Vision of Love

by S. Moose

  When Alexis leaves, Emma makes her way down to the kitchen. “Hey pretty girl you wanna help me with dinner?”

  “Sure,” she shrugs her shoulders.

  “What do you think we should make? Pasta with sausage like daddy loves or chicken with mashed potatoes and veggies?”

  Emma taps the side of her head, thinking. “Let’s do the chicken!”

  “Alright sounds good. Why don’t you grab a bag of veggies from the freezer and then we’ll start peeling the potatoes.”

  “Okay!” Emma runs to the freezer grabbing two bags of mixed veggies and to the pantry to get the bag of potatoes. I quickly marinate the chicken, place it on a baking sheet and slide the sheet in the oven.

  I put my iPhone in the iHome and play my country play list. Emma and I start singing and dancing while peeling the potatoes. This is the Emma I love and miss. I’m ready to tell her that I’m okay that she wants to call me mommy when Nicholas walks in.

  Emma runs to him as he lifts her in his arms. He makes it over to me and kisses my lips. Oh his kisses! I’ll never grow tired.

  “Emma can you give me and Karly a few minutes to talk?”

  “Okay daddy.” She runs out of the kitchen and it’s just me and Nicholas. The room somehow gets smaller.

  “Come here,” he opens his arms for me and I willingly go to my favorite place. “Sit down at the table.” Nicholas pulls out his laptop and opens Skype. What’s he doing? I stay quiet until Jamie’s face pops up on the screen. Wow she’s really pretty. Oh yeah I feel better now that my boyfriend is Skyping his baby mama with me in the room.

  “Hi Karly!” She waves, “I thought it’d be good for us to meet. Well, kinda,” she laughs.

  “Hi Jamie. Yeah it’s good for us to meet. How’s Italy?”

  “Good! So Nicky here tells me some of your concerns.” I turn and narrow my eyes at him. Little shit! “Karly, it’s okay. I want the best for Emma and right now I can’t be there for her. She has you and from what Nicky tells me she adores you.” Jamie wipes a tear from her face and I do the same. “Love them and let them in. Nicky and Emma talk about you all the time. I’m happy that they found you. You’re their rock and I’m lucky that someone as great as you is with them.”

  Wow I don’t know what to say. I dry my tears and can’t help but really love this girl. “Thanks Jamie that means a lot.”

  “Thanks for talking with me Karly. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” I nod. “Nicky can you bring me up to Emma?”

  “Yeah,” Nicholas leans in to kiss my forehead. “I’ll be back.” I nod again. I finish making dinner and wait for Nicholas and Emma to come back downstairs. I admit I feel better after talking to Jamie and I guess getting her blessing. A part of me wishes that Nicholas talked to me first but I push that aside. He did what he thought was right and that’s okay with me.

  The table is set for dinner and soon they’re both down in the kitchen getting settled at the table.

  “Thanks for making dinner…Mommy.” My heart drops. I know it was coming but actually hearing it coming from her little mouth. Emotions take over my body and I will myself not to cry.

  “You’re welcome Princess.” I kiss her cheek and we enjoy dinner together…As a family.

  After dinner Emma and I relax outside on the deck. It’s still nice out so Emma changes into her bathing suit and jumps in.

  “Come on Mommy!”

  Shit. The pool. Water. I close my eyes and slowly count to ten. There’s no way I can get in and swim with Emma. I have to make up an excuse. “Princess go on and I’ll watch you!”

  “Okay!” Emma jumps in as I sit down in the chair watching her.

  “Watch me!” Emma yells before jumping in the pool, making a small splash.

  “Awesome sweetie! Keep going.” I get up from my chair, pull out my cell phone and take pictures of Emma swimming.

  I walk closer to the pool when suddenly I slip and fall, “Ahhhhh!”

  My body hits the water. My body falls under. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. My mind goes back to the day with my dad.

  He pulled me by my hair outside to the pool. “You’re gonna fucking learn your damn lesson!”

  I took his car without asking and went out with my friends. I thought it’d be okay! I closed my eyes and tried to think of something happy, but his grip got tighter. My feet scraped across the ground. I couldn’t scream. He hated when I did that.

