“Do you blame her?” Chance’s brow lifted.
“Not one bit. But I could look at her and see she’s keeping something—more than the obvious.”
“I think you’re forgetting that some time has passed, my good friend. Eighteen months to you was like a good night’s sleep. To everyone else, well, we’ve been carrying around a whole helluva lot of hope that you’d wake up.”
“Are you saying in a roundabout way that she moved on?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Chance said.
“I’m going to guess it’s not my ring she’s wearing.” Duke’s chest tightened. Hell, he couldn’t blame her if she’d moved on, but it wouldn’t change the heartbreak and disappointment. The one thing that’d kept him alive was Lila.
Chance sat forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “You should ask her. It’d be a good thing for you two to talk when you’re stronger.”
“I’m asking you.” Duke flinched. “What’s going on? Is there another man?” His gut clenched. It’d drive him insane if he didn’t know the truth.
There was a long sigh before Chance shook his head. “What do you want me to say?”
“The facts. I need to know,” Duke said.
“Some things aren’t meant for me to tell, buddy, but as your best friend I’ll tell you what I heard.”
****
The next day Lila showed up at the clinic bright and early. Janette called her over to the nurse’s station. “Can I speak to you a minute, Lila?”
“Sure.”
A worried expression carved lines into Janette’s forehead. “After you left last night, Chance Taylor stopped by and when he left, Duke asked one of the student aide’s for a mirror.”
Lila brought her fingers to her mouth. Oh no. “He needed time to adjust after the coma before—”
Janette nodded. “I guess after he saw himself, the scars, he became angry. He threw the mirror across the room and ignored everyone. He refuses to eat and has thrown everybody out of his room who has dared enter.”
Lila had worried this would happen. “Did the cat scan come back? Is his brain functioning without obstruction?”
“His brain is fine. It’s his emotions that are fried.” She made a clicking sound with her tongue. “Can’t say I blame him. This world is puzzling enough, then he wakes up from sleeping a year and a half and his physical appearance is altered.” She shook her head and sighed. “Hey, I see you lost the rock.”
Lila tilted her chin. “Huh?” She followed Janette’s nod to her left hand. “Oh. I...I have it in my purse, for now.” She’d called Shaun and asked to meet him when he was available, and she’d give it back.
Janette lifted a dark brow. “Well, good luck. Hopefully Duke’ll listen to you. He’s alive and that counts for something. I can see why you stuck around all these months.” She chuckled. “The man’s a looker. Scars or no scars.”
Lila wanted to laugh. She wished she could, she just couldn’t find humor anywhere in her body.
Entering Duke’s room, he laid in bed with his back to the door. “Duke?” He didn’t acknowledge her arrival. Steadying the trembling in her hands and the butterflies in her stomach, she moved toward the bed.
“Why are you here?” His curt voice stopped her mid-stride.
“What do you mean? I’m here to see you.” What transpired after she’d left last night?
He pulled himself up and around, shakily bringing his legs over the side of the bed. She saw the weakness in his limbs and knew it took a lot of strength to maneuver his fragile body. His ice blue gaze held harshness and his jaw tightened into a steely angle. “I asked, what the hell are you doing here?”
The severity in his tone made her wince and she stiffened her spine. “And I answered your question. I’m here to see you.” Her voice rose in tone too.
He chuckled. The sound sliced through the air with contempt and rage. “Because you felt some sort of obligation for me that has prevented you from moving on?”
Anger clutched her in its tight hold and she sank her teeth into her lip until she felt the sting. She reminded herself to stay calm. “No, I didn’t come here out of obligation.”
He squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Why did you remove the engagement ring?”
She impulsively glanced down at her bare finger. “You saw it.” She whispered. “It’s not what it seems.”
“You and Doc aren’t engaged? If you slip a man’s ring on your finger I’d say that’s as close to yes as a woman can get.”
