by Cheri Marie
His last comment hurt and pissed me off all at the same time. I take a step towards him, clenching my fists.
“I get it, I fucked up,” I say through gritted teeth, “but what the fuck business is it of yours anyways?” I growl at him.
“Because I fucking love her!” It was like he punched me in the gut and I stumble back a step as he continues, “I’ve loved her my entire life. I was there through everything! Shitty boyfriends, fights with her parents, graduating high school, then college; everything! Always being just Ashlan’s brother. Many times I’ve tried to tell her how I feel but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t deserve her; frankly neither do you. But for some reason she is head over fucking heels in love with you. I have to accept that I’ll never have her love in that way. But let me be perfectly fucking clear with you Landon, if you hurt her again you will be dealing with me and this little chat we’re having now will be nothing. You may be some big badass Marine but I don’t give a fuck, I will fight until death for her.” My head is spinning at his confession, I don’t even know how to respond. I feel sorry for him, I know what it’s like to love Arianna, she’s an amazing woman.
“So will I,” is the only thing I can think of to say to him.
“Good, at least we can agree on one thing. I’m going to go back upstairs,” he says as he turns and walks back into the hospital.
Xavier comes walking back in my room. I recognize the look on his face, it’s the same look he had when he put one of my ex-boyfriends in high school in his place. Worry rushes over me, where the hell is Landon? A few minutes later he comes walking in, taking a seat in the chair next to my bed. Landon and Xavier glare at each other, the tension is so thick you could almost cut it with a knife. I look between the two of them but neither of them give anything away.
“Well, I think Kat and I are going to get going. We’ll come by the house once you’re home,” Xavier says.
“Okay, well thank you for coming to see me.” Xavier walks over and hugs me, kissing me on the cheek.
“You’re welcome,” he says as he stands. Kat comes over and gives me a hug goodbye as well and then they leave.
I look over at Landon but he doesn’t make eye contact. What the fuck is going on around here, I think to myself. After an hour or so Damien and Ashlan decide to head home, they both hug Landon and I goodbye and leave. Watching them walk out the door, I wish I could go home and be in my own bed. When I turn to look at Landon, he’s staring at me.
“I know I don’t deserve it, especially not this soon but please forgive me.”
I reach out and caress his beautiful face, he leans his cheek into my hand. There are so many emotions running through me. I’m still upset he just walked out on me, but at the same time I understand needing to think. I take a deep breath.
“I do forgive you, but I think we need to take a little break. You walked out on me so easily. How do I know you won’t just walk out on me again when things get tough?” I feel like there’s a knife twisting in my heart as the words come out of my mouth. It’s killing me to tell him I need a break but I have to protect my heart.
My world has stopped and I feel like I can’t breathe; I’m numb. I just sit there staring at Arianna trying to process her words. It may be my huge ego, even though I know I deserve it, I never thought it would come to this.
“Are you saying you don’t want to marry me anymore?”
“No, I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is that we need a break, my main concern right now is our peanut. I don’t want to worry about whether you’re going to run for the hills every time something happens. Prove to me you want to be with me, for us to have this baby, creating our own beautiful little family.”
“Arianna please, I’ve already told you, you and this baby mean more to me than life itself. Please don’t do this, don’t push me away,” I’m begging, pleading with her. This is my nightmare come true!
“I think you should go,” it’s barely a whisper. She’s looking down fiddling with her fingers.
“Ari, please… look at me…” she doesn’t move. “Arianna!” Her eyes flash up to mine, so much pain and hurt are written in them. It rips my heart apart knowing I’m the reason. But right now, I don’t have a choice. I am going to give her what she wants, while doing everything in my power to prove to her I won’t run again; shaking my head at the irony of it all.
“Okay,” I say. Leaning down, caressing her stomach I whisper, “I know I screwed up peanut but I promise I will show mommy how much I love you and her. We’re going to be a beautiful little family.”
