Wedding Song in Lexington, Kentucky

by Jennifer Johnson

  He clamped his lips shut.

  She leaned forward. “Do you?”

  He shook his head. She must have looked half crazed, because his brow etched with concern. He needn’t be worried. She’d let him know the truth. The ugliness of what Clint had done, and what he, Justin, did to Amy. Maybe he’d never considered Amy’s side.

  “I went on a date with my boyfriend.” The words hissed through her lips, and suddenly she felt ready to say them. To tell him everything. No matter how he reacted or what he thought. He’d hear every disgusting thing she needed to say. “And he took me to our favorite spot to park.”

  Her mind shifted, and she was there. Up that mountain. Looking over the cliff.

  The moon was high. The stars shining. The air clean. Clear. Warm. Clint pulled the blanket from the backseat and laid it out in front of the car. She joined him on the blanket, cuddled up beside him, invited his kisses.

  He touched her cheeks with both hands, and she wrapped her hands around his neck. How she loved to kiss Clint. She could kiss him for hours.

  Then he pushed her back against the blanket. With all her strength, she tried to push him back to a sitting position. He wouldn’t have it. He wanted her to lie back. She’d thought if he only continued to kiss her, it would be all right.

  But it wasn’t. His hands moved away from her cheeks. She tried to push them away. The look in his eyes shifted, and she knew something had changed. She tried to sit up. Told him no, but he wouldn’t listen.

  She snapped from the memory and looked at Justin. She wondered how long it had been since she’d spoken. His expression was etched with concern and fury.

  “What happened?” His eyes smoldered with a dare for her to speak the truth. He didn’t want to hear it, but he would.

  “He forced himself on me.” She squared her shoulders. It was the first time she’d admitted the truth since the night her parents blasted her for sharing it. She’d been unprepared for their cruel words and disbelief. But she was older now. Wiser. She dared Justin to contradict what had happened.

  She bored her gaze into Justin’s, ordering him to silence while she finished her confession. “Despite my objections. I told him no. I pushed him away. He continued. The bruises on my body healed, but the marks he left in my heart remained. I don’t want a man. I don’t want to love. I refuse to.”

  Justin lifted his hand as he shifted his gaze to the ground. She sat back, startled by the vehemence of her words. So, he thought her tainted. Found the act disgusting. Good. Maybe he would feel remorse for what he had done to Amy.

  He looked up at her, and Megan sucked in her breath at the pain that laced his features. He grabbed her hand in his and rubbed his thumb against her palm. “Megan, I’m sorry.”

  She jerked her hand away. “Are you sorry for Amy, too?”

  He frowned. “You know I wish I could take back my past.” He shook his head as he leaned closer to her. His gaze implored her to believe him. “You don’t think I forced myself on Amy?”

  Her stomach churned. “But Timmy said—”

  “Timmy is mad about what happened with me and Amy, but I never forced myself.” He moved his chair around the table and closer to her. “I would never do that. Megan, you have to believe me.”

  Megan looked at the uneaten sandwich on her plate. She hated what Clint had done to her. She hated that she thought of it all too often, especially lately with her heart determined to open up again. She hated Justin’s past, what Timmy said, the way she felt for Justin but didn’t want to. Her thoughts swirled until she felt she would get sick. She placed her napkin on the table, prepared to run away. Away from her past and present. Away from Justin.

  “My past is disgusting,” Justin’s words interrupted her thoughts. “I wish I could take it back. Say I didn’t see women for my own personal wants. I can’t. But I never forced a woman. Never.”

  His firm voice strained against the last word, as if he couldn’t comprehend a person behaving in such a vile manner. She wished she couldn’t. The memories streamed like a movie in her mind.

  His hand cupped her chin, and he tilted her face toward him until she looked at him, their faces mere inches apart. His eyes spoke of earnest sincerity and care. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Megan. I love you. No matter what happened that night … it wasn’t your fault.”