  He pushed me in the pool and kept my head under. My arms wailed in the air as I tried gasping for air. “Have you fucking learned?”

  “Dad! Stop!” He pushed my head down again. I swallowed a mouthful of pool water. Shit he’s going to fucking kill me! I clawed at his hand but it made only him angrier. When he lifted my head from the water he looked at me. I saw the redness in his eyes. I knew he was on drugs.

  Using his free hand he punched me in the nose and brought me back down in the water. I heard his manic laughing.

  Arms are around me, pulling me up. I can’t open my eyes. I feel Nicholas’ eyes on me, begging me to wake up but I can’t.

  “Karly! Baby wake up!” His strong arms are around me. I hear someone frantically asking if I’m okay. She’s yelling for me to wake up and to open my eyes. I try but I can’t. I feel his hand stroking my face telling me to wake up.

  “Nicholas,” I softly murmur. My body gets rigid and I’m wet. “Oh my God,” I cry out. All the memories of my dad abusing me, nearly drowning me in the pool, come back. I grab his shirt and cry in his arms. He rocks me back and forth, kissing my head.

  “It’ll be okay.”

  Nicholas carries me inside the house and up to our room. I try and shake off images of my dad and his voice, but I can’t. Slowly I’m falling apart again and I feel myself slipping into a dark hole.

  “Try and sleep,” Nicholas whispers, stroking my arm. “I’m gonna make you a cup of tea so I’ll be back okay?” I nod.

  “Mommy can I lay down with you?”

  “Of course sweetie. Come here.” Emma crawls into bed with me wrapping her little arms around my neck.

  “I love you,” she mutters touching my face with a smile on her face.

  “I love you too.”

  “You’ll never be happy.”

  The memories flood my mind. I can’t shake it off. His face blinds my vision and chokes the life out of me. “Stop! Stop! Stop!” I cry out wanting him out of my head. I’ve been doing so well and now I can’t shake him off like I used to.

  Nicholas runs in the room and brings me into his arms. I cry out in pain and agony. I yell for him to take away the memories of my dad. He strokes my hair and whispers everything will be okay. I’m not sure if I can believe him. How will everything be okay?

  After a few hours we fall asleep, but my mind is still awake. Emma’s in my arms while Nicholas is holding the both of us. I brush her hair with my fingers and watch her little chest rise and fall. I hate that I scared them today and the memories of my past came crashing back. I slowly will myself to fall asleep, but my phone vibrates on the nightstand. I don’t want to answer it but it’s been going off nonstop.

  Alexis: R U OK?

  Alexis: Text me back k?

  Alexis: Karly? Babe?

  I read her text messages and decide to text her back.

  Me: I’m okay...Just had a bad experience in the pool...

  Alexis; Yeah I heard. I’m so sorry. How are you doing?

  Me: Shitty. Nicholas saved me but as soon as I came to I pretty much have been in bed crying...

  Alexis: Awww babe I’m so sorry...Why don’t we have a girls night soon? Just us!

  Me: Sounds good...Maybe a night out is what I need

  Alexis: That’s my girl! I’ll text you tomorrow. Get some sleep k?

  Me: K...Thanks <3

  I slowly get out of bed and head to the bathroom to shower. Taking off my clothes I stand in front of the mirror. My eyes are swollen from crying and I look so pale. “Be strong Karly. You deserve to be happy.”

 
I look away and decide to take a quick shower. I need to clear my head before I do or say something wrong. The hot water cascades down my body. It feels good showering. It’s as if I’m washing away the memories of him and starting over again. I hear the door open and very quickly Nicholas is standing in the shower with me. I turn around and admire his naked glory.

  “Nicholas,” I whisper, “You can’t be in here! What about Emma?”

  He smirks, “I put her back in her room.”

  I lick my lips and without hesitation he picks me up and pushes me against the wall, entering my wet pussy with delicious force. I grip his shoulders with all my might. I need this. I need him, fast and hard.

  “Harder, Nicholas!” I bite his shoulder, then throwing my head back whimpering for more. His eyes stay on mine and the primal need intensifies. I feel his cock get bigger inside me as he pushes himself deeper. I can’t hold back my screams and moans.

