Blood And Roses (Tainted Hearts)

by Lylah James

  I, Lyov Ivanshov, take you, Maria Andersen, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad. I will love, cherish, and honor you all the days of my life.

  Lyov’s smile.

  Lyov’s grey eyes.

  Lyov’s love.

  Lyov’s heart.

  In honesty, in sincerity, to be for you, a faithful and loving husband.

  In honesty, in sincerity, to be for you, a faithful and loving wife.

  Our entwined, singing souls. Never to be apart, for we were one. The stars had aligned, and we were meant for each other since birth. It was fated. It was destiny. There are no accidental meetings between souls.

  I give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace. I promise to be worthy of your love.

  I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.

  His sweet kisses. His lips making love to me. He had touched me where no one else could. In the deepest part of me, my wounded soul. I had been crying from inside, begging for someone to see and save me. Lyov saw and he took me away, far, far away into our castle, where he was King and he made me his beloved Queen.

  I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of what is to come, and as long as we live.

  Lyov’s body on mine, pressing into me. Making sweet love. Our bodies tangled intimately. His breath as it breathed into me. Our wedding bands heavy on our fingers, with our hearts beating to the same beautiful rhythm.

  For richer, for poorer. In joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. To have and to hold from this day forward. Always and forever. There will never be another, for my Angel is the only one. This is my solemn vow.

  There will never be another, for my Master is the only one. This is my solemn vow.

  His love for me. My love for him. Our love. My heart only ever wanted one thing. My heart only ever had one thought. One need. Despite everything I could have, all my heart ever wanted was Lyov. A piece of him—a single cloth of his love, even it was ripped or used. But he gave me more than that. Lyov gave me all of him—every fragmented, dark piece of him.

  I am now Maria Ivanshov.

  You are mine.

  I have always been yours.

  Just like I am yours. Always will be. I belong to you, Angel.

  Sometimes, I had felt like I didn’t belong, a lost soul. But then I would lay my head on Lyov’s chest, his heartbeat strong in my ears, and he would hold me tight. I would then breathe, a slow shuddering breath of realization—his embrace was my home.

  Your heartbeat is so strong. I like it. It makes me feel…warm.

  I remembered his whisper in my ears. I could hear it as if he were speaking it right now. I could almost feel his touch, his voice caressing my skin.

  It’s yours, Angel. You are the first fucking woman to lay her head on my chest. I have held no other in my arms like this. So hold me close and hear my heartbeat. And let me feel yours in return.

  It wasn’t his collar or his chain that kept me close to him. No, it was all in his gaze. The way Lyov looked at me, I had been bound to him in the most beautiful way. He had made me his with a single look.

  It hurt. It hurt so much.

  The agony was more than being made to crawl around with a collar around my neck, for the sadistic, ugly pleasure of men.

  The thought of leaving my family behind—my Lyov, this pain…it came from the pit of my soul, the marrow of me.

  It hurt knowing that our dreams would be shattered the moment Alfredo pulled the trigger.

  This time, when our princess is born, I want to be the one to cut the umbilical cord. And I want to hold her first. Last time, you got to hold our son first.

  I want to take you to see the world, Angel. Just me and you.

  I want to kiss you at the sunrise. And I want to make love to you in front of the sunset.

  It hurt even more because I had to break the promise I made to Lyov.

  Angel, I didn’t realize I was alone until I met you. I had been missing a piece of me, I was somehow…empty in the inside, but I didn’t know.

  Master, from now on…you will never be alone. I will always be here for you.

  Promise?

  Promise.

  My dark, angry Prince Charming had come on his black horse. He had swept me up, saved me, and dragged me into his violent world, where I planted roses and made them bloom with every breath I took. It was a twisted fairy tale, with a beauty within the thorns.

  My eyes clouded with tears, and I felt those droplets slide down my cheeks.

  We will never end, Angel. Not even God can separate us. This…this is my vow to you. Right here and now.

  Lyov was wrong. No matter how powerful of a King he was, this was not in his control. If only I had told him this, if only I hadn’t let us drown in such a beautiful reverie.

  I saw our last kiss. Our last touch. Our last hug. The last time our bodies had entwined in the most intimate way. I heard his last words.

  Through blurry eyes, I saw Alfredo’s fingers move. My eyes closed. But my lips smiled.

  You have a beautiful smile, Maria. I want to see it on you every day.

  I will always smile for you, Master. Promise. Forever. Until my last breath.

  The trigger was pulled. A loud bang. My chest heaved. My last heartbeat belonged to Lyov.

  I thought we would live happily ever after. But there was no happy ending in this life. I found this out the hard way, as the blood flowed, red as roses…

  I love you. I love you so much. Do you hear me, Lyov? I love you, Master. My Lyov. Please don’t forget that. Please keep fighting. Please protect our son. Don’t let him go. Love him the way he deserves. Please be strong, my love. Please. Please. Please. For your Angel.

  A breath. And then breathless. Silence. Darkness. Cold.

  Our fairy tale was now just a distant memory. So very far away and out of reach.