  Megan pushed away from him. Her chest weighed heavy, and she struggled to catch her breath. Standing to her feet, she opened her mouth to speak. Her thoughts escaped her, and she raced away from the café. She didn’t want him to be sorry or for him to love her.

  She didn’t want him.

  Megan pushed open the front door to her apartment. She couldn’t go back to the office. Facing Justin again would be more torture than she could bear. “What are they going to do? Fire me?”

  She shut the door and leaned against it. That wasn’t the right attitude to have, and she knew it. But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t talk to Justin. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to look at him again.

  She pushed off the door, dropped her purse on the couch, slipped off her shoes, and walked out to the back patio. She could get past him if she never saw him again.

  Thursday night Bible studies rushed through her mind, as well as the fact he sat with her at church. She’d just be like Timmy and Amy and switch churches. She had a legitimate excuse. She could say she wanted to spend more time with her sister. That since Marianna and Kirk were married, she didn’t get to spend much time with her. It would be the truth.

  She thought of her friends at Bible study, and how they’d seen her through some of her darkest moments, even if they didn’t know the reason behind those times. And the kids in children’s church. How could she give them up? She’d been Meggie to precious six-year-old Hannah since the child’s first Sunday in church, at a mere six weeks old.

  She leaned against the patio fence. A young mother and her two little boys played some kind of game in the park area behind the apartment. The little boy moved a piece then jumped to his feet and squealed in excitement. Megan couldn’t help but smile when the mother offered him a high five.

  She’d seen the small family playing in the park area before. Since spring, a year ago. The first time she’d seen them, they passed a bouncy ball to each other. So much had changed since that day.

  Megan had been worried and fretted over a good grade in a college class. Now her sister was gone. Her boss had gone over the deep end. And she was embarrassed to go to the piano lesson scheduled for the following evening.

  Her cell phone rang. She looked at the screen. Justin. There was no way she was answering the call. She placed the phone on the patio table and looked back at the young family. The phone beeped, and she knew he’d left her a message.

  She couldn’t talk to him. How could she talk to him? How could he love her? It was ludicrous. First off, she was nothing like the women Justin was attracted to. She knew she wasn’t ugly, but she didn’t look like she’d just walked off a supermodel’s runway. Those were the kind of women Justin liked. She was simply a small-town girl who liked simple things in life. The fact she lived in a city now was just a matter of logistics. It wasn’t who she was in her core.

  Besides, she didn’t want to care about him. She wanted to be single. Too much risk was involved in loving a man. She’d been hurt before. She didn’t want to go that route again.

  He hadn’t forced Amy. She could tell it in his expression. She thought of Amy’s reaction to Timmy’s words. The woman hadn’t known what to do to calm her husband. Megan felt sorry for her.

  She looked up at the clear blue sky. It was a perfect day for horseback riding. She longed to take Daisy on a ride, tie the animal to a tree, and lie on a flat rock, basking in the warmth of the day. She wanted to think about when times were simple.

  “God, it was supposed to be just You and me. I was always happy with it that way. Why did Justin have to ruin it?”

  God was quiet. It frustrated her He always s
eemed silent. She still completed her Bible studies, still said her prayers, but it was as if she simply walked through the motions. No two-way communication she once felt with God.

  But why was He avoiding her? She hadn’t changed. Sure, she had feelings for Justin, but she’d done her best to keep them at bay. Aside from the one moment of weakness or whatever it was, when she kissed him at the restaurant, she’d been a rock. Hadn’t led him on at all.

  Okay, so maybe she did kiss him back at the charity ball, but he’d caught her off guard. And she was all dressed up. It was an easy mistake to get wrapped up in the moment. That’s all it was. A mistake.

  Her cell phone rang again. She looked at Justin’s name once more. She pushed out of her chair, left the phone on the table, and walked back into the apartment. She didn’t care about him the way he cared for her. She didn’t.

  “God, it’s me and You against the world.”

  Peace didn’t fill her spirit. No nudging of comfort wrapped her heart. She grabbed a soft drink out of the refrigerator, popped it open, and took a long swig. “God, I start new teacher training tomorrow. I’m going to be a music teacher. It’s what I’ve prayed about. It’s what You wanted for me. You’ve blessed me with the job.”

