We’d brought with us our families, and Janesa and Alex had come as our witnesses. So the ceremony would be tiny, but it would be perfect because all the important people would be there.
“We’re ready in five,” the coordinator said from behind my father, and we thanked her before I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
“I can’t believe our little girl is getting married,” dad said, moving to slide his arm around my mother’s waist. “Just look at her, Moira. I swear she was just getting her braces off and poof, she turned into this.”
“We did a good job,” mum smiled, reaching out to touch me gently underneath my chin. “And before you go out there, I want you to know how proud we are of you. Marriage is hard when you’re both well, so we truly understand the courage it has taken for you to stay true to your heart, and both your father and I want you to be sure that no matter what you need, we’ll be there for you, and for Tyler. All you have to do is call, and we’ll do whatever we can, OK?”
My dad nodded and cleared his throat. “What she said,” he added, looking all emotional as he watched me stand up in my long mermaid cut wedding gown. “You’re just so beautiful, Sarah,” he said with tears in his eyes, and I reached out to hug the both of them.
“You guys are going to make my cry and ruin all this make up they’ve painted on me.”
“Oh, we wouldn’t want that,” dad said, as a flashbulb went off, capturing the moment for our wedding album.
“Time to head down the aisle,” mum said, giving my hand a squeeze as she lead the way and quietly entered the chapel, as dad and I took our place in front of the large double doors.
“And in three, two, one…go,’ the coordinator whispered, pushing the doors open as the wedding march played over the speakers in the room with the steeple roof that was made to look like a tiny country chapel. Along the aisle there were rose petals laid out on the white flooring in the shape of hearts that burst and swirled around as we walked over them past the miniature church pews and up to the podium where a minister stood in a black and white suit and tie.
To his right, was Janesa, wearing a mauve dress of her own choosing, and to his left, was Alex in a smart looking suit and of course, the only man my eyes wanted to see, Tyler. He was waiting at the very end of the aisle with his hands clasped in front of him as he grinned broadly, his eyes shining with happy tears as he did his best to keep his emotions in check as he watched me approach.
I struggled to keep my tears in check as well as my heart surged with such happiness with every step toward him. This man, this beautiful, strong and wonderful man was about to be my husband, and I’d decided that I’d take every moment with him I could get and live it so the memory of it would be enough to fill my heart for a thousand lifetimes.
I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t worried about the future. I wasn’t counting each day and being frightened that it could be our last. I was simply being, and loving, and that’s all my heart wanted. It wanted Tyler.
When I reached the top of the aisle, the music came to a close and my father shook Tyler’s hand before placing mine in his palm then pressing a kiss to my cheek before he sat down to join my mother and Susan.
“You look so beautiful,” Tyler whispered hoarsely, as he took both of my hands in his. His eyes were going red from his battle not to cry, and it was making my heart swell with even more love than I thought it could hold.
I wanted to hug him and kiss him, and forget about wedding protocol, but instead, I just held onto his hands tightly and I whispered back, “You look beautiful too.”
He grinned at me, and the minister began, his American accent ringing out around the chapel as our photographer clicked photo after photo of the ceremony, and as we listened to the words that would signify our legal union in front all, neither of us were able to contain the tears of joy that fell from our eyes.
“I had written something down,” Tyler said when it was his time to say his vows. “But, I’m crying too much to read the words.” He laughed a little, and I reached my hands up to cup his face and try to dry his tears a little, but they just kept falling, and he just kept smiling as he turned his head to kiss my palm and take my hands in his again. “So I’m just going to speak what’s in my heart,” he said.
“Sarah – sweetheart, you are the very reason I open my eyes and get up every morning to fight the good fight,” he started, his voice strained with emotion as he took a deep breath to go on. “And when we’ve said our I do’s, we’re going to go up on that rollercoaster that will probably scare the living daylights out of us, but in a way, it’s kind of a fitting thing to do because everything about us has been scary – learning to love, and to let someone else in to every part of my life has been petrifying, and learning to trust that you’ll always be there by my side, with a smile and a cheeky comment has been the most beautiful gift anyone could have ever given me. From the moment I broke your ankle to the moment I stole your heart, you were right there with me breaking down my walls and showing me forever is worth it. When you have someone who loves you so much it’s brighter and more beautiful than the sun and stars in the sky. It’s better than being above the clouds, and it’s a feeling more power than anything I ever thought I’d have in this world. You are amazing to me, and you make me want so much more out of life than I wanted before I made you fall, and if you’ll have me, I spend every day fighting for more of those precious moments with you for as long as I possibly can.”
With tears streaming down my face, I forgot to worry about my makeup and just listened to the man in front of me talk about what our relationship meant to him. Then I listened as he repeated the ring ceremony and slipped the gold band over my finger before he pressed a lingering kiss to the back of my hand.