Confused, she wondered who’d told him? She hadn’t told a soul about Shaun’s proposal except for...Carly. Her head throbbed. Chance had overheard the conversation she had with Carly when they were talking about the ring. “So Chance told you I was engaged?”
His shoulders tightened. “Was it supposed to be a secret?”
“No, I just want to explain.”
He scoffed. “Damn, Lila, the last thing I want is your pity.” His voice shook. “I don’t hold it against you that you’ve moved on, but I damn well sure will get pissed if you lie to me for sympathy’s sake.”
She moved to the window. A hard lump clogged her throat and she forced her next words through trembling lips. “I won’t lie. Time had passed. I wasn’t sure you’d ever wake up, but I didn’t move on.”
“Yeah, time’s passed. I got that.”
His deep voice vibrated into her heart. She connected her gaze to his hard profile wishing she could touch him and all harsh thoughts would disappear. “You can’t think I came here because I felt sorry for you.”
“Do you love him?” His voice was dangerously low.
“I care for him, yes, but—”
“But what? You’re afraid I’ll keep you from following your dreams? Sweetheart, you’re off the hook. You owe me nothing.”
“Off the hook?” She laughed. Was he serious? He had no clue how she felt.
“Where did you meet the good ol’ doc?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me!” His voice echoed off the walls like the crack of a baseball against a bat.
“We worked together in the emergency department at the hospital.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something but then tightened his lips together. She could see his thoughts swirling by his serious expression. “I’ve met him. I remember.”
She swallowed hard. His memory was improving. “Yes.”
“Figures.” He shook his head and steadied his gaze on the bare wall. “You can go.”
The temperature of the room dropped. Lila wrapped her arms tight around her waist but it did nothing to warm the chill in her bones. “You’ve barely been awake for twenty-four hours and you’re running already?”
His gaze came back to her. “It doesn’t look like I’ll be running anywhere anytime soon.”
A tear fell to her cheek, but she was quick to wipe it away. He didn’t need to see her cry. She longed to tell him about their daughter. Each time she started to, she stopped. Why did she hesitate? Telling Duke about Ava should be a proud and happy moment. He should feel so overjoyed he’d wrap his arms around Lila and ask to see his daughter. At the moment, he didn’t seem interested in seeing anyone.
“Duke, I understand what it must be like waking up and seeing things are different—”
“Bullshit,” he barked. “You have no idea. Nothing is the same.” As if he moved in reflex action, his hand came up to the left side of his face where post burn tissue marred part of his
cheek.
Lila wanted to tell him the scars had healed a lot compared to how they were right after the accident but she doubted it’d make him feel better. He had no recollection of the days he’d spent wrapped in gauze while his deep wounds healed. But he was right; she had no clue what it’d feel like to wake up from a coma.
“Leave!” His lip curled.
Unbelievable, she thought as she tilted her chin in determination. Sure, she may not grasp w
hat he was feeling, but she’d be damned if he chased her off, especially after she’d waited for him for what seemed like an eternity. “No, I will not.”
His brow wrinkled, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. He gripped the side of the bed and one corner of his mouth turned down. “You have another life, sweetheart. Don’t waste your time on me.”
“Let me explain, Duke.”
He didn’t give her a chance because he was already standing up. He wobbled and Lila rushed to help him. She didn’t make it in time before his body gave out. He fell to his knees and forward onto his face, hitting the hard floor in a sickening blow.
Lila dropped beside him, her heart pounded and her breath was lost. “Duke? Are you okay?”
Placing his palms flat against the floor, he pushed in an attempt to lift himself. Lila helped by tugging his arm, but he shrugged her away. “Leave me alone.”
Pulling back, she looked at him in shock. “You need me.”
An emotionless expression swept across his features. “I don’t want your help. Now for the last time, leave me alone! Get out!”
A sob rose in her throat and she forced it away. Standing, she moved to the opposite side of the room. “I will gladly leave, but not until I say what needs said.”
“I won’t listen,” he said.
