Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns)

by Monica Alexander

  “Hey Drew,” Leo called out from the background.

  “When’s the show?” I asked, and then I heard a thud. “What was that?”

  Zack laughed. “Oh, I, uh, jumped up on my bed and did one of those cool Fall Out Boy jumps twists onto the floor. I sort of always wanted to do that on stage, but it’s not really our thing. It just kind of felt right in the moment. Maybe I’ll work it into the show.”

  “Or maybe you won’t be a poser and just do what you’re good at,” I told him.

  “Dude, you looked like you were having a seizure,” Leo called out from the background, making me laugh.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. No one but Fall Out Boy could look cool doing that,” Zack said. He sounded so giddy. I wondered if I sounded the same. I felt like I was high or floating or something. “Anyway, we gotta call Derrick, but plan on December 4th. Jonathan’s supposed to give us more details, but we’re in! We’ll start practicing on Monday, and I’m going to need you to stay in town until the show so we can get ready. This is so huge!”

  That meant I wouldn’t be able to spend all of December with Cole in Tampa, but I figured I had a valid reason.

  “Yeah, I hear you. He’ll understand. But does that mean we might actually be nominated for a fucking Grammy!” I shrieked the last part, the realization dawning on me.

  “Jonathan thinks we have a shot at Best New Artist,” Zack said, dropping that final bomb on me.

  Ho-ly shit.

  “Damn! I’m flying right now. Seriously. That is so cool!”

  “I know, man. I knew you’d be stoked. Go celebrate with Cole. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  I hung up the phone and fell back against the pillows. I looked over to see Cole smiling at me with an amused look on his face. “Good news?”

  The smile crept up on my face. “We’re playing at the show where they announce the Grammy nominations on December 4th, and Zack said Jonathan thinks we’re probably going to be nominated for being a new band.”

  Cole’s eyebrows rose. “Are you serious?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, totally. How cool is that?”

  “I’m so proud of you, babe,” he said, shaking his head. “You guys are really amazing, and now everyone will know it.”

  “Holy shit,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m fucking floating. This is the best news. It’s so cool.”

  “I can come, right?”

  “To the show?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I mean, not as your date, but just to be there to support you, hands-off.” He held his hands up to show me what he meant, and my eyes narrowed.

  “No,” I said, all the elation I was feeling suddenly draining out of me.

  Cole’s smile faded and he dropped his hands. “Oh, okay. I understand. I’ll just watch it from the hotel room or something.”

  “No,” I said again. Something was surging through me that I couldn’t identify, but I suddenly had clarity. “No, you won’t.”

  “You don’t even want me to come with you?” he asked, and the hurt in his voice made me realize what he was thinking.

  I shook my head a few times. “No, babe, that’s not it. I want you there, but I want you by my side, sitting next to me, holding my hand.”

  He cocked his head as he eyed me warily. “Andrew, we can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’ll be televised. Your parents will see it, and what if there’s backlash from your fans?”

  “I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to hide with you. I love you. You’re the most important person in my life, and anyone who is truly a fan of ours isn’t going to drop us because I’m gay. If they do, then I don’t want them as fans.”

  Cole didn’t look convinced. “But, babe, your parents.”

  “They need to know too.” At that I grabbed my phone and started to dial my parents’ number. I was telling them.

  Cole grabbed the phone from me, preventing me from hitting the call button. “Think about this before you act. It’s a huge deal to come out to your family, especially your family.”

  “I want to do it,” I said, new resolve building in me.

  He shook his head. “Not like this. Not over the phone.”

  “So, I should do it at Thanksgiving?”

  “I don’t know if that’s the best time either. It’s a holiday.”

  “Well, when do you think it’ll be a good time? Do you even want me to come out to them?” I demanded, and he looked at me like I was crazy.

  “Of course I do, but not at the expense of your relationship with them.”

  I took his hand in mine then. “I think I need to do this. It’s not going to be fun, there isn’t going to be a good time, and in the end it still might damage our relationship, but I’m not going to hide who I am. And I’m not going to hide who you are to me.”

  I picked my phone back up and hit the call button.

  “Hey Mom, it’s me,” I said when she answered. I was relieved it was her and not my dad.

  “Andrew, sweetie, how are you?”

  “I’m good. Really good. Great actually. Liar’s Edge is going to be playing at the show when they announce the Grammy nominees in December, and we might even be nominated ourselves.”

  “Oh, sweetie, I’m so proud of you. That’s wonderful news.”

  “Thanks Mom. We’re really excited. Listen, I was actually calling to talk to you about Thanksgiving.”

  She was going to kill me. First she would cry, but then she’d kill me.

  “I can’t wait to see you. I’m making your favorite sweet potato casserole.”

  I took a deep breath. “Mom, I actually don’t think I can make it home after all.”

  “Oh no! Why not? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, but the thing is, I have to tell you something, and after I tell you, I’m pretty sure you’re not going to want me at Thanksgiving anyway, so, yeah.”

  “Andrew, what could you possibly tell me that would make me not want you to come home?”

  “It’s something. Can you get Dad on the extension? I want him to hear this too.”

