Marianna put her cell phone on the table. “Kirk’s going to be here to help in fifteen minutes.”
Megan nodded. She hoped the guy would hurry up. She’d written her parents’ address and the addresses of various potential guests on fifty envelopes, and now her fingers felt as if they would fall off.
“He’s bringing Justin,” Marianna added.
Megan’s heartbeat sped up, and she inwardly chided herself. The man had really begun to get under her skin. He was attentive in Bible study, asked questions, and made valid points. His prayers seemed heartfelt and honest.
Even at work, he’d taken on an ethical persona Megan never would have dreamed possible. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t a decent lawyer before. He was good—if a person defined good as someone who got you a healthy sum of money from the spouse you were ditching. But now, as an adoption lawyer, he showed compassion for the soon-to-be parents and a diligent tenacity to help them find a child to adopt.
She’d found herself more drawn to him than ever, which meant she avoided him every chance she got. She knew a man could change. Scripture was full of changed men. But she didn’t want a man, let alone one with a past that required a change.
Marianna sat beside her and placed her hand on Megan’s. “He wouldn’t be good for you.”
Megan pulled her hand away. “Why do you keep saying that? I have never said I like him. I don’t want a man in my life. No man.”
Marianna didn’t move. She stared at Megan, and though she didn’t want to, Megan shifted under the scrutiny. “When Clint said he’d changed, we all believed him.”
Megan smacked her hand against the tabletop and peered at her sister. “Really, Marianna. You’re going to bring him up today of all days?”
She stood and turned toward the bathroom. She saw Marianna glance at the calendar on the wall. Megan heard Marianna’s gasp, and she knew her sister understood.
Megan shut the bathroom door and turned on the faucet. She could hear Marianna’s apology from outside the door, but she didn’t respond. This was the hardest day of the year. Every year. In the past, she’d spent the day curled up in a blanket in her bedroom, watching hours of television. Of course, she’d make sure it was stupid programs that would never remind her of the anniversary of that day.
She cupped her hands under the water then splashed her face. Today she’d determined to get up, to get dressed, to spend the day with her sister. To forget. It had been eight years. It was time. Way past time.
She’d tried to call her parents a few times since the evening she’d spent with Hadley. Her own advice nipped at her conscience, and she needed to attempt to make things right. Each time the answering machine blared back at her. They’d returned her calls but when she was at work and unable to answer. Tears filled her eyes, and she stared at her reflection in the mirror. “God, it’s over. It’s been over. Help me not to go there again.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she relived Clint’s hand gripped around her arm so tight she’d had bruises for several weeks. The remembrance of his breath against her mouth sent a shudder through her body, and she splashed water on her face again.
Marianna pressed against the door. “I’m sorry, Megan. Let me in.”
Megan didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut, willing the smells and visions from the past to leave her mind. Maybe she wasn’t ready to join the living on this day. Maybe she needed to slip into her pajamas and get in bed. Sleep away the memories.
Marianna’s voice sounded against the door again. “Kirk and Justin are here.”
Megan opened her eyes. She had to collect herself. How would Marianna explain her sister locked up in her bedroom? She didn’t want her to explain. Didn’t want anyone to know. Past was past.
And she was over it.
She patted her face with a towel then grabbed the makeup from behind the sink. While taking deep breaths, Megan reapplied mascara and added some blush to her cheeks. She ran the brush through her hair. If she just pretended today was any other day, she’d be fine.
After taking several deep breaths, she walked out of the bathroom. She could hear Justin’s deep laugh from the kitchen. A chill swept through her. She didn’t understand why he seemed to suck her under his spell. Today was the worst of all days, and yet the sound of Justin’s laugh charmed her like a cobra out of a wicker basket.
She wouldn’t think about it. She would ignore him, and when everyone left, she’d slide into her jammies and enjoy an evening of chocolate and television. She was pretty sure she’d saved several episodes from Shark Week.
Plastering a smile to her lips, Megan walked into the kitchen and waved. Justin had taken the seat beside hers. Of course. Acting nonchalant, she sat down and started addressing an envelope.
Justin smiled at her. She hated his straight, white teeth. “How are you doing today?”
Megan didn’t look at him. “I’m fine.”
She was as fine as a haunted person could be. Her cell phone rang, and Megan excused herself. She walked into the living room. She didn’t recognize the number on the screen. “Hello.”
“Hi, Megan. This is Tammy Carey, the principal at …”
Megan’s heart beat in her chest. She tried to understand what the woman was saying. God, please let me get this job. I gotta get away from Justin.
She frowned at the ending thought of her prayer. She wasn’t sure God would approve of her last petition. Justin had been only gentlemanly to her. It wasn’t his fault he made her act cuckoo.
“I’d like to offer you the position if you’re still interested.”
“Really?” Megan’s voice raised two octaves higher than normal.
“Really.”
Megan grabbed a paper and pen off the end table and wrote down all the information she needed about signing contracts and new teacher induction and contacting people at the board of education. She could hardly believe it was happening. She was actually going to be teaching students in the fall.
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Carey. I’m really excited about this opportunity.”
