The Curvy Girls Club

by Michele Gorman

  ‘Oh, so now you’re a doctor?’

  ‘No, my dad is a doctor. That’s why I talked to him and paid attention to what he said. You’re not a doctor either, so you should pay attention to what your GP says … Are looks really so important to you?’ He shook his head. ‘I’d never have thought that of you, Katie. What happened to being happy as you are, huh? I guess that was all just empty talk. Well, congratulations. You sold it to the rest of us, hook, line and sinker.’

  ‘I do believe that,’ I said.

  ‘Sure, it’s easy to believe as long as you’re not the one who’s fat. You know, you’ve changed since you lost weight. You’re vain now. Or maybe you’ve always been like that and it’s just becoming apparent now. Looks aren’t everything, you know.’ Sadness clouded his face. ‘Just because a person doesn’t look perfect doesn’t mean they’re worth less. I thought you of all people knew that.’ He threw his towel on the work surface. ‘Why does everyone have to be so shallow? It shouldn’t be all about looks.’

  I was having a déjà vu moment. Where had I heard him say that before? Oh yes, it was when he’d ranted about his ex-girlfriend.

  ‘It’s not about looks! It’s about … making the right decision given that the treatments have side effects.’

  But I knew he didn’t believe me. Why should he? I didn’t really believe myself.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Rob’s words bothered me all weekend but something stopped me from calling him. Maybe it was because he was furious with me. We were barely speaking by the end of the cooking class and instead of walking me to the Tube like he normally would have, he made an excuse to stay behind to talk to the chef. I might have believed he was looking for a few kitchen pointers but it was obvious he was avoiding me. I didn’t blame him. Somehow everything had got muddled up. I hadn’t meant for us to argue, or to make it sound like I was shallow. I really did have serious concerns about the side effects of the thyroid treatment. It just so happened that those side effects included gaining back all the weight I’d shed.

  Even if he was just concerned for me, I wasn’t sure he could really see my point of view. Sure, he was twenty pounds over his ideal weight, but he looked good in his clothes. And he hadn’t lived with being fat his whole life. He wasn’t the one who got called Katie Blubberbottom in school. He didn’t look in the mirror every morning hoping to see a bit less of himself than he’d seen the night before, or pretend to be satisfied with accessories when shopping because shops didn’t stock his size. He didn’t feel the embarrassment when the dress he finally found and squeezed into in the dressing room wouldn’t come off without help from the saleslady. He wasn’t the one who always jammed himself against the window on the bus to keep his thigh from spilling over to the seat beside him. It was easy for Rob to judge. He should see how he felt after walking around in my size twenty clothes. Then he might understand why I’d hesitate to purposely reverse the weight loss that, for some reason, my body decided to give me. Instead of calling me shallow.

  So when Alex came by my desk late Tuesday afternoon, whispered that I looked gorgeous and insisted on dinner that evening, I was more than ready to go out with him. If Rob wanted to believe that was shallow, so be it.

  Of course now that Alex had seen me, the royal blue empire waist dress I’d worn to Cirque du Soleil would have to do. Rob had thought it looked pretty (get out of my head, Rob!).

  ‘I’ve got us an early reservation at Les Trois Garcons,’ Alex said as we left the office together. ‘Have you been? It’s just over in Shoreditch.’ He stuck his arm out for a taxi and we bundled in before anyone from the office noticed us together.

  I kept sneaking glances at Alex as we crept through the rush-hour traffic, hardly believing he was really there beside me. I half-expected him to get out when the cab stopped and thank me for the lift to the Tube.

  He didn’t. We stopped in front of a nondescript building that looked like it had once been a pub. Alex got out first to pay the driver.

  ‘Here we are, madam,’ he said, offering me his hand as I channelled Grace Kelly to help me exit the car with my knees together.

  This was really happening.

  He held the restaurant door open for me, ushering me into the sumptuous interior. Just how many eccentric restaurants were there in London? First, the mad opera-house with Rob (I told you, Rob, go away!), now this. At first it had the look of an elegant 1920s salon … lived in by an insane auntie. Crystal waterfall chandeliers tumbled from the ceiling. Vintage leather handbags hung from wire above the diners’ heads. Then there were the animals. A blonde ape wearing a crown and cross and smoking a cigar stood beside a tiger in a gorgeous 1920s crystal headdress. He was slightly outshone though by the surprisingly jaunty bulldog wearing a crown collar and fairy wings. Rob’s cousin David could die happily after seeing such taxidermist’s delights.