  “Sure, give me just a moment.”

  I looked up and met Cole’s gaze as I waited. He gave me a small smile as I bit my lip.

  “Hi Son,” my dad said a few seconds later.

  “Hi Dad. Thanks for getting on the phone. I have something to tell you guys.” I took a deep breath and thought, here goes nothing. Then I reached out and took Cole’s hand and looked right at him when I said, “I’m gay.”

  There was complete silence on the other end of the phone, and I was afraid they’d hung up. Then a ragged sob escaped my mother’s throat.

  “Mom?”

  She was sobbing, and it was breaking my heart to hear it. A part of me had hoped that she might be okay, that she might understand. Now I knew I was wrong.

  Cole had laced our fingers together and was rubbing his thumb over my hand, trying to comfort me. I was sure he could hear her sobs. It was then that I started to lose it.

  “Mom, Dad, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I said, as the tears started to fill my eyes. “I know you’re disappointed in me, but I didn’t plan for this to happen. It just happened. I know The Bible says it’s a sin, and I know you’re supposed to hate me, because I chose to lie next to another man, but–”

  I looked up to see Cole shaking his head, and I realized I probably shouldn’t have said that. The visual it elicited wasn’t great.

  “The thing is,” I continued, blubbering as the tears spilled onto my cheeks, “I’m still me. I’m the same person, and I found someone who makes me so happy. He’s wonderful, and if you got to know him, I know you’d love him too. I just, I wanted to tell you, because I didn’t want to hide this. And I know you guys will probably hate me and never want to see me again, but it was just a risk I had to take. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “Andrew, I don’t know what to say,” my mother finally said after a few minutes when she’d stopped crying. My fath
er hadn’t said a word.

  “Tell me you don’t hate me,” I said, my voice crumbling on the last word. “Just tell me you don’t hate me. Please.”

  Cole pulled me into his arms, and I pressed the phone to my ear as I waited for either of them to respond, the tears falling silently down my cheeks.

  “You’re our son,” my mother said then, and she started to cry again. “We could never hate you, but this is a choice you made, and we won’t stand by and let you make it.”

  I started to cry harder then as I realized what she was saying. “Mom, I didn’t have any choice in the matter. Being gay isn’t something I wanted or sought out. It happened. I didn’t have any control.”

  “I’m going to pray for you, Andrew. We’re going to pray for clarity and for answers and for you to find your way.”

  “No, you don’t have to pray. I’m not lost,” I said, my voice shaking so badly. “I finally know who I am, and I’m with someone who loves me, someone who I love so much. Please.”

  “We’ll help you, sweetie. We’ll find a way to fix this. Your father and I will pray for guidance, and then you’ll come home for Thanksgiving. You can even stay for a few weeks. We’ll put you on our prayer list at the church, and the congregation will get you through this. We’re all here for you.”

  “Mom, you’re not listening to me. Praying won’t help. I don’t need help. Listen, I know this wasn’t easy to hear, and it’s so far from what you’ve always believed and what you wanted for me, but it’s who I am. I just – I just need you to be okay with it. Don’t pretend it’s not happening or that you can fix it. I need you with me or against me. It’s your choice.”

  “Andrew!” she admonished. “That is not an option. I can’t just accept this, but if you’re choosing to live this life of sin, if you’re not willing to get the help you need, then I don’t know where that leaves us.”

  I did. In not so many words, she was telling me that I could choose to not be gay, or I could choose to cut my parents out of my life. Either way, it was a choice I didn’t want to make, and if it came down to it, I’d choose Cole every time. At least he loved me for me.

  “Mom, please. Don’t do this,” I said, the tears streaming down my cheeks. “I don’t want this to tear us apart, but it’s who I am. I can’t change that.”

  “No,” she said firmly. “No. I won’t listen to this any longer.”

  My heart sank as I said the next words. “Then I won’t be home for Thanksgiving. I’m sorry, but I’m going to go to Cole’s parents’ house instead.”

  “Is he the man who corrupted you?” she asked.

  “He’s my boyfriend. There was no corruption.”

  “I disagree. I–”

  “Sandra,” my father said then, finally speaking up.

  “What Dan?”

  “Can you give me a minute with my son, please? I’d like to talk to him.”

  Oh, crap. Now the minister was going to lay into me. He was going to tell me I was going to hell, I was a sinner, I was an abomination and any other choice words the good book used to describe gays. I didn’t need this, and it would kill me to actually hear him say the things I feared he would say since I knew he’d end the call by telling me I wasn’t his son anymore.

  “Of course. Andrew, I love you. I’ll be praying for you to make the right decision.”

  “Thanks Mom,” I muttered, because what else could I say. She wasn’t going to let it go.

  I heard a door close and rustling noises as my dad no doubt sat down in his study.

  “Andrew? Are you there?”

  “Yeah, Dad. I’m here.”

  “Good. I want to tell you a story, son.”

  Great. I was getting a sermon.

  “There was a time in my life when I looked at people who called themselves gay and wondered what was wrong with them. I thought they made a choice in life to go down the Devil’s path, and they were bad people, but about six months ago, my friend Glen Watson came to see me. Do you remember me telling you about Glen Watson?”

