Privileged

by J.M. Downey

  “Keith.”

  With one quick step he pushed her back against the wall of her dorm room. His firm chest pressed against her. Her eyes pop open wide. His hand sought her hip, caressing it as it slipped under her shirt, touching the skin as every part of her stiffened, but pleased at the same time. His tongue slipped in between her lips. Her blood raced through her, making her tremble as she rushed to meet his kiss. Her mother never told how a kiss could make one feel so powerful, and cherished as two connected.

  His fingers trailed up her body. No. She grabbed his hand and pulled it back to her hip, holding it still. His lips crashed back onto hers, grasping. His hand broke free. He rushed it to where he wanted, squeezing. Something cold swept through her. He hadn’t listened to her. He’d promised he would.

  She moved her head, but his lips raced down her neck. “Stop, Keith.” She shoved on his chest.

  He stumbled back, his eyes dark, with a slight glare. She fell back against the wall. Her chest rose and fell with each deep breath as her arms flew to cover her breasts. What was he thinking? He knew her rules, but yet, she had responded to his kisses, his passion. Had she led him on? Dear Lord, she had. But every part of her wanted those kisses, and the sweet pleasure they produced.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  He waved her off and sat on the bed as he pushed his lips into a thin line. Angel had said he would dump her if she didn’t sleep with him. Was he thinking that now? But Angel was a liar. However, he might if he thought she’d led him on. Never again, would she let him get this far, if she wasn’t going to let him have her.

  “Want to look at some pictures?”

  “No.” His voice held a harshness. Keith stared out into the distance, taking slow deep breaths.

  Katie shut off the music and sat by him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He was as stiff as she felt. Keith wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned back on the bed. She laid her head on his chest. Curfew was approaching, but she wouldn’t ask him to leave.

  Keith walked in the door, and stopped. Brandon lay on the couch with the blonde on top of him. They were dressed, but they were definitely on their way to something else.

  Man, he wanted the physical relief Brandon was about to receive. But not with just anyone. Only with Katie. Her eyes were so shaky tonight. He had crossed the line touching her chest. He should have stopped when she’d first grabbed his hand, but he had felt such a fierce passion for her that it pained him. He wanted to pull that girl inside of him and make love to her waif of a body all night. At least she didn’t force him to leave.

  “You okay, Keith?” Brandon said.

  Keith nodded and walked to his room with Brandon at his heels.

  Keith went to his bathroom and grabbed the syringe and the small bottle. He needed something – his body was getting jittery. He tied the rope around his arm. Brandon stopped at the entrance of the bathroom door. His cheeks were flushed. Lucky him. He didn’t have a Katie in his life. He should toss her aside, and be done with this.

  “Katie upset you?”

  Keith held up the bottle and inserted the needle into it. “She won’t even let me touch her.”

  A smile crossed Brandon’s face. “Force it. She will.”

  “She’d dump me.”

  “And you shouldn’t care. She’s just a girl.”

  His pulse quickened. “Leave!”

  “Keith!”

  “Leave!” Keith jumped to his feet and threw the bottle at the wall. It broke into pieces.

  “Man, chill out,” Brandon said, walking out of the room.

  Keith sat back down and injected the drug into his arm. Brandon was right. He should force it. She might just give in. But if she didn’t, could he walk away? He shook his head. He wouldn’t be able to.

  Katie opened her eyes and pulled the sheets down from her face. She looked around her small dorm room, noticing the wooden desk and her roommate’s bed covered in black camouflage. He had left, although she had clenched his hand all night. She got up and ran to her phone. There she found a note. Picking it up, she read, “Sweet Dreams.” Katie crumpled the note, sat at her desk, and bit onto her nails. Was he mad at her? What if he was? In the month that they had been dating, her every thought had become focused on him. Every second, she longed to be with him, and he seemed to really want to be with her. But last night, his eyes had contained such an anger. Anger that she had forbidden the smallest access to her body after letting him kiss her so deeply.

