Another tormenting rush of awareness made her skin tingle from head to toe.
She perched on the edge of the sofa next to him, readying herself to make some excuse about being tired or needing to get up early the next morning so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about getting her off his boat as soon as possible.
Acutely aware that this would be the last time she’d ever see him, she took a breath and turned to face him, her throat tight with sorrow.
‘Tell me what happened with your ex,’ he said before she had chance to speak, regarding her with a furrowed brow.
She stared at him, wondering whether she’d misheard.
He just looked back at her with an expectant expression on his face.
‘Are—are you sure you want to hear it?’ she stuttered.
‘Oui.’
His genuine concern lit a fire within her, warming her both inside and out, but still she hesitated, not sure she wanted him to know the full humiliating story.
He held up a finger. ‘Wait. I’ll get us more beer.’
Returning a moment later with two more bottles of ice-cold beer, he handed one to her and sat back down, clinking the neck of his against hers before taking a long swallow and raising his eyebrows at her expectantly, waiting for her to begin.
She could not tell him, of course—could make up some general non-specific story about things not working out between her and Gavin—but she respected Julien too much to fob him off like that.
She took a long drink from her own bottle, then sat back and took a steadying breath, fighting back the nerves in her tummy before she spoke.
‘Apparently my ex, Gavin, needed to be with someone who was more grateful to have him as a boyfriend.’
‘More grateful?’ Julien repeated slowly, looking thunderstruck.
She sighed and spread out her hands on her lap, staring down at them for courage.
‘Yes, well, our relationship was a bit strange. We met when he needed somewhere to stay after his wife told him she wanted a divorce, and I had a spare room available, so I offered it to him as a stopgap—as a favour to a friend of a friend. He was an emotional wreck when he moved in and I made a huge effort to make him feel as welcome as possible.’ She took a breath. ‘We ended up getting really close and things sort of developed between us...romantically.’
She glanced at Julien but he just nodded.
‘I really liked being the one he leaned on for support. I guess it fed into my need to try and fix people, or at least make their lives easier. I’d lost my dad six months before, after years of looking after him, and I felt a bit adrift. Gavin was the first serious boyfriend I’d ever had and I really threw myself into being with him.’ She looked away, across towards the darkening horizon.
‘I guess I feel drawn to looking after people. It’s what I do. It makes me feel happy. Useful. In control—or something.’ She knew she sounded defensive, but Julien didn’t react so she kept talking.
‘Everything was okay between Gavin and me until I started the Welcome Café,’ she continued, wanting Julien to have the whole story before he judged her.
‘He wanted to give me advice about how to run it—he has his own catering business—and he used to get really offended if I didn’t do what he suggested.’
Julien went to speak but she held up a hand, asking him to wait.
‘To be fair to him, I’d started spending a lot of evenings working late and at the weekends, so I guess he must have felt neglected as well as ignored.’ She sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, vaguely aware of how tight her skin felt after her dip in the sea.
‘Thinking about it now, I can see the signs I missed. He’d been frustrated with me at the end of last year because he’d wanted me to go to parties and networking events with him, but I’d made commitments at work that I couldn’t get out of so I hadn’t been able to go to them.’
Balancing the bottle on her knee, she twisted the neck in her fingers. ‘Then, three months ago, I found an engagement ring in the pocket of his coat and got all excited about it being for me.’ The familiar tension began to build at the base of her spine.
‘He walked into the hall while I was standing there with a goofy smile on my face, staring at it. He went totally white. Like all the blood had drained from his face. At first I thought it was because I’d ruined the surprise by finding the ring before he’d had chance to set up the proposal, but the look in his eyes told me otherwise.’
She realigned the bottle so that the label faced her square-on, unable to look at Julien now, humiliation burning her cheeks.
‘He’d bought it to propose to the woman he’d been cheating on me with.’ She stared harder at the beer bottle, catching a drip of condensation on her fingertip as it made its way down the neck. ‘He said he was going to tell me when he’d figured out the kindest way to break it to me, but I guess fate stepped in and forced his hand.’
She made an exploding motion with her hands. ‘And that was the end of our relationship. They’re getting married on Christmas Day, apparently. A winter wedding. Very romantic.’
Looking away, she tested the cool base of the empty bottle against the prickling palm of her hand to distract herself from how hot with mortification she suddenly felt.
‘He didn’t even give me a chance to fix what I was doing wrong—just found someone else and moved on.’
‘It sounds like there wasn’t anything for you to fix. He was a coward who used you to get back on his feet—taking advantage of your keen sense of compassion—then cheated on you because he’s weak and selfish,’ Julien said. There was a rough edge to his voice that she hadn’t heard before.
Determined not to give in to the humiliation pressing at the edges of her mind, she sat up on the sofa and gave him a smile, which she hoped came across with sufficient sangfroid. ‘Yeah, maybe that’s how I should look at it.’