  ‘You like?’ Alex asked, grinning proudly. He knew how to make an impact.

  ‘I’m not sure where to start,’ I said. My head swivelled to take everything in. Everywhere I looked, something else surprised me. ‘Oh, that’s a bit … weird and creepy.’ In the midst of a group of mounted herbivore heads was a giraffe. His regal, golden crowned head graced a six-foot-long neck, coming straight out of the wall.

  ‘This isn’t a restaurant for animal rights advocates,’ he said. ‘Or vegetarians. You’re not either, are you?’

  Was I? I didn’t use cosmetics that were tested on animals, or eat veal or fois gras. But I wore leather shoes and happily tucked into a Sunday roast.

  ‘Can one be a quasi animal rights advocate?’

  ‘Do you want me to test you?’ He waved for the waiter and ordered a bottle of red.

  ‘Sure, go ahead.’

  ‘Would you wear a coat made from polar bear?’

  ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘What about rabbit?’

  I thought for a moment, then shook my head.

  He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. ‘What if the rabbit came from a farm where all the meat was eaten?’

  ‘You mean like leather comes from cows, which we eat? I guess I might.’

  ‘Then you’re definitely not PETA material and we can continue this relationship.’

  ‘Because I’d wear an animal if the meat gets eaten?’

  ‘Nope. Because you didn’t ask if the rabbits were mistreated. You’re just as hard-hearted as I am. Let’s drink to that.’ He waited for the waiter to pour my wine. ‘You like red, don’t you?’

  ‘Well, I usually drink white when I’m out, just because red stains my teeth. But I do like red, cheers!’

  He nodded. ‘Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Always nice. And red wine is better for your heart. Though your heart looks fine from where I’m sitting.’

  ‘That’s because you can’t see it,’ I started. ‘It’s actually beating like mad. I’ve got this thyroid thing you see— Oh, you meant you were looking at my … thank you.’

  He shook his head, laughing. ‘You really don’t have any conceit at all, do you? That’s so charming.’

  Did you hear that, Rob? I thought. No conceit at all. Now leave me alone.

  Alex continued, oblivious to my imaginary discussions. ‘But you should learn to take a compliment. Here, let me help you get used to it.’ He reached for my hand. ‘Not only are you fun and nice, very sweet and always willing to bail my arse out, you’re looking absolutely fantastic these days.’

  I could feel my neck going blotchy from embarrassment. Oh yes, I’m sure I looked lovely just then. ‘This is practice, right?’

  When he let my hand go to open the menu, I wanted to snatch it back. Greedy Katie.

  ‘Have you bought new clothes or something lately?’ he asked as he squinted at the starters. He used reading glasses when he was alone in his office, but he was too vain to wear them in front of people. I’d caught him bespectacled a few times when I bounded in unannounced. ‘You look different, and I can’t put my finger on it.’

  He had
to be joking. How could a man not notice an extra forty pounds?

  ‘Er, I’ve lost a bit of weight.’

  ‘Have you? That must be it, then. It really suits you. And that dress makes your eyes nearly violet.’

  ‘Flattery will get you far,’ I said. He topped up my wine glass as the waiter returned for our orders. Luckily there were posh-food-to-English translations beneath each option.

  ‘I do hope so,’ he said when the waiter had left. His eyes bored into mine. ‘Because I would very much like to seduce you tonight.’

  I felt faint. ‘I think we should have our starters first, don’t you?’ There I was, engaging in witty repartee. I was normally tongue-tied when Alex asked me if my expenses were in on time.

  ‘Can I take that as a maybe, then?’

  ‘We’ll see if you can compete with my smoked mackerel.’

  ‘Oh, I do love a challenge.’ He rubbed his hands together. ‘And I guarantee I’m better than mackerel. More wine?’

