“She’s dealt with enough, Justin. Her last boyfriend had ‘changed.’“ She put up her pointer and middle fingers on both hands and made quotation marks. “It was a lie. He …”
She paused, and Justin found himself needing to know what the guy had done to Megan. Marianna shook her head. “He hurt her. She hasn’t dated since.”
He puffed out his chest. Whatever happened in the past had nothing to do with him. She had no right to judge him when she hadn’t bothered to give him a chance. “Not that it is any of your business, but I can assure you …”
Her expression softened, and her eyes took on a pleading look. “That was eight years ago, Justin. She hasn’t even gone out on a date since she was sixteen.”
“That’s got nothing to do with me.”
“You don’t know my sister.”
“But—”
“Heed my words. Stay away.”
Justin felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Questions that needed answers swirled through his mind. What could the guy have done that she’d stopped dating completely? He remembered her words at the restaurant of not being interested in ever dating. But why had she kissed him? Was he the first guy she’d kissed since she was in high school?
Kirk walked out of the fitness center, and Marianna pierced Justin with a pleading look not to share what they’d been discussing. It wasn’t the first time a woman wanted him to keep his mouth shut when her fiancé, husband, boyfriend, or whoever caught them talking.
Marianna didn’t have to worry. He wouldn’t tattle that she’d just slammed his character, and he had no desire to talk about Megan. Even though he did want to know what happened to his secretary.
Kirk wrapped his arm around Marianna and planted a quick kiss on her forehead. “She talking your ear off about the wedding?”
Marianna giggled and punched his arm. “You’re the only one I do that to.”
Kirk let out an exaggerated sigh. “Don’t I know it.”
She punched him again, and he laughed.
Justin motioned toward his car. “I’d better get going. You two have fun licking invitations.”
Kirk groaned and looked at Marianna. “You did get the wet pads, right?”
“Of course I did. We can’t really lick over two hundred invitations.”
Justin slipped into his car, thankful he didn’t have anything to do with a wedding. The very idea of being dragged around from one frilly place to another to pick out dresses, flowers, and fancy cards made his stomach ache.
He thought of Megan. She was the only woman in the world he could imagine being willing to do such awful things with. She’d be simple but elegant, and she wouldn’t get all bent out of shape about things that didn’t matter.
Marianna’s words flooded his mind. Someone had hurt Megan. A primal urge to find the man and rip him to shreds welled up within him. He didn’t know how the guy had hurt her. Broken up with her just before prom? Cheated on her with her best friend? Whatever it was, he couldn’t stand the idea of someone hurting her. But who was he to talk …?
He pushed the ridiculous notions from his mind. The last thing he needed was a relationship. Unless it was with God.
Chapter 14
The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
MAHATMA GANDHI
Megan tried not to think about the job interview as she drove the scenic route to Colt’s house. Only a few days had passed. It would be at least a week more before she heard anything.
And yet each day she found herself growing more anxious. She wanted the job. More than she realized.
She drove down the long lane leading to Colt’s house. She hoped Hadley would enjoy the new music book she’d brought with her. The preteen was nutty about the latest teen Nickelodeon shows, so Megan brought one of the more popular current tunes to play on the piano.
She parked the car, but Hadley shot out of the front door of the house before Megan had time to get out of her vehicle. The girl’s eyes were swollen, and tearstains streaked her cheeks. She yanked open Megan’s door and shoved a partially wadded letter in Megan’s face. “Look at this. Read it.”
She dropped the note in Megan’s lap and covered her face with both hands. “I hate Uncle Colt. I hate him.” She raced away from the car and toward the barn.
Megan sat, flabbergasted, as she picked up the note and read it. The sound of horses’ hooves caused her to look up and see Hadley riding Fairybelle toward the pond at a pace that made Megan’s stomach twist.