He was looking at her now with a strange expression on his face. Something like solidarity. Or affection.
Or perhaps that was just what she wanted it to be.
Oh, how she ached for it to be that. And more, so much more.
‘According to him, it was my fault because I’d started to treat him like a project I’d grown bored with.’
‘Had you? Grown bored with him?’
‘No.’ She shrugged, then sighed in exasperation. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. I never meant him to feel like that. But I guess once he didn’t need me as much any more I took a step back. Perhaps he didn’t like the fact I stopped doting on him like I had previously.’
‘You mean you started concentrating on yourself and the café and he was annoyed that he’d lost your undivided attention.’
‘I guess.’ The mention of the café reminded her what was waiting for her to deal with when she got back home, making her stomach roll with unease. ‘Ironically, I might lose the café soon anyway if we don’t get the funding we need. It can’t afford to pay me a living wage for much longer if we don’t get the grant I’ve applied for, and there’s no way I’m going to fire any of my staff when they’ve worked so hard to make it a success.’
Putting the bottle back to her lips, she was surprised to find she’d almost finished. Shrugging, she knocked back the last bit, then stared out towards the twinkling lights that had begun to appear through the velvety dusk in nearby Nerano, desperately trying to pull herself together and regain some modicum of pride.
* * *
Julien stared at Indigo’s profile, transfixed, as she gazed off into the distance, the pain of her admission clear on her face. She looked younger and more vulnerable without the benefit of her make-up, and the sight of it touched something in his heart.
There was a tight pressure in his chest as he reflected on all that she’d told him. She blamed herself for the breakup of her relationship, which was patently ri
diculous. It sounded like the guy hadn’t been man enough to handle someone as headstrong as Indigo and, instead of having an honest conversation with her, he’d lied and cheated as a way to escape from a situation he couldn’t control.
A raging sense of injustice made him move closer to her on the sofa and slide his hand under her jaw, gently urging her to turn back and face him. He wanted to say something, do something to take that look from her face.
‘It never would have worked with Gavin, you know,’ he said, shocked by the force of his words as they left his lips.
She blanched, her eyes widening, clearly surprised by the vehemence of his statement. ‘You don’t think so?’
‘Non.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you emasculated him.’
‘What? What do you mean?’ Pulling away from his touch, she stood up and took a step away from him.
He stood up too and held out a placating hand. ‘I mean he sounds like the type of guy that needs his partner to dote on him to make him feel powerful.’ He hadn’t meant to alarm her, but he could tell from her body language that he had.
She blinked at him, hurt flashing in her eyes. ‘You think I took his power away?’
‘Not intentionally, I’m sure. Lots of men can’t handle being with smart, assertive women.’
‘Great. So what you’re telling me is that, basically, if I want to run my own business I’m destined to be single forever.’
He made a move towards her, then stopped himself. ‘I didn’t say that.’
Her foot slid a little on the deck as she took another step backwards. ‘I can’t change the way I am, Julien.’
‘You don’t have to.’
He moved so he was standing right in front of her, barely inches away, and waited until she looked him in the eye again before he spoke. He felt a fierce, instinctive desire to let her know what an incredible person she was.
‘Indigo, you’re a very attractive woman. Clever, courageous, generous. You’ll have no problem finding the right person to love you. Your ex was a fool not to appreciate you.’
She swallowed hard. ‘You think? None of those things seem to impress you enough either. You can’t even bring yourself to kiss me.’ Folding her arms across her chest, she stared down at the floor.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. ‘That’s because things are complicated for me at the moment.’
She raised a hand. ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to make an excuse. I get it.’
‘No, you don’t, Indigo. You don’t get it at all. You’re the sexiest, most alluring woman I’ve ever met, but—’
Unfolding her arms, she flung her hands in the air. ‘There’s always a “but”!’
‘Oui.’ He lifted a hand to cup her chin again and force her to look at him so she could see the regret on his face. ‘There is.’
His heart thumped heavily against his ribs as he stared into her striking eyes, her pupils so blown he could barely make out the dark ring of her irises in the sinking gloom.
It would feel so good to kiss her right now, to take away her pain. But he knew there would be no going back from it, but also no going forward. He shouldn’t put her through that, not when she’d been hurt like she had.
So he just stood there like a fool, inhibited by a powerful sense of walking to the edge of a cliff and looking down into the depths, feeling an innate urge to jump.
‘Take me back to shore, Julien. It’s time we said goodbye,’ she murmured, her eyes welling with fresh tears.
Taking a shuddering breath, she plucked at the end of the towel, which was still wrapped tightly around her, lifting up the edge and using it to dry her eyes before looking up at him again.
His heart gave a hard pulse in his chest at the sight of the pain and humiliation he saw in them.
Because of him.