  The pleasure explodes through my body. I can’t form the words to describe the level of amazing I’m on. Nicholas finds his release, taking my lips and kissing me with everything.

  “You’re so bad,” I whisper as he lifts me off him. He smirks his usual sexy grin and we finish showering.

  Nicholas takes my hand, leading me back to the bed. “So what happened in the pool? Baby you were passed out and scared.”

  I look down and curl my body on his lap. “It’s nothing. Just my dad was an asshole, which you already know.” I look down at my hands. “Thanks for helping me today though. Can we not talk about my past, please?”

  “Of course. I’m here for you, baby. Don’t ever forget that. Just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean you’ll be hurt again. Look at me.” I turn my head and face him. He’s on his knees looking at me with my hands in his. “You know I love you and I wanna give you the world. I wanna make you happy and keep that smile on your face.” He wipes my tears, “I promise to try and always make you happy. I promise that I’ll mess up and I’ll need you to remind me how to be a good boyfriend because I want that with you.” I choke back my tears. “Don’t push me away. Take my hand and we’ll figure this out together.”

  “Why though?” It’s hard for me to think he wants to know everything. I’m scared that my past will make him run away or something.

  He brings his hand to my face, cradling it. I love how his touch makes me feel. “Because you matter to me.”

  Chapter 19

  Nicholas

  As we sit under the stars outside, she’s lying in my arms as I stroke her hair and listen to her breathing. This is actually happening. She’s breaking down my walls, making me feel again. I love the way she feels in my arms, never wanting to let her go.

  “Where’s your head at?” She touches my hand.

  I kiss the top of her head, resting my chin. “Just taking it all in. I feel like I’m back in high school and I just got the beautiful prom queen.”

  “Stop! You’re making me blush.”

  I wrap my arms tightly around her waist, “Why don’t you see what I see?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I look at you,” I sigh, “I see the most beautiful woman; someone who’s constantly giving and showing the world her brilliance and smile. You’re amazing in every sense of the word. I’m not sure what else I have to say to get you to believe that about yourself.”

  “It’s hard you know?”

  I kiss her again. “So let me help you.” She doesn’t say anything and we stay in a comfortable silence.

  After a few more minutes we head inside and settle on the couch, turning on the TV. She lies down, resting her head on my lap. I gently play with her soft hair and listen to her steady breathing. It’s the most beautiful comforting sound and this moment with her is perfect.

  Her fingers entwine in mine as she rests our hands on her chest. I feel every breath she takes and her heart beating. “Nicholas?”

  “Yeah?”

  “My dad almost killed me in the pool. He was mad at me and dragged me from the house to the pool. He was high and drunk like always. That’s why I can’t be near the pool. It scares me. I see him sometimes, but since being with you his voice doesn’t play in my head as much. I’m scared to close my eyes sometimes because I don’t wanna see him.”

  My heart breaks for my beautiful girl. How the fuck could her dad have treated her like shit? She was a fucking child. He stole her innocence. “Baby I told you that I’m here for you and I’m not leaving. It’ll be okay.”

  “It’s hard.”

  “Life’s hard, baby. But I need you to listen to me when I tell you over and over again how much I love you and how much you mean to me.” Kissing her beautiful head and breathing her in, “Baby we both have baggage, but that shouldn’t get in the way of our happiness. When I look at you I see my forever. You’re it for me.” She sniffles holding me tighter, “and every day we’re together I’m gonna keep reminding you how amazing you are.”

  She lets out a sigh and soon I hear her steady breathing. Slowly we get up from the cabana and I carry her upstairs and keep her in my arms.

  * * * * *

  Waking up to her face every morning doesn’t get old. I love that she never leaves my chest throughout the night. I love everything about her. I love how she lightly snores and sometimes will mumble in her sleep. Perfection. Simple perfection.

  “Morning,” I kiss her on the forehead.

  She smiles brightly at me and there’s a different look to her today. “Morning babe.” She gives me a kiss and raises an eyebrow; my morning hard on pokes her stomach. “Looks like you need something.” Before I can say anything her head disappears under the covers and my cock’s in her mouth.