  Megan picked up the newspaper she’d left on the kitchen table and threw it away. She placed her morning glass in the sink then moved to the living room and fluffed the throw pillows. She flopped onto the couch and petitioned God again. “Can’t we just focus on tomorrow? Get excited about my first day of training?”

  Frustrated with the silence, she grabbed the remote off the arm of the chair and turned on the television. It wasn’t as if God spoke audibly to her anyway. She shouldn’t expect Him to nudge her heart or fill her spirit.

  Besides, God was silent with a lot of people a lot of times. She’d just keep reading her Bible and saying her prayers. It wasn’t as if she’d done anything wrong. She hadn’t forced herself on Clint, hadn’t asked her parents to respond as they did, hadn’t encouraged Justin to love her. She’d done nothing to warrant God’s silence.

  In the depth of her heart, she knew that was the problem. She’d done nothing. God was calling her to do something, and it terrified her. She shook her head and turned the television up louder. She didn’t want to hear Him.

  Chapter 26

  ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

  ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

  Colt flipped the thick T-bone steak on the grill.

  “Almost ready?” hollered Hadley.

  “Won’t be much longer.” With a pair of tongs, he turned the foil-wrapped corn on the cob. He took two spatulas to flip the foil-wrapped potatoes, onions, peppers, squash, and zucchini. His mouth watered just thinking of filling his belly with the delicious grilled food.

  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and winced. It had been a week since the wedding, so his nose had healed up pretty much all the way. But he kept hitting the split in his lip, opening it back up, and causing it to take longer to heal.

  His blood boiled when he thought of Justin Frasure. He could’ve pressed charges on the no-good scoundrel. Set him up for a world of chaos as he had to work through all the legalities and still keep his lawyer reputation intact. To Colt he was nothing but a hoity-toity womanizer dressing up in an overpriced monkey suit for a living.

  The man deserved the inconvenience of a going-nowhere law suit.

  Colt watched as Hadley tossed a beanbag at the wooden cornhole board. He’d decided not to put his niece through all that. Especially now that her mom was calling her twice a week and visiting whenever he let her.

  Besides, he smiled as he turned the steaks again. He’d gotten in a few good punches on Justin Frasure. The lawyer wouldn’t soon forget he’d tried to take on Colt Baker.

  He grinned at Megan, Tina, Hadley, and her new friend, Valerie. Megan ran to Tina, and they high-fived when Tina threw the last beanbag and it swished straight into the hole. Hadley placed her hand on her hip and stuck out her bottom lip. “I thought adults were supposed to take it easy on kids.”

  Megan tousled Hadley’s hair. “Now what would that teach you?”

  Colt chuckled as he took the vegetables off the grill. Supper was finished, but he knew the game was almost over, so he decided to wait to call them.

  It was Hadley’s and Megan’s turns to toss the beanbags toward the board Tina and Valerie stood beside. Hadley tossed first and missed the board completely. She stomped her foot and huffed. Megan tossed and missed as well.

  If his count was right, Megan and Tina only needed three points to win. Hadley tossed again, and the bag landed on the board. Valerie whooped, and Hadley grinned. Megan would need four points to beat them.

  Megan tossed and hit the board as well. Back to only needing three. Hadley tossed her third bag and hit the board, but Megan tossed and knocked it off. The last throw and Hadley missed. Megan threw and landed it in the hole. Tina squealed and ran to

  Megan, and they twirled around in a hug.

  “You beat a couple kids. Don’t be so happy.” Hadley’s tone was unkind. She’d always struggled with accepting a loss. Colt started to reprimand her when Megan wrapped her arm around his niece.

  “You know, you’ve gotta be willing to lose sometimes. It was just a game, so lose the ‘tude.”

  Hadley smiled up at Megan, but Colt noted the set in her jaw. She was still angry at the loss, but she wasn’t going to say anything disrespectful to Megan.

