“I thought we just talked about being more than friends,” Cole said, obviously confused by my about-face.
I sucked in a breath. “Shit, I want that, Cole. I really do, but the thing is, I can’t be out with you. My dad’s a minister, and he thinks same-sex relationships are an abomination. If he found out, it would kill him and my mom too. I’m their only child. And on top of it, with everything that’s happening with the band, I don’t want to create unnecessary media attention.”
I wasn’t quite sure Liar’s Edge was big enough for anyone to actually give a shit, and it was the music world, which was definitely more open than most industries, but it seemed like gay couples in the entertainment industry did garner attention. I couldn’t risk my parents finding out that way or it affecting the band.
“We don’t have to be out,” he said, surprising me.
“Really? Are you sure?”
Were we really talking about doing this for real? It was faster than I’d imagined.
“Yeah. I mean, we’ll have to do long distance anyway since I have my business in Tampa, and you’re on tour, but we can make time to see each other in private. I can come to you on the weekends.”
Just the thought of that had my head spinning in a really good way, and other parts of me started to come alive.
“I’d like that very much,” I told him, wondering how I’d be able to sneak around the guys. I’d just have to let them know and hope for the best.
“Me too,” Cole said breathlessly. “I’ve been dreaming of getting my hands on you again for so long.”
Holy shit. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, trying to imagine what that would be like. Just the small touches we’d shared in Tampa had been electric. Anything else would be exactly what I’d been craving for too many months.
“You don’t even want to know the things I’ve been fantasizing about,” I said, surprising myself with how honest I was being with him.
But I felt comfortable saying things like that for some reason. Maybe it was because Cole was open with me and didn’t hold back about what he wanted, or maybe this thing between us was just as right as I’d imagined it could be. And that scared me, but it also gave me hope that I might feel settled for the first time in so long.
Maybe I was gay. Maybe it’s who I’d always been, and I’d been fighting it because I’d been taught it was wrong. I didn’t know, but for the first time since I’d started contemplating my fate if I fell in love with a man, I wasn’t truly afraid. Sure, I was nervous, but taking this leap with Cole felt like one of the safest things I’d done in a while.
“Shit, man, don’t say things like that when you can’t deliver on them. I’m getting hard over here, and you’re a few hundred miles away. That’s so not cool,” he teased.
“Hey now, I’m not exactly limp over here either,” I told him, reaching down to adjust myself.
“Fuck. That was not a visual I needed to help things if you know what I mean.”
I laughed. “I know exactly what you mean, and as soon as we see each other again, we can remedy this situation. I promise – as long as you aren’t with anyone else.”
“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.
I sucked in a breath, hoping I wasn’t going to screw myself over.
“I mean, my rule still applies. I won’t be with you if you’re with someone else. I won’t do casual dating with someone I care about, so if we’re going to do this, I’m not going to see or sleep with other people. I don’t know if I’m in a position to ask you to do the same, but the least I can do is say I would appreciate it if we were exclusive.”
I really hoped I hadn’t scared him away with that request.
“Wow,” he said, and it made me nervous. “Ordinarily, that kind of ultimatum so early in a relationship would send me running the other way, but I know I can’t do that with you. So, I guess we’re exclusive. I’ll end things with Haden.”
I choked out a sigh. I was so taken aback by his immediate agreement. “Really? Wow. Thank you,” I told him, appreciating his willingness to take a chance, especially on a long distance relationship with a guy he really didn’t know.
“So you feel that strongly about me that you’re willing to say no to every other guy or girl who hits on you while you’re out on tour?” he questioned.
I chuckled. “If you remember correctly, I told you I’ve pretty much thought about you non-stop for a year, so yeah, I’m good with that. But I guess I could ask you the same question.”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” he assured me. “You’re who I want to be with. End of story. But what if we have to go a few weeks without seeing each other? Are you going to be okay with?”
“If that happens, then consider me fourteen again, because I’ll be getting reacquainted with my hand.”
He laughed. “There are some other suggestions I can make to keep you thinking about me,” he said, and being new to this world, I wasn’t exactly sure what he was referring to.
Maybe I’d rent some guy-on-guy porn and see if I couldn’t educate myself before I saw him.
“I’ll take any advice I can get, since outside of that one night with you, my experience is nonexistent.”
“Shit, then we’re going to have some fun when we get together. When can I see you?”
“I’m in Charlotte for another week and a half recording, and I really won’t have any time, but after that we’re on break for two weeks before things get crazy again. Can you come next weekend?”
My stomach fluttered wildly at the thought of seeing him in just over a week.
“I’ll fly in Friday night.”
Chapter Thirteen
Zack
“Who are you texting with?” I asked Emily when I came back into the media room after putting Lily to bed.
Em was sitting in the corner of the large wrap-around couch, her feet tucked under her, laughing as her fingers flew over the keyboard of her phone.
“No one,” she said, finishing her text as she set her phone on the coffee table. “Come here.”
She extended her arms out for me to cuddle up next to her. I sat down and let her wrap me up as I laid my head on her chest. I was tired. It had been a long day, and we’d decided to watch a movie before going to bed.