  On her laptop, she typed: should I let Keith touch me? She stared at the screen, analyzing the words. He was so good to her.

  She typed in the word yes, although as she did something in her churned. She couldn’t do it. It would be going against everything she had been taught, everything she held dear. She closed her eyes as a few tears slipped from them. But Keith was so dear to her. It would be devastating if he walked away. Beside how much more different could a little touching be than kissing. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She had never felt for someone the way she did for Keith. Just a little couldn’t hurt. Nothing more.

  She picked up her phone to call Keith. But he was studying all day with Brandon. She had forgotten about that. She would call him later. Katie opened her history book and turned to chapter 13. She rubbed her temples. Asian monarchs were not that interesting.

  Katie leaned back in her chair, pushing a stray curl from her face. Her three-page argumentative paper was written, and the Asian monarchs were successfully memorized. But Keith hadn’t called. She looked at the clock, reading it was five. Why hadn’t he called? He’d said he would. She picked up her phone, clenching it in her hands. She needed to call him - just to reconnect. But she needed to have a good reason, or she would sound desperate. Her sister had sold an art painting recently to a tea shop. Yes, it happened two weeks ago, and she hadn’t mentioned it, but Keith wouldn’t know.

  Keith put in the key to his apartment. Was Katie still angry? He had half expected her to call during the study session, but he hadn’t heard one peep from the girl. He needed to control his drive. All day he had thought about the fear in her innocent blue eyes, not being able to shake it.

  Keith walked into his apartment and flipped on the lights, taking a step back. Standing in the middle of the living room was a tall woman with dyed curly blonde hair that fell to the middle of her back. She wore a black sleek dress that clung to her body and stopped in the middle of her tan thighs. In her hand she held a set of keys. “Brandon said you’ve been lonely.”

  “Yeah,” he said as a slight smile crossed his face. He took his jacket off and walked up to the woman. Every part of him responded to the sultry smile on her face. “And who are you?”

  “Mandy.”

  “Ah.” Keith nodded. He touched the silver necklace that rested on her chest, gently stroking it, touching her skin at the same time. Her skin wasn’t as smooth as Katie’s. He shook his head. He couldn’t be thinking about her right now.

  “You want to touch more?” she asked.

  Keith lowered his hand to her side and kissed her neck as she unbuttoned his shirt and rubbed the hair on his chest, making every part of him come alive.

  Keith turned her around and walked backwards, laying on the couch and dragging her on top of him. The woman kissed his chest as he explored her.

  His phone vibrated. He pulled it out and flipped it open. He smiled. She had finally called. He placed the phone to his ear. “Hey, pretty thing.”

  “Guess what?”

  He chuckled. This was a good sign, she was happy. “What?”

  “One of my sister’s drawings got bought by a restaurant.”

  “Cool.” He looked down. Mandy ran her fingers over his torso as she kissed his shoulder. He placed his hand on her chin and raised it to his face. When the woman’s eyes met his, he shook his head. She sat up, knitting her brows.

  “Hey, sorry I haven’t called yet. I’m still studying with Brandon and th
e guys.”

  “I understand,” Katie said. “Well, I’ll let you go.”

  “Okay.” He blew a kiss into the phone and hung up.

  Keith set the phone down and placed his hands on his head as the woman pulled his belt off. He looked at the ceiling. Katie’s smile must have been wide as they talked. He could picture her full ripe lips pulled tight. He should send her a dozen roses tomorrow. Keith looked back at the woman, cringing. He didn’t want her touching him. How could Katie have ruined his enjoyment of women, when he didn’t even know what she looked like without clothes on? It was something that was bred into him. Because he knew she would cry if she saw him now. He just couldn’t hurt her no matter how crazy she drove him. “I’m not into this tonight,” he said.

  Mandy looked back at him. “You were five minutes ago.”

  “I know.” He reached to her shoulder and nudged, signaling to her to get up. Once the woman was off his legs, he stood and walked to the kitchen.

  “Want a beer for your troubles?” he said as he grabbed two beers from the fridge.

