Captured Heart (Historical Christian Romance)

by Barbara Goss

  Patting Amanda’s hand, Margaret sat down on the side of the bed. Studying Amanda’s face carefully, she practically whispered, “I’m surprised to find you weeping. I thought we’d made you happy and at home here. Did we do something wrong?”

  “Oh, no!” Amanda’s voice croaked, and tears of a different nature rolled down her cheeks again. She shook her head. “You’ve all been perfect. It’s--it’s--” Amanda felt at a loss to explain what troubled her, for she wasn’t sure herself.

  “Were you missing your family?”

  “No!” Amanda exclaimed quickly, then, “Well, yes, but not then… I mean….” She cast her eyes downward, hunting for the right explanation.

  “Did Helen upset you, then?” Mrs. Sterling asked with concern-filled eyes.

  “Yes,” Amanda blurted. Quickly she retreated with, “No, not really, she just--” Amanda began to cry in earnest. Her emotions could no longer be held in check, especially with Margaret’s sympathy touching her deeply.

  Luke’s mother took Amanda into her arms, cradling her as she wept. “Cry all you can, dear,” she soothed, rocking her lovingly, “it’s long overdue. You’ve been through so much!”

  When Amanda lay spent in Margaret’s arms, the gentle mother spoke softly. “Amanda, I want you to know you can talk to me about anything, as if you were…” She hesitated then added positively, “As if you were my own daughter.”

  Amanda looked up at her and smiled.

  “I mean it. If something is troubling you, perhaps I can help. Celia was very much like you.”

  “How do you know what I’m like?’ Amanda asked with a sniffle.

  “I know. You’re sensitive, loving, and gentle, with a touch of stubborn pride. You were reared as a lady, yet inside you want to act differently sometimes, but cannot. I also think you are either in love and don’t know it, or know it and don’t want to be.” Margaret looked down at her and smiled. “How did I score?”

  Amanda sat up in amazement. “But how could you possibly know all that?”

  Luke’s mother smiled knowingly, “I was your age once, and mothered four daughters, so I’ve had a little practice. But mostly, Amanda, it’s because you remind me so strongly of Celia. Maybe that’s why--“ She stopped and smiled. “Tell me the specifics. Just because I’m Luke’s mother doesn’t mean I can’t be trusted with your secrets. We women stick together.”

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you,” Amanda answered quickly. “But because I truly don’t know what I feel, or I want, that I hesitate to discuss it.”

  Margaret smiled with understanding. “Tell me what you do know so far. Maybe I can help.”

  Amanda looked at the dark, beautiful woman. She still looked the part of the biblical Mary to Amanda, with her dark salt-and-pepper hair pulled back gently into braids rolled on top of her head, and her soft brown eyes and slender, graceful body movements. Amanda sighed. This woman was so easy to talk to, and she trusted her.

  Amanda took a deep breath before unburdening her heavy heart. “I do love Luke, but I’m not sure I know the difference between romantic love and friendship love.”

  “Why should there be a difference?” Margaret asked. “Mr. Sterling is my best friend, and I love him dearly.”

  “But I don’t feel with Luke what I felt with a young, handsome man on the train. He wasn’t half the man Luke is, mind you. Yet whenever he smiled or touched me, I got goose bumps and felt flushed and giddy.”

  “And,” Mrs. Sterling asked, “What do you feel around Luke?”

  Amanda smiled. “Around Luke I feel many things. The most noticeable is a warmth here,” she touched her chest. “I feel safe, secure, comfortable, and…” Amanda stopped and blushed.

  “And what?” Margaret prompted.

  “When Luke holds me in his arms, I feel …” she searched for the right words. “I feel ... like that’s the only place in the world I ever want to be. Sometimes I crave to be hugged and held by him, just so I can feel that.”

  “And his kisses?” Margaret asked without embarrassment.

  Amanda blushed. “I’ve only had two. Bells didn’t ring, and I didn’t feel faint.” She smiled, remembering. “But it felt as if I’d been kissing him like that forever, instead of the first and second time.” Amanda looked at Luke’s mother hesitantly. “There’s something else I feel, but it’s almost too strange to mention, and I’m not sure the words available can possibly describe it.”