Her phone buzzed on the table a few seconds later. “Do you need to get that?”
She pressed her lips to the top of my head. “No, it’s not important.”
I figured she was texting with Rachel. They did that fairly regularly since it was hard to go from living with someone and seeing them daily to being relegated to a phone relationship.
“Tell Rachel I said thanks for today when you eventually text her back,” I said. “It was fun.”
“Really? You liked modeling?”
I looked up at her. “I’m not sure I want to make a career out of it, but it was sort of a cool way to spend a morning.”
“Well then I guess it’s good that your talents as a singer will earn you a living. I heard Without You on the radio again today.”
I looked up at her. “Oh yeah? How did it sound?”
She rolled her eyes. “Amazing. How do you think it sounded?”
“I just hope people like it,” I said, that insecure feeling I got whenever we launched a new song washing over me.
It was one thing to play small bars and gain a few fans here and there. At that point, any time someone tells you they like your music, it’s cool, but when your songs go worldwide, there’s pressure from the label and you’re trying to make a lasting impression on the music world, the stakes are a little higher.
“They will. It’s an awesome song.”
“You just like it because it’s about you,” I teased.
“Yeah,” she said as her phone buzzed three more times. She sighed. “I should get that.”
I reached for it on the coffee table just as the screen went dark, but I could make out the name. Jonathan Striker.
I immediately sat up and turn
ed to Emily. “Why is Jonathan texting you? Did something happen?”
She shook her head as she read through the texts. “No, I just sent him the preliminary appearance schedule for the tour, and he must have read over it.”
“What does he think?”
She shrugged. “He wants me to try to add some more radio shows in each city if we can, in addition to some CD giveaways, signing events and ticket contests. He figures the more exposure you get the better, and I agree, but I’d also like to be judicious about what that looks like.”
“That’s why I love you, princess,” I said, leaning up to kiss her cheek as my phone buzzed in my back pocket. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” Emily asked, looking up at me with concern.
I looked at my phone, already knowing who it was. “It’s Jen. Andrew let me know he was going to call her and break things off with her tonight. I need to take this. Do you mind if we start the movie in a few minutes?”
“No, absolutely not,” Emily said, shaking her head. “Tell Jen I love her and to call me if she wants to talk, okay?”
“Will do,” I said, as I answered the call. “Hey Jen.”
“He’s fucking GAY?!” she screamed into the receiver.
I took a deep breath and walked out of the room. “Go on, get it out,” I encouraged her, knowing that if I let her rage for a few minutes, she’d feel better.
Several minutes later, Jen ran out of air and stopped talking.
“Feel better?” I asked.
“No. Yes. I don’t know. This sucks so bad. I’m twenty-six years old, and I know that’s not old, but come on. I want to get married someday. I shouldn’t be wasting my time with the wrong guys.”
“Drew’s not a bad guy. He’s just a little lost, I think.”
“Yeah, but shouldn’t I have been able to see the signs? Don’t you think I should have been able to figure out that the guy I was with preferred penises to vaginas?!”
“Actually, I think he likes them both equally,” I said, shivering at the thought. No dicks for me.
“Ugh, that sort of makes it worse. If he was plain gay, I might be more forgiving. I’d still be pissed that he used me, but I’d get over it. The fact that he could be with me, but he’s choosing to be with a guy named Cole instead, just pisses me off.”
“I know,” I agreed, because what else could I really say. She had a point.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. How’s my baby?”
I smiled. “She’s good. We brought her to the shoot today, and at one point she ran away from Emily and came over to me while they were taking my picture. At first I thought the photographer was pissed, but he actually started snapping pictures of us together, and our daughter hammed it up completely. She was totally cheesing for the camera.”
“Oh jeez,” Jen said, laughing lightly. “I wish I could’ve seen that.”
“Oh, you will. The photographer is going to send me the pictures in a few days, but from what I could tell, they turned out great.”
“I’m glad she’s doing so well. I miss her.”
“She misses you too. Tonight while I was putting her down she asked where you were. I thought she was going to start crying, so I told her we’d Skype with you tomorrow, and she grinned and said cool. I’m still not used to her saying that word.”
Jen laughed again. “Get used to it. It’s her favorite word.”
“So, you’re going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It sucks, but I figured this was coming. He’s sort of been acting weird since you guys went on tour, and the past two weeks have been pretty bad. I just hope he’ll be happy with his decision.”
“You’d take him back if he asked, wouldn’t you,” I said, knowing that if roles were reversed, I’d take Emily back in heartbeat.
“I don’t know,” she said, and it made me wonder if the break-up wasn’t the right thing after all. Maybe Jen and Andrew weren’t right for each other. “I feel like we dated before, and it didn’t work out. Of course I broke up with him then, and we were just kids, but either way, this was our second chance, and if it was right, we wouldn’t have ended this way. I think I’ll just keep searching for Mr. Right.”
“You’ll find him,” I assured her as I realized for the first time that if Jen wasn’t going to end up with Andrew, my daughter wasn’t going to have him as a stepfather. She’d had some other guy who I didn’t love like a brother, and that didn’t feel good. But it was absolutely the wrong time for me to be selfish.