  “Till death do us part.”

  Chapter 24

  Lyov

  Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.

  Something was wrong.

  Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.

  I could feel my heart beating in my ears and the pulse racing in my neck.

  Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.

  There was something heavy sitting on my lungs. My heart pounded and clenched, and I didn’t even fucking know why.

  Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.

  I didn’t get carsick, but right now, I was about to throw up.

  My chest grew tight with a strange feeling, and I rubbed it, hoping to elevate the burning sensation there. I felt on edge, and my stomach churned as if sensing something wrong was going to happen.

  “Isaak, I need to go back,” I announced without thinking.

  He looked in the rear-view mirror, confused. “What?”

  “Go back,” I said through clenched teeth, still rubbing my chest. The pain wouldn’t alleviate. When he wouldn’t do what I said, the frustration built inside of me. Mixed with fear and agitation, it was a weird, fucked-up feeling. Why was I even scared? I didn’t fucking know. I just felt unsettled.

  All I knew was that in this moment, right now…I had to be home. Nothing felt right. Being away felt wrong. So, so wrong.

  My lungs clenched, and it fucking hurt.

  “Fuck! This can wait. Turn the goddamn car around!” I roared. Isaak hit the brake hard, and he turned his head to look at me, sending me a confused, yet somewhat dark, angry look.

  “Lyov, we got a call that there was an attack at the club. The place was lit on fire. There are people…”

  I stopped his tirade of words with a low growl. His mouth snapped shut when I leveled him with a dark look of my own. “I don’t give a fuck. Let the others take care of it. I need to get back home. Now.”

  He was silent for a second, just staring at me. “Is somethin
g wrong?”

  My fists clenched, and I looked outside at the dark night. Everything felt eerily strange, as if a balance was broken. “I don’t know,” I said, my throat suddenly feeling tight. “But right now, I need to be with my wife and son. I could tell Maria didn’t want me to leave tonight.”

  It had felt wrong, leaving her when she so desperately clung to my hand. As if she couldn’t bear the few hours of separation. Fuck, even I couldn’t. A few minutes away from her felt like hours. Hours felt like months. Every time I was away, not in the proximity to touch her or stare at her smile, in those beautiful blue eyes—it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  Sometimes, it wasn’t just love. It was so much more.

  I was obsessed with my Angel.

  Eight years together didn’t lessen what I felt for Maria. No, I just fell deeper into her beautiful trap every day. Every morning I would wake up and see her beautiful face first thing. Hear her voice and then watch her smile sleepily at me, her eyes sparkling with something akin to adoration and so much love.

  With a heavy sigh, from the corner of my eye, I saw Isaak nodding. He didn’t say anything else; he just put the car into gear again and drove back to the estate.

  The whole drive back was filled with tense silence. I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes, trying to control my somewhat irregular breathing. I just didn’t understand, and it frustrated me even more.

  Finally, the car came to a stop. I didn’t waste any time getting out of the car. Something was wrong. I knew it for sure this time. My guards weren’t present. There were always four of them at the gates.

  Today…not even one of them was here.

  And the rest of the entrance…empty. Silence. Where the fuck was everyone?

  Isaak swore behind me, but he stayed close to my heels as I ran into the house.

  Red. First thing that filled my sight.

  Blood. Bodies. Death.

  The air smelled of sweat, blood, and death. My estate looked like something akin to a horror movie. A fucking massacre.

  This wasn’t the same house I left behind. No, this…this was all wrong.

  My heart stammered, and I ran blindly upstairs, ignoring everything else…everyone else. The cries of pain, the bellows of agony and anger…of fear, I blocked it all out.

  Except…my Angel.

  “Maria!”

  My voice didn’t sound right. There was fear in it. Horror. Distress. Panic. Everything that wasn’t Lyov Ivanshov.

  Right now, I wasn’t the King of the underworld.

  Right now, I was just a man who desperately needed to hold his Angel. I was a husband who feared—the last time he had touched his wife was hours ago—that he would never get the chance again.

  My heart raced as I ran to my room, where I knew Maria would be. With each step, it was harder for me to breathe. The blood. The dead bodies. Fuck.

  I was silently praying to the Higher Powers. For the first fucking time in my life, I prayed as I ran. Let her be safe. Let Alessio be safe. They were all who mattered.

  None of my prayers mattered, though. I was too late. And after all, the prayers of a Devil could never be accepted. I made hell my home. Heaven was far from my reach, let alone that my prayers would make any difference.

  The door was open.

  My lungs clenched. My heartbeats became faster, harder, and erratic. There was a turbulence of emotions in me.

  I walked inside, and my legs weakened before giving out under me. I sank to my knees. My breath left me. My heart was in pieces.

  My body trembled with the force of reality. My brain tried to register the scene in front of me, while my soul slowly withered into nothingness. The world swirled around me, and my stomach rolled with a sick feeling, fighting the urge to throw up. It felt like a clawed hand was around my throat, restricting my air. I couldn’t breathe. I fought for it, gasping, but I just couldn’t…breathe.

  My lips parted, and a roar of agony ripped through my throat.

