She nodded. ‘Cosmo’s Eleven Signs of a Cheating Man … I know I have to talk to him, if only to put my mind at ease. I can’t continue like this, feeling terrible all the time. I’m going to talk to him this week.’
I grabbed her hand and squeezed. How could I blame her for trying to find out if she was overreacting? I’d do exactly the same thing in her shoes. The question was whether Thomas deserved the suspicion.
Alex and I emailed back and forth all afternoon, which did my productivity no favours. I accidentally disconnected two client calls before giving up and pretending to work on admin for the rest of the day. I wish it was excitement that made me so inept, but it was nerves. I’d felt exactly the same way when taking my exams, knowing I only had one chance to make the grade. I was afraid I hadn’t prepared well enough for tonight’s paper.
We walked together to a pub around the corner. It wasn’t our local – everyone from the office went to the one up the road. Alex was, of course, completely cool. I stayed mute to minimise the risk of idiocy before we’d even had a drink.
A crowd was already gathered outside. ‘Do you mind if we sit inside?’ Alex asked. ‘I’m too old to stand on the pavement pretending to have fun. And since I quit smoking it kills me whenever someone lights up around me. You don’t smoke, do you?’
‘Me, smoke? No, filthy habit. Not that you’re filthy. I didn’t mean that. You’re fine. Unfilthy. ’ Shut up, Katie. ‘Yes, let’s sit inside. Then we can talk properly. Not that I’ve got anything serious to talk about. Or secret.’ Why couldn’t I just stop? ‘Just the normal chitchat, really. No big deal.’
Alex went off to the bar wondering what he’d got himself into.
I was going off the rails. I hadn’t even wanted Rory as much as I wanted something to happen with Alex. Just as I’d nearly convinced myself that this was a completely hopeless crush, Alex had to completely ruin it by being extra nice. Of course that made a girl hope. Plus he looked gorgeous as usual. Normally I was suspicious of men who wore jeans with suit jackets, but Alex carried it off. His broad shoulders and narrow waist were suited to that kind of smart casual contrast. Plus his day-old stubble made him look like someone in music or media, not nutritional supplements.
We squeezed onto the end of a big table by the window, him with a pint of dark ale and me with a large glass of wine.
‘Cheers,’ I said, raising my glass.
‘Thank you, Katie. Officially. You’ve been a huge help and I really appreciate it.’
So there it was then. This was an official glass of Sauvignon Blanc, not Alex thinking I was cute, or fun or even potential friend material (which I’d accept in the absence of a better offer). Stupid stupid pipe dream.
‘That’s okay,’ I said. ‘I’m glad to help out.’ Which I was, even with no prospect of fringe benefits. But if this was a work meeting, I had to stay on-topic. The last time I strayed into seduction I ended up kissing a sleeping man. Professional Katie, engage brain. ‘I met with Smith and he’s going to come with me on my next client visit. I should be able to arrange something soon.’ I hadn’t really expected my cunning plan to work but Cressida was happy with my performance and hinted at more meetings in the future. Things certainly did seem to be looking up.
‘I’m glad Cressida is finally lightening up on you,’ he said. ‘You deserve a break after all this time. You’re turning into the perfect package.’
My face reddened. His words confirmed what I’d suspected all along: Cressida had taken issue less with my competence than with my control pants.
The shallow cow.
Of course now that there was less of me to take issue with, my career was looking up. And as unfair as that was on the old Katie, this new Katie quite liked the way things were heading.
‘So you’ve got your own work gimp now,’ Alex continued, leaning back after an obviously satisfying sip. ‘Ah, I remember my first intern like it was yesterday. Stop looking at me like that, Katie. What do you take me for?’
Rampant sex god. ‘I’m not looking at you any way.’ I totally was.
‘What I meant was, you’ve got your own personal gopher. What will you make him do for you?’
‘Smith has to do whatever I want?’ I said, relieved to be back on non-sexual ground. ‘I had no idea there were such perks to being a buddy. How exciting. Let’s see. Well, naturally I’ll start with fetching. He can fetch my dry cleaning and lunch. And afternoon coffee.’
‘Do you have a car? He could wash that for you.’
‘No, but I suppose he could wash my bicycle.’