I wiped at my cheeks, and took a deep breath to steady my voice before it was my turn to begin. “Tyler, my love, my golden boy with a daredevil heart, you have shown me a world so far outside my comfort zone that I never in a million years would have believed I’d be a part of. You took me to the tops of the earth and the depths of the oceans. We’ve raced through mud and floated over clouds, and I have loved every moment of it. For years, I convinced myself you were the biggest jerk on the planet, and I didn’t know why. I’d just look at you and I’d react in a way that made me scowl. But the moment I fell, the moment you carried me away and refused to leave my side, you showed me I was wrong, and the only thing I hated was that you weren’t mine. I reacted to you because, without knowing at the time, I loved you, and it was a feeling so powerful that I fought against it until the fates used a tiny piece of gum to force us together so perfectly. I promise to stand by you, and to understand you during every moment to come, no matter how long that’s for. And I promise to love you forever. You own my heart, and you own my soul.”
His hands moved to my face and he pressed a kiss to my lips, inhaling deeply as my head spun with the intensity of it all, and when he slowly pulled away, our breathing was heavy and our bodies were shaking.
“That was just a practise run for the real thing,” the minister said, causing us to laugh and apologise to which he shook his head and said that it happens all the time.
Then he took me through the ring ceremony and I slid a gold band on Tyler’s left ring finger, biting my lip as I smiled broadly as we officially said ‘I do’.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the minister said. “And for the second time, you can kiss the bride.”
Grinning, Tyler slid his hands gently along my jawline as he looked down in my eyes and whispered, “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too, husband,” I said in return.
“Wife,” he murmured, pressing his mouth against mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck and melted against him to happy cheers of our tiny audience.
32
“I JUST don’t understand how you guys could handle that ride on the Stratosphere,” Janesa commented after we’d returned home from our honeymoon with photos of us doing everything
crazy that Vegas had to offer. We’d ridden a ride called X-scream because it was the one that would mess with Tyler’s equilibrium the least, but it still made me scream because it tilted back and forth and drove your cart forward making you feel as though you were about to fall off the side of the building from nine hundred feet high.
“I don’t understand why you didn’t,” I replied, flicking through to some photos of our trip and the different landmarks we’d taken pictures of.
“Well, it looks like you guys had a wonderful time. I wish we had been able to stay for longer than a week. But Alex had just started with his new job so…”
“I’m sure you’ll get to go back there some other time,” I said with a smile, feeling a fleeting pang of envy for my friend, and the fact she had so much time ahead of her in her relationship. They could always go back, whereas I doubted Tyler and I would be flying anywhere again. Already, his symptoms had worsened, and he was off balance and struggling to walk without some assistance with his balance. I’d wanted him to use a cane to help him, like he did when he was recovering in the Philippines, but it seemed as though he was struggling to accept the presentation of new or worsening symptoms when they were happening without a relapse, because it meant they probably wouldn’t go away.
I had been worried that the travel and the excitement of all the activities we were doing on our honeymoon were to blame for his problems, but when I read up on it further, I saw that it has a lot to do with how many active lesions there were in his brain and in his spinal column, and I’d made him promise to go and get an MRI as soon as we got back so they could check exactly what was going on. It’s where he was in that moment. Alex had gone with him and Janesa had stayed at home with me while I finished unpacking and finally made arrangements to give up my old apartment.
It was hours later and they still hadn’t returned, which was making me a little concerned. “Has Alex tried to call you at all?” I asked, as I checked my phone for something from Tyler for the fiftieth time.
She shook her head. “No. They have been gone a while, haven’t they? You want me to ring him and see if they’re all right?” she asked and I nodded, waiting as she made the call and it went straight through to Alex’s voicemail. Tyler’s did the same.
We gave it another half hour and when the same thing happened, I put a call into the hospital to see where he was.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re not down on his file as an emergency contact,” the woman explained on the phone.
“But I’m his wife. I have a wedding certificate to prove it.”
“I understand, but he hasn’t updated his records to include you, and we can’t give out information without patient approval.”
“This is bullshit, I work for that hospital in the rehab clinic.”
“Then you know the rules better than most. I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”
Pressing my lips together in agitation, I cursed over the red tape that blocks common decency from prevailing in this world then immediately dialled Tyler’s mother. We haven’t been married long enough for him to add me to his files, but Susan would definitely be there. She could get answers.
“How was the honeymoon?” she asked as soon as she picked up, her voice sounded cheery, and I felt a pang in my stomach knowing I was about to ruin her day.
“It was wonderful, but Susan, I made Tyler go for an MRI today because his balance was worse by the end of the trip, and he isn’t home yet. They said because he hasn’t added me as his spouse on his paperwork they can’t give me any information. Do you think you could call?”
“Of course. I call now and get right back to you. In fact, meet me there, we’ll find out what’s going on together.”
“Thank you, Susan,” I breathed, grateful for her help.
***
The moment we got into the car to drive to the hospital, Janesa’s phone rang. “Alex?” she said urgently as she answered it on speaker. “Where are you? I’m with Sarah and we’re on our way to the hospital.”
“He’s OK. He’s on the ward now.”
“What happened?” I asked. “Did they find something in the MRI?”
