Elaine Viets & Victoria Laurie, Nancy Martin, Denise Swanson - Drop-Dead Blonde (v5.0) (pdf)

by Drop-Dead Blonde (epub)

  ``But he can't speak!'' I cried.

  My sister bent down and used a Kleenex to retrieve a small item from the sidewalk. She held it up to the sunlight. ``Because he knocked out his false teeth. Here, bub, try this.''

  ``Twanths,'' he said, accepting his teeth. He slid them into his mouth without a care for hygiene and waggled his jaw around. Then he grinned up at Libby. ``You're a life- saver as well as a looker. Want to get a cup of coffee with me?''

  Libby put her hand down to help him to his feet. ``You're a charmer, Santa. Feeling okay?''

  ``Not bad.'' He stood up unsteadily and dusted off his velvet pants. ``How about we check my vital signs over coffee?''

  ``I'm too young for you.'' Libby handed his bucket back to him.

  ``You won't know what you're missing until you try.''

  I scrambled to my feet and put the tripod upright again. While Santa tried to pick up my sister, I grabbed Libby's gifts that had tumbled onto the sidewalk and stuffed them back into their shopping bags. I found a rolling pin and slid it into a Williams-Sonoma bag. The boxed bottle of Chanel perfume went into the Haymaker's bag. The heavy autobi- ography of a former president had come out of bag marked SLAY BELLES 71 BARNES & NOBLE.'' The red leather bustier, coming unrav- eled from its tissue paper, flummoxed me.

  Libby snatched the bustier and stuffed it into her purse without missing a beat. ``You took that hit like a real tough guy, Santa. Do you work out?''

  ``Down at the Y, sure. Aerobics class three days a week. Some free weights on Tuesdays and Thursdays.''

  ``It's paying off.'' She felt the muscle in his arm. ``You must have played football in your younger days.''

  ``Linebacker at Rutgers,'' he said with pride. ``Now that I'm retired, it's easier to stay in shape, though. You ought to think about power lifting. You've got the build for it. You don't mind my saying, you're built like a brick outhouse.''

  ``I hope that's a good thing. You really okay?''

  ``Sure.'' Manfully, Santa pulled himself up to his full height.

  I handed all the bags back to Libby. ``I can't believe you.''

  ``Hey, you're both pretty cute,'' Santa said. ``How about an early lunch? There's a place around the corner that makes a top-notch grilled cheese sandwich. My treat.''

  ``Sorry.'' Libby tucked a twenty into his bucket. ``But we've got to track down a criminal.''

  ``Oh, yeah? You girls undercover cops or something?''

  ``Or something,'' Libby agreed.

  As I tried to calm my heart into a normal rhythm again, I saw a familiar figure come out from around the corner of Haymaker's and cross the street. I grabbed Libby's arm. ``Look! It's Calvin!''

  ``Who?''

  ``The security guard who probably shut down the elec- tricity to the store when Popo was murdered. There he goes.''

  ``Must be his lunch hour.'' Libby squinted after Calvin as he strode away from us. ``He's kinda cute.''

  ``He's bald,'' said Santa. ``I've got all my hair, see?''

  ``I'm going to follow him,'' I said.

  ``Not without me,'' Libby shot back. ``You've already knocked down one innocent bystander.''

  ``Who you calling innocent?'' Santa asked. 72 Nancy Martin

  I took off after Calvin with Libby in hot pursuit. She wobbled on her high heels and struggled a little with her heavy shopping bags, but she kept up the pace. We tailed Calvin for two more blocks, keeping a safe distance so he wouldn't observe us. The lunch hour crowds hadn't hit the sidewalks yet, but plenty of holiday shoppers made good cover for us. I explained to Libby more fully about what Darwin had told me and Calvin's connection to Cindie Rae.

  Eventually Libby began to limp. ``I didn't plan a ten mile hike when I got dressed this morning. These shoes are kill- ing me.''