  “Try. So far I can relate to everything you’re feeling.”

  “All right.” Amanda pressed her lips together, gazed at the ceiling, and thought carefully how to word her unusual sensation. “Sometimes when I’m with Luke, ---especially the times we were close---I wanted to -- to merge my soul with his, to become one. It’s difficult to explain”.

  With tear-filled eyes, Mrs. Sterling said sincerely, “Amanda, I can’t tell you that you are in love with my son; that’s one of those things you must decide for yourself. But let me ask you a question. Why do you think you should feel goose bumps and feel faint? Whoever told you that was love?”

  “I... don’t know. I guess from penny novels and poems I’ve read. What was it, then, that I felt for the man on the trail? It frightened me, because he wasn’t the type of man I’d want to spend my life with. In fact he turned out to be quite despicable. So why did I react to him so strongly?”

  “Hm-m-m, he was handsome, you said?”

  “Oh, yes! And terribly rich and charming.”

  “Oh! You mean the ah-h ... gambler that – um-- coerced our Celia? Luke told me about him.”

  “Yes.” She said, feeling ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

  Margaret smiled knowingly. “That man was a professional. He had his act honed to perfection. You and Celia reacted just as any normal, well-reared, inexperienced young lady would, which is why he was so successful. What you experienced was a thrilling adventure or infatuation. I’m glad you feel more than mere goose bumps for Luke. I certainly wouldn’t marry someone just because he gave me goose bumps.” Margaret’s tone took on a reminiscent quality. “I remember having similar feelings when I met Mr. Sterling. It was such a romantic adventure! I did feel a few goose bumps, but they soon faded and were replaced by a permanent condition called love.

  “As you know, I was a rich rancher’s pampered only daughter. I was given whatever my heart desired. It became boring, and every man I knew was too attentive. I couldn’t tell whether he was attracted to me, or my father’s wealth. So when my father’s cousin in Kansas invited me for a summer visit, I was ready for a diversion, and a bit of fun!”

  Amanda smiled and made herself comfortable. “Is this the story Luke promised you’d tell? He wouldn’t tell me the story, he said you’d have his head if he did!”

  Margaret laughed softly. “They all know I love to tell it. The best adventure of my life!”

  “As soon as my chaperon, Tia, and I were in the stage coach I unveiled my plan. As enthusiastic as I, she agreed.” Touching Amanda’s hand, she explained. “Now, you must understand the situation. Tia was a mere five years older than I. Her mother had been my maid and chaperon all my life, but was ill, so they sent Tia. Tia and I had grown up together, and she was a lovely girl. I decided we’d switch roles. She would be Margarita Cordelia Randall, and I the chaperon-maid, Tia. Having seen her many times holding my dresses before her in the looking glass and prancing about acting like me when she thought no one saw, I knew she’d be thrilled with the role. She played it well, too.”

  Amanda shook her head. “Didn’t your relatives know the difference?”

  “Oh, no,” Mrs. Sterling explained. “We’d never met. Dad had visited them several times when in the area on business, but they had never seen me. It was perfect.

  “It worked, but almost backfired, as dishonesty usually does.”

  Amanda drew up her knees and hugged them. “Please continue, I can’t wait to hear the story.”

  “Everything went well. No one suspected. We were the same size
, so we simply switched clothing and roles. It also made me aware of all the work poor Tia had to do and how difficult the job could be at times. I had to unpack her clothes, iron them—I must admit I burned a hole in my best morning dress.” She shook her head in fond remembrance. “It was the adventure of my life!”

  “I had to eat in the kitchen with the other hired help and sleep in a small room off the cowboy’s bunkhouse with four other maids. But,” she smiled, with sparkling eyes, “that’s how I met my cowboy, Mr. Sterling. He was magnificent!

  “He never would have approached me as myself, but as a maid, I was of his class. It was probably the adventure and the mischievous role that gave me the goose bumps when he first touched me. I felt thrilled and frightened all at once. He was a gentleman though, and I soon discovered I had nothing to fear by meeting him to watch the prairie sunsets.”