  I nodded, but then realized he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I do. You met him in seminary school, right?”

  “I did, and he’s been a pastor in Nashville for the past twenty years. He’s a good man, as good as any I’ve ever met. He believes in The Lord’s work and has served him his whole life. Now Glen never married, but I didn’t think odd of it. He spent many years all over the world, spreading the word of God and helping in places where he was needed most, many times with people who had lost their faith. He helped them get it back. But when Glen came to see me, he was different. Something had changed, and Glen was happier than I’d ever known him to be. He said it was because he found love. I was happy for my friend until he told me how conflicted he was because he’d found love with another man. Of course my reaction was very similar to your mother’s at first, but Glen and I had a long talk that day, and somewhere along the way, he changed my mind. A few months ago, your mother and I saw him in Nashville when we were there visiting, and we met the man he’d fallen in love with. Your mother didn’t know at the time who he was, and I still don’t think she knows, but she could see how happy Glen was, and I know she liked his partner Stephen.”

  “Okay,” I said when he paused, because I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react.

  “You’re not seeing my point, are you, Son?”

  Yeah, not really. I was never good with sermons. They never resonated with me like they did with other people I’d grown up with. Now give me a kick-ass song with amazing lyrics, and yeah, I got the message.

  “I’m not sure I follow you, Dad.”

  “Your mother will come around, Son. I’ll talk to her. I’ll help her to understand that this was not something you did to make us upset – unlike those tattoos and piercings you have, but we can talk about them later. If you are truly happy with this man, and if you’ve found love, your mother and I will support you. We might not understand or agree, but we will support you, and we will love you just as we always have.”

  I blinked a few times, not sure I was hearing him right. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, Son. I’m serious,” he said, and I lost it again.

  I dropped my forehead against Cole’s chest as the tears streamed down my face. I held the phone to my ear, and his arms wrapped around me holding me to him as I shook and silently sobbed, the relief overwhelming me.

  “Andrew?” my dad asked when he heard me taking in ragged gasps of air.

  “I’m here,” I choked out, as Cole’s hand rubbed up and down my back in a rhythmic, soothing way.

  “Son, I know how hard this was for Glen, and he’s one of my oldest friends. I don’t want you to go through the same things he did, questioning your faith and questioning your feelings. I know you’re a good person, and anyone you’ve chosen to spend your life with is also a good person. When the time is right, I know I’d like to meet him, and I know your mother will too. You just have to give her time.”

  I couldn’t believe I was hearing him say those words. I felt like I’d traveled into an alternate universe. I literally couldn’t put into words what I was feeling, how grateful I was in that moment. My dad understood. He didn’t hate me.

  “Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much,” I finally said, as I pulled away from Cole and sat up, but I couldn’t look at him. He’d just seen me completely break down, my eyes felt swollen, my cheeks wet with tears, and I felt so raw and exposed.

  “I love you, Son,” my dad said as I kept my gaze on the comforter, “and your mother loves you too. Remember that.”

  “I love you too, Dad,” I said, my voice cracking again.

  Cole reached over and rubbed my back a few times, trying to calm me down. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. No matter how vulnerable I felt, I needed him more than he knew.

  “Why don’t you and your fellow – what’s his name?”

  “Cole,” I said, and Cole’s hand froze. “His name is Cole Stephenson.”

  Cole lea
ned over then and kissed my temple softly, letting his lips linger there for a second.

  “I love you,” he murmured against my skin so only I could hear him. It was exactly what I needed to hear from him in that moment, to know that I hadn’t risked so much for nothing, that it was all worth it.

  “Well, why don’t you and Cole come here for Christmas,” my dad offered, and my eyes filled with tears once again. I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in my life.

  “We’d like that very much, Dad. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, and I’ll tell your mother to call you when she’s ready to talk and accept who you are. It might not be immediate, but I promise she’ll get there.”

  I actually believed him.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  We talked for a few more minutes, and when I hung up, I actually felt peaceful about the whole encounter. My dad was okay with who I was. He didn’t hate me. And my mom would come around.

  I looked up at Cole who’d been silently supporting me the whole time. “I’m sorry,” I told him, as I lost it once again.

  He pulled me into his arms. “Shh. No, don’t say that. Why are you sorry?”

  “Because I’m a mess,” I said into his shoulder, soaking another part of his t-shirt with my tears. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t think it would be that hard, that it would hurt that much. I hate that you saw me like that.”

  I knew I’d made it harder than it had to be, and I probably shouldn’t have had that conversation in front of Cole, but I hadn’t really thought it through at the time. I’d had no intentions of coming out to my parents that day, but I’d done it. It was done. I couldn’t take it back, but I really didn’t want to.

  “Like what?” he questioned, the concern in his voice so apparent.

  “All crying and emotional. I don’t usually act like this.”

  He laughed, but there wasn’t any humor behind it. “Babe, I know you well enough to know that this isn’t normal for you, but don’t think for a minute that I think any less of you for showing emotion. I love you, and trust me when I say that it was the same for me when I told my parents I was into guys. I don’t think coming out is easy for anyone.”