She skimmed through the letter. Pain for the girl who was so much more to her than just a student laced through her heart. Today they wouldn’t get much piano playing accomplished, but Megan would be a shoulder for the girl to cry on when she returned. But why did Hadley say she hated Colt? It wasn’t her uncle’s fault.
“Shouldn’t have let her check the mail today.”
Colt’s slow, sad voice made Megan jump. She placed her hand against her chest and got out of the car. “You scared the life out of me.”
“Sorry.” Colt took the paper from Megan’s hand.
Megan felt instant compassion for the blond-haired giant. A true, rough-around-the-edges farmer, Colt was doing his best by his niece, even though it was painfully obvious he had no idea how to handle the pain in this letter.
She grabbed his hand in hers and squeezed. “It’s not your fault her father died.” Sadness welled inside her. He had been Colt’s only sibling as well. “He was your brother, too. I’m surprised Hadley hadn’t mentioned it. The child is so open, and the letter said he died a month ago.”
“She didn’t know.”
Megan frowned. “Hadley didn’t know?”
Colt nodded.
Megan tried to figure out what he meant. She must have missed some crucial information. “But her mom’s letter said you’d taken care of all the arrangements and—didn’t Hadley go with you?”
Colt shook his head. “No. I didn’t want her to know. Didn’t want to upset her.”
What a ridiculous thing to think. Did he plan to protect her from life? The child couldn’t hide from heartache. Especially pain that directly affected her. At some point, she had to learn to cope with hard things.
Megan looked in the direction Hadley had raced off on her horse. How could Colt not tell her? Not give her the opportunity to say good-bye? No wonder Hadley was so upset with her uncle. Megan peered up at the man. “Well she’s upset now.”
“I should’ve checked the mail.”
Megan’s mouth fell open. He still wanted it to be a secret. So he planned never to tell the child her biological father was dead. Even if the man had never uttered a single word to Hadley, he was her father, and she would always be tied to him. “You just weren’t going to tell her?”
Colt looked down at her, his gaze ablaze with anger and frustration. “The last time her dad, my brother”—he pointed to his chest—”saw Hadley was when she was four months old. He stayed long enough to beg my parents for cash and didn’t even so much as look at his daughter. So, yes, I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to upset her.”
Megan searched for the words to say, to help him understand that even though the man hadn’t been a part of Hadley’s life, he was still the girl’s biological father, and she’d want to know. An old wound peeled open inside Megan’s heart when she thought of her own father. The one she hadn’t seen or heard from since she was in kindergarten. Megan’s words were little above a whisper as she tried to keep her own emotions at bay. “She would still have wanted to know, to have gone with you.”
Colt shook his head. His eyes blazed with contempt, and his jaw was set tight. “Hadley’s mother, if that’s what you want to call her, never should have sent this letter. She’s a no-good alcoholic and drug addict. Maybe worse than my brother. Do you know how he died?”
Megan shook her head.
“It’s disgusting. Vile.”
Megan bit her bottom lip. Colt was angrier than
she’d ever seen. His hands shook with the fury inside him. She didn’t answer, but she knew the dam of his attempt at control was about to break, and she’d learn more than she probably wanted to know.
Colt twisted the ball cap Megan only just realized he’d held in his hand. “Hadley’s father got so drunk and high on pills he went into the bathroom to vomit. But he passed out and drowned in the commode.”
Megan’s stomach turned at the mental image. She noted Colt’s fury was quickly turning to a deep-seated sadness. A hurt that he’d carried alone for over a month.
“Colt, I’m sorry.”
He raised his hand. “Now, you think I should have told Hadley all that?”
“Not all that, just …”
He pierced her with his gaze. “Not any of it. It’s my job to protect Hadley. I’ve made a commitment to my parents and the Lord to raise her in Him, to shield her from the filth that was”— he lifted up the letter—”and still is, her biological parents.”
Megan felt deep sorrow at his arrogance and unforgiveness, and yet she knew his heart’s intention was to protect Hadley. And she didn’t know what it was like to deal with a drug addict as such a close relative, but she did know what it was like to wonder about an absent biological father.