He continued to try lifting himself off the floor. She watched quietly in sorrow, wanting to assist him, but his bitterness stilled her. He’d only push her away again, and that’d cut her to the bone. She’d dealt with bitter patients before and she’d learned space was sometimes best. “You have no choice but to listen.”
“Kick a man while he’s down. Very sweet of you, honey.”
“I’d never do such a thing. I can help you up and back in bed for what I have to say or you can stay there. I’d rather you get in the bed where you’re comfortable but I will tell you what you need to hear before I leave, one way or the other.”
He didn’t even look at her as he made another futile shot to stand. She turned away from him, not wanting to see him struggle another moment. Seeing him weak hurt her. He’d always been a willful man and wanting to do everything on his own, but this was more than pride. He seemed broken, unlike the confident, powerful man she remembered.
How could she convince him he’d need to accept help?
Biting her bottom lip, reluctance slithered its way into her courage. She grew tired of second guessing her decision to tell him about Ava. How did she know if the right time was now? Would there ever be a right time? She had no reason to keep the truth from him. He was a father. What he did with the information was up to him. She couldn’t force him to be happy that he had a child.
Breathing deeply, she exhaled slowly. “A few weeks after the accident I found out I was pregnant. I was stunned at first, but knew it was a miracle. To have a part of you growing inside me…the feeling is indescribable.” No response. “You’re a father. We have a child together.” Still met with silence, she turned. Her mouth dropped open. He was standing, a little unsteady, but he’d made it to his feet. Delight bubbled inside her. “Duke, that’s amazing.”
All color drained from his features. His mouth thinned and his eyes widened. “What did you say?”
Gulping air, she met his puzzled stare. He looked like he could pass out or do a flip. Twisting her hands, she cleared her throat. “I didn’t know I was pregnant before the accident. I guess I had an idea something wasn’t right. I was eating everything in sight. You and I, well…we’d used protection except for one afternoon by the pond. You may not remember. We’d been caught up in the moment and neither of us was thinking logically. No doubt, one time produced something wonderful.”
“So, not only have I been in this freaking place imprisoned in my body, but we’ve had a child?” His skin paled and he wobbled, but he caught his balance.
“Yes, Duke,” she answered.
“I don’t know what you expected, but you should never have told me.”
CHAPTER FOUR
DUKE’S HEAD ACHED and it felt like it’d burst into a million pieces. What the hell was Lila saying? The muscles in his body twitched and his heart slammed against his ribs as he registered what she’d told him. Damn! He was a father. He had a child? This was madness.
The last twenty-four hours had been a whirlwind and he’d been stuck in the eye of the storm. He’d learned Lila had moved on, and if that wasn’t heartbreaking enough, he’d fathered a child who had no clue he existed.
He saw Lila’s eyes mist over. He tore his hand through his hair and cursed every four-letter curse word he could think of. If she cried, he’d melt like butter. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d never been so sentimental in his life. But it’s not every day a man wakes up from an eighteen-month coma, hears that his love found another and then told he’s a father.
Seconds ticked by like thorns needling his skin. What did a man say in his circumstance? His instincts told him to run, or rather, push her away. He wasn’t fit to be a father before the accident, and now, he’d be worse. He could barely move two feet without falling. On top of that, the accident had left him disfigured. What child could look at him without fear?
“Is this a joke or a nightmare?” His voice was a near whisper.
“Neither.” Her voice was soft. “A child is not a joke or a nightmare.”
He snorted. “I am the joke. By the hands of a bastard, I’ve spent a chunk of my life lying in a vegetable state in some damn hospital bed. I wake up to find nothing is the same, not even me.” He tapped his chest with the heel of his hand.
“Whether you know it or not, I understand the pain this accident has caused. Sure, life changes, but you’re tough enough to overcome this.”
How could she even begin to understand what he was feeling or what he was thinking? He guessed the words were easy for her to say when she’d moved on with her life while he’d been submerged in slumber hell. Anger sliced through him. “How dare you tell me I’m a father. I’m no father; I’m not even man right now.”
