What He Craves: Desires Book 2
Page 5
“If you’re going to be mine, Matty, I have rules. You need to know them up front before you agree to anything.”
Matt tightened the blanket around him. “What are the rules?”
Fuck. The determination in his eyes. Matt wanted this. Really, really, wanted this. Steve’s dick stiffened in his pants. Everything he ever wanted was right in front of him and all he had to do was take it.
“Based on the amount of BDSM books I saw in your ereader, I’m assuming you’re familiar with the term full time submissive.”
Matt gasped and clutched the blanket tighter. “Full time submissive? That’s what you want?”
Steve nodded. “I’ve always wanted to find that special someone, Matty. That one person who wanted to be everything I needed and who needed everything I wanted. I want to look after you. I want to look out for you. I want you to live here. I want you to be mine, Matty.”
“So…how would this work?”
“We’d set limits beforehand about how much control you were comfortable giving me, but ideally, I’d have final say over everything. Your safe word would remain in place and you could leave the relationship whenever you wanted to. I don’t want an unwilling participant and I don’t want a slave.”
Matt opened his mouth to speak, but Steve shook his head. “I have a contract I want you to read. I want you to think about this, Matt. Your staying here is in no way conditional on pursuing a relationship with me. I want to help you because I like you, because you deserve it, not because I want you to want me, okay.”
Matt bit his lip, something he did when he was nervous, and Steve rose out of the chair. “I’m going to get you the contract. Read it over while I make a few phone calls. We can watch a movie and chill until dinner time.”
“When will you want my answer?”
Steve seriously doubted he could wait until the next day for Matt’s answer, but he wanted to give Matt enough time to think it over and make an informed decision. “Tomorrow morning, after breakfast.”
Matt nodded. Steve wasn’t gone for more than a minute before he returned with a contract.
“You can use the guest room for privacy, if you’d like.” Steve paused, then cupped Matt’s chin in his hand and tilted his head so Matt was looking up at him. “If you have questions, come find me, okay.”
Matt nodded, and Steve couldn’t resist. He leaned down and crushed his lips against Matt’s. His teeth latched onto Matt’s lower lip and he gently bit, not wanting to hurt Matt, his lips were still puffy and sensitive from earlier and the gentle pressure Steve put on them now made Matt hiss.
“Read the contract thoroughly, Matty. Every single word.” Steve skimmed his knuckles over Matt’s cheek. “I have some calls to make.”
Steve left the room. He looked at the clock and his shoulders sagged. Tomorrow morning couldn’t come fast enough.
Chapter Seven
Matt
Matt read the contract four times before dinner. Then he watched a movie with Steve. Steve surprised him by patting his lap. “Lay your head down, Matty.” Steve put a hand on Matt’s side, and the other played with his hair for the whole movie. Matt couldn’t even remember what the movie had been about. The contract had been the only thing he could think about. By the end of the movie, Matt’s eyes drooped, and Steve ushered him off to bed.
Once he was alone in the guest room, however, Matt felt wide awake. He grabbed the contract and read it over again. It seemed too good to be true. Full time submissive. Steve wanted that. He wanted someone he could care for. Someone he could use. According to the contract, he didn’t want to micro-manage Matt’s daily life, but if Matt agreed, Steve would have final say in all things. Matt would be powerless.
Powerless. The thought of it was both intoxicating and euphoric. Letting go earlier had been the hottest, most fulfilling experience of his life. He sat back and let Steve use him any way he saw fit. There was no second guessing himself. No wondering if he was doing it right or worrying about if his decision was the wrong one. He wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes. There was only Steve to think about, to obey. And being controlled by him had been a heady experience. Matt wondered what it would be like for his whole life to be in Steve’s hands.
It wasn’t only that Matt understood he was a fuck-up, but he had to admit that he’d always admired Steve and how put together he was. Steve always knew the right thing to do. He always understood how to handle every situation. Everyone adored Steve, and everyone respected him. If he was totally honest with himself, that was a huge draw, but it wasn’t the only reason Matt was dying to sign the contract.
