There was an ache deep inside her ribs that was making it hard to breathe. The hopelessness of the situation made her want to scream with frustration. Why did she have to meet him now? At the worst possible time in his life.
Perhaps because it wasn’t meant to be, a small voice in her head warned.
If only he’d lower his defences enough for her to get through to him. But she understood why he was afraid to let her in; divorce could be a soul-destroying experience that could take months or even years to recover from. And with him living so far away from her there would be no opportunity to take things slowly, to try each other out for size, without making a major commitment.
It would be asking way too much of him.
And she wasn’t prepared to be just some woman he’d had a fling with on the rebound.
She knew how these things went. He’d forget all about her once he returned to his real life, once the enchantment of the holiday had worn off. She’d just be some girl he once knew for a few days. An interlude. Barely even an anecdote.
Whereas for her, meeting Julien had been the best thing that had ever happened to her.
As if her last piercing thought had penetrated his dreams, Julien’s eyes began to flicker open and he blinked hard, his pupils dilating as he stared into her face in confusion.
For just one heart-stopping second she thought he might lean forwards and kiss her, but he seemed to pull himself together and come fully awake, his brow creasing into a frown.
‘Good morning, Indigo, how are you feeling today?’
God, she loved how he said her name, as if he was stroking every syllable with his tongue.
A telltale warmth crept up her neck at the rogue thought, continuing upwards to flush her face with heat.
‘A little embarrassed if I’m honest,’ she said, averting her eyes from his searching gaze.
He shifted back away from her and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.
Realising how disrespectful that sounded, she put out a hand to touch the smooth skin of his back, but withdrew it quickly before she made contact. It felt like too intimate a gesture. ‘I mean, I’m sorry for crying on you last night.’
Half turning back to face her, he exhaled in a rush of breath and shook his head.
‘No apology necessary. I had fun.’
A bit of fun. That was all it had been.
A feeling of cold acceptance flooded through her, as if the remains of her hope was being washed away, leaving her thoughts clean and jagged.
Hardening the last piece of her heart, she leant down and plucked the towel that she’d been wearing last night from the floor and sat up to wrap it tightly around her.
‘Well, I suppose I really ought to get back to shore. I want to get to Sorrento before the end of the day so I can have a good look around before setting off for Capri the day after. Could you take me back in the motorboat, please?’
Her words sounded so perfunctory she cringed with unease.
When she turned to look at him he was staring at her in confused surprise, then blinked and nodded as if coming out of a trance when he saw she was looking at him. ‘Oui. Okay.’
‘Thank you.’
Not daring to look at him again, she strode quickly out of the room and into the bathroom, where she’d left her clothes the previous evening after getting changed into her bikini, trying to ignore the voices in her head that were urging her to turn around and tell him that she’d changed her mind and that she could stay for a little longer. Just till they’d eaten breakfast together.
Pull yourself together, Indigo, you fool! You’re not a couple and you never will be.
Pulling on the dress she’d chosen with such care for their dinner together last night, she turned to the mirror to try and do something with her hair. It was sticking up in all directions after she’d slept on it wet and refused to play ball, so after a minute of fruitless fussing she gave up on it. She was desperate for a shower, but now that she’d made her mind up to go she didn’t want to linger. It would only prolong the pain of leaving.
Giving her puffy face one last dismayed look in the mirror, she left the bathroom and made her way to the living area, where she found Julien sitting on the sofa waiting for her.
He stood up quickly when he saw her and walked with her towards the door to the upper deck, neither of them saying a word.
‘Wait.’ He put an arm across the doorway before she could walk through it, blocking her way out.
Her heart hammered hard in her chest as she looked up into his mesmerising eyes.
‘You know, Indigo, if you don’t mind missing that part of the walk I can sail you to Sorrento, then pick you up again the next day and drop you in Capri. I’m going that way anyway. You may as well come along for the ride.’
It was so tempting. But what a ride it would be. Just the thought of having to put a brave face on for him, pretending she was fine with them just being casual lovers for the next couple of days, made her shudder with horror.
No, she’d be better to cut her losses now and walk away while she still had some of her wits about her.
‘No. Thanks. To be honest, I don’t want to miss walking that bit of the track.’ She couldn’t meet his eyes. ‘I only have a couple of days left here before it’s time to get back to reality and I’m sure you don’t really want me tagging along for the rest of your holiday.’
He was frowning at her now, which wasn’t surprising as her voice seemed to have morphed into that of an ailing crow again.
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked with real concern in his voice.
‘Yes. I was just thinking about what you said about Gavin.’
‘Oui?’ He looked uncomfortable at the mention of her ex.
‘I think you’re right; it would never have worked out with him long term. I’ve been so distracted by the pain and humiliation of the way he dumped me I got the feeling muddled with missing him. I need to be with someone who’s proud of me for what I’ve achieved, not jealous of my success. I’ve been beating myself up about the wrong things. It’s time I stopped.’