  Mandy sat on a metal chair at the bar, leaning her cheek on her hand. “Who’s the girl?”

  “Huh?” he said, handing her a beer.

  “You were all into it before she called.”

  Keith took a sip of his beer and put one hand on his hip, looking to his side. “She’s a nice girl.”

  “She must have a pretty body to distract you. I’ve heard so many stories about you.”

  Keith laughed. “I haven’t seen it. She won’t let me touch her no matter how hard I try.” He took another sip of the beer and lowered it to his waist. “And I spend every day with her.”

  “You love her.”

  He looked back at the woman; her eyes were full of a daze. Women loved romance, even whores. “You think so?”

  “Yeah.” The woman laughed. “Do you have a picture of her?”

  “Yeah, hold on.”

  Keith walked into his room and came back with a picture of Katie in a blue sundress with white flowers. He handed it to Mandy.

  She looked it over for a couple seconds and said, “she’s pretty. I bet she’d make a good senator’s wife.”

  “She would. She has no skeletons.”

  “Hmm. Well, I guess I should go.”

  Keith showed her out the door and sat on his couch, resting his chin on the beer. Did he love Katie? It made sense. Then why hadn’t he realized it? He turned on the TV. The Yankees were on, and losing badly in the fourth inning. He loved her. That was what happened.

  She would be all his. Not one other man had ever claimed her. That’s why he couldn’t sleep with other girls. He wanted that purity. It made every other girl pale, and become unsatisfying. He slumped back into the couch making the tight leather creak with his movements. He did love her. He loved her purity, her pretty smile and how she would just listen to whatever he had to say. He tapped the beer on his knee.

  The front door opened and Brandon walked in. He sat across from Keith and stared straight into his eyes, shaking his head. “What’s going on with you?” Brandon asked.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I was a good friend, sent you a nice girl to lighten you, and you don’t even touch her.”

  “Just wasn’t into it.”

  “I have never seen someone be such a fool for a girl.”

  “I love her.” Keith brought his beer to his lips and took a sip. He loved her. It felt soothing saying it out loud. Who wouldn’t love that girl?

  “And Ashley?” Brandon said, breaking into his thoughts.

  “I guess I need to break up with her.”

  “Ashley has connections.”

  Keith chuckled. “You think I need more?”

  Brandon laughed and left him. When Keith heard the door to Brandon’s room close, he picked up his phone, and slid it awake. He brought up Ashley’s number, and stared at it for a few seconds. Ashley, his long-term friend. It was just a mere agreement, nothing really solid. Nothing like Katie. His father used to think Ashley was a good idea, but over the years, he had said some harsh remarks about the girl. Would he like Katie? Katie was a hometown girl, from a middle-class family. Wouldn’t that be a great campaign message?

  He placed the phone to his lips and gently banged it against them. Ashley didn’t love him and never would, but Katie might and he wanted that badly. He pressed the call button. It rang a couple times. This was going to be raising some eyebrows. How long before the investigations, questions? What approach would they take?

  “Hey Keith,” Ashley answered.

  “Is my sister with you?” he asked.

  “No, but someone else is. Want to talk to her?”

  He chuckled. What naïve thing had she talked into her bed? This was what he loved about her.

  “Nah, Ashley.” He paused. She would either hate him or laugh. “Look, I want out.”

  “What?”

  She would hate him. He took a long deep breath and let it out, but every part of him still tensed. “I’ve met someone and well..., she won’t want to be just a mistress.” He only heard Ashley’s breath. “I’m sorry.”

  Ashley’s chuckle filled his ear. “Sorry, you think I’m hurt? If you want out, fine. I still got your sister.”

  Keith laughed. There was his Ashley. He would laugh at him too if he was in her situation.

  “Besides, I know about Katie. The girl that won’t sleep with you.”

  “I guess Brandon told you.”

  “I’ve heard about her through various grapevines.”

  So they were already looking into her. “We’re still cool, Ashley.”

  “We’re still cool. Go call your girl. I have another girl waiting for me.”