‘Do you have a bike? I always pictured you as more of a taxi girl. Do you ride it much?’
I wasn’t even sure I still had it. Dad had probably cleared out the garden shed in the last decade.
‘Sometimes,’ I lied. ‘Do you have a bike?’
‘Yeah, I love it. It’s a pain in the arse riding in the city though. I usually take the train out to Windsor or Sussex or up around the Chilterns on weekends. There are some lovely pubs there.’
‘So you cycle between pubs? I like your motivation.’
‘Restaurants too. I do get some hills in while I’m there. If you ever want to come along just say the word.’
I nearly exploded at the thought of Alex cycling ahead of me in Lycra. We’d been safely on work topics just a minute ago. How had we leaped to sweating in skin-tight clothing?
‘I’d just hold you up.’
‘Speaking of which, another drink?’
I was surprised by my empty glass. ‘I’d better slow down. Just a small glass this time, please.’
‘That’s absolutely out of the question. I’m getting you drunk tonight.’ He took my glass and went back to the bar. I had a bad (by which I meant very good) feeling about the night ahead.
Our conversation flowed as easily as the alcohol and in the next few hours I saw the Alex who wasn’t the finance director for Nutritious. We had things in common. Not exercise, mind you, but other things like music and cinema and places we’d both been on holiday.
When I told him all about the Curvy Girls Club, he said, ‘What you’re doing is amazing, and it sounds like it’s important to a lot of people. I so admire people with passions like yours.’
I was lost in his gaze, and his praise. It was still hard to believe what we’d achieved in less than six months. Nearly three hundred people attended our events each week and they usually sold out. I was working from breakfast to supper on my days away from Nutritious just to find enough experiences to add to the website. And I was even drawing a small salary for my time.
But more important than the money was the fact that I was so happy in this new normal. Being with the members was a bit like being in the darkened restaurant. Size didn’t matter. And that was immensely freeing. I’d turned a corner, and started to feel that good in the ‘real’ world. I didn’t want to go back to my old neighbourhood ever again.
The night galloped along until suddenly Alex and I found ourselves in uncharted territory. ‘Have you got a boyfriend, Katie?’ he asked, slightly slurry.
I shook my head.
‘How can that be? You’re smart, funny, fun, pretty … and if you don’t mind my saying, getting sexier by the day.’
I wanted to pretend I hadn’t heard, just to make him repeat himself. Suddenly the room felt a bit warm. Could it be that instead of seeing Katie from sales who always made him laugh, Alex had suddenly realised that I might be more than just a funny face?
‘Ah, you’re just being kind.’
‘No, I’m not really. I tell it like it is. You’re different lately. In a nice way … you’re not going to haul me in front of HR now, are you?’
‘That depends on what you’re proposing.’ I smiled. I might have even batted my eyelashes. Well, don’t blame me. He started it.
‘I’m proposing to see you again, if you’d like that. Dinner?’
I don’t know what made me say the next words. ‘Fishing off the company pier, Alex? It’s not s
mart to date employees you know.’
Ugh. Why hadn’t I just said yes?
‘Give it a few months,’ he said. ‘If we don’t turn things around, we may not be employees any more. Problem solved.’ He realised what he’d said. ‘That’s not for public dissemination, by the way. Top secret. Promise?’
I promised, feeling suddenly much more sober at the prospect of unemployment.
When we left the pub, he didn’t reach for my hand or throw a friendly arm over my shoulder, and I showed admirable restraint by not launching myself at his front. If I moved too fast I might send him scampering off into the night. Be cool, Katie.
We said good-bye inside the Tube station, him going southbound and me going north. He lingered as everyone around us rushed for the last trains. But he didn’t try to kiss me.
‘See you tomorrow,’ he said instead.
‘Thanks so much for tonight, it was really fun.’ It really was.
‘It was definitely fun,’ he said, grasping my hand and squeezing once before turning to his platform.
As my train made its way to Wood Green, Rob popped into my head. He’d been absent all evening, crowded out by Alex. He journeyed with me towards home, not admonishing or challenging me. He just let me know he was there.