Megan cleared her throat. “You’re a good uncle, Colt. God has blessed Hadley with you, but you should have told her that her father died.”
Colt started to say something then clamped his lips, wadded the letter in his hand, threw it down, and walked back to the house. Megan picked up the note and read through it again. Hadley’s mother, Tina, said she’d written once before and asked if Hadley would contact her.
Megan’s heart constricted. Another reason for Hadley to be mad at Colt and for Colt to be worried about Hadley. Megan knew contact with her biological mother could be detrimental for the preteen. Especially if the woman was still abusing drugs and alcohol. Colt probably had every legal right to keep Hadley and the woman away from each other. And Megan would not try to encourage him to allow a relationship that would be unsafe for Hadley.
She glanced back down at the note. The woman’s pleadings seemed so honest and genuine. It was no wonder Hadley felt so much anger toward her uncle. But the woman’s true emotional and physical state couldn’t be observed through a letter.
Megan closed her eyes and lifted her face to the heavens. Oh God, help Colt and Hadley. What a hard situation. Give Colt the ability to put away past hurt. Show him how much, if any, relationship he should allow for Hadley and her mom.
The old wound that had only been superficially closed rubbed against her insides. And God, be with my dad wherever he is.
More than an hour passed, and Hadley still hadn’t returned from the pond. At least Megan assumed that’s where she’d gone. Colt tried to pay her for a piano lesson that didn’t happen and send her on her way, but Megan would have no part in it. The man had said precious little to her since their discussion when she’d first arrived, but in her spirit, she knew she couldn’t leave.
He felt he’d done the right thing by keeping his brother’s death from Hadley. And she loved that he had such a protective nature toward his niece. But Megan agreed with Hadley. He should have told her.
She clasped her hands. “Colt?”
“What?”
“I want to go find Hadley.”
“Why?”
“To talk to her.”
“She’s okay.”
Megan placed her hand on Colt’s shoulder. He acted like a little boy who wasn’t willing to share his favorite toy with a friend. Well, she had news for him. Hadley was not a toy. “Colt, she is not okay.”
“She should be. I was protecting her from them.”
“I know you think you were protecting her, but you should have told her the truth.”
Megan held her breath when Colt turned and peered at her. He was going to throw her out, but she determined she would fight to stay. Hadley needed her, and Colt was acting like a spoiled brat.
“Fine,” he muttered as he looked away.
Megan patted his shoulder before she walked out of the house and headed to the barn. Once she had the saddle on Daisy, Megan hefted herself onto the horse and nudged her in the flanks. Not the most excitable of animals to begin with, Daisy simply did not feel the same compulsion to check on Hadley.
Finally reaching the clearing, Megan breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Fairybelle tethered to a tree. Hadley sat beside the pond’s bank, her legs folded up against her chest, her chin propped on her knees.
Megan hopped off the horse and approached her young friend. Hadley didn’t move, but Megan noted the darkened tear streaks trailing down her dirty face. She sat beside her young friend and waited for Hadley to talk.
Megan drank in the serenity of the place. It was a good place to clear her head. The calm water and just an occasional kerplunk of a fish or frog or some small creature moving around in the water. Birds chirped overhead, and crickets sang on the ground around them.
“I thought you’d have left by now.” Hadley’s voice was low. She sounded like a wounded cat who’d barely managed to escape a fight with her life.
“No. I was waiting for you.”
“I don’t want to play today.”
“I don’t blame you.”
Hadley didn’t respond again, and Megan waited. She prayed God would give her the right words to say. Words that would comfort. That wouldn’t encourage Hadley’s anger toward Colt. Misguided as Megan believed he was, she appreciated his want to protect his niece. His motives were correct, and in truth, Megan didn’t know the whole situation. She only knew how desperately she’d always longed to know her own biological father.
“He should have told me.”