“The MRI barely happened. He went in there then they started yelling that he was going into a seizure and then it was complete chaos. He was freaking out. I was freaking out. They wanted me to go but Tyler started screaming whenever I went out of his sight. Then his body locked up and he was writhing in pain. I don’t know what was going on so I just stood there, trying to tell him it would be OK but I felt like a fucking liar.”
I tried to focus on the road and getting to the hospital without crying. “What room is he in?” I asked, listening as he checked the floor and room number then relayed it to us. “Thank you, Alex, and thanks for being with him. It would have meant a lot.”
We got the hospital and the first thing I did was get on the phone to Susan. She lived a little further away than we did, so I assumed she still be on her way. I spoke rapidly, telling her what Alex had told us and giving her the room number so she could meet us there.
Racing up to the floor, Alex met us and let us to him, but both he and Janesa stayed in the hall so I could see Tyler on my own.
“Hey,” I said quietly, reaching out to brush his hair back from his forehead before pressing a kiss to the same place. “Seems you scared the shit out of your best friend.”
He let out a grunt in place of a laugh and I could see his eyes beginning to water before he closed them and frowned around the oxygen mask they had over his mouth.
“Hate…this,” he forced out, as I pulled the chair closer to his bed and took his hand in mine.
“I know you do. And I know you’re scared you’re going to be stuck like this this time. But, you’re going to come out of this. You’ll be a little worse off than before, but you’ll find a new normal and we’ll be OK. But, you’re going to have to stop pushing your body so hard. Maybe we could stay home for a while and work on your kinky list instead of your daredevil list. I’m worried that all the travel is just hurting you.”
He gave my hand a gentle squeeze with his, although I could feel tremors running through his body, as he lay prone with a multitude of tubes and IV bags connected up to him.
“Too…soon,” he said. “Wanted more…time.”
Leaning down, I lifted his hand a touch and kissed his knuckles. “Well, I kind of needed a rest from you dragging me all over the world, so you’re actually doing me a favour here,” I joked, causing him to laugh a little and shake his head in small increments as a small tear escaped from the side of his eye.
I reached over and wiped it away. “Is this like the one you had back in Moama?”
He nodded then said, “Worse.”
“OK,” I whispered, understanding how frightened he was and trying my best to keep calm and smiling for his sake. “Your mum’s on her way. The doctors won’t talk to me since you haven’t had time to put me on file as your wife. But, I would have called her anyway. I don’t want to push her out.”
“You did good,” he whispered, before closing his eyes and letting out a sigh as I kept my hands wrapped around his and watched him as he fell asleep. Only when I was sure that he was completely asleep did I allow myself to actually think about what had happened to him in that MRI machine, and a wave of sadness washed over me, pushing at the backs of my eyes as I lowered my head and just breathed through it. I didn’t want him waking and finding me crying. I didn’t want him to see me hurting and decide it was time to give up. I wasn’t ready for this yet. I wasn’t ready to give in to fear and feel hopeless. I knew that he was scared that he would never get out of this bed again, and if I was honest, I was petrified as well. But, until I could hear what his doctors were saying, I had to believe that this was just another relapse caused by the stress of travel.
“Sarah.” I heard my name called quietly from the door and looked up to find Susan standing there, looking as put together as she always did in a navy pencil dress with a gold neckl
ace and matching shoes.
Slowly releasing Tyler’s hand, I made sure he was still asleep then crept from his room. “Thanks for coming,” I said, giving her a quick hug before wiping my hands over my face and letting out a charged breath.
“It’s OK to cry if you need to,” she said kindly, obviously seeing the struggle on my face. “Lord knows, I have cried a lifetime’s worth of tears already.”
I leaned against the wall. “I’m just afraid that if I start, I’m not going to stop.”
“I know what you mean.”
“What happened to Janesa and Alex?”
“Poor Alex is in a bit of shock. He’d never seen the start of Tyler go into seizure before, so he’s gone home for a stiff drink I think.”
“I feel so bad. I knew I should have brought him myself. But, he thinks he’s invincible, and he’s not. It’s like everyone knows this except him, and honestly, I feel like me going along with his list has just made him get worse faster.”
“You can’t think like that. Tyler was going to do these things no matter what anyone told him. He’s always wanted everything yesterday. Even as a baby there was no stopping him, it’s why I only had one – my nerves couldn’t take it,” she said with a fond smile and she folded her arms as if hugging herself as she looked through the window into Tyler’s room to his sleeping form. “This never gets any easier. No matter how many times it happens, or how old he gets, it’s hard to look at my baby boy in there like that.”
“I just wish there was something we could do for him. Have you spoken to the doctors yet?”
She nodded. “They said the usual. He had a seizure that triggered Paroxysmal Dyskinesias, which are waves and waves of painful muscle spasms. That’s what causes his body to lock up the way it does. So they have him on muscle relaxers and painkillers at the moment so he’s comfortable, and tomorrow they’re going to try for an MRI again to see how many new lesions he has and then they might know what we can expect when he regains some control over his movement again.”
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