when he gets back, but...he’s always busy. Keeps putting it off. So we’ll see. I’d love for you to meet him.” In a way, that was true even though Cora knew she’d probably never introduce them—not with the way things stood now.
“I’m looking forward to that.” She indicated the leftover carrot cake. “Any chance you’d like to take that home?”
Aiyana had obviously taken note of how much Cora had loved the dessert. “Sure. If you don’t want it or want to keep it for the boys.”
“We all get plenty of sweets as it is.”
A ruckus broke out in the living room—Eli and Gavin wrestling with their younger brothers, who’d been teasing and goading them to get them to do just that. The loud noise and the rattle of dishes and other furnishings caused Aiyana to roll her eyes. “Boys.”
“They seem to get along well,” Cora said.
“Every family has its moments, but for the most part, they’ve been very good to each other. They are all wonderful people.”
“They’re lucky to have you.”
Aiyana turned to face her wearing such an intense expression that Cora feared she’d given away too much with the longing in her voice. But when Aiyana spoke, she realized that Aiyana’s thoughts were moving in a different direction. “On the phone just after you came here, you mentioned wanting to become friends with Elijah.”
Cora swallowed with some difficulty. “Yes...”
“It appears the relationship has moved beyond friendship.”
Feeling on the spot, Cora could barely refrain from wringing her hands. Like most all of the students and staff, she loved Aiyana, didn’t want to displease her. “We are...we are dating, if that’s what you mean.”
“It’s serious?”
“We haven’t put a label on it. It’s too soon.”
“But you’re open to getting serious with him.”
When she flailed around, searching for the best answer, Aiyana dried her hands and moved closer. “I owe you an apology, Cora. This is none of my business, and Eli would be furious if he knew I was getting involved. It’s just that I’ve never seen him like this. His eyes follow you wherever you go, and I think I indicated on the phone that as tough and unreachable as he may seem, at times, his heart is so fragile...”
After clearing her throat, Cora met her gaze. “Well, I’m just as concerned for my own heart, if that tells you anything.”
Aiyana’s face creased into a big smile. “For you, it wasn’t quite as obvious to me, probably because I don’t know you as well. So... I’m glad I asked,” she said and pulled Cora into her arms for a warm embrace.
Cora breathed deeply, taking in the scent of her biological mother. She was hugging the woman who’d given her birth, a woman she was coming to love and respect more than she ever dreamed possible.
She probably hung on a little too long. When Aiyana tried to pull back, Cora couldn’t quite let her go, but she didn’t seem to mind. She kissed Cora’s cheek—and then Eli interrupted by poking his head into the room.
“What’s going on in here?” he asked.
Aiyana turned back to the dishes. “I just gave Cora the rest of the carrot cake, and she was thanking me.”
“You gave her all of it? No way! I get half,” he said, and later, once they were at his house, he decided to claim his share. But Cora didn’t mind, since he ate it off her body.
“Were you really hugging my mother because she gave you the cake?” he asked as he licked a final drop of frosting off her nipple.
She caught her breath as he made sure he’d gotten it all, wondering if now might be a good time to tell him who she was. He’d just given her the perfect intro—and yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. What if their fledgling relationship couldn’t withstand the shock wave?
She didn’t want anything to come between them. Not only that, but Aiyana was so pleased they were together. Why risk ruining everyone’s current happiness when she had all year? “Yes.”
He dropped onto the bed beside her, seemingly sated and obviously tired. “Wow. You really like carrot cake.”
“I really like your mom,” she said softly.
“Doesn’t everybody?” He propped his head up with his hands. “What’s yours like?”
“She’s...different from Aiyana. Not quite so socially conscious, but she’s also a nice person. She did a great job raising me.”
“You don’t have any complaints about your childhood? The way you were talking at the restaurant, I thought maybe there’d been some problems.”
“No big ones.” Her mother’s vanity could wear on her. Lilly could be a little materialistic, but Cora couldn’t say anything derogatory about her. She already felt too disloyal just by being here—and getting involved in Eli’s life and Aiyana’s life...
“I’d like to meet her.”
Cora wasn’t about to invite Lilly to the ranch. She planned to keep this new world separate from the one she’d left in LA. Otherwise, she’d feel even guiltier. “She’s really busy.”
“Doing what?”
“She’s a big philanthropist, always involved in one community event or another.”
“That makes her sound caring.”
Except that she sometimes gave the impression she did charity work more because she was bored and liked the positive attention it brought her. “She is caring. It’s complicated, completely harmless. No one is all one way or the other, you know?”
“She doesn’t have a job?”
“Doesn’t need to work. But she has lots of friends she goes out with for...for brunch and movies and what have you. And she golfs,” she added weakly.