  No. No. No.

  This was just a fucking dream. I slapped myself on the head, hitting myself over and over again. Wake up. Wake up, damn it.

  I closed my eyes and continued to scream, hoping it would pull me from this nightmare.

  But when I opened my eyes again, I only saw blood.

  Blood covering my Angel.

  Blood everywhere.

  My Angel’s corpse.

  “Maria.” Her name came out as a whimper.

  Everything else faded away. It was just her and me. Just me and my broken Angel.

  I crawled to her, slipping on the bloody floor. Falling beside her too-still body, I wrapped my arms around her. I held her on my lap, her blood seeping into my clothes.

  Blood never did anything to me. Fuck, I lived for it…to spill the blood of others. But not my Maria. I couldn’t bear it. It made me sick, and I crumpled at the pain.

  With a hand, I held her face. “Please, open your eyes, Angel. Please. Don’t do this to me.”

  I shook her body, but there was no response.

  Silence. She was too cold. So cold that I would never be able to warm her again. Her warmth had left her…me…us. And now, I was cold too. Cold and so empty.

  Pain had a way of evolving. You felt it in every pore, down to your bones, and the depth of your heart—your soul. Sometimes it started slow and then your body would slowly go numb.

  Pain was an emotion that thrived from weakness, no matter how much you were meant to be strong and powerful.

  When it came to pain…to the hurting part of your soul, there was no escape. And just like that, it filtrated me like a virus, a sick feeling that felt like I could never rid of. My lungs contracted, and my chest felt like it was being dug on, knives cutting through, deeper and deeper. Slashing with no remorse, carving a sculpture of pain without any sympathy. My heart was being wrenched away, and I watched it bleed, shrivel, and die.

  Just like my Angel.

  No. This couldn’t be happening. Not like this. Not this way.

  I bellowed out another scream as I pulled her body closer into my embrace. Burying my face in her neck, I cried. “Wake up. Please wake up. You can’t…leave…me.”

  But she did…my Maria left me. I was too late.

  My throat felt tight and heavy. Raw from crying and screaming. Maybe I was like this for hours, clinging to Maria’s still, cold body. I held onto her until I was numb…until nothing made any sense to me. Until my ears became deaf. My eyes lost their sight, except of her beautiful face. Everything else was just a dark hole.

  I caressed my Angel’s face, moving her hair behind her ears. Her lips were parched and cracked, bloodied. But there was a whisper of a smile on them.

  That hurt. Fuck, did it hurt. My soul was stabbed and torn open, leaving nothing except a hollow depth.

  I leaned forward and placed my forehead against hers. She loved it when I did that. She would always smile, and her eyes would sparkle.

  My lips feathered over hers. She always kissed me back.

  She didn’t kiss me back this time.

  Kiss me back, Angel.

  I sobbed into her lips, pressing harder and hoping to feel her move…hoping to feel her kiss but nothing.

  How could fate be so cruel?

  “You promised not to leave me…” I whimpered, my voice cracking over each word. “You promised me forever.”

  Our memories flashed in front of my eyes. The first time I saw Maria. The first word. The first touch. Our first kiss. I thought of us.

  I saw all the happy moments we went through. When we married. When we said our vows. When we found out we were going to have a baby. Every night she played the piano for us. Every time I made love to her. We had wanted this. A family. Our family. Our happily ever after in this fucked-up world.

  We were so happy.

  We were meant to always be happy…we were meant to have our Princess. To watch our babies play together, grow, and marry. We were going to be grandparents. We were going to be toge
ther, grow old…live our lives together. As one.

  Not apart.

  Not alone.

  But our ending didn’t happen like we wanted.

  My clouded thoughts broke through at the screams penetrating the walls of my room, now my living hell.

  I looked away from Maria, long enough to see Lena coming into the room, sobbing her heart out. She fell down to her knees beside another body, and she cried to the moon. I realized it was Boris.

  Another love was lost.

  Another broken love story.

  Another tainted story.

  The walls became my solace as I kept my Angel in my embrace. I refused to let go, watching the walls, which were now tainted in blood.

  Hours must have passed, maybe.

  Isaak came to kneel beside me. I refused to acknowledge him…until he tried to separate me from my wife. My hand lurched out, and I gripped his wrist, feeling his bone almost crunch underneath my hold.

  He didn’t even flinch. His hardened expression was gone. In its place…I saw pain. Not because I was about to break his fucking hand…but because he felt this loss too.

  “Lyov,” he tried to say but couldn’t really speak. His mouth snapped shut. He looked down at Maria’s body, his gaze staying on her stomach for a second longer before he closed his eyes tightly. Bringing his fist to his mouth, he choked back a sob too.

  I knew what he was seeing.

  Maria’s stomach torn open.

  Our baby no longer lived there, safely cocooned in her mother’s womb.

  I heard Lena’s voice, and I forced myself to watch as she came forward. Sinking to her knees a few feet away from me, she picked up the tiny body and held my baby in her arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Lena looked so…broken. Fuck, I knew what she was feeling right now.