  “Oh shit baby.” I move the blanket off us and grip her hair. I feel the back of her throat as she swirls her tongue. The warmth of her mouth, sucking and licking, causes me to close my eyes and moan her name. Fuck I love when she goes down on me. I feel one hand cradling my balls and the tension it creates. I lean up and notice that she’s touching herself. “Baby, damn. Keep playing with your clit. That’s so hot!” Shit she’s never played with herself while sucking me off. “Are you wet baby?” She stops sucking and nods her head. “Shit so fucking hot.” Her motions increase; I grab her hair tight and push her down further. She squeezes my balls tighter letting me know she loves what I’m doing. “Fuckkkkkk!” I find my release and she takes it all, as usual.

  Karly makes her way back up next to me with a triumphant smile.

  “You know you’re gonna be the death of me.” She laughs, kissing my cheek and heads off to the bathroom. “It’ll be the best death. Death by fucking amazing blow job while watching hot girl play with wet clit. Yep. Epic.”

  I get out of bed and put on my basketball shorts. “Baby I have an idea!”

  “What?”

  “Let’s create new memories. Come on change into your bathing suit. I know it sucks but you shouldn’t be scared anymore.”

  “Nicholas,” she whines. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I haven’t swam in so long.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Huh?”

  “Do you trust me?” She nods her head. Resting on my arms and hovering over her, “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?”

  Sighing she says okay and I grab Emma from her room. “Morning Princess.”

  “Shhh daddy it’s so early,” she mutters, pulling the blankets over her head.

  “Come on sleepy head. Wanna go swimming?”

  Her head perks up, “Is mommy coming too?” I nod my head. “Okay I’ll meet you downstairs.”

  Running down the stairs and through the screen door, I stop dead in my tracks when I see Karly in a white bikini. Holy shit. I’ve seen her naked plenty of times, but for some reason seeing her now in that tiny bikini, shit.

  I walk over to her and place my hand on the small of her back. She slightly jumps and I start laughing. “It’s okay. Alright, I’m gonna go in first and then I’ll help you in
. You’ll be okay.” Karly nods her head, not saying anything. I get in the water and the coolness of the water hits my body, I instantly relax and get my head together. “Come on Karly,” I say, reaching my arms up to help her in.

  She shakes in my arms but I tell her over and over again that it’ll be alright and I’m here to help her. I know it will take a while before she can even begin to show unnerving fear that she’s able to let go and start swimming; but I love seeing her in the water. She looks free and comfortable. It takes a few minutes for her to let me go and start swimming.

  Emma runs and jumps in the pool squealing in the air. “See if a four year old can do this, so can you.”

  “Yeah. Funny.”

  Emma pops up from the water. “Come on mommy you can do it,” she encourages Karly.

  “Can you swim on your own yet?” She quickly shakes her head and holds on tighter. “Baby, you gotta swim on your own soon.”

  “Not yet, Nicholas. Please?”

  “Okay.” After almost an hour of walking around the pool I ask her again if she’s ready. She lets me go and I hold onto her waist, guiding her through the water. It takes her a few minutes, but when I let go she starts swimming on her own.

  “Nicholas! Emma! Oh my gosh! Look,” she laughs, “I’m swimming.” I’m so proud of her and am glad she’s overcoming her fears.

  “You got this baby!”

  We swim around for a while before I get out and grab the blow up floats. Emma lays with Karly on one leaving me with my own. It’s a nice Saturday morning with my girls. In a few hours Emma is heading to my parents house. Karly and Alexis are going to do their girl’s night thing while Larry and I are heading out to the basketball game.

  * * * * *

  Three more minutes of the game and UNC is killing it. “Another win!” I shout over to Larry and dad.

  “Come on boys keep it up,” dad yells.

  The three of us have been cheering for UNC throughout the entire game, downing some beers and eating nachos. Typical guy night. The three of us came to an agreement; no one text messages their significant other unless it’s a true emergency and missing someone doesn’t qualify, but shit I miss Karly. I hope she’s having fun.