  Keith bit on his lip. Ashley would be having fun tonight. His old self wanted to be there, but he would just walk out and call Katie.

  Katie jumped at the sound of her phone. She ran to where it sat on her desk, and flipped it open, reading the number. He had called. Finally. She bit on her bottom lip. What if he was calling to break up with her? It was eight o’clock and he had been so distant. She closed her eyes. Please don’t let him break up with me, Lord.

  She answered the phone. “Hey, Keith.”

  “Hey. I’m done. I’d really like to see you.”

  “Do you need to talk to me about something?”

  “Yeah.”

  Katie took a deep breath. Her body was so tense now, her legs felt like someone was pulling on them. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

  Katie set her phone down and let the tears release. She needed to get all these tears out before he showed up. She didn’t want to sob if he said goodbye. Katie wiped her face with a wet tissue and brushed her hair. She looked in the mirror. Her eyes were red, but there was nothing she could do about that. He would know. Maybe he would find compassion for her and give her one more try. She would give more. Not too much. Just enough to keep him satisfied.

  Ten minutes later, Katie went downstairs to get Keith. He had just gotten out of his car when she opened the door to her dorm building. She leaned against the post and smiled at him. His hair was slightly pushed in various directions. That was odd. Usually everything about his appearance was in order. What could that mean?

  She fully stood up. “Hey. You want to come up.

  Keith smiled. “Sure.”

  He took her hand, and she led him to her room, not able to look at him. If she just knew his eyes were light instead of dark. But she couldn’t look, wouldn’t look. She took slow steps, savoring the feeling of his large hand engulfing hers, making her feel protected, wanted.

  Katie stopped in front of her door, reaching for the knob. She slowly turned it. Keith pushed the door opened and dragged her in. What was going on? He slammed it shut, spun her into his arms, and covered her mouth with his own. Katie couldn’t move, so her arms hung loose at her side. This was what she’d wanted, but not what she’d expected. His kiss deep
ened, his arms pulled her closer as if he was trying to force their bodies to become one. She would do whatever he wanted. It wouldn’t hurt that much. Not as much as losing him.

  “Katie,” Keith whispered, lowering his forehead on hers and looking straight into her eyes. “I want to tell you something.”

  Katie nodded.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  Katie grasped his arms. He loved her. That was what he’d wanted to tell her. She had read everything down to the last tint of his voice wrong. Her body filled with a strange warmth as a realization sunk into her. She loved him too. Thank you, God.

  He placed his hands on her cheeks. “Katie?”

  Katie leaned against his chest melting into his arms. His cologne was strong, filling her. She loved this scent – the feel of his dress shirt against her cheek, but especially the strong arms that now slipped around her waist in a firm embrace, claiming her. A tear slipped down her face. His thumb wiped it away. “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m happy,” she mumbled.

  “What?” He lowered his ear to her lips and she breathed into his ear, “I love you, too.”

  “My love.” He squeezed her. Sitting on the bed, he pulled her onto his lap, kissing her cheek. This was what she had dreamed about her whole life. His lips trailed over her cheek. She clenched his shirt tight. From this moment on, she would make sure she didn’t lose him. She looked into his dark blue eyes, losing herself in him. No, she wouldn’t lose him. Not as long as she could keep herself in his arms.

  TEN

  Katie gripped Keith’s hand as they walked to his apartment door - his other hand held two movies based off of Jane Austen novels. Somehow she had talked him into the romances instead of the action thriller.

  “I’ll get some blankets,” he said, letting go of her hand and reaching for the doorknob. Yes, they would need blankets, since she had agreed to come back here and cuddle with him. She rubbed her fingers together, feeling the sticky sweat that gathered despite the chilled air. They were starting to make a habit of being alone. That could be bad or good, but so far Keith hadn’t asked for more than holding and kissing her. Keith opened the door and ushered Katie in, but she stopped in her track, her body tensing. A tall, slender woman with brown hair that fell to the middle of her back sat on the couch in a blue dress shirt that she recognized as Keith’s.