Stealing Kisses

by Harmony Evans

  Derek nodded toward the door. “You go on and bring me one back. I’ll stay here with Pops.”

  After Wes left, the room seemed to breathe silence, like a ferocious monster bent on destroying everything in its path. Derek wallowed in it, his eyes never leaving his father, as he tried to scrape past the desolate helplessness he felt at that moment.

  Finally he stood and leaned over the bed. He smoothed the wrinkles from the thick blanket covering his father and gently tugged it closer, just under his chin. If his father woke up, he didn’t want him to wake up cold...or alone.

  Even though Pops probably didn’t want him there, Derek was glad he’d stayed. At the same time, he also didn’t want to go back to Belle Amour and face Natalie. Deep down, he just couldn’t bear it if she wasn’t there waiting for him.

  Chapter 10

  Natalie tiptoed up the stairs to the bridal suite, being careful not to make any noise, lest she awaken the Red Hat Society ladies all nestled in their beds. They were a lively bunch, and right now, she wished she was one of them, and that the only thing on her agenda was to enjoy Shakespeare and pleasantries with friends.

  Instead she was faced with a decision.

  Should she stay in Baker’s Falls with Derek or should she hightail it back to New York?

  Bending, she dragged her suitcase from under the bed, as if the very action of doing so would provide the answer. It was heavy—she always overpacked—plus she was dead tired. She had just enough energy to throw in the rest of her clothes before collapsing on the mattress.

  She passed her fingers through her hair, messing it up, but she didn’t care. It was after 3:00 a.m., far past the time of accountability from a makeup perspective.

  But more importantly, Derek was at the hospital, where his father was in serious condition, and she was lying here actually contemplating leaving him.

  A sudden wind huffed through the open window, as if to scold her.

  How could you? You love him! it seemed to accuse.

  Her breath caught in her throat. Did she love Derek?

  She watched the curtains billow out and then collapse against the sill. At this point, she didn’t know what she felt, and that’s what bothered her the most.

  When she was a psychologist, or even now as a life coach, she’d helped guide her patients beyond their painful pasts or life-changing circumstances, such as death or divorce, so that they could identify and accept their feelings and come to their own conclusions.

  The answers they sought were always there. They simply had to learn to listen to their hearts.

  A second gust of wind blew into the room, bringing with it an early morning chill. She shivered, hugging her knees to her chest.

  Maybe it was time for her to take her own advice.

  She turned and looked at the mahogany bureau where earlier that evening, which seemed like a lifetime ago, she’d had the pleasure of watching Derek getting dressed for the basketball game.

  Following an afternoon of intense lovemaking, it would seem as if the act of getting dressed would be just an ordinary, dull activity.

  But it wasn’t and her mouth watered as her body reacted physically to the images that settled comfortably in her mind.

  She hugged her knees tighter against the delicious hum in her lower belly, recalling how she’d felt a bit like a voyeur. The way Derek had pulled on his boxers over his rock-hard length had been downright scandalous.

  Yes, she desired him deeply. She’d never wanted a man so completely, so endlessly, as Derek. But when she peeled back the layers of pure lust, she discovered that when she was away from him, her heart ached.

  As soon as he was out of her sight, she missed him. The moment his body slipped from hers, she wanted him again. The mere thought of never seeing him again left her with a deep sense of isolation that she didn’t understand.

  A lone cricket chirped and the wind was now a gentle breeze. Although she was rarely up this early, unless she couldn’t sleep, she loved this time of morning. The utter stillness, that hush of suspended activity and thoughts, was like a blank canvas where anything was possible. And loving Derek, even having a steady relationship with him, was not out of the bounds of her imagination.

  It was a real possibility.

  In the quiet of the night, her fears of their relationship not working out because of their hectic work and travel schedules? Gone.

  In the depths of her heart, she knew that holding back her feelings from Derek wasn’t doing either of them any good. There was too much at risk, and still far too much to discover, both individually and as a couple.

  She glanced over at the door and wondered if Derek would be back soon. The way she was feeling right now, she’d likely rush at him as soon as he walked in and confess her love for him.

  Before she lost her nerve.

  Before it was too late.

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she thought about her parents. They’d been gone a little more than eleven years now, yet the guilt was still fresh. When she was older and actually had the ability to express her feelings, she hadn’t. She was always afraid it was too late, that her words would never cover up the pain she knew she’d caused them. So, consequently, they’d never known how much she’d loved and appreciated them.

  She couldn’t let the same thing happen with Derek.

  But how to close the gap that had widened between them? He’d pushed her away. She knew she’d broken his trust, and maybe even his heart. She was afraid that whatever she did would only make things worse.

  Oh, how she wished she were a little girl again. When life was easier and her thoughts were of colorful storybooks, glittery skating outfits and a handsome prince.

  She’d never imagined that her prince would be someone who was not only handsome, but as talented and kind as Derek.