  I’d never been on a date like this before. I knew exactly where I stood with Alex. Going out with Rory had been a study in frustrated anticipation. I’d read his expressions like tarot cards, trying to glean meaning from them. Not that I’d waited for him to make an actual move. I cringed to think of how many times I’d manoeuvred to be alone with him. Sometimes I’d even faked sudden illnesses, knowing he’d stay behind to look after me (that sweet, guileless boy).

  Even more recently, my date with Rob hadn’t been a sure thing either. Yes, he’d said he liked me, and asked me out of his own free will – no faked stomach cramps necessary. He’d made sure we had a magical night. Sure, we’d kissed each other’s faces off. But then, poof! Game over with no explanation and I was stuck second-guessing a man again.

  I quite enjoyed the idea of someone besides me being the sure thing. Alex seemed more than happy to play his part.

  The food lived up to the delectable décor, and thankfully wasn’t too petite for French fare. I’d have concentrated more on my pork belly if Alex wasn’t being so damn charming. He wanted to know all about me. I skimmed over the boring bits, aka most of my life, and told him about uni, and a bit about Mum and Dad.

  ‘I’m an only child too now,’ he said. ‘I had an older sister, but she died on my eighth birthday.’

  I didn’t expect him to share something that personal with me.

  ‘I’m so sorry. What happened?’ I’d have loved a sister. I had Daphne for a few years, but she wasn’t as good, since nobody could see her. Eventually we started fighting too much, so she packed her imaginary bags and left. Then I got a puppy and forgot all about her.

  Alex ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end for a few seconds before settling back into glossy disarray.

  ‘Mum and Dad gave me my first BMX bike. An electric blue and white Raleigh with chopper handlebars. I couldn’t believe my luck when Mum wheeled it into the kitchen during my birthday breakfast. They’d bought bike racks for the car and planned an entire birthday out on the trails. We drove to a big wood – it was a beautiful day, sunny even though it was November. My sister didn’t want to be there. Being eleven she was too cool to spend the day with family. Her best friends went to a birthday party but she wasn’t allowed to go because of me … Mum was trying to keep her entertained while we rode, playing I Spy.’ He looked away for a moment. I fought the urge to pull him to my bosom for a cuddle. ‘I was stoked to have my whole family with me. It was Claire’s turn to play. She spied something beginning with T. Tree, trunk, tyre. We couldn’t guess. There wasn’t a level crossing, so no warning where Claire was standing ahead of us, on the track. The train killed her instantly.’

  ‘Jesus Christ!’ I hadn’t expected to hear that over my petit fours. ‘And you saw it? How awful. Oh, your poor parents!’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down,’ he said. ‘It was a horrible time. Mum had to go into the hospital for a while, but it was all a long time ago. I don’t have the nightmares any more, but I don’t generally talk about it.’ He reached for my hand. ‘With you though, I feel like I can.’ He gently kissed my palm, staring into my eyes.

  My heart fluttered. Hearing about his sister, I could understand why he was a private person. Despite our years together as colleagues I wouldn’t have said we knew each other very well. Telling me something so personal leapfrogged him straight over the acquaintance label. We were friends. Well, hopefully more than friends.

  He seemed to have the same idea. The waiter cleared our pudding plates and crept off. The restaurant was full and noisy but we seemed separate from the diners around us. Alex leaned over, his lips meeting mine. Slow, luxurious, this-could-go-on-all-night-type kisses.

  ‘Well, that was nice,’ I said when he pulled away.

  ‘Nice?’ He laughed. ‘Then I didn’t do it right.’ This time he pulled my face close to his and kissed me hard, biting my bottom lip. ‘Still only nice?’ he murmured.

  ‘The bill, please.’

  ‘My thoughts exactly.’

  We walked hand-in-hand to the Tube. I was surprised by the light outside, but then it was only just after nine thirty. I didn’t ask where we were going. First of all, I had a pretty good idea. And second, if he confirmed what I suspected, I’d then have to agree or disagree. Better to arrive at the door with no advance knowledge (technically) and say, ‘Well now, where are we?’ as if I hadn’t crept past his flat at least semi-annually.

  ‘Well now, where are we?’ I asked right on cue when we stopped outside the Victorian building.

  ‘My flat, as it happens. I thought, what with it being late, we could have a drink here.’