When I look up at Arianna, tears are streaming down her face. Gently I wipe them away; kissing her on her forehead I turn and walk out the door. Immediately I want to go running back in the room as soon as I leave but I can’t. She asked me to leave and I would honor that request… for now…
I watch as Landon leaves. Lying back on the bed, I curl into the fetal position and sob. The nurse comes in to check on me, she panics when she sees the condition I’m in.
“Honey are you okay?” she asks, caressing my arm. Taking a deep, steading breath I assure her I’m okay.
“Just pregnancy hormones,” I say, smiling sweetly at her.
She smiles back, “Oh I know all about those dreaded pregnancy hormones,” she says sweetly. “Is this your first?”
“Yes.”
“Well, congratulations and welcome to motherhood. It is one of the most challenging but rewarding jobs you will ever have. Take in every moment because they grow quickly.”
“I intend to, thank you.” She excuses herself and exits the room.
Grabbing the phone I dial Ashlan, she picks up almost immediately.
“Hey Ari, is everything okay?” she asks.
“I’m not sure. I really need my best friend right now, can you come up and sit with me?”
“Of course… but where’s Landon?”
“I-I told him I needed space and asked him to leave,” there’s silence on the line for a minute.
“Oh honey...” she says sympathetically. “I’ll be right there.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“No problem, see you soon,” she says, then hangs up.
I lay back on the bed and close my eyes. My mind flashes to Landon; the day we met, when he burst into my office, his proposal, then the day he walked out on me. I begin to feel guilty for telling him to leave but I shake it off. At much as it killed me; this is necessary. He made me promise to communicate and never walk away from him and then he did just that. Tears are streaming from my eyes again, there’s a knock at the door then in walks Ashlan. She rushes to my side as I sit up and she hugs me tightly.
“Ari honey, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. Everyone is seriously pissed at Landon for the way he acted. I think it’s a good thing you told him you needed space.”
“I know, I feel like I did the right thing; it just hurts you know?”
“Yea I know. You really should be resting. Go to sleep, I’ll stay here with you.”
“Okay. Thanks Ash, I really appreciate you, more than you’ll ever know.”
“You’re welcome, I know you love me,” she says cockily grinning at me. I smile back and make myself comfortable. Slowly I doze off to sleep.
When I wake the next morning, Ashlan is gone. A moment later the nurse comes in.
“Good morning Miss Taylor. How are you feeling?”
“Okay I guess,” I answer. “Do you happen to know where my friend went?”
“Oh yes, she went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. She’ll be right back.”
“Oh okay,” I say.
“So we’re waiting for the doctor to come in and check on you. As long as he says it’s okay we’ll be letting you go home today.” I sigh a sigh of relief; I’m so ready to be home in my own bed.
“Thank you,” I say as she exits. A few moments later Ashlan returns with a bagel and cream cheese, my stomach growls. I don’t even remember the last time I ate. Lo
oking around to make sure the nurse isn’t looking, Ashlan hands me a bagel she had hidden in her jacket pocket. I laugh at her.
“I don’t know if you’re allowed to have that yet so be sneaky about eating it okay?”
“Mmmhmmm..” I mumble as I pop a piece of the bagel in my mouth. As I’m taking another bite, the nurse walks in; oops, busted. I giggle as she narrows her eyes at me, then smiles.
“You really shouldn’t have that yet but I’m sure you’re starving so I’ll pretend I didn’t see it,” she winks at me. “Finish that quickly, the doctor will be in, in about five minutes.”
Quickly I finish my bagel just as the doctor comes walking in the room. Ashlan giggles and I glare at her. The doctor walks over and hits the button on the blood pressure cuff to blow up the cuff.
“Hi Miss Taylor, I’m Dr. Lee the resident doctor here. How are you feeling?”
“A slight headache but otherwise I feel fine.”
“The headache is normal and it may last a couple days. If it gets worse or if your vision is blurry or light bothers you, you should come back and get checked. I just want to do a quick ultrasound to check on the baby and then we’ll let you go.”