“We’re pleased to welcome you aboard.”
She said good-bye to her new boss and pressed the paper with the information of all the things she needed to do against her chest. For the first time in eight years, this date had something good connected to it.
She closed her eyes and pushed out her chin. “God, it’s a new start. The perfect day for a change.”
Megan walked back into the kitchen, her heart drumming a rhythm of a new start. She placed her phone on the counter. “That was Principal Carey. I got the job at the elementary school.”
Marianna jumped out of her chair and raced to Megan, wrapping her in a hug. “I just knew you’d get it.”
Kirk extended his hand. “Congratulations.”
Megan watched Justin. He smiled, but she could tell it didn’t fully reach his eyes. His chest rose and fell in a long breath. “Well, that’s call for celebration.”
Megan sat beside him and lifted up an envelope. “I’ve got an idea. We’ll address envelopes.”
Marianna giggled. “Sounds like a lot of fun to me.”
Justin shook his head. “I know you ladies already made dinner in the slow-cooker, but why don’t I treat all of us to dessert?”
Kirk wrinkled his nose. “No can do, man. Marianna and I start our couples’ counseling tonight.”
Megan watched as Justin raised his eyebrows. He’d obviously not heard of counseling before the wedding.
Marianna said, “The pastor requires it for every couple before they get married.”
Kirk added, “We’ll discuss what we both expect from the marriage. Who pays which bills. Who cleans and does laundry.” He shrugged. “We talk about expectations before the vows. Doing that limits the after-the-honeymoon surprises.”
Megan watched as Justin chewed on the information. He started to nod. “That sounds like a terrific idea.” He turned toward Megan, and she held her b
reath. “I could still take you out for dessert.”
She noticed her sister’s warning look from across the table. Megan jutted out her chin. Marianna had no right to pass so much judgment on Justin. He’d been in no way inappropriate toward her. If anything, Justin should be afraid of her. She was the one who smacked a kiss on him.
Besides, she wanted to celebrate. To wrap herself around a new reason to remember this day. God was blessing her with a teaching position even before she had her full credentials. A dessert and maybe a coffee sounded wonderful.
She looked at Justin. “I would love to.” She scrunched up her nose. “It’s going to be hard telling my boss about my new position.”
Justin pursed his lips and nodded. “It’s going to be hard for your boss to hear the news. Wonder how long you’ll stay with your office.”
“August 1st.”
“A little less than two months.”
Megan saw sadness etch his features. Was he simply sad he’d be losing a good employee, or was it more? She didn’t want to admit it. Berated herself for it. But a part of her wished it was something more.
Her mind knew life was easier, safer when she kept relationships at a distance. But there was something about Justin. He drew her.
Me and every other single, and married, woman in Lexington.
She didn’t want to think of Justin in that way. She just wouldn’t think about it at all. She addressed another envelope and stuck the invitation inside. She knew Marianna stared at her, waited for her to look up so she could scold her acceptance of the offer with her eyes. Well, she wasn’t in the mood for Marianna’s scolding.
They finished the envelopes and ate the slow-cooker lasagna. Marianna had found the recipe online. Megan had been sure it would be disgusting, but to her surprise it wasn’t too bad. As she placed her plate in the dishwasher, Justin touched her arm. “Are you ready?”
Megan nodded. For a moment, she wished she’d declined Justin’s offer. Part of her longed for her jammies and chocolate. But she’d told him she’d go. She waved to Kirk and Marianna, making sure to avoid eye contact with her sister.
Justin touched the small of her back as he guided her to the car, and a mixture of trepidation and pleasure washed through her. She listened as Justin talked nonstop about a couple he was working with who were about to receive their baby from Ukraine. They reached the quaint café, and Justin made his way to open the car door for her before Megan even realized what he was doing.
It felt an awful lot like a date. Not a friendly celebration. She wished she’d driven her own car. There was comfort in knowing she could leave anytime she wanted. She looked up at Justin, and the kindness in his expression settled her.
They walked inside, ordered their desserts, then made their way to a small table in the corner. Megan watched as Justin’s expression changed when he saw a woman at a table a little ways from theirs. She tried not to consider who the woman could be and opted to try conversation. “Thanks for bringing me.”
Justin’s gaze softened. “I’m happy for you. Even if it’s bad for me.”
As he fidgeted with his napkin, Megan caught him sneaking another look at the woman. A long sigh slipped from his lips. “Megan, I’ll be right back.”
Her forehead creased with concern as she watched him walk toward the woman. The woman didn’t look pleased to see him. As Justin spoke, confusion wrapped the woman’s face. She shook her head. The woman wanted Justin to leave. It looked like the woman said, “Fine,” before Justin walked back to Megan. The woman watched him and scowled when he sat across from her. The disgust in her expression was apparent, and Megan shifted in her seat.
“What was that about?”
Justin studied her, frustration etching his brow. “You really want to know?”
Megan nodded, though she wasn’t sure she did.
“I’m not the man I used to be.” He traced his finger along the brim of the cup. “And one of the things God wants me to do as a new creation is apologize to those I’ve hurt.”