“Ah, I can see she’s completely buried.”
Cora heard the sarcasm but pretended she hadn’t. “She is.”
“We’re not that far from LA,” he said.
“Yeah. She’ll come visit. Sometime.”
He lifted his head to give her a funny look. “I mean we could go there any weekend you choose.”
“Maybe for Christmas,” she mumbled since the holidays sounded a long way off.
He didn’t say anything. He got up and went into the bathroom to turn on the shower so they could wash off the sticky residue of the frosting, and she leaned over to check her phone. She’d tried to reach Matt earlier, before going to the basketball courts to find Eli for breakfast, but he hadn’t picked up. He hadn’t responded to her text, asking him if he got home okay, either. She thought he was just going to write her out of his life, and was happy to have him do that. But when she took a moment to listen to the voice mail her mother had left while she was having dinner at Aiyana’s, her blood ran cold. In a voice choked with emotion, Lilly asked her why she hadn’t told them she’d gone to Silver Springs to meet her biological mother.
“Oh God,” Cora whispered. Matt hadn�
�t told Aiyana and Eli why she’d sought out a job at the ranch—but he had told Lilly.
Chapter Seventeen
“What did you say?” Eli poked his head out of the bathroom to see Cora grabbing her clothes off the floor and hurrying to get dressed.
“I said I have to go.”
“But...you’re sticky.”
“I’ll rinse off at home. There’s been a—a family emergency.”
Feeling a fissure of concern, he hooked his arms above his head using the lintel of the doorway. He would’ve helped gather her things, but she already had her clothes and there wasn’t much he could do to help her dress. “What kind of emergency?”
“My mom...she’s upset about something. I have to go home.”
He turned off the shower. “Would you like me to drive you there?”
“No. It’s fine. I’ll go alone. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back so...so you should stay here.”
“Then...do you need someone to cover your classes tomorrow? If I can’t get one of the other teachers to combine, I can always show them a movie or something—act as babysitter, at least.”
Cora couldn’t conscionably leave her students in the lurch and make him step in, not when this wasn’t the type of emergency Eli assumed. No one had been hurt or killed; no one was in the hospital. This was merely the consequences of the fact that she hadn’t been able to let certain things go—things that some adopted kids, maybe even a lot of them, could do with apparent ease. “No. I’ll be here.”
“It’s already eight o’clock!”
“The drive’s only two hours. I can get there and be back before morning.”
“After being up all night, will you be in any condition to work?”
“I’ll muddle through. School doesn’t last that long.”
“I’m willing to help you,” he said. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”
When she looked up at him, she had tears in her eyes, which brought him out of the bathroom. “Cora...”
“I’m fine.” She put up a hand to ward off the comfort he’d hoped to offer. “I... I need to go. I’m sorry,” she said and hurried out.
Eli stared after her. Just when he felt as if he was getting close to her, closer than he’d ever been to a woman, she seemed to retreat behind some invisible wall.
For a change, it wasn’t him. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t turn out to be a problem.
* * *
The silence in the kitchen felt tangible—like a thousand pounds of sand bearing down on Cora’s shoulders, so heavy it was hard to bear up beneath it. Both of her parents were sitting at the table across from her, but neither seemed to have much to say. Lilly had cried a lot, and Brad acted confused, as if he was still trying to piece together why she’d needed more than what they’d provided when they’d given raising her their best effort.
“It isn’t anything you’ve done,” Cora reiterated. “You’ve been wonderful parents, and I’m grateful for everything.”
He lifted his gaze to meet her eyes. “Then...why?”
She didn’t get a chance to answer before her mother broke in, “Does your brother know? Did he help you?”
“No,” she replied. “I only told Matt and Jill, because they were so present in my life during the past two years.”
“And we weren’t present?” she said.
Her father glanced at his wife as if he wanted to comfort her but was uncertain as to how to go about it.
“Of course you were,” Cora said. “That’s not what I meant. I would’ve told you, but every time I brought it up, you acted so...resistant to the idea—as if it would be a personal betrayal.”
“So you did it, anyway,” her mother said, fresh tears in her eyes.
“Not because it would hurt you! I never wanted to hurt you. I love you both. Why can’t you understand? I had to meet Aiyana. A part of me has always been insatiably curious about her.”
“What about your birth father?” Brad asked. “You’re not curious about him?”
“I am but... I don’t have any information on him. Unless Aiyana is willing to tell me the circumstances surrounding my conception, I have no hope of ever finding him.”
“Will she give you that information?” he asked.
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t told her who I am. No one knows down at New Horizons.” When she thought of Matt, she wanted to punch him. He had no business causing this wreckage. He’d only told Brad and Lilly to strike out at her, to hurt her for breaking up with him and having the audacity to find someone else.