He’d still be awake. I was tempted to call him when I got home. No. That was just the guilt talking. But guilt over what, exactly? Nothing had happened between me and Alex.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
What was it with the men in my life? Alex didn’t once mention dinner the following week. There wasn’t even the slightest hint that we’d gone for drinks. If I hadn’t had the hangover to prove it, I’d have thought it was just a dream. I was starting to give up any hope of a dinner date. It was the Christmas party all over again. Mental note: must try for proposition when Alex isn’t legless.
And given that Rob would probably never ask me out either, it was unfair for him to be stuck in my mind, gently reminding me of our kisses. Honestly, some men had no follow-through, and a terrible sense of timing.
At least my GP was reliable. He called on Friday to say my test results were ready. Was it any wonder, what with all the impatience building up, that I was tempted to grab my handbag and sprint for his surgery? But I didn’t. The sniff of redundancies at Nutritious meant I took the latest appointment in the day. Then I obsessed until it was time to leave.
Rob texted just as I was checking in with the nurse.
Just got your message. Good luck. I hope you get some answers. xo
Thanks, I’m cacking myself. I hope it’s not bad news. xx
Don’t worry, it won’t be. Call me when you’re done okay? xo
Normally I’d have taken the time to analyse the number and frequency of his text kisses, but my nerves were shot. Despite promising Ellie I wouldn’t google, I’d amassed a laundry list of potential diseases. By the time I got to the surgery I was finding it hard to breathe.
‘Hello, Miss Winterbottom,’ my doctor said. ‘Please sit down.’
Sitting down couldn’t be good. I braced myself.
‘How are you feeling? Any better?’
Surely he could hear my heart shuddering in my chest. ‘No, no better. My heart is still racing. I’m still tired. And do you see this?’ I pointed to my eye. ‘I’ve now got a tic.’ I’d been winking at people all week. Something was seriously wrong.
‘We’ve got the test results back and I can put your mind at rest. As I thought, it’s not cancer. You’ve got an overactive thyroid. It’s called hyperthyroidism and can cause a number of the symptoms you’re experiencing. We’ve done two blood tests to check your TSH and thyroxine levels. A low reading on TSH and/or high reading on thyroxine indicates the condition. In your case, both a low TSH and high thyroxine means hyperthyroidism.’
‘Is it curable?’
‘There are treatments to get you functioning normally again. We can discuss the options once we know what’s causing it.’
‘Is this dangerous to have?’
‘Not if it’s treated properly and managed. I’ll just need to pop you up on the table to check your thyroid.’
More popping. ‘Where is my thyroid?’
‘In the front of your neck.’
Excellent, no stirrups then. I climbed on the table and let the doctor thump my neck.
‘There’s no enlargement of the thyroid,’ he said, feeling around. ‘Which would be a sign of Graves’ Disease. So that’s good. But I can feel one nodule. This is very unlikely to be malignant, but we’ll want to check. I can schedule you in for a biopsy.’
‘A biopsy?’ But he just said it wasn’t cancer.
‘It’s a fine-needle aspiration procedure. That means we anesthetise the area and use a very small needle to extract cells from the nodule. Don’t worry, it’s not painful.’
Easy for him to say when it wasn’t his neck being stuck with a needle. ‘But you said it wasn’t cancer.’
‘It isn’t cancer. It’s an overactive thyroid.’
I couldn’t help feeling he was splitting hairs. ‘But that might be caused by a malignant nodule? Doesn’t malignant mean cancer?’
‘It’s very rare for thyroid nodules to be malignant. We’re just checking to be sure. Please don’t worry, Miss Winterbottom. We’ll schedule you in for the procedure as soon as possible.’
‘Why do you have to schedule me as soon as possible? Because you’re afraid it’s spreading?’
‘Noo. Because you’ve come to me with uncomfortable symptoms and I’d like to alleviate them as soon as possible.’ His bushy eyebrows bounced up and down to emphasise his point.
‘All right then, assuming it’s not cancer, what’s the treatment?’
‘There are various medications we can try. The specialist will talk with you about specific treatment when all the test results are finished.’ He updated his notes on the computer and the printer whirred into life. ‘Here’s your referral for the specialist. I’ll schedule you for the fine-needle aspiration.’ I noticed he’d stopped calling it a biopsy. ‘You should get a letter within a week with the appointment. All right?’
