by Samie Sands
Not that there’s any point in worrying about what’s happened, and what could’ve been now. In a moment, that thing’s going to hit, and it’ll all be done. The bright light will become an explosion and that’ll be the end.
“Mao? Mao?”
I can’t stop looking, I can’t stop staring at the one thing that’s going to kill me. Someone still wants my attention, but I can’t give it.
That has it. Any minute now...
It descends rapidly, people scream and run as if that’s going to make any difference, but I remain still, just staring. A smile even manages to work its way onto my cheeks. This isn’t ideal, I never wanted to go in this way, but at least now I can be freed from the inner torment I feel about all the people I’ve lost. Maybe now I’ll be reunited with them, and I can ask some of them for forgiveness for what I had to do to keep myself alive.
I can’t fight death, not now, so I might as well embrace it.
It connects with the ground. It takes only a split second for the intense heat to rise up, to consume me, but the grin remains on my lips up until the very last moment of my life.
Cornwall
“It’s him, alright.” My expression feels grim as I talk. “I don’t know what the hell happened to him, but that’s good ol’ Corporate Thomas Cleary, or whatever my brother said he was called.”
“Blew his own brains out, I recon,” Kelly replies without even a hint of remorse in her gaze as she trails her eyes up and down the bloody remains of his head splashed across the tree bark. “That’s what it looks like from the note he left: ‘There is no cure, Michael lied. She is the only one who will outlive this, Thomas.’ Who do you think ‘she’ is?”
“Possibly the ramblings of a madman?” I give her an awkward half-shrug. “It was said that he’d gone a bit insane and that he thought this Michael weirdo had a cure. It seems he just lost it before he killed himself. I doubt it means anything. We weren’t told about any woman, were we?”
“Okay, so where does that leave us? We were told to find him, he’s dead. It seems like there really is no cure, so what do we do now?” She sounds surprisingly blasé about this as if she’s reeling off a shopping list rather than discussing the loss of hope.
“Erm...” I glance my eyes from side-to-side as if my mind is actually formulating some sort of plan. “I don’t know, I guess we find somewhere to sleep tonight and then we work out how to get back to everyone else.”
“Where have they gone again? I wasn’t really listening, to be honest.”
I sigh wearily before answering. “They’ve gone to set up homes somewhere safe. Apparently, the military guys who were sent here earlier really have cleared out some areas around here that are big enough to start again.” Personally, I would much rather be nearer to home in Scotland rather than right down the bottom end of Great Britain, but what choice do I have? “They have been working to clear out the UK ever since we got sent to that island.”
At the mere mention of the word ‘island’, Kelly involuntarily shudders and I can see a little of her tough façade falling away. That I can understand; what was supposed to be a sanctuary somewhere in the middle of Europe was hell, and it only got worse every single day. It’s a time in our lives that I doubt any of the few survivors want to remember.
“So, that’s where they took my family and the rest of them. This mystery with Thomas was the last possible threat to our safety, and now that’s gone...”
“It’s back to normal life.”
“Why don’t you look convinced?” The way that her nose is screwed up confuses me. She seemed really pumped when she volunteered to come on this mission, which is why I was happy to join her, and she’s acted that way ever since. Until now. “This is a chance for safety again, something we haven’t had since day one.”
“I don’t know.” She absentmindedly plays with the silver piercing in her lip as she thinks. “I guess I’ll never be convinced of true safety until there’s a cure for the virus. I knew there wasn’t much hope for this with Thomas Cleary being real because they asked for volunteers rather than going themselves, but I still hoped. Now...well, now that’s all gone, isn’t it?”
I gently hold onto her shoulder and give her the most reassuring smile I can muster. I don’t want Kelly to know that her words have affected me too, and now I have a small vein of ice cold doubt creeping through me. “It’ll be fine,” I tell her kindly. “Once we get back to the others you’ll see that everything is good. Take a look around, we’ve been in England for days now and haven’t seen any infected. If that doesn’t spell hope, then I don’t know what does!”
“Okay.” She nods slowly. “You’re right, I’ll be better tomorrow, I’m just...tired. Come on, let’s get somewhere we can sleep.”
***
I didn’t think I was going to get any dozing done at all after the unsettling day we had yesterday, but as Kelly’s tuneful—surprisingly joyful—whistling wakes me up the next morning I realize I must’ve drifted off at some point. Still, as I force myself into a sitting position I don’t feel rested at all. My body throbs with the knowledge that me and Kelly still have a massive mountain to climb before we can really relax.
As I wander through the rooms of this strange house, the magnitude of this weighs heavily on my shoulders, making every step slow and painful. I guess I didn’t really think this through before I agreed to it, all my brain could focus on was ensuring a small place of the world would be safe enough for my wife and daughter. I wanted to contribute towards saving them, I didn’t take into account how hard that would be.
“Oh, you’re awake.” Kelly smiles brightly the moment she spots me. “Sorry if that’s my fault, I just woke up feeling really good today. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said to me last night, and you’re right. We’re the lucky ones, I don’t ever want to forget that. I mean, when you think about all the people that died...”