“So when are you going to do that?” Brad asked. “And why haven’t you done so already?”
“Because... I felt I should tell you first, for one. But the timing hasn’t been right. There are moments when I think I’ll never tell. At least I’ve seen my biological mother. At least I know who she is and what she’s like.”
Her father scratched his head, making his hair stand up. “I understand the questions you’ve had must’ve been...difficult,” he said, making an attempt to be conciliatory.
“They were! I wasn’t even certain of my nationality, Dad! Such a simple thing most others take for granted. I hated being so in the dark. I have only a partial picture now, but at least it’s something.”
“It’s the deception I’m struggling with.” Lilly glowered at her beneath wet eyelashes, but Cora wasn’t convinced her “deception” was the root of it. Fear of losing Cora’s affection was the real problem, which was probably why Cora had found her birth mother in spite of Lilly’s resistance. She knew Lilly had nothing to fear. There wasn’t any way her adoptive mother could ever lose her affection.
“I lied because there was no way of knowing whether Aiyana would be anyone I’d be willing to associate with. If she wasn’t, I was going to leave things as they are now. I didn’t see any point in upsetting you if I ended up walking away.”
“But you’re not walking away. You adore her!” her mother said. “You talk about her like she’s Mother Teresa!”
“I admit the fact that she’s such a good person makes everything a bit more...complicated, but it doesn’t change how much you both mean to me. You will always be first, Mom. You were the one who stood by me when she walked away.”
Fresh tears confirmed that Cora’s comments had hit the real target.
“Mom, stop,” she said, getting up to hug her. “How could you question my love for you? We’ve always been close, haven’t we?”
“I thought so. I did my best by you, but I’m not the kind of person Aiyana has turned out to be. I’m no champion of orphans and abused boys.”
“What are you talking about? You’re always working on one fund-raiser or another,” she said. “You do a lot of good. Besides, that type of thing doesn’t matter. You’ve been everything I need. I have no complaints, so don’t let Matt tear us apart. That’s exactly what he intended when he called you. He’s angry that I’m not getting back with him, so he’s hurting me by hurting you.”
Lilly wiped her cheeks, smearing her mascara. “I know he wasn’t trying to do any of us any favors...”
“Have you thought about Aiyana and how she might feel about all of this?” her father asked.
“Of course!” Cora replied. “Why do you think I haven’t approached her? I’m not attempting to force myself into her life—or anyone else’s. I’m just trying to figure out who I am and where I came from.”
“But Matt said you went home with her son last night!” Lilly said.
“Her adopted son. As far as I can tell, I’m the only child she’s ever had.”
“So that makes it okay to date him?”
“It’s not ideal, but there’s nothing really wrong with it. It’s not like we’re truly related.”
Lilly accepted the tissue Brad got
for her. “Then you’re not worried about how he will feel when he finds out you deceived him,”
“Like I said, I’m not even sure he has to find out.”
“That’s not realistic,” Brad said. “This is all leading somewhere, Cora.”
And there it was—what scared them all, even her.
She took her father’s hand. “Can you tell me why my birth mother gave me up, Dad?”
“No. They provided us with no information, Cora. We’ve told you that before. We were just glad to get you.”
“And we didn’t mind not knowing,” her mother added. “We were excited to be your parents—your only parents. Having that blank canvas meant...it meant we didn’t have to consider the fact that you weren’t actually born to us.”
“But the fact that I didn’t come out of your womb doesn’t matter, right? You’ve told me before. Only love matters.”
“That’s true,” Lilly admitted. “You’d think that would be enough, that you wouldn’t have to go searching for someone who could...who would possibly ruin our lives.”
“Aiyana can’t ruin our lives if we don’t give her that kind of power,” Cora insisted. “The woman I’ve come to know would never want to hurt us, anyway. She’d step out of the picture before she became a problem.”
“That’s how you see her now, but you never know what she may be like once she feels entitled.”
Cora rubbed her tired and burning eyes. “I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve been satisfied with not knowing. Maybe for some people, it’s easy not to look back, to only move forward. But it hasn’t been like that for me. I went to a lot of time, effort and expense to find Aiyana, and I wouldn’t have done all of that if I hadn’t felt compelled, from when I was just a little girl, to find out who my biological parents were—and why they gave me away.”
Brad shook his head. “You hardly ever said anything!”
“Because I knew it would go like this!” she said.
“We would’ve tried to understand,” he argued.
“Then try to understand now, Dad. Please? Wherever this is going, does it have to be somewhere bad? Can’t I satisfy my curiosity, fill in the gaps that most people don’t even think about so that I can feel satisfied? At peace? Can you trust my love enough to let me navigate my way through this?”