  I stopped dead and ducked closer to the nearest building. ``Look, Calvin is window-shopping.''

  Libby bumped into me from behind. ``For what?''

  We hung back and watched as Calvin slowed down and peered into the window of Victoria's Secret.

  Libby said, ``Here's an Easy Spirit store.''

  I was afraid to tear my gaze from Calvin. ``Uh-huh.''

  ``If I keep walking on these shoes, I'm going to be crip- pled. I'm going in. Wait for me here.''

  ``I'm not waiting, Libby!''

  ``It'll just take a minute. Here, hold some of my bags.''

  She handed me two enormous shopping bags and disap- peared into the shoe store. A moment later, Calvin started walking. I followed. He went another block before pausing again, this time in front of a take-out deli. I watched as he pulled out a cell phone and made a call.

  Two minutes later, Libby reappeared, out of breath but no longer limping. ``These Easy Spirits feel great! You should try some. Very comfy. Not terribly attractive, maybe, but I didn't have time to be choosy. What's he doing?'' She leaned over my shoulder to watch.

  ``Ordering some lunch, I think.''

  ``I could use a bathroom myself.''

  ``Libby, why don't you go back to Haymaker's and finish your shopping?''

  ``Because I'm making sure you stay out of trouble. Look, he's going inside that take-out shop.''

  We watched Calvin haul open the door and step into the deli.

  ``I bet there's a restroom in there,'' Libby said.

  ``You're not going in.'' SLAY BELLES 73

  ``Why not? He doesn't know who I am. I could slip inside and figure out what he's doing.''

  ``He's reading the menu board.''

  Libby stewed for another two minutes. ``I'm going in,'' she declared. ``It's unhealthy to walk around with a full bladder.''

  ``Libby--''

  ``Here, hold a couple more of my bags, will you?''

  My sister thrust two more shopping bags into my hands and dashed for the deli before I could grab her. I had to admit she was lighter on her feet in her new shoes. Chapter 8

  When Libby disappeared, I shifted all the shopping bags from one arm to the other, straining under the weight of gifts my sister planned to return, but keeping my eyes on the small restaurant. Minutes ticked by, and my feet began to get cold.

  Libby came out of the deli. With her fingers, she oh-so- casually combed her hair away from her face. Then she tossed her hair over her shoulder and strolled toward me, hips swinging.

  I recognized all the signs. ``Tell me you didn't try to pick up Calvin while you were in there.''

  ``Of course not. He looks terribly callow up close. But there was a very charming gentleman waiting for a latte, who--''

  ``Are you so desperate for male company that you-- Never mind. What is Calvin doing?''

  ``Waiting for his lunch. He must be a hearty eater, by the way. He ordered two meals to go--a burger and a Greek salad.''

  ``Maybe he's picking up for somebody else.''

  ``I suppose he-- Look, here he comes!''

  We dodged into the doorway of a stationery shop and pretended to admire a display of Christmas cards. I tried to hide in Libby's shadow.

  Calvin walked past us, holding a clear plastic bag by its handle. Two Styrofoam containers were inside. He headed back in the direction we had come.

  ``He's going back to work,'' Libby said.

  But he turned right instead of left, heading away from Haymaker's.

  ``Let's go,'' I said, already in pursuit.

  74 SLAY BELLES 75

  We tailed Calvin for four more blocks and ended up on a short residential street lined with apartment buildings that had been designed in the days of fallout shelters. Scraps of newspaper tumbled in the street, and a homeless person slept on a grate, wrapped in trash bags and guarded by a scraggly cat on a leash.

  Abruptly, Calvin jaywalked and opened a plate-glass door to let himself into one of the buildings. Libby and I watched him disappear inside.

  ``Now what?'' Libby asked.

  From behind us, a male voice said, ``Ho, ho, ho, girls. Want some company?''

  It was Santa. He carried his collection bucket in one hand, and his eyes t
winkled roguishly behind his synthetic beard.