“Okay,” I’m excited to see my little peanut again.
I lay back and pull my gown up. The doctor squirts some gel on my stomach. She moves the little ultrasound wand around on my stomach until it appears; my little peanut is on the screen. Ashlan moves to my side to get a closer look. The doctor turns up the volume on the machine and suddenly there’s the whooshing sound of a heartbeat. My heart warms at the sound of my little prince or princess’ heartbeat. A tear breaks free, running down my cheek and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. I look up at Ashlan and she’s crying too. Dr. Lee prints a picture and hands it to me.
“Baby looks good and the heartbeat is strong. You’re fine to go home. Just take it easy and no heavy lifting.”
“Okay, thank you Dr. Lee.”
“You’re very welcome,” she says and walks out. A few minutes later the nurse returns with my discharge papers, I get dressed and practically run out the door. Bursting through the front doors of the hospital I take a deep breath of the fresh air. Two days in the hospital feels like a month. Ashlan tells me to wait by the door and she’ll go get the car.
While I’m waiting Xavier comes walking up.
“Hey what are you doing out here?” he asks.
“I’m going home, they released me. Ashlan’s getting the car.”
“Oh ok. Where’s Landon?” he asks. I drop my head down to my chest.
“I-I told him we needed to take a break,” I try to fight the tears that spring to my eyes but it’s no use.
“Hey...” he says, grabbing my chin and lifting my eyes to meet his, “Don’t feel bad for telling him you need a little space for a while. He’s the one that fucked up, not you. Make him work for your forgiveness.” Using his thumbs he wipes away my tears, there’s a look in his eyes I don’t recognize. He breaks eye contact, pulling me in for a hug. I hug him back. The familiarity is comforting, Xavier’s always been there just like Ashlan, I don’t know what I would do without either of them.
Ashlan pulls up and jumps out of the car.
“What the fuck? I leave you for two seconds and you’re crying again?” She glares at Xavier.
“It’s okay, I’m fine,” I assure her. Ashlan opens the door for me so I can climb into the car, once I’m in she gently closes the door.
Turning around I see Ashlan say something to Xavier and I can tell from her body language she’s telling him off for something. He looks away from her; closing his eyes and running his hand through his hair in frustration… like Landon does. I choke back a sob at the memory. No, no more crying I tell myself. Ashlan leans up and kisses her brother on the cheek then walks around the car to climb into the driver's seat. I’m still watching Xavier, it’s like he’s having a battle within himself and I feel for him. He looks at me and waves goodbye as we pull away. I turn around and lean back in my seat; even the car is more comfortable than the hospital bed. Reaching over I turn up the radio and get lost in the music.
It’s been almost a week since Arianna said she wanted to take a break. I pace my apartment, trying to pull myself together. The nightmares have started again and I’ve barely slept. Fuck this shit, operation get my girl back commences now. Grabbing my keys I head out the door.
Stopping at the flower shop I decide to send her a dozen roses; eleven real ones, and one artificial one. Grabbing a card, I write her a message.
Arianna, when the last one of these roses dies, that’s when I’ll stop loving you. – Forever yours, Landon
I have them delivered to the house instead of her office, hoping she isn’t back to work already. My next stop is the book store. I want to get a couple books to read up on about becoming a parent. I don’t have any siblings so it isn’t like I’ve had any practice helping to care for a baby. After the book store, I head home to read hoping that Arianna will call after she receives the roses. Just as I pull into the parking garage of my apartment my phone rings, my heart jumps into my throat in hopes that it’s Ari. I check the caller ID, it’s Damien.
“Hey D.”
“Hey Landon, listen Arianna doesn’t know I’m calling but I think you should come by.”
Panic pricks at my scalp. “Why, what’s going on Damien?”
“The police are here, it’s about the accident… about Liam… I know she told you she needed a break but I really think she needs you.”