‘Oui.’
‘Thank you, for making me realise that.’
‘You’re welcome. You deserve to be happy, Indigo.’
‘As do you, Julien.’
They stared at each other, with the crackle of unsaid words in the air around them.
Say something more, Julien. Please.
But he didn’t; he just nodded in a sage kind of way, as if he hadn’t heard the underlying pleading in her voice.
So that was it; she had to leave right now, on her terms. It was important for her peace of mind that she kept her control, after having it so savagely ripped away from her in her last relationship.
For her own sense of self-confidence, she couldn’t allow Julien to dismiss her too.
‘Okay, well, I’m ready to go when you are,’ she said overly brightly.
He didn’t say another word as they walked up to the deck together. When they reached where the small onboard motorboat was housed, she hung back until he’d released it from its mooring and manoeuvred it down the small slope and into the water.
After climbing in he held out his hand to help her climb in too and she hoped to goodness he wouldn’t notice how much she was shaking.
Neither of them said a word as Julien piloted the small craft back to the shore, sending waves of froth into the choppy water behind them.
At any other time she would have loved the feeling of powering through the waves at high speed, revelling in the adrenaline rush of something so alien and exciting, but the heavy tug of gloom in her belly cancelled out any enjoyment she might have felt.
Julien drove the boat straight on to the deserted beach and jumped out, pulling it further ashore so she could st
ep out without getting her feet wet.
Hopping out, she turned to face him.
‘So, I guess this is it then,’ she said, turning to give him a smile that she knew must look incredibly fake.
‘Probably not,’ he said, dipping his chin and raising his eyebrow, his eyes holding a look she couldn’t decipher.
Was he making a joke about their strangely magnetic connection, or was he about to ask to see her again after he’d concluded his holiday?
She drew in a shaky breath, anticipation making a pulse beat hard in her throat.
‘Based on our luck so far, we’re bound to run into each other on Capri,’ he said with a playful lilt to his voice.
She nodded and waited—heart racing, breath stuck in her throat—for him to suggest they made a plan to meet up there.
But he didn’t. Instead, he gave her a tight smile, then turned to look back towards where his yacht was anchored a mile or so off the coast. ‘Well, I’d better get back and chart my course,’ he said, his voice giving no suggestion at all that he was sorry to see her go. ‘I only have the boat for three more days then it’s back to real life.’
Real life.
Her stomach dipped and her eyes grew hot, but she refused to show him how much it was going to hurt her to leave him like this.
‘Okay, well, enjoy the rest of your holiday,’ she said, steeling herself as he moved towards her and placed a gentle kiss on each cheek, French-style.
‘It was good knowing you, Indigo,’ he murmured into her ear, before pulling back and giving her a firm nod.
‘You too, Julien.’ She was amazed she’d been able to get the words past her throat.
He nodded once more before turning abruptly on the spot and striding away from her.
* * *
It felt empty on the boat after Indigo had gone.
Julien paced up and down the deck feeling unsettled about the way she’d left so suddenly.
When he’d woken up to find her watching him with that perplexed expression in her eyes, he’d been worried that he’d made a huge mistake asking her to stay the night, that he’d hurt her more than helped her—and set himself up for more heartache too—and his first instinct had been to gently let her know that it had been a one-time-only thing for him.
He’d been relieved when she’d made the decision to go without him having to say anything, but he’d also been taken aback and a little perturbed by how vehement she’d been about it.
Something about the way she’d sprung out of bed didn’t sit well with him.
After that he’d felt compelled to offer her a lift to Sorrento and had experienced a strange sting of hurt when she’d been almost cold in her refusal.
The memory of it disturbed him.
Perhaps she’d been embarrassed about what had happened between them after she’d fallen apart last night.
He wasn’t, though. He’d loved the feel of her in his arms and the softness of her pressed beneath him. She’d been so responsive to him, making it clear she’d enjoyed his touch as much as he’d enjoyed hers.
Maybe she was just distracted by the thought of what awaited her when she got home after talking to him about it last night.
It made him so angry to think about how badly her ex had treated her because her strength and tenacity had intimidated him. And he hated the idea that she had to deal with the threat of the business she’d worked so hard to build from nothing being taken away from her all by herself.
She deserved better.
Needing a distraction from his thoughts, he went down into the galley kitchen and fixed himself some breakfast, raiding the ready-stocked cupboards and fridge, choosing sugar-free muesli and strong black coffee to satisfy his appetite. Not that he felt particularly hungry this morning.
After clearing away his crockery, he tried reading one of the books from a shelf in the living area, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate on it. He was restless and twitchy. Perhaps Indigo had had a point about not missing today’s walk. His body seemed attuned to doing that much exercise now and the lack of it today had left him with an abundance of energy.