“Yeah?” I rub my eyes hard, trying to get rid of the sleep. “Good, I hope you’re right. I hope I’m right.” I suppose it’s better that at least one of us is on a positive upturn. We can’t both sink into the abyss of hopelessness at the same time.
“Oh, Alex Hughes, what is up with you today? We can’t have you dragging me down now, can we?”
“No, Kelly Jones,” I find the use of full names a little bemusing. “You’re right I’ve just woken up in a funk, that’s all.”
“Yeah, fair enough.” She throws her long mahogany hair back into a bun, scraping every last bit of it off her face. “As soon as we start planning we’ll feel a little better.” She pulls out a map and slaps it down onto the table. “Okay, so you point out to me where we’re going. Your brother has circled the general area we need to get to.” Kelly leans in and squints a little. “But how do we get there?”
Maybe her enthusiasm is rubbing off on me just a little bit, but only because it’s much better to be proactive than to wallow. I can feel a small ember sparking in my stomach. If I just give it a chance then maybe I could get my own fire back. “Right okay, let me just get my glasses and I’ll figure it all out.”
At least this journey will be taking me back to my family. Right now, that’s all I need to focus on. Seeing their happy faces that I’ve made it back safely to them will make all of this hardship seem worth it.
Focus on the end goal, not the journey to get there.
***
The empty streets chill me to the bone. I hated fighting through them when the infected burst out of every corner, it was utterly terrifying to survive, but this is scary for another reason entirely. It’s almost as if I can see nature very slowly claiming these buildings, the walls, the streets, that I can witness my home country becoming a real wasteland. It hasn’t happened yet, at most it’s all just a little scruffy, but left to its own devices and it will one day.
Well, unless humanity can take it back over first of course.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Kelly practically whispers. “It’s like a ghost town or
something. It’s giving me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Mhmm, it’s freaky.” I wrap my hand tighter around the pistol I was given, even though I really don’t need it. I just like the knowledge that I can protect myself if it comes down to it. “Why don’t you tell me all about yourself?” I plead, needing something to shatter the silence. “Who were you before the outbreak?”
“Er, yeah sure. I lived in Worcester and worked as a PC technician. It was okay, I suppose, you know how it is. A job’s a job. Even if you love it at the start it soon becomes a chore.”
“Very true, my work as an accounts assistant wasn’t exactly a thrill-a-minute!”
“I was actually at work when the news of the virus hit. I had my headphones in, listening to Rammstein, getting so annoyed that I couldn’t work out what was wrong with this one guy’s computer. I got so sucked into the problem that I didn’t even notice everyone around me panicking. How crazy is that, the world is ending and I’m angry that some idiot has accidentally downloaded a virus I don’t recognise.”
“I was at home when I heard, and I vowed not to leave the house until it was over. I really didn’t want to leave when we had to, but at the time it was getting so bad.” So bad that I don’t even want to think about it. Neighbors, friends, people I vaguely recognized from everyday life, all changed. All infected. It still makes me shudder violently, even now. Thinking of their faces squeezes all the air out of my lungs.
“Do you think it’s still like that now...further up North? I know they’re supposed to be clearing everywhere out, but surely that’ll take years?”
I don’t answer that because I’m not really sure what to say. I prefer to think of my home as a haven in the nightmare, rather than somewhere that’s been completely overrun. In my mind, it’s become a shiny, happy place where the sun beats down and wildlife is rife, like something from some kids animated film. A dream that one day I might get to see...
Or not. Probably not.
“I think it’s this way.” I glance back down at the map, while angrily blinking away the tears. I’m not breaking down, I refuse. “We need to turn here.”
Focus on the end goal, not the journey to get there.
***
“It’s getting dark.” I glance up towards the rolling deep gray in the sky, wondering how the hours of the day simply managed to whiz past as we’ve walked. “Probably best to be careful. We should find somewhere to hole up now before it gets dangerous.”
“There aren’t any infected around. Shouldn’t we just carry on?”
“Hmm, I don’t know.” It’s become so ingrained in my psyche not to loiter about at nighttime now that I can’t seem to shake it. I understand Kelly’s desperation to carry on, I feel it too, but we aren’t any use to anyone dead. “I think I’d feel more comfortable if we rested now...”
“Okay sure, whatever.” Kelly rolls her eyes exasperatedly at me. “Let’s just pick a house and wait it out until morning. But then we need to work harder, to cover more ground tomorrow.”
I know she isn’t happy with him, but her answer settles all my internal worries. At least she’s willing to be safe, even if she doesn’t like it.
“Let’s just go for that one over there.” I point towards a building I can see in the distance. If there’s no danger we might as well go for the closest place. “That looks fine.”
“Hello?” I call out in an over-cautious manner as we step inside. “Anyone there?”
Kelly wanders from room-to-room, much more carelessly than me. Instead of sneaking behind her, I creep up the stairs to ensure there’s nothing about. Other that two very empty bedrooms and a small bathroom, everything seems satisfactory. Good enough for tonight anyway, no infected to worry about, that’s the main thing.
“Hey, what do you think this is?” Kelly hands me a few damp pieces of papers the second I step back down on the bottom floor. “I found some weird pages scattered out across the back gardens. Georgina Blake, didn’t she write that Undead Virus series? I used to love them books...you know, before they became real.”