  Eyes shiny with emotion and remembrance, Margaret said abruptly, “Without boring you with the details, we fell in love. If you think that was all, and we then lived happily ever after, it wasn’t that easy! I fell into the tangled web that I’d woven and didn’t know how to get out of it. He loved me, thinking me a person whom I was not. I’d never thought of whether or not he’d love me as Margarita Randall, wealthy rancher’s daughter. I was terrified to tell him the truth.”

  She hesitated, and Amanda burst out, “What did you do?”

  “I did nothing. I couldn’t. I feared losing him. I kept putting off doing what I knew I had to do. Then our farce was discovered, and everyone knew the truth.

  “Father’s cousin decided to throw a party for their guest, and the most prominent people in the vicinity were invited. Unknown to me, one of them happened to be a priest from the mission near our ranch, who had been visiting family in Topeka. He’d stopped on his way and had been invited to the gathering. Father Raphael had been a family friend since before I was born. He immediately demanded to know where Margarita was. When they pointed to Tia in confusion, he adamantly insisted she was an impostor.

  “That’s when I decided to come forward. What a mass of confusion! The whole ranch had wind of it in an hour. My only thoughts that night as I lay in bed looking at the stars were for Stewart Sterling and how he’d react to the news. The next day I searched for him. He was nowhere to be found. He’d left the ranch in anger, so the others said. I was heartbroken.

  “He returned the next day, and I finally confronted him. He refused to look at me. I’d never seen him so angry. He said hurtful things to me, but I begged him to hear my side of the story. He did, and I had to do a lot of fast-talking and explaining. Though he softened, he refused to return to Texas with me and meet my family. Since he wouldn’t allow me to stay in Kansas with him, I tearfully asked just what his plans for me were. He said he needed time to think. Three days later, as they prepared to drive Tia and me to the stagecoach platform, he finally approached me with an answer.

  “He said he still loved me and wanted to spend his life with me but would not until my father gave his permission. He said he’d wait one month, then pay a visit to our ranch and ask for my hand.

  “I worried all the way home. How could I get Father’s permission to marry a cowboy?” Margaret smiled. “But I did. It took nearly the whole month and much begging, crying, and going without food. Like always, I got what I wanted, but for the last time, for Mr. Sterling unspoiled me. Reading the Bible aloud nightly, he showed me how God loves marriage and how he wanted marriages to be set up Mr. Sterling has always been the head of our home and our spiritual leader. He loved me as the Bible said he should, and because he loved me, he treated me wonderfully. So wonderfully, that the part the Bible gave me was easy. It isn’t difficult to honor and obey a man who loves you as Christ loves His church. I don’t remember my parents being as happy and as in love as we are. I know our love and marriage have lasted and been blessed because we made it a threesome instead of a twosome: God and Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. We’ve been truly blessed.”

  “I can feel the love and specialness here,” Amanda said

  “Mr. Sterling is a wonderful man. My adventure was wrong and dishonest, but something good did come out of it.” Margaret stood and began to straighten and smooth Amanda’s bed.

  “You know, Mr. Sterling would not take a penny from my father. He worked hard on the ranch and earned everything given us. I was never so proud of anyone. In a short time my parents loved him as I did. When they died years later, we inherited everything, which Mr. Sterling felt all right to accept--for the children’s sake, he said.”

  “What a wonderful story! No wonder you love to tell it!” said Amanda.

  Margaret laughed. “But have I helped you any? The goose bumps I felt when I first met Mr. Sterling stopped when reality began. I think the excitement of the adventure was half of it. Then, when I thought I’d never see him again, I felt panicky and knew I couldn’t live without him. When he finally arrived in Texas, I was never so glad to see anyone! That’s when I felt the warm glow and the feeling of wanting to become one with him. That isn’t strange, Amanda; in fact, it’s even scriptural.” She pointed to an embroidered oval hanging on the far wall. “You can’t read it from here. Let me bring it over.” She crossed the room and brought the framed cloth to Amanda. “Here, read it aloud.”