Down on his knees for Steve, looking up at his face and seeing power and bliss etched into Steve’s features was everything. Matt wanted to be responsible for putting that look on his face every day.
Matt wanted to sign the contract.
By one in the morning Matt hadn’t slept a single minute. It felt like torture, waiting until after breakfast as Steve had instructed. Matt smiled to himself as a wicked idea formed in his brain. It probably broke more than one of Steve’s rules, but considering he hadn’t signed the contract yet, he figured he could get away with it.
Matt slipped into the pair of boxers Steve loaned him. His own clothing had been washed and dried, but he liked wearing Steve’s. He slipped into the kitchen and quietly prepared a snack. It was the middle of the night, but it was technically morning.
Matt carried the tray of sliced fruit and the contract to Steve’s room and quietly slipped inside. He did his best to stay absolutely silent, but the moment he set the tray down on Steve’s dresser, the light snapped on.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
Matt’s face got hot. “Um…I…” he swallowed and forced himself not to sound like a total moron. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“So you brought me food at,” Steve glanced at the clock. “One in the morning.”
Matt grinned slyly. “I brought breakfast. I wanted to talk about this, but you said I had to wait until after breakfast.”
Steve grinned and sat up. He turned the covers down on the other side of the bed. “I’d spank your perky ass for pulling a stunt like this, but I honestly don’t think I could’ve waited until morning either.”
Matt carried the tray over, grinning like an idiot, and climbed into bed next to Steve. It should be weird, jumping into a relationship so fast, so deep, but he’d been in love with Steve for as long as he could remember that it felt natural to be here next to him.
“You read the contract thoroughly?”
Matt grabbed a strawberry and brought it to Steve’s lips. Steve’s lips twitched into an amused grin and he took a bite. “I read it ten times and I already filled out my list of limits.” Matt popped the rest of the strawberry into his own mouth.
“Do you have any questions?”
“Not many.” Matt shrugged. “You’ve seen my BDSM bookshelf. I understand what everything is, even though I haven’t done…like…any of it.”
Steve raised an eyebrow as he chewed on another strawberry. He reached over and grabbed the contract and Matt’s heart lodged in his throat. His stomach was a hurricane of nerves as he watched Steve flip to the limits section.
Steve scanned the first page, then the second. Slowly, he looked back at Matt. “You have almost no hard limits.”
Matt shrugged. “Knife and blood play scares me in like, a really bad way. Watersports and scat are just…no.” Matt suppressed a shudder. He always did his best to not kink-shame, but those topics made it almost impossible sometimes. “Other than that, I sort of want to try it all. Bondage. Humiliation…but not like…I don’t want my face slapped.” Matt took a breath. “Exhibitionism. God, I’ve always wanted to try that. And you know pain does it for me.” Matt grinned and tilted his head so Steve could see the marks on his neck. “But flogging, caning, sounds, so…everything. I want to try everything.”
“And you understand how the full time submissive dynamic would work?”
Steve nodded. “Now that you’re mine, I want to take care of you. If you want to work, I’d rather you work for me.”
“I…I don’t understand. That was your hard limit. You’ve never so much as flirted with an employee.”
“For starters, you wouldn’t officially be on the payroll. Your insight this afternoon with the candidates for the chef position was exactly what I needed. I’d like you to be my assistant, I guess, for lack of a better word. The restaurant gets more applications than it can handle, and now that I’ve expanded to the club, there’s those applications as well. Then there’s the membership applications for the club. You have a good eye, Matt. You’re a great judge of character. I’d pay you a salary, some of which you’d get for spending money. You wouldn’t need much, because I am going to take care of all your needs. The rest of your money will be banked for you. That way, you’ll build your own tidy nest egg. I hate the idea of you drowning in debt until you’re eighty, which is why I’m going to pay off your credit cards. If you insist on paying me back, I’ll take a percentage off your wages until the debt is cleared, but I’m doing this for you, Matt.”