Aside from possible thyroid cancer, yes, I suppose I was all right.
I called Rob on the walk back to the Tube. ‘I’ve got to have a biopsy.’ Just saying the word brought tears bubbling to the surface.
‘Why a biopsy?! Do they think it’s cancer?’
Finally, a sensible reaction from someone. ‘Thank you! A biopsy means it could be cancer, right? The doctor made it sound like it was no big deal.’ I recounted our conversation which, as I repeated it, did make me sound a smidge less rational than when I first challenged the doctor’s words.
‘Well, it doesn’t sound like he’s concerned, Katie. So try not to worry. They should see you quickly and then you can take the medication to get it sorted. How are you feeling about it?’
I loved that he asked me that. ‘I guess I’m okay. There’s no use worrying until I know there’s something to worry about. And on the plus side, I’ve lost more weight, so that’s some compensation. I’m glad I know what it is, at least, if not the cause. And that there’s a treatment. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’m just about to catch the Tube home. Can I call you later? I’m meeting the girls at the office, so maybe after that?’
‘Sure you can. And Katie? Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.’
I was nearly home before I realised he hadn’t offered to meet me.
I should have felt the change in the air when I entered our flat. Hell, I should have felt it from the Tube. Ellie was home already. Thomas was with her. They were glaring at each other on the sofa, dribbling negative karma all over my favourite piece of furniture.
‘What’s up?’ Feigning ignorance might cut the custard-thick tension.
‘Ellie’s just been telling me about the field trip you two took to Oxford Street the other day.’
Uh oh. How much did he know?
‘Oh? Yes, it’s nice to be outside at lunchtime. Bit of
fresh air …’
‘It’s okay, Katie,’ Ellie said. ‘He knows we followed them.’ She turned to Thomas, her face red. ‘You can be as angry as you like. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but in this case, the ends justified the means. Otherwise I wouldn’t have known you were visiting sex shops with Colleen now, would I?’ She crossed her arms, daring him to deny it.
I probably should have left them alone, but this was too good to miss. Besides, Ellie might need backup. That’s what friends were for. Eavesdropping and backup.
‘Anything else?’ Thomas asked. His normally open, friendly face remained impassive.
‘Well, yes, as we’re on the subject,’ said Ellie. ‘Your secret phone calls from Colleen. Care to explain those?’
Normally jovial and eager-to-please, it was easy to forget that my best friend had a titanium core. She probably let people tread on her a bit too often but she did come out swinging when it was important. Clearly this was important.
‘Well … first of all they weren’t secret, since I answered my phone in front of you.’
He had a point there.
‘And second, are you sure you want to know what we’ve been talking about?’ A smile played around his mouth.
And I thought I knew this man. How could he be so cruel, daring Ellie to listen to his lover’s patter?! He wasn’t lovely Thomas at all.
Ellie looked like she was regretting the whole conversation. ‘Thomas, I’m not going to let you make me feel bad. I can do that for myself. I think you should leave.’
‘Not until I tell you what Colleen and I have been doing,’ he said.
‘Thomas!’ I said. ‘Stop being horrible. You heard Ellie. You should go now.’
‘I’m not leaving.’ He tried to take Ellie’s hand. She snatched it back. ‘Ellie, I’m sorry I’ve kept secrets from you. And I’m very, very sorry that that’s made you feel bad.’
‘Well, of course it’s made her feel bad!’ I blurted. ‘Surely you knew it would. Honestly, Thomas, you’re being a real knob.’
Thomas smiled again. Did he not understand the seriousness of this situation?
‘I don’t mean to be a real knob.’ He grabbed for Ellie’s hand again. This time she let him take it. ‘I mean to be romantic. Ellie. I wanted to take you away somewhere as a surprise. I asked Colleen to help because she’s my best female mate and I figured she’d know what you might like. Hence the trip to the shop. Which was unbelievably uncomfortable, by the way, but I hope you’ll like what I found. I’m so sorry that you thought it was something else. I really just wanted this weekend to be a total surprise.’ He turned to me. ‘I’m sorry, Katie. I’d have told you but …’
The Curvy Girls Club Page 16