“I’ll be right there!” I hang up and whip back out of the parking garage.
Speeding all the way to Arianna’s, I’m surprised when I’m not stopped by the police. Pulling into the driveway I notice the detective's car. I park, heading for the door I decide whether to knock or just walk in. Ultimately, I decide to knock. Damien answers the door, he must have assumed it was me. Walking in, all eyes turn to look at me. I stop dead in my tracks when my eyes meet Arianna’s and for a minute I’m not really sure I should have come. She gives me a small smile and I know that it’s okay that I’m here. I walk over to stand next to her and listen to what is being said.
“Miss Taylor, we came to inform you we have Liam in custody. It took us a little longer than expected to bring him in; he wasn’t home when we went to his house.” The detective pauses. I think he’s deciding whether to tell us where they found him or not. He continues, “When we brought him in he was distraught; "uttering I killed her, oh my God I killed her", over and over again.”
Grabbing Arianna’s hand, I give it a light reassuring squeeze. The look on her face eats at my soul, she feels sorry for him. He tried to kill her and she’s fucking showing empathy for him. My blood starts to boil but I say nothing. No more loose cannon Landon, if I go off I know it will for sure be the end of me and Arianna. I won’t let that happen. We all stand there silently, letting this bit of news sink in when Arianna finally speaks.
“What… what happens now?” she asks the detective.
“Well, he’s going to go through a psych evaluation to determine if he can stand trial. If they find him competent he will face attempted murder charges and you will have to testify against him.”
“And if they find him incompetent?” I ask.
“If he’s found incompetent to stand trial, he will be placed in a high security psychiatric hospital where he will be under supervision twenty four hours a day.”
I’m relieved but not completely convinced that this is the end of Liam. Glancing down at Arianna she seems to have relaxed some. Bringing her hand up with mine I kiss the back of her hand. She smiles up at me and I almost melt; God how I’ve missed that smile. The detectives inform us they’ll be in touch. Shaking everyone’s hands, they leave. Arianna turns and hugs me, I hug her back running my hand through her hair. After a minute I step back, letting her go.
“I’m going to get going now. Do you need anything before I leave?”
She looks like she may cr
y, it takes everything in me not to grab her and pull her back into my arms. “No, I’m fine. I appreciate you coming by,” she says.
“You’re welcome,” I say, reaching out to caress her face and then I leave.
It breaks my heart to walk away from her yet again; but she asked for this, I keep reminding myself. I climb into my car and head back to my apartment. This is the most time I’ve spent at my place in months. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and sit on my couch. Opening one of the books I bought I start to read. There’s so much information in these books, it’s a lot to process but it makes me more excited for the baby to come. The book talks about the changes that Arianna will go through while she’s pregnant. Mood swings, the way her body will change; it’s truly fascinating. My phone pings and I look at the screen, it’s a text from Arianna.
Hey Landon, I just wanted to say thank you for the roses and the note. It really means a lot. – Ari
I text her back;
You’re welcome Arianna.
I stare at my phone for a while; not really sure why, maybe hoping she’ll change her mind and tell me to come home. When she doesn’t say anything else I toss my phone on the couch, frustrated. Running my hands through my hair, I try to figure out what to do next. I decide to write her and the baby a letter, putting all my feelings to paper; thing’s I haven’t brought myself to say out loud.
“To my future wife - My dearest sweet Arianna, I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. The feelings I have for you cannot be defined or explained with words. I want so much for us to be a family but truth be told, I’m scared. I haven’t thought about being a Dad before. I told you about my past, I never expected to find love. I was happy with just being us, we were settling into our life together. I guess I had just expected that we’d wait a little while and have kids later down the road. When you told me you’re pregnant, I just needed to wrap my head around the fact that it isn’t just you and me now. Now I’m, we’re responsible for a new little life. A little person, who will be the best of us combined, to love and protect with everything that I have and everything that I am. I love you both with all my heart and soul.