It was so much. Too much. Steve offered Matt everything he ever wanted, and he didn’t deserve any of it. Matt took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but his brain grasped at all the reasons he shouldn’t have this. Couldn’t have this. He would be using Steve. That’s what Cam would say. Matt was a leech and would bleed him dry. Matt was nothing but a fuck up. A screw up. A dumb kid who never could get his shit together. Steve was so…he was everything Matt wasn’t. Steve was older. He had a life. He had everything to offer Matt and Matt had nothing to offer in return.
“The credit cards. I owe a lot.”
“It’s non-negotiable.” The edge in Steve’s voice warned Matt to back off that particular subject. Then Steve’s expression softened. “Matty.” Steve’s hand was wrapped around the back of Matt’s neck. Matt blinked and focused on Steve’s hazel eyes. Steve’s brow was furrowed. “What’s wrong? Did I move too fast? Is it too much?”
“No.” Matt practically shouted and only when he reached for Steve did he realize that he’d been clenching his fists. “It’s…this, it’s all of it. You’re everything. You have so much. My entire life fits into my car.” Despite his best efforts to stay calm, his voice wavered. “I don’t have anything to offer you.”
Matt didn’t miss the look in Steve’s eyes. He looked sad, but what he said next shook Matt to the core.
“You’re giving me the most beautiful gift there is, Matty. Do you understand what a gift submission is? Do you know the kind of person it takes to give someone the kind of control we’re talking about? It takes a strong, beautiful person, like you, to put so much trust in someone else. I can buy things at a store. I can eat in fancy restaurants every day. I can even scene with a random submissive at a club, but what you’re giving me, I can’t get anywhere else. You’re the only person who can give me this, Matty, and even if there were a thousand other men lined up outside, waiting to kneel for me, I’d choose you every single time.”
The fear in Matt’s heart eased. “Since when are you so nice?” Matt half laughed as he swiped at a tear of relief.
“I plan to be everything you need, Matty. I plan to be your controlling Master and your dominating Sir. I’m going to look after you, Matty. I’m going to do my best to always make sure you have what you need, and sometimes you need this. You need gentle reassurance. Sometimes you need tough love,” something dark flickered across Steve’s expression. “Sometimes you’ll need punishment.” Steve’s thumb stroked back and forth under Matt’s ear. “Whatever you need, Matty, I’m going to be that for you. If you’ll let me.”
Matt stared at his lap and smoothed the wrinkles out of the blankets. “We’re actually doing this?” Matt said.
“Only if you want to.”
“I do, but…what if I fuck this up?” Like everything else in his life, he wanted to add, but didn’t.
“My feelings for you didn’t appear out of the blue, Matty, and they’re not going to switch off if you make a mistake. If I made a mistake, would you still want me?”
Matt’s head snapped up and he looked at Steve. “God, yes. Of course, I would.”
“Then stop worrying. We’re both going to make mistakes, Matty, but if we talk about our issues, we can get through them together, okay. That’s rule number one. We talk to each other about everything, no matter how trivial it might seem.”
Matt covered his mouth as he yawned.
“It’s getting late. How about we grab some sleep? We can continue this conversation once we’ve had a proper breakfast.”
Matt blushed and slowly slid out of Steve’s bed. He grabbed the empty tray. “Well, goodnight then.”
“Leave the tray on the dresser and get back here. You’re mine now remember?”
“The contract isn’t signed.” Matt chewed on his lower lip as he set the tray down. Truthfully, he wanted to be next to Steve. He always wondered what it would be like to sleep next to someone else. He wondered, then, if he’d be able to sleep next to another person. He’d never shared a bed before, not like this. He’d had hook-ups in the past, but no one ever stuck around after.
“Are you going to sign the contract?” Steve asked.
“Yes.”
“Then get over here.” Steve grinned. He rolled onto his side and patted the empty space in front of him. “Big spoon needs a little spoon.”