Hadley sounded more tortured than angry, and Megan still waited. She inwardly begged God for wisdom in how to speak. With no answers coming, she stayed silent.
“I don’t even know how he died.” Hadley turned toward Megan. The pain etched across her features stabbed at Megan, and she grabbed the preteen’s hand in hers. Hadley went on. “I know when it was though. Last month Colt said he had to take care of some business with the farm. He let me stay with my friend Callie. I was so excited to stay with her for three nights in a row. If I’d have known …” Hadley made a fist and punched the ground.
“I don’t have all the answers, but I know this for sure”—Megan stroked the girl’s long, matted hair—”Colt loves you. He had the best of intentions. He wanted to protect you.”
“Uncle Colt always wants to protect me, and I know he loves me. But sometimes he’s just too proud to tell me the truth about things.” Hadley looked at the ground. “My dad was an embarrassment to the family. But he was still my dad.”
Megan sucked in her breath. The child understood things well beyond her years. Probably because she was left by her parents. She’d been raised in the most loving and caring environment possible, but the knowledge that her biological parents had left her still stung to the depths of her heart.
Megan looked out over the water. “You know, I don’t know my dad either.”
“I thought your mom and dad lived out in eastern Kentucky.”
“Mom and stepdad.” “Oh.”
Hadley was quiet, and Megan knew the preteen studied her and tried to figure out what Megan was thinking. Megan turned toward her young friend. “It’s hard when someone who should care about you isn’t a part of your life.”
Fresh tears swelled in Hadley’s eyes, and she looked back at the ground. “That’s why I should have been there to say good-bye.”
“Maybe you should have.” Megan wrapped her arm around Hadley’s shoulder. “You need to talk to Colt. Not yell. Talk. He loves you.” Megan cupped Hadley’s chin and lifted her gaze to hers. “And you need to forgive Colt.”
A wave of realization washed through Megan, and she knew she needed to heed her own advice. It was time to forgive her mom and stepdad for their reaction. They’d been wrong, just as Meg
an knew Colt had been wrong, but Megan still needed to forgive them.
Just as Colt might not realize Hadley needed the opportunity to say good-bye to her father, her parents may not realize their reaction had been wrong. But what they thought or believed didn’t matter. What mattered was that she needed to forgive. Truly forgive.
Megan bit her bottom lip. The thought of it weighed on her heart. There was a ridiculous comfort in carrying the unforgiveness within her. It gave her reason to be angry with them, to keep their relationship at a distance. Forgiveness would make her vulnerable. It would tear down the wall.
And yet God required it.
And the wall hurt. It was heavy.
To the depths of her soul, she knew whatever God required, He would provide what was needed to make it through. He would help her vulnerability. He would make something beautiful in place of that wall. If she’d let Him.
God, help me let You heal me. I’m like the father in scripture who begged for help with his unbelief. Release me from my need to stay safe behind the wall of unforgiveness. Help me to forgive.
“She didn’t tell me she loved me in the note.”
Hadley’s quiet words interrupted Megan’s thoughts. Megan nudged closer to Hadley and wrapped both arms around her. She’d noticed that as well. She’d even reread the note a couple of times, hoping she’d simply missed the words. “I’m sorry, Hadley.”
Hadley lowered her head against Megan’s shoulders. A new stream of tears flowed, wetting Megan’s shirt. She was quiet while the young girl cried. Megan simply stroked Hadley’s hair and rubbed her back. After several moments, Hadley sat up and wiped her eyes. “I’m ready to talk with Uncle Colt.”
Megan nodded and stood to her feet. She helped Hadley up as well. She prayed that Colt would be ready and willing to talk with his niece.
Chapter 15
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
H. JACKSON BROWN JR.
Megan dropped the pen and stretched her fingers. Her sister’s wedding was going to kill her. She wasn’t sure she could make it through the next several weeks of preparations. Marianna and Kirk were supposed to have finished the invitations more than a week ago. They should have been in the mail, yet here Megan was helping her sister write out addresses.
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