I point to the top of the page, barely scanning the first few words. “Well, it does say ‘Undead Virus’ here, so I presume so.” Personally, I don’t see the significance of any of it. Who cares if it’s something some author has written, don’t we have more important issues going on here?
I hand the sheets back to Kelly, trying to put an end to it quickly, but she doesn’t take the hint. Instead, she proceeds to read some of it aloud. “Liza ran as fast as she could for as long as she could, but the infection had taken too much of her away. Despite the “improvement” that she’d been injected with by the mad scientist that had somehow latched himself onto their group, she was still slow, sluggish. Not much better than other zombies, to be honest. It was difficult for her to move her body in the way she really needed to get away, to ensure her own safety.” She looks up at me a gleaming twinkle in the corner of her eye. “Sounds pretty good, right? Do you think it’s the start to a new book? Liza is the main character in the series.”
“Does it matter?” My frustration is probably shining through. I don’t want to be horrible, but I cannot for the life of me work out why she’s so het up about this. Real life is much more worrying than some book at the moment. Our mission to get back to the others is all I want to think about.
“Oh my God, wait, listen to this...Is this fiction, or am I only writing fact now? Maybe this entire story was fact from the very first word. I’m not sure, my brain just isn’t…”
“So,” I shrug, confusion flooding my expression. “What does that mean?”
“It means that the actual author—that Georgie Blake—was here writing this, in the middle of the apocalypse. She must’ve been somewhere around here at some point. Maybe she still is. She probably didn’t even come to the island with the rest of us.”
“Right?” I still don’t get what Kelly’s hinting, I hope that’s obvious. “I mean, not necessarily, someone else could’ve dropped it off, she could’ve written is ages ago, it could be something else entirely…”
She’s ignoring me, her eyes scanning frantically down the page. “Tom is mentioned. Tom, as in our Tom.”
“What?” Okay, now I’m interested. “Are you sure?”
“Michael achieved the abomination that is me. He also contributed towards the end of everything. As did Tom.”
“That could be any Tom...” I’m going to need more concrete evidence, not that Kelly will let me get a word in edgeways.
“I dunno about that.” She’s gasping now, too crazed and exciting for words. “Tom’s suicide note mentioned the name Michael, so it has to be. And he said ‘she will outlive this’, or something like that. What if Georgie is the ‘she’? What if she had some ‘improvement’ by some ‘mad scientist’. It all adds up, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t know, and to be honest I really don’t think it matters. I don’t want any distractions from what we need to do.”
“But what if all of this is a clue?” Some of the pages scatter from Kelly’s hand as she waves them in my face. “What if this is the answer we really need? What if we could create some form of cure, a way to ‘outlive’ this?”
I press my palms hard into my eyes as I try to figure out a way to tackle this gently. Kelly needs a cure, she’s made that very obvious, and if I’m not careful she’ll lose herself in this plan completely.
“We can’t do this alone,” I finally announce gravely. “I agree, this could be something, but it’s something that we’ll need others for. We should get back and get help. My brother will come back with us to find this girl.”
“But we’re right here!”
“I know, but she might not be anymore.” I’m sure she’s dead, but there’s no point in cruelly announcing that now. “Those pages were outside, they could’ve been blown from anywhere in the wind. With more people, we can cover more ground, and we can actually do something when we find her.”
Kelly’s eyes flame at me,
she’s furious so I cross my fingers behind my back and hope that she still sees sense. I have presented a pretty good argument, I think.
“Fine, whatever you want,” she finally spits out. “But I’m doing this sometime.”
***
“I think we’ll be there tomorrow.”
Nothing. No reply, Kelly won’t even look at me. It’s been this way for days now, ever since she found those ridiculous pieces of paper. She’s utterly obsessed with the idea of a cure, and nothing will shake her out of it. She’s still here with me, but in body alone.
“It’ll be nice to see everyone, won’t it?” I can’t seem to stop myself chatting, I need to let out some of the excitement I’m feeling inside. Ever since the virus was first announced on the news, it’s all been leading to this. “It’ll be good to see how things are progressing, I wonder what will be happening. There might actually be something like an actual life there…”
“It doesn’t matter to us, does it?” My eyes snap up in utter shock as Kelly finally answers me. Okay, so she sounds mad but she’s speaking. That’s got to be a good sign, right? “We’ll be headed right back out again. We’re going to find Georgie.”
“Yeah, I know that, I just mean it’ll be nice to see it…” Kelly stops dead in the middle of the road, causing me to smack right into the back of her. “Oh, sorry, are you okay?”
“You’re not coming, are you?” she growls, without even lifting her head off the ground. “You will let me down as soon as we get back to everyone else. I knew you would. I could tell right away that you didn’t believe me, but I hoped we’d been through enough together for you to care and change your mind.”
I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that’s lodged itself painfully in my throat. I don’t want to lie, we have been through too much together for that, but it’s going to be challenging to tell her the truth as well. I hate letting people down, it sickens me, but this time it doesn’t matter what choice I make, someone will suffer.