  I checked my watch. ‘It’s quarter past ten.’

  ‘That’s late for a farmer. My family are farmers. Drink?’

  ‘I thought your family were doctors.’

  ‘Rural doctors. With chickens. How about that drink?’

  My phone rang just as we were walking up the narrow, Victorian, sisal-carpeted stairs to his flat on the second floor. ‘It’s Ellie. I can call her back later.’

  ‘Does she know we’re out together tonight?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I didn’t mention it.’

  ‘I’m hurt!’ he said. ‘Am I nothing more than your dirty little secret?’

  Did that mean he was going to be dirty? I couldn’t wait!

  ‘But I suppose you were just being smart,’ he continued. ‘Since we could lose our jobs if anyone found out.’

  ‘I didn’t realise that. Though now you mention it, I guess I do remember something in my contract.’ My phone rang again. Ellie. Did she have a sixth sense, feeling vibrations when I was about to shag? I let it go to voicemail.

  I held my breath as we entered Alex’s flat. How long had I dreamed of this?

  He’d painted the walls a warm sandy yellow. Dark, wide-beamed wooden floors were scattered with colourful Kilim rugs, and a few African masks dotted the walls. There was little clutter though it wasn’t sparse. I didn’t spot any photos but recognised the souvenirs of a world-traveller. An earthen pot here, Tibetan prayer wheel there.

  ‘You’re probably right not to say anything,’ he said, throwing himself beside me on the cream leather sofa with two crystal glasses of whiskey pinched between his fingers. He handed me one. ‘Cheers. To our secret affair. I like the sound of that.’

  The fumes alone made my eyes burn. I took a tiny sip. Yikes. Rocket fuel. That wouldn’t mix well with the bottle of wine we’d shared. But since I didn’t feel overly drunk, I assumed Alex had done the chivalrous thing and quaffed most of it.

  ‘I can’t get drunk tonight. Client meetings tomorrow you know.’

  I said this like I had them all the time. Client meetings. Me! My shrinking waistline wasn’t only giving me more wardrobe options.

  ‘I’m really sorry,’ I said as my phone pinged with a text. ‘I’ll just turn that off.’

  But the text stopped me pushing the off button. Call me as soon as you get msg. Ellie xx


  My first thought was for my parents. Someone had called the flat from the hospital. They’d had an accident. Or there’d been a build-up of radon gas in the house. Or Dad had a heart attack or they’d been hit by a train playing I Spy like Alex’s sister. Trying not to sound like an orphan, I said, ‘I’ve just got to give Ellie a quick call back.’

  I let myself out into the stairwell. ‘What’s happened?’ I said as soon as she picked up. I could hear voices in the background.

  ‘Didn’t you listen to your voicemail?’

  She didn’t want to tell me on the phone. My panic rose. ‘No, I called straight back when I got your text. What is it?’ Tears pinched my eyes.

  ‘Jane’s taking appetite suppressants, Katie. The ones like speed. She’s lost five pounds this week. She got really defensive after she admitted she got them off the internet, and wouldn’t give us any more detail, but I think she’s taking more than she’s supposed to. She’s just stormed out of the restaurant. We’ve got to do something.’

  I was so relieved that my parents hadn’t been mown down by a locomotive that my next words were possibly less sensitive than they could have been. ‘That’s it? That’s the emergency? Jane lost five pounds? Ellie, you scared the shit out of me. I thought it was something really serious.’

  ‘This is serious! Didn’t you hear me? Jane is taking speed to lose weight.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that it’s not serious. I just meant that it’s not imminently serious. Can we talk about it tomorrow?’

  ‘Pixie and I think we should confront Jane. Tomorrow, before this goes any further. We’ve got to talk sense into her.’

  ‘But I can’t tomorrow, I’ve got client meetings.’

  ‘Jane’s away Thursday and Friday in Paris for Andy’s IT conference. Pixie is minding the children. What about Saturday? Oh, I nearly forgot! You don’t know about Pixie! Should I pass the phone over to her?’ I heard Pixie say something. ‘No, okay. I’ll tell you then. Pixie’s got a place for her and the children! We’re helping her move out on Saturday. See what you miss when you don’t come out with us? Where are you anyway?’