  ``Are you following us?'' I demanded, prepared to play tough in order to get rid of him. ``Because we'll call a cop if you are.''

  ``No need for that.'' He held up one hand to calm me. ``I am a cop. Or was. Retired after twenty-two years of service in the Lancaster County sheriff's department.''

  ``Well, you can't give speeding tickets to any Amish bug- gies around here,'' Libby snapped. ``We're on a serious mission.''

  ``Me, too,'' said Santa. ``I'll do anything to have lunch with you, doll face. Even lend a hand in your covert operation.''

  ``How old are you?'' Libby asked. ``Take off that beard.''

  Santa pulled the beard down low enough so we could get a better look at his face. He wasn't bad, actually. Kind of wrinkled, maybe fifty-something. He said, ``Don't get fooled by the false teeth. I got my real ones kicked out by a kid who resisted arrest.''

  ``All right, you can stay,'' Libby said.

  ``No, he can't,'' I said.

  ``I can be helpful.''

  I sighed. ``You two wait out here and flirt with each other. I'm going into the building.''

  Libby said, ``My sister is very impulsive. I have to keep an eye on her.''

  ``And I'll keep an eye on you,'' said Santa. ``See? Things are starting to work out for us already.'' 76 Nancy Martin

  We went into the apartment building and found our- selves in a small lobby with plate-glass doors on both sides, one of them cracked as if it had been kicked. Someone had tried to repair it with masking tape. A line of mailboxes with buzzers greeted us from one wall.

  I read the names on the mailboxes, hoping to find Cal- vin's. My finger stopped on apartment 3B, however.

  Cindie Rae Smith.

  ``I'll be damned,'' said Santa, tilting his head to read through his bifocals. ``Is this the real Cindie Rae Smith?''

  ``How would you know her?'' Libby asked with a new edge in her voice.

  ``She's in the papers all the time. She's the one, right? The Penthouse girl?''

  ``Yes,'' I said.

  ``How do we get into this building?'' Libby asked. ``With- out letting Cindie Rae know?''

  I laid my hand flat on six buzzer buttons at the same time and leaned on them all. Seconds later, a variety of voices squawked on the intercom.

  ``UPS!'' I yelled. ``Delivery!''

  Immediately, the door buzzed open and we went inside.

  ``Stairs or elevator?'' I asked.

  ``Definitely the stairs,'' Santa said with new respect.

  Libby eyed him doubtfully. ``Can you make it three flights?''

  ``Can you?'' he asked.

  We trooped up three flights with Libby bringing up the rear. To lighten her load, Santa and I split her remaining shopping bags between the two of us.

  The third-floor hallway was L-shaped and smelled like incontinence. We checked the numbers on the doors and found Cindie Rae's apartment at the end of the hall. We edged closer leaned close to listen, but a television blared in the next apartment, drowning out all other sound.

  ``I can't hear anything,'' Libby whispered.

  ``Shh.''

  ``I don't mean to stick my nose in your business,'' Santa said, ``but is anyone armed in this situation?''

  ``Calvin is,'' I said. ``At least, he was wearing a gun in the store.''

  ``Jeez,'' said Santa. ``I was afraid of that. We need to call SLAY BELLES 77 the Philly cops. It's foolhardy to bust in on somebody with a gun.''

  Libby pulled out her cell phone and checked the screen. ``I'm not getting a signal in here.''

  ``You should get a new service,'' Santa advised. ``My ex- wife uses Verizon and gets great reception.''

  Libby glanced up from her phone. ``You're divorced?''

  ``Three years,'' Santa reported. ``I hate living alone, but what's a guy with false teeth supposed to do? I volunteer for the Salvation Army and the Meals on Wheels and the--''

  ``Could we get back to business here?'' I asked. ``Some- body go call the police.''

  Libby said, ``She has man trouble. It makes her testy. I'll go down the hall to see if I can get a signal there.''

  ``I'll help you,'' said Santa.