She took a small step toward him but he shook his head. Tears slipped from her copper eyes and fell to her pale cheeks. He noticed the shakiness in her fingers as she reached up and tucked
tresses behind her ear. It was a habit, he remembered. When she was nervous, she played with her hair. “But, Duke, her name is Ava and she is your daughter…our daughter. She needs a father.”
Stay tough, McGraw. He reminded himself for the umpteenth time since he spoke to Chance that Lila was engaged to another man. Duke could not bear to have her stay with him out of an obligation made almost two years before. Child or not, she was better without him.
With a wide roll of his shoulder, he turned and made his way shakily to the bed. Slowly, and with great effort of frail muscles, he sat down. Dizziness shuffled through his brain and his body was exhausted. “Why are you telling me this?”
Her brows knitted. “Why am I telling you that you have a child?”
Keeping his gaze away from her, he couldn’t make eye contact. He kept his attention on the cheap, framed art on the wall. This wasn’t the first time he’d stared at the painting wondering if it were an abstract of a train or the craziness within the artist’s mind. The soft muffled sound of her crying ripped through him, yet he had to do what was best for her. “It’s not like she knows me. I bet she calls Lucas daddy.” His own words tore through him like a hot blade of resentment.
“No she doesn’t. You’re her father, whether you choose to accept it or not.”
He wasn’t going to look at her, no way, but his eyes ached to soak in her beauty. He wanted to touch her, to hear his name on her lips, but he couldn’t overlook the anger embedded within his heart. He wasn’t even sure why it was there. “The doc said it could take months, maybe years, before I get all my strength back.” And emotionally, he was a wreck. “That’s not fair to you or the kid.”
She moved closer. “I’ve thought this over. I’ll help take care of you. I’m a nurse a
nd more than capable of helping you gain your strength and muscle tone. I’ll take some time off work. Ava should get to know you, too.”
He laughed. “I couldn’t even slice a cucumber now, let alone pick up a child. You’re better off continuing with your plans of marrying Lucas. You have my blessing.” He slid back into the bed and brought his legs up, fighting the wooziness. He closed his eyes and wished the room would stop spinning. He needed to be alone.
“Duke, I…”
When Lila didn’t finish her words, Duke opened his eyes. “Save your breath, Lila. Move on as if I’d never woke up.”
****
Lila stood outside the door to Duke’s room. She had an urge to march back in and tell him exactly what she thought of his self-pity act. She wasn’t heartless, but the man rubbed her the wrong way. How dare he turn her away with a cold shoulder, indifferent to her feelings and thoughts? Could he not see that she loved him?
Leaning against the wall, she calmed her frustration. What was she expecting of Duke? She wore the ring, although only for a short time, but it’d been on her finger. He’d seen it and Chance had verified her relationship with Shaun. She guessed beyond the normal confusion of being in a comatose state, he felt she’d betrayed him. Burying her face into her palms, she sniffed back another round of tears.
“You okay?”
Lila peeked through her fingers. Dr. Scott’s dark eyes were on Lila in curiosity. She dropped her hands to her sides and forced a smile to her lips. “I’m fine.” Why hide the truth? “No, I’m not. I guess I wasn’t thinking this would be so difficult. It seems ridiculous that I thought we’d fall back into each other’s arms and live happily ever after.”
The doctor’s smile was sympathetic. “Come, let’s talk.”
Lila followed Dr. Scott into her office and sat down. She took the tissue the doctor offered and wiped her eyes. “He seems almost ungrateful that he is alive and awake.”
Sliding her glasses off, Dr. Scott rubbed the bridge of her nose. “What Duke is experiencing is normal. Confusion, anger, sadness are all emotions comatose patients can experience when they wake up. In Duke’s case, he also has scars he must deal with along with the reality that life has moved on.”
Second Ride Cowboy (Second Chance Series) Page 3