Nerves kept Matt from smiling. He wanted this more than he’d ever wanted anything. He hesitated, then slowly crossed the room. He didn’t know how to bravely grasp the good things in life. In his experience, you didn’t reach out and grab the good things because you either never got them, or you never got to keep them. It was better for him to regard good things with suspicion.
But Steve was there waiting for him and Matt’s desire to know what it was like to fall asleep next to someone gave him a tiny bit of courage. He crossed the room and slid into bed next to Steve. Steve turned the lamp off then wrapped one of his powerful arms around Matt and hauled him in close to him. Matt’s back was pressed to Steve’s chest, his ass pressed into Steve’s dick, which was rock hard, but Matt ignored it. He focused on the heaviness of Steve’s arm on his side and how different it felt to have Steve interlace their fingers. Steve laughed, and his breath tickled the back of Matt’s neck.
“Relax will you. You act like you’ve never done this before.”
Matt considered not telling Steve, but he was supposed to be honest. That was the basis of a good relationship wasn’t it? Not that Matt would know anything about that. He took a breath. “I haven’t.”
Steve was quiet for a long time, so long that Matt thought he might have dropped off to sleep.
Then, Steve spoke. Matt could hear an edge of worry in his voice. “Fuck. Matty…were you a virgin?”
Matt laughed. “God no. I’ve never…you know…slept with someone, at night, like this, but I have…you know…before.” God, could he get any more awkward? Matt wanted to slap himself. He didn’t imagine anyone particularly liked having the yes, I’ve had other dicks in me before yours conversation in the wee hours of the morning, that didn’t make it any less awkward for him.
Warm lips brushed against the back of his neck and a pleased groan rumbled out of Steve. “I’d by lying if I didn’t say that I liked that I’m the only one.” Steve kissed a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, a spot that Steve had marked earlier. “Get some sleep, Matty. We’ll chat after breakfast.”
Matt expected the rest
of the night to be as sleepless as the first half, but being in Steve’s presence had always made Matt feel safe, and now, wrapped in his arms, he felt treasured, too. He didn’t bother trying to get his sleep deprived brain to wrap around everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. If life was determined to give him something good Matt was determined to enjoy it.
They got up with Steve’s alarm the next morning. But despite losing a few hours of sleep, Matt felt rejuvenated. “You’re not going to make me walk around naked all the time, are you?” Matt asked as he buttered two slices of toast.
“No. But only because I have an underwear fetish.” Steve winked when he said it, which meant that he was probably telling the truth. Or not. Maybe it was a joke. While he thought about it, a blob of butter slid off the knife and landed on the counter. Steve laughed, and Matt looked at him from the corner of his eye.
“You’re joking right…about the underwear thing?”
“Oh hell no. See, lots of guys like their men naked, some bullshit about easy access. I can’t wait to see you in all kind of things. One day very soon I’m taking you shopping.” Steve looked absolutely devilish when he said that, and Matt swallowed a bundle of nerves as he cleaned the butter off the counter.
Steve took pity on Matt and dropped the subject, but the moment breakfast ended, and Matt cleared the dishes, the contract sat on the table. Steve reached over and pulled Matt’s empty chair closer.
“Any final questions?”
Matt sat down, then shook his head. He picked up the pen and flipped to the final page. A deep breath steadied him, and he signed his name. He handed the pen to Steve, who signed. He closed the contract and set the pen on top.
One of Steve’s large hands cupped Matt’s cheek. “We can revisit the terms of the contract whenever you need to, but from now on, you’re mine. You’re my boy, Matty.” Steve pulled him in for a kiss. An uncharacteristically soft and sweet kiss, until Steve’s teeth latched onto Matt’s lower lip. He gave it a sharp nip and Matt gasped. His hands twitched in his lap. It took all his resolve to stop himself from climbing onto Steve and kissing him until he was breathless. But Steve inner Dom simmered at the surface. Intensity came off him in waves. “You’re mine, Matty.”