Getting up, he went down to the bedroom and made the bed, pausing to skim his fingers over a small black smudge that the last of her eye make-up had left on one of the pillows.
It made him think of the way she’d looked at him through her thick black lashes when she wanted him to agree to something and a sudden, disorientating feeling of loss hit him straight in the solar plexus, taking his breath away.
Like the walking, he’d become so attuned to her presence he appeared to be missing her company.
Which finally brought him round to the real reason he’d felt troubled about her leaving so suddenly.
Waking up in the early hours of the morning to find her warm body snuggled up against his had shaken him. Lying there under the heavy blanket of night he’d felt such a sense of calm—for the first time in as long as he could remember. He’d rested there, with Indigo in his arms, exulting in the rush and pull of the ocean beneath them, enjoying the gentle melody of the waves against the hull of the boat as he drifted in and out of sleep.
In his half wakeful state, he’d relived the feel of her long, long limbs wrapped around him, and the intoxicating scent of her as he dragged it deep into his lungs and the sweet taste of her in his mouth. He’d wanted her so badly he ached with it, and he’d just taken what he wanted even though he’d known it was a bad idea. An insight that had been reinforced when he’d seen the regret in her eyes the next morning.
It reminded him a little too keenly of all those gut-wrenching mornings, waking up next to Celine and seeing the shuttered look on her face. The cold, blank expression of a woman who despised him.
His failure to make things right between him and Celine still haunted him, even though they were divorced now and she was no longer his responsibility. He’d always been able to fix things before he met her—by finally earning enough money to buy his mother the kind of house she deserved and provide her with a lifestyle that made her happy, by finding jobs for friends who found themselves adrift and in money trouble—but with Celine he’d not been able to find a way to satisfy her. He’d given her everything he could think of and it still hadn’t been enough.
It had eaten away at him.
And now he had a new regret.
He’d known, in his heart, that Indigo wasn’t the sort of person who would be satisfied with a one-night stand, but he’d gone ahead and let it happen anyway. To satisfy his greedy need.
Slumping down on to the bed, he rolled on to his back and stared up at the ceiling, imagining the vast blue sky stretching out above him, feeling smaller and more helpless than he was comfortable with.
He really didn’t want to have Indigo’s suffering gnawing away at him too. He could have done so much more to make her happy, but he’d let her go, telling himself it was what she wanted.
She’d needed more from him than a kiss on the cheek and a metaphorical pat on the head.
His hands twitched at his sides as blood rushed through his veins.
There was no way he could leave things with her like this; it would plague him for the rest of his life.
Especially when he knew he could do something to really help and support her.
Sitting up, he took a deep fortifying breath, feeling his energy returning as purpose and resolve flooded his body with adrenaline.
He was going to find her and make things right.
CHAPTER NINE
Sorrento to Capri. It could be a rough ride between the mainland and the island, so be prepared for turbulence on your journey. Don’t worry—once you’re there it’ll all be worth it...
HE’D NOT BEEN able to find Indigo in Sorrento.
It was ridiculous for him to feel miffed about the fact
because the town had a population of over fifteen thousand, which no doubt doubled in high season. But after not being able to avoid her at the beginning of the week he’d fully expected to bump into her as soon as he set foot on dry land.
But after a fruitless search through the town, where he felt as if he’d visited every eatery and hotel that Sorrento had to offer, his heart lurching every time he caught so much as a flash of the colour red, he’d finally given up, deciding the best place to catch her would be the small port in Capri where the ferries sailed in from Sorrento on a regular basis.
Mooring the yacht in the marina just to the west of the main ferry port, he holed up early for the evening, determined to get up at the crack of dawn in order to meet the first ferry of the day in case Indigo was on it.
It felt good to have a purpose after spending the rest of the week in a state of disconnected limbo, occasionally checking his work email for news, only to find that everything was running smoothly without him. This had both heartened and distressed him.
He didn’t like the idea of not being needed.
The early morning air felt fresh and cool on his skin as he made his way over to where the passenger ferries docked in the marina, armed with a bag full of food and beverages so he wouldn’t have to run the risk of missing Indigo in between landings.
When he arrived, the place was only just waking up for business, catering for a few early risers who paced about waiting for the first ferry to arrive and take them back to the mainland.
He could tell from the intensity of the first rays of the sun burning through the low hanging clouds that it was going to be another hot day.
Settling down on to one of the long stone benches that faced out across the water, he took out a book he’d borrowed from his yacht’s small library, made himself as comfortable as possible on a seat that wasn’t really designed for people to sit on for more than a few minutes and prepared himself to wait until Indigo made an appearance.
* * *
Since leaving Julien on the beach in Nerano, Indigo had spent her time making good on her decision to continue the walk to Sorrento. In a stroke of pure luck, she’d bumped into Ruth and her group heading that way too, and was somewhat relieved to find herself warmly integrated back into the group.
One Week with the French Tycoon Page 11