  “With a basketball in his hands, instead of the reins of a brilliant white horse and a red rose between his teeth,” she murmured to herself, her lips curving into a smile.

  Yawning, she released her arms from around her knees and stretched like a cat. The bed had been turned down and she could easily get underneath the covers and go to sleep.

  Suddenly she sat straight, an idea formulating in her mind.

  Why not? she thought.

  She quickly zipped up her suitcase and set it near the door. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she carefully removed the huge bedspread. She tucked a couple of pillows under her arms and proceeded to half carry, half drag the bedspread up the narrow stairs to the Turret Room, feeling a little like a child and a lot adventurous.

  After cranking open the windows, she laid the bedspread and pillows carefully on the wide planks of the floor, as close to the baseboard as possible.

  She removed her clothes, folded the bedspread into a makeshift sleeping bag and got in. From her vantage point, she could see the moon sitting high among the stars.

  The Turret Room was the closest she’d ever come to being able to sleep nude under the stars and she was going to take full advantage of it. It was totally private and far more comfortable than camping. Plus, no mosquito bites and no wild animals.

  The breeze, scented with daffodils, curled around her like an invisible blanket, awakening her senses. She stared up at the stars as a deep sense of peace enveloped her, and she was glad to have it.

  Her job as a life coach was devoted to helping people empower themselves and achieve their goals. She took her responsibilities very seriously and consequently was constantly under an enormous amount of stress and pressure. She was always organizing someone, going somewhere and doing something.

  It was nice to just lie here and be a woman. Natalie snuggled deep into the bedspread, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  It could have been a few minutes or an hour later when she was roused f
rom her slumber by a creak on the stairwell. In an instant she knew that Derek was there. She bit her lip and froze, and thought about pretending she was still asleep. But his imposing presence was like a magnetic force that would not be ignored.

  Yet she did not turn to face him as tears formed beneath her closed eyelids.

  “You came back,” she whispered.

  His sigh was deep and troubled.

  “You’re still here.” His voice was low, yet seemed to fill the space between them. “I saw your suitcase by the door and I thought...”

  She rolled to face him then, being careful not to reveal her nakedness.

  He dropped to his knees beside her, and his voice broke.

  “I got scared.”

  The brutal honesty of those three words pierced her heart and confused her mind.

  Could he really want her to stay with him?

  “I couldn’t leave.” She took a deep breath for courage, yet her voice was still barely above a whisper. “Not until you and your father are reunited.”

  She propped herself up on one elbow and stared into his eyes. “The way you want to be.”

  He sank back on his heels and bowed his head, locks swooshing over his face. She watched with interest as his chest expanded and contracted, as if it was weighing and measuring every thought running through his mind.

  Even his breathing fascinated her.

  Finally he lifted his head and his eyes sealed with hers.

  “What I want is you. By my side.”

  She took in a sharp breath, not bothering to wipe away the tears that fell from her eyes. Warmth pooled in her belly, along with the fear she thought she’d defeated in the early morning calm.

  Wasn’t this what she wanted to hear? Yet his words made her hopes of being with him all too real.

  She knew getting involved with Derek on a permanent basis could be a big mistake. Or it could be the best decision she ever made in her life.

  His words. Did he really mean them? He’d been through a very traumatic experience and she knew that sometimes when people went through something like that they said things they regretted.

  The silence in the little room only magnified the boldness of their gaze, wired together by something more than desire and threatening her resolve to further question his motives.

  Unsure of how to respond, she closed her eyes and shivered as Derek’s fingertips lightly brushed against her eyelashes.

  “You look so beautiful in the moonlight. Even your tears sparkle.”

  Still propped up on one elbow, Natalie kept her eyes closed, regretting he’d seen her cry, and choked out a tiny laugh. “You’re so exhausted you can’t see straight.”

  He ran his thumb over the little indent in her chin, oddly one of the most sensitive parts of her face. His tender movements sent pebbles of sensation zinging through her body and she stifled the urge to moan.

  “I can see fine, and I’d never tire of looking at you.”

  And then his mouth suddenly closed over hers, and she did moan as his tongue gently invited and boldly tasted the unspoken passion for him that she could no longer ignore.

  Weak with desire, her elbow gave out and she sank back onto the floor as Derek stretched out alongside her and at the same time gathered her into his muscular arms.

  The lion and his lioness.

  They breathed life into each other with every precious kiss. His long locks cocooned her face in a jungle of steamy darkness and when she brushed his hair aside, he caught her wrist and nibbled it.

  The thick bedspread wrapped around her could not repel the warmth of his hard body upon hers. In fact, it made her even hotter, and she yearned to throw the covers off and feel him.

  Yet he did not ask to see her and her ego wondered why, although her concern was quickly overshadowed by merely succumbing to his rapt attention.