“I know. Okay, I’m going to bed. I’m completely drained, and I have to work in the morning. Some of us have real jobs,” she teased.
“Yeah, like I don’t work my ass off,” I told her. “I’ll have you know I had to be at a photo shoot at eight this morning.”
“Oh, you poor thing, having to pose for the cameras and look pretty. So hard.”
“Shut up,” I teased, glad she was joking with me. It was preferable to her being upset. “It wasn’t the shoot that was hard. It was the fact that I was up all night.”
“Oh crap, did Lily keep you up?”
“Oh, no. It wasn’t Lily. It was your brother.”
“My brother? What the hell did Derrick do now?”
Okay, so apparently Jen didn’t know. I guess they hadn’t talked. Well, now she was about to find out.
“He got arrested for peeing in a fountain, and to make matters worse, Emily’s sister was with him.”
Jen sucked in a breath. “He’s got issues. I can’t believe he got himself arrested again. He’s such an idiot.”
“I know. I’m dealing with it.”
“You’re dealing with it. Well, aren’t you just Zack Easton, Mr. Fix-it.”
Yeah, it felt that way sometimes.
“Hey, someone has to be the responsible one.”
“Yeah, but Zack, it’s not your job to make sure that Andrew’s okay – since I know he went to you with his little ‘problem’ – or to make sure that Derrick stays out of trouble or that I’m emotionally stable. What about you? I know what’s coming up in a few days.”
Shit. I was hoping no one was going to bring that up. The anniversary of my mom’s death was in just four days. I’d been dreading it for weeks.
“I’m fine, Jen,” I said, knowing I was completely lying.
“I know you’re not. Do you want to talk about it?”
“About the fact that a year ago today my mom was telling me how much she loved me and how proud of me she was, and then the next day she took one last ragged breath and left this world for good? Or how about the fact that she won’t see me marry Emily, she’ll never hear one of our songs on the radio, and she won’t get to see my daughter grow up? No, I don’t want to talk about any that thank you very much.”
“Yeah, you’re perfectly fine,” Jen said sarcastically.
“Jen, this is personal. Just let me deal with it on my own, okay?”
“Zack, I love you, okay. I’m not trying to butt into your personal business. I know how much your mom meant to you, but you need to also remember that I’m the one who scraped you up off the ground last year when you hit rock bottom. Do you remember that?”
I remembered it all too well. Jen had threatened to not let me see Lily again if I didn’t get sober and get my shit together. It had been enough to shake me out of my whiskey-induced stupor.
“Of course I remember,” I ground out, my teeth clenched together. “And I can safely say that I’m not in the same place I was a year ago. You don’t have to worry.”
“Fine, I won’t, but call me if you need to. I’m here for you.”
“Wasn’t this call supposed to be about me being here for you?” I clarified.
I really hadn’t wanted to get into a conversation about my mother. The day was weighing heavily enough on my mind without reminders from everyone in my life. Maybe everyone else would forget and let me mourn in peace.
“You did that, and thank you for being available when I needed you. I
’m sure I’ll be calling you again once all this sinks in for real, but for now I’m good.”
“I’m glad. I’ll call you tomorrow so you and Lily can talk.”
“Goodnight Zack.”
“Night Jen.”
When I walked back into the media room, Emily was still texting, and there was a smile on her face. I closed and locked the door behind me, glad that my dad had the room soundproofed when he’d built the house.
“Tell me that’s not still Jonathan,” I said, glancing at the clock on the cable box.
“Yeah, it is,” Emily said, not looking up at me as she finished typing.
“Does he ever stop working?” I asked as I walked over and stood in front of her.
She shook her head and looked up at me as her phone dinged to announce an incoming text. “I guess there’s a lot for him to do. This album is going out at warp speed, so he’s putting in a decent amount of overtime.”
“Hey,” I said, throwing my hands up. “I wasn’t the one who voted to get it out by October. I was cool with January, but Adam wanted to rush it.”
“I know,” she said, shrugging. “So I guess it’s good you have Jonathan to ensure everything goes well.”
“I guess.”
As she looked down again and started to respond, I knelt in front of her and ran my hands up her bare thighs.
“What are you doing?” she asked, looking up mid-text.
I locked eyes with her. “Tell Jonathan that you’re busy and you’ll talk to him tomorrow,” I said gently, but there was definitely a command in my tone.
The corner of Emily’s mouth turned up. “Okay,” she said as she finished off her text and set her phone next to her on the couch while I moved my hands up to the button of her white cotton shorts.
As I slowly eased the zipper down, she lifted her ass just enough so I could pull them down. When they were around her knees, I slid my hands around her backside and gripped the strings of her thong, slowing pulling it down inch by inch as my gaze stayed locked on hers and her eyes hooded.
Just for her benefit, I slowly eased my tongue between my lips and let her see the stud piercing there at the same time I slid a finger into her. She gasped and leaned back against the couch with her eyes closed and I circled my finger in a slow, teasing motion. Then I lowered my head and ran my tongue up her length.
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 75