  They walked away, leaving me in front of Cindie Rae's apartment door holding shopping bags. I listened for voices, but across the hall a new burst of game-show music began.

  Suddenly the door opened from inside. Cindie Rae stood there in a tank top, flannel pajama bottoms, and flip-flops, holding the door for Calvin as if she'd just ordered him off the premises. She had a sleeping mask pushed up on her forehead and circles under her eyes. Without makeup, her face looked even more surgically ballooned than ever. Her breasts defied the laws of gravity inside the tank top.

  ``If you can't remember the salad dressing, what good are you?'' she asked.

  Calvin continued to mope for another instant until he realized I stood in the doorway. He said, ``Hey. It's her.''

  Cindie Rae's head whipped around, and she stared at me. ``It's you.''

  ``It's me,'' I said.

  Cindie Rae grabbed my arm, pulled me into the apart- ment, and slammed the door.

  ``What are you doing here?'' she demanded. ``How did you find this place?''

  Her apartment looked like an entire sorority house had exploded. Discarded clothes, shoes, and take-out containers littered the floor. A glimpse toward the kitchen convinced me the health department should be making a call very soon. But the living room was draped in luminous cur- 78 Nancy Martin tains--a television-friendly background for the round hon- eymoon bed in the center of the room. In the middle of the bed stood a hand-lettered sign that read, BE BACK TO- NIGHT!'' The letter i was dotted with a heart.

  A mounted camera stood in front of the bed, its red light blinking softly. Two large lamps with photographer's reflecting umbrellas bounced ambient light onto the bed. Electrical cables ran all over the makeshift studio--even hanging over doors. Around the bed, someone had aban- doned a variety of predictable props--handcuffs, a ratty feather boa, and a life-size cardboard cutout of a German shepherd.

  Stacked within handy reach stood several dozen packing cartons. I saw one of Cindie Rae's fluorescent sales items sitting on the topmost box, looking like the horn of a radio- active rhinoceros.

  ``You asked me to help get Alan out of jail,'' I said, delicately pretending not to notice my surroundings. ``I came to report what I've learned.''

  ``Oh,'' she said. ``You proved the Pinkerton lady did it?''

  ``Um, not exactly.'' I indicated Calvin. ``Perhaps your friend should leave so we can talk?''

  Calvin's jacket hung open far enough for me to see his sidearm. To Cindie Rae, he said, ``She must have followed me here.''

  ``Really?'' Cindie Rae blinked at me. ``Why?''

  With luck, Libby and Santa had made contact with the police by now. It was only a matter of keeping Cindie Rae occupied until the cavalry arrived.

  ``Because she knows,'' said Calvin.

  He unsnapped his holster and drew the gun. My heart skipped, and I froze as he leveled it at me. He spread his legs and supported the barrel of the gun with both hands as if preparing to mow down a squadron of Columbian drug dealers in a made-for-TV movie.

  ``Calvin,'' I said, ``let's stay calm.''

  ``How does she know?'' Cindie Rae asked.

  ``You probably said something dumb.''

  ``Me?'' she demanded hotly. ``What about you, Einstein? If you hadn't gone wandering around the store that night--''

  ``That's my job! I'm supposed to patrol.'' SLAY BELLES 79

  ``Look,'' I said. ``Why don't we sit down and relax for a minute?''

  ``Good idea.'' Cindie Rae pushed me to the only spot to sit--the edge of her round bed. ``Get comfortable right here while we think up what we should do.''

  I dropped the shopping bags and sat down hard on the honeymoon bed.

  ``Tie her up.'' Calvin pointed the gun at me.

  ``I don't have any rope.''

  ``Use the handcuffs!''
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  I couldn't take my eyes off the gun, which bobbled in Calvin's hand as he scratched his ear. ``Look, there's no need to get carried away. Let's just--''

  ``Shut up,'' said Cindie Rae.

  ``Don't move,'' Calvin ordered.