  When he finally lifted his lips from hers, she clasped her arms around his neck and tried to pull him back. She didn’t want the kisses to stop.

  But he resisted and she whimpered, letting her arms fall to the side in defeat.

  “Open your eyes,” he commanded.

  She hesitated a bit, not really knowing why she was afraid, but she was.

  She didn’t want the dream to end.

  He spoke again. “Look at me, Natalie.”

  Finally she complied and when she opened her eyes, her heart plummeted at what she saw.

  His eyes had lost the steely harshness she’d noted earlier at the hospital. They were softer now. Sadder.

  “I have to tell you something.”

  His breath was warm upon her cheek and she blinked in the seriousness of his gaze.

  She shook her head. “Let me go first.”

  He reeled back a little, as if surprised, and nodded.

  She took a deep breath and plunged in, before she lost her nerve. “When I was a little girl, I wasn’t the nicest person.”

  His forehead crinkled with concern. “What do you mean?”

  “I was distant. Afraid.” She frowned and paused. “And a spoiled brat.”

  His low chuckle vibrated like a plucked string through her body. “I have a hard time believing that about you.”

  “But it’s true,” she insisted.

  She had to make him understand.

  “Even though my parents were doctors and they spent most of their time at the hospital, their whole lives revolved around me. Deep down, I knew it and yet I was angry that they were never around. Especially when I started really getting into ice skating.”

  “They must have been so proud of you,” he commented.

  “Yes,” she replied, nodding. “But I didn’t realize it then. All I knew was at the most important times in my life, they weren’t there.”

  Her mind clouded with memories of taking the subway alone to countless early morning skating sessions and traveling to different skating competitions with her coach at her side instead of her parents because they were always “on call.”

  Back then, she hadn’t been afraid of flying.

  He stroked one finger down her cheek, rousing her from her memories. “That must have been so hard for you.”

  Her eyes flapped open. “It was and, unfortunately, I made sure they knew it.”

  “How?” he asked.

  She forced herself to meet his gaze. “By withholding the only thing they wanted from me.” Her voice caught in her throat. “My love.”

  He patted her arm, as if she were a child. “I’m sure they knew how you felt about them.”

  “No. I don’t think so,” she replied, shaking her head. “I never told them and I was so hateful sometimes. When we did have a rare opportunity to do something as a family, I practically ignored them. And when they went back to the hospital, I craved their attention.”

  “Sounds like a case of normal teenage rebellion to me.”

  Natalie nodded. “There was definitely some of that. I wasn’t afraid of flying then.”

  Derek squeezed her hand. “What do you mean?”

  “On their way to surprise me at one of my skating competitions, my parents died in a freak plane accident. I never skated again.”

  He gathered her into his arms. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

  “I miss them, Derek,” she cried. “I always miss them, but for some reason, I miss them more right now than I ever have before.”

  Derek held her tighter. “I understand.”

  The musky scent of his cologne wafted into her nose and she wanted to burrow her head against his chest. Yet the simplicity of his response caused her to pull away. She wanted more than courteous platitudes; she wanted an explanation.

  “How could you possibly understand?”

  There was torment in his eyes and
she knew that the decision to open up to her was not an easy one. His world had been turned upside down and the trust beginning to grow between them had been shaken.

  In the Turret Room, and in that moment, it was as if they were two inanimate figures encapsulated in a snow globe. The glitter of what was right and true before the unfortunate events of the evening swirled around them. When the glitter finally settled, nothing would be the same.

  “I haven’t seen my mom since I was thirteen years old.” He shrugged in an offhand manner. “I don’t know if she is dead or alive.”

  If one overheard their conversation, one might think Derek didn’t care one way or another, but she sensed that he did.

  “Don’t you want to find out?” She imagined with his financial resources that he could hire a private detective to find his mother, unearth the sordid details, and then he could choose what to do with any information.

  She was surprised when he shook his head. “Sometimes it’s better to leave things alone and unanswered.” He looked away, but not before she saw the pain etched in his face. “I don’t want my dad’s heart to break all over again, especially now.”

  Her heart went out to him, and she wished she’d never pulled away from his embrace.

  Losing a mother at any age is very traumatic, but even more so during adolescence, when teens start to discover and define their independence. A mother served as an immovable rock in an unstable and often cruel world. Sacrificing her needs and loving even when it hurt, even when it seemed impossible.

  Suddenly in the midst of Derek’s despair her long-held belief that her parents never loved her shattered. In her soul, she knew they’d loved her when she was a bratty teen and even now, as the ice around her heart was beginning to melt.

  “That’s why it’s so important to make things right with your dad. You may never have another chance.”

  A guttural sigh escaped his lips. “I know. I realized that tonight sitting with him. Watching him sleep. Wondering what I would do if he never woke up.”

  “Don’t you see, Derek? It’s not too late for you.”

  He shifted and sat up, his long arms wrapped around his knees.