  “For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones,” Amanda read. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. Ephesians five, verses thirty and thirty-one.”

  She handed it back, “It’s beautiful.”

  “It was a wedding gift from my mother. She made it herself.”

  Margaret replaced the verse to its place upon the far wall. She returned and sat beside Amanda and rubbed her hand. “Do you feel any better?”

  “I am still a bit confused about whether or not I should go to California. I wanted to make my family’s dream come true, but my feelings for Luke have mixed up my priorities. I even told Helen just before my accident that if Luke asked me to stay, I would. But he hasn’t asked, and I’m having some second thoughts.”

  “Pray about it,” Mrs. Sterling said as she walked to the door. “Then do what your heart leads you to do.”

  14

  Margaret Sterling had surprised Amanda the next morning by dressing her in a lovely green dress that matched her eyes, and having Luke carry her to a courtyard for breakfast with the family.

  Stewart Sterling towered over the head of the table while lovely Margaret graced the opposite end. Though the dining was informal, and on the patio overlooking the vast meadows of the ranch, the couple gave the table class. Amanda was placed beside Stewart with Luke across from her. Aaron, Jared, and Robert were there and joked and teased her about her runaway horse and her grand entrance to the ranch.

  Since Edward, Emily, and Sarah were married with families of their own, they were not present. She did, however, finally meet Elvira, a pleasant, down-to-earth person, whom Amanda liked immediately.

  After Mr. Sterling said grace, they were served breakfast by a maid everyone called Annie, a stocky Mexican woman who walked heavily and handled the food and dishes roughly, but efficiently. Annie spoke kindly yet gruffly, and Amanda thought she must have had to be tough to deal with the Sterling boys through the years.

  “How does it feel to be out of bed, Amanda?” Mr. Sterling’s voice dominated even the outdoors.

  “It feels wonderful! It was a pleasant surprise.”

  “You look beautiful,” said Helen, from the other end at the table.

  Amanda smiled. “Thank you, Helen. I feel much better. My headache is only slight, and my wrist and ankle aren’t quite so painful either. When do you suppose I can walk?” She directed her question at Stewart for some reason, and wasn’t quite sure why, except that he dominated the gathering.

  “That’s up to Doc Hawley.” He looked at his wife. “When did Hawley say he’d be back, love?”

  “He said in a few days, and that was
four days ago. If he doesn’t come today, we’ll send Luke for him.”

  Luke looked at his mother meaningfully. “Did you forget I’d be gone today?”

  “Oh! That’s right. We’ll send one of the other boys.”

  Luke merely smiled at Amanda. She wondered where he was going and felt disappointed that she wouldn’t get to spend time with him now that she was out of bed.

  Margaret smiled at Amanda. “It’s a lovely day. Would you enjoy staying out here in the courtyard, or would you rather Luke took you inside? You could sit in the living room, or perhaps you’re tired and would like to go back to your room?”

  “I’d love to stay here. I wish I could walk through your garden, it’s lovely.” Amanda gazed longingly at the two moon-shaped areas, bursting with flowers and shrubs, between two sections of the large, one-story house.

  Amanda couldn’t see much of the house from where she sat, but it looked as if it were shaped like a large letter U. They sat in the curve of the U, on a brick-floored patio, looking toward the open meadows. The house was white stone, with many trellises of ivy growing profusely up its walls. She’d seen a bit of the house inside as she was being carried through it. It appeared a lovely, richly furnished home.

  Immediately after they’d finished eating, Luke, extremely attentive, lifted Amanda from her chair and placed her on a sofa along the coolest wall of the patio. It felt good to be close again, and she wished she could throw her arms around his neck and hug him. The only hint that he felt the same way was a slight hesitation in letting go of her, once he had her securely seated.

  The others scattered to their various chores, except Helen and Margaret, who lingered at the table, talking intently.

  Luke sat beside her. With sad, concern-filled eyes, he blurted, “I’m sorry for what happened. It was all my fault.”