  Colt sucked in a long breath. Only one of the many reasons he’d fallen in the love with the woman. She knew how to handle Hadley. She didn’t get all upset about Hadley’s outbursts. Didn’t make things a bigger deal than they were. However, she still acknowledged and addressed it. Hadley needed a mother like that.

  Tina hadn’t been sure how to respond. Colt had seen it in her eyes. She was about to apologize for winning or something like that. She wasn’t ready for motherhood. He was happy she was trying. He was proud of all she’d done to clean herself up and try to be part of Hadley’s life again. But only for visits. She wasn’t ready for the real deal. And he couldn’t imagine if and when he would ever be ready for Tina to be a real-life mom to Hadley. Probably never.

  Colt motioned them to the patio table. “It’s ready. Come eat.”

  Hadley perked up, grabbed Valerie’s hand, and raced to the table. “Mom, you want a soft drink?”

  Tina nodded and leaned toward Megan. “I love it when she calls me that.”

  “You’re her mom. What else would she call you?”

  Colt bit back a response. Well, Tina, for one thing. If he had his say. It seemed weird Hadley had taken to calling the woman who hadn’t been in her life for twelve years by a name she hadn’t earned.

  They sat at the table and passed the food around. Once everyone had their plates filled, they held hands to say grace. He’d hoped to sit beside Megan, but somehow he’d ended up beside Tina and Valerie. Once the amen was uttered, he looked up at Megan sitting across from him. He didn’t mind she was his focal point for the meal.

  “Can we go riding after we eat, Uncle Colt? Maybe go to the pond and toss rocks and swing?” Hadley’s question came with a mouthful of food.

  “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Megan reminded her, and Colt couldn’t hold back the grin at how easy parenthood was for her.

  He swallowed his own mouthful and nodded. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, he added, “I think that would be a lot of fun.”

  Valerie clapped her hands. She was still a bit bashful in front of him. Didn’t say much. But it was obvious the idea set well with her.

  Tina’s shoulder dropped, and she looked down at her plate.

  Megan touched her hand. “What’s wrong, Tina?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve never ridden a horse.” She lifted her gaze and smiled, but Colt could tell she wanted to go with them. “You go without me.”

  Colt sat back in his chair. That suited him just fine.
While Hadley and Valerie played around, he may get a chance to talk with Megan alone. He itched to spend time with her, but no matter what he planned, something always got in the way.

  Megan frowned and looked across the table at Colt. “That’s nonsense. Tell her.”

  Colt lifted his eyebrows. “Well, I …”

  Megan looked back at Tina. “You can ride out there with Colt. He’s got the biggest horse I’ve ever seen. Thunderbolt won’t have a bit of trouble packing the both of you.” She glanced back at Colt. “Right?”

  “Right.” Colt blew out his breath as he put down his fork. All of the sudden, he wasn’t hungry.

  Colt scooted into the booth beside Megan at the frozen yogurt place. It was the closest he’d been to her all day. Hadley and Valerie had left them alone at the pond, just as he expected. Instead of being able to spend time with Megan, he’d been a third wheel while she and Tina talked about everything from cooking to hair products.

  Tina finally left, and he’d offered to take Megan and the girls for a treat.

  “I’ve never been here before,” said Valerie. It was the first time she’d spoken to them without using Hadley as a go-between.

  Megan pulled her spoon out of her mouth. “It’s my favorite. I love getting to pick between the different flavors.”

  “And all the toppings!” Hadley added. She looked into Valerie’s cup. “What did you get?”

  “Cotton candy and birthday cake yogurt topped with M&M’s, gummy bears, Snickers, and cherries.”

  Hadley lifted her eyebrows. “Can I taste it? You can taste mine. I got peanut butter and chocolate yogurt with chocolate syrup, peanuts, and cherries on top.”

  Colt turned his cup toward Megan. “I feel quite plain with my vanilla and chocolate syrup.”

  Megan laughed, and her eyes twinkled as she lifted her brows and said, “Can I try it?”

  Hadley wrinkled her nose. “Are you making fun of me?”