Seeming to read his concern, she dropped her chin and stared at the floor. ‘I’m sorry. I think I drank too much after being teetotal all week. And I’m tired. So tired.’ She seemed to sag, as if all the fight had left her, and on instinct he pulled her into a tight hug against him, finding comfort in the scent of her that had become so familiar to him over the last few days. Strangely, he felt as if he’d known it forever.
And they fitted so well together. Like two pieces of a puzzle.
Relaxing his hold on her, he moved back a little so he could look into her face.
‘Stay here on the boat tonight,’ he heard himself saying.
‘What?’ Her expression was so full of wounded confusion he knew there was no way he could let her leave now. He had this fierce urge to protect and comfort her, even if it was only for one night.
‘I want you to stay with me tonight. Let me prove to you exactly how attractive I find you.’
Without letting her utter another word, he bent to claim her mouth with his own, his body shivering with desire as he experienced the incredible soft sweetness of her again.
Now he’d made the decision he wanted her so much it hurt.
Before she could protest, he scooped her up into his arms, making for the steps to below deck where the bedroom was housed.
The sound of her giggle was music to his ears. ‘Julien, you don’t need to carry me. I can walk!’
He ignored her, striding down to the forepeak of the boat and into the bedroom, where he lay her gently on the bed.
‘Let me look after you tonight, Indigo,’ he said, brushing the hair away from her face and settling in next to her, dipping his head to claim her mouth once again.
She gave a small groan of need in the back of her throat. ‘Yes,’ she whispered against his lips, wrapping her arms around him.
And that was all he needed to hear to finally let himself go.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Nerano to Sorrento. Walking away from Nerano will be hard, but the cheering lure of Sorrento calls...
WHEN INDIGO WOKE up she couldn’t quite place where she was. Opening her eyes a crack, all she saw was a plain white wall, which swooped up towards the ceiling like a roof in an attic room. Strange. She didn’t remember going to bed in an attic.
Coming round a little more, she became aware of an unfamiliar rocking motion beneath her and a heavy weight around her waist that pressed gently into her tummy. Despite her disorientation, she felt curiously safe and protected.
Even so, something in the back of her brain told her that this wasn’t where she was supposed to be, and as she shifted a little she felt a warm pressure behind her sink a little harder into her back.
Okay, that definitely wasn’t right.
Holding her breath, she turned over carefully so as not to disturb whatever was behind her, only to find herself face to face with Julien. His eyes were still firmly shut and flickering slightly in REM sleep, his chest bare above the covers.
It all came flooding back to her in one long agonising rush.
She’d totally lost it last night after telling Julien all her sorry woes and he’d felt forced into taking her to bed to comfort her.
Ugh! What a fool she’d made of herself.
Poor Julien. He’d invited her for a sail and swim from his boat and she’d gone all melodramatic talk show on him.
Trouble was, she’d been holding in this guilt—this fear that the failure of the relationship with Gavin had all been her fault—for so long she’d not realised how close to the surface her pain and sadness really was. She’d just kept pushing it down in order to survive, and as soon as anyone had shown the slightest bit of interest in her she’d blurted the whole thing out in one long rambling splurge.
And he’d been so kind about it. In fact, he’d been more than kind, he’d been downright generous in his praise of her. Which had only served to heighten the emotion of it all.
It ha
d been like catharsis, hearing Julien—someone she respected, revered and whose opinion she cared about—tell her it wasn’t her fault. It had released something inside her. She’d finally been able to let the shame go and see the bigger picture.
It had brought it home to her what a fool she’d been thinking that Gavin could be someone she could spend the rest of her life with. She’d had a lucky escape when he left her.
Winter Wedding Woman was welcome to him and his inferiority complex.
But watching Julien now as he slept so peacefully, she felt like a fraud. She’d let him think she was distraught about Gavin leaving her, but that hadn’t really been it at all. It was Julien she was most upset about. As she’d told him her miserable tale and seen the understanding and support in his eyes she’d known without a doubt that she’d lied to herself about their connection meaning nothing important to her.
She was in love with him.
Truly and desperately.
But of course she knew it was pointless to hope he felt the same way. He’d already backed away from her more than once, citing his need for freedom after his messy divorce, and one night with her wasn’t going to change that.
After the pain of Gavin’s cruel dismissal she couldn’t put herself in a position where she’d be rejected like that again. Not unless Julien gave her a sign that he’d changed his mind about not looking for another relationship, which she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to do.
He’d probably only slept with her last night because he’d felt sorry for her and didn’t know what else to do when she’d blubbed all over him.
Her whole body flooded with prickly heat at the thought.
Was that all it had been? A kindness to her? Because he was kind—she knew that now she’d finally broken through his gruff exterior. But he’d probably regret what they’d done this morning.
She stared into his handsome face, wondering what it would be like to wake up every day and find him lying next to her. To be allowed to reach over and cup his face in her hands and plant a tender loving kiss on his lips. To be grateful every day for his presence beside her.
One Week with the French Tycoon Page 10