Megan studied her chocolate brownie à la mode. She knew what he meant. It sickened her. “The women?”
“Yes.”
Justin’s voice was barely above a whisper, but she felt the force of it like a tornado wreaking havoc on a town. What was she doing having dessert with this man? He was the last man in the world she should ever sit with at the same table.
She sneaked a peek at the woman, who boxed her dessert in a Styrofoam container. Being in the same room as Justin must prove too much for her.
Megan chewed the inside of her cheek. The woman was gorgeous. Like breathtaking. Sickening. Long, straight blond hair. A body that required a lifestyle of diet and exercise. Megan wondered what dessert the woman could possibly be eating that would allow her to look so beautiful.
“Most of them aren’t accepting my apology.”
Megan looked back at Justin. He twirled his fork around his cheesecake. He gazed across the table at her. “I’m sorry to have done that in front of you. I haven’t been able to get in touch with her. She was the last woman I needed to speak with, except Amy, but we both know how that’s going.”
He stopped and locked her gaze with his. He probed her mind for her thoughts, for her opinion of him. She averted his gaze. Knowing he’d held so many women twisted her insides. Saddened her more than it should.
“When I saw her,” he continued, his voice just above a whisper, “I knew the Holy Spirit wanted me to ask forgiveness. It’s hard… .”
He stopped and shoved a bite of his cheesecake into his mouth. Megan felt too sick to try hers. “So, there have been a lot of women?”
“More than I’d like to admit.”
“Why?”
“Would you like the honest answer?”
Megan blinked.
“I wasn’t a Christian, Megan. Even Christians struggle with sin, but when you aren’t saved …”
Nausea twirled in Megan’s gut. She didn’t want to hear the answer. Couldn’t stomach the words. She excused herself from the table and walked to the bathroom. The sickness she felt earlier. The memories. They swarmed her as she stared at her reflection. She grabbed a paper towel out of the dispenser and wiped her face. God, get me out of here.
Chapter 16
Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.
SWEDISH PROVERB
Megan opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. Somehow she’d made it through the rest of the dessert date with Justin. He’d taken her home, she’d slipped into bed, and mercifully God had allowed her a romp through dreamland.
Turning over in bed, she tucked her arm under her head. The bright sun sneaked through the cracks of the blinds. It was Saturday, and her only plans for the day were to clean the house, do some laundry, and study her Sunday school lesson. The apartment complex’s pool had opened a few weeks ago. Maybe she’d slip down there and try to get a bit of a tan before Marianna’s wedding.
The awful June date was behind her for an entire year. She smiled when she realized now she had something different to connect to the date. She’d gotten the job as an elementary school music teacher. Thankfully she had the whole summer to seek advice and plan her lessons and discipline tactics. She had plenty of time to study several of the books she’d read over the last few years. I will need to call the university Monday and find out how to set up on-the-job student teaching. And I need to write a resignation letter.
Her insides clenched as a wave of regret washed through her when she remembered Justin’s reaction. He’d tried to act as if he didn’t care, but she had seen the disappointment in his eyes. She was a hard worker, efficient. But she wondered if it could be something more. Berated herself that part of her hoped it was.
She thought of Justin’s expressions when he returned to the table after speaking with the blond at the café. His reaction to her questions repulsed her.
She released a long breath and pulled herself up from the bed. Today was not a day to
think such things. It was a new start. The past was gone, and she could dwell on things to come. Positive things. A bright outlook.
Marianna flung open Megan’s door, her expression full of sadness and concern. “We have to go to Pike County. Now. Get dressed.”
Megan scratched her arms. The last thing she wanted to do was make a trip to see the parents. Sure, she’d tried unsuccessfully to get in touch with them, but today was not the day she planned to focus on that. “What? Why?”
“Apparently Dad is sick. Really sick.”
Megan squinted. “What do you mean?”
Tears welled in Marianna’s eyes. “Mom called. He has cancer. Liver cancer. They didn’t tell us because they hoped he’d make it past the wedding. They didn’t want me to worry while I planned …” Marianna flopped onto the edge of the bed and placed her face in her hands.
Megan walked to her sister and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. His coloring had seemed a bit off when they visited for the fitting. In fact, Megan remembered thinking it kind of weird he wanted to be there with a bunch of girls for it. And she’d been surprised at how kind he’d acted.
Megan’s heart beat faster, and her head began to ache. She and her sister’s relationship with him had grown strained after Clint. It had been the same with their mom. Now that she thought about it, Megan remembered her mother seemed especially weary at the fitting. Megan swallowed back emotion. “What did Mom say?”
“He’s not going to make it to the wedding.” Marianna looked up at Megan. “And she was crying.”
Megan scrunched her eyes closed, willing the tears to stay inside. She knew their mother. The woman held things inside. She didn’t show pain. Or worry. She was stoic. Emotionless. Which meant their stepfather might not make it through the day.
Megan opened her eyes and gazed at her sister. She brushed a tear away from Marianna’s cheek. “We need to get out of here as soon as possible.”
Wedding Song in Lexington, Kentucky Page 13
