by Lynn, JB
“It wasn’t a date,” I said. “And it ended early. He had a work thing come up.”
“Is that why you slept in the dress?”
I looked down and realized I’d forgotten to change. “I was tired. I’ll get it cleaned and pressed for you.”
She shook her head. “No need. It can go into the wash. It’s made from wrinkle-free cloth.”
I winced, as I remembered my recent experience at a fabric warehouse. Sipping from my mug, I said casually, “Alicia was invited to a party.”
“Yeah,” she slid into a seat at the table, holding her steaming mug in both hands, “Aunt Susan warned me.”
“It’s no big deal,” I assured her. “Dominic’s been missing Angel since he left town and—”
“Angel left town?” Marlene interrupted, surprised.
I nodded.
“Why?”
“True love,” I replied drily.
She raised her eyebrows. “I thought maybe you and he…”
I shook my head. “Wasn’t meant to be.”
“I’m sorry. That explains Zeke.”
“Zeke isn’t some rebound thing,” I told her, horrified. “I’m not dating him.”
She nodded sympathetically.
“Angel…his was a very Romeo and Juliet kind of thing,” I explained vaguely. “The point is, Alicia doesn’t have to go to the party,” I said quickly, realizing my sister wasn’t believing me about Angel.
She watched me curiously. “You like him?”
“Dominic? He’s a sweet kid.”
“His grandfather,” she specified.
I shrugged, choosing my words carefully. “I know his reputation, but he’s been so good to Katie. And me,” I added.
She nodded. “You know when I was…you know.”
I nodded, knowing she was referring to her time as a prostitute.
“There were a lot of nice, upstanding citizens who did some truly despicable things. The Delveccios don’t run girls and they don’t run drugs…they’re the criminals with a conscience.”
“I concur,” God said. “That could be your slogan, too.”
Marlene’s gaze flicked toward the sound, but she didn’t comment on the noise he’d made. Or the fact he was perched on my shoulder. “There’re a lot worse people Alicia could know. If she wants to go, I won’t stop her.”
I nodded. “I’ll make sure nothing happens to her.”
She smiled. “I know, Maggie. That seems to be your job lately, making sure nothing happens to any of us.”
“It beats a nine-to-five,” I joked.
She grinned, then grew serious. “Have you heard from Griswald?”
“I called,” I replied carefully. “But he hasn’t gotten back to me.”
“Susan’s worried.”
I nodded. “She’s made that clear.”
Marlene sighed her frustration. “I just wish there was something I could do.”
I stared down into my coffee. The difference between us was that I could do something. I could go check on him.
9
God was not happy with my plans for the day. Sprawled on the driftwood in his terrarium, he twitched his tail, signaling his annoyance.
Piss, on the bed’s pillow, was watching our exchange with interest. DeeDee, at the foot of the mattress, appeared to be sleeping after a long night of guarding the kids. Matilda had disappeared to the barn to have a heart-to-heart with Irma.
“There’s plenty of time,” I assured the lizard as I changed clothes. “I’ll swing by Griswald’s place, check on him so that I can reassure Susan, and get back in time to take the girls and steal the teddy bear.”
“But you don’t have a plan to abscond with the stuffed animal,” he complained. “You know what they say.”
I waited expectantly, but he didn’t add anything. “No,” I told him eventually, “I don’t know what they say.”
“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.”
“I’m not planning on failing.”
“You’re not planning to succeed, either.”
Before I could respond, there was a knock at my bedroom door a split-second before it swung open. Annoyed at her uninvited entrance, I scowled at Armani.
“Morning, party pooper,” was her greeting. “How’d your date go?”
“It wasn’t a date,” I said tiredly. Even though her chipperness was mildly annoying, I was secretly glad that she wasn’t as down as she had been. Maybe she’d had a more pleasant vision about Griswald’s fate.
Plopping down on my bed beside DeeDee, she shook her bag of Scrabble tiles at me. “Pull.”
I knew better than to argue with her. The messages of her enchanted, or whatever they are, game pieces are often confusing, but also accurate.
Taking the bag, I selected seven tiles and laid them out, in alphabetical order, on the bed so that we could study them.
C C C O O O and a blank.
“Cocoa!” she declared. “Rich, chocolatey cocoa.”
“That’s only five letters,” I pointed out.
“Cuckoo?” she suggested.
“Apropros,” God muttered from his enclosure.
I’m pretty sure the choking noise Piss made was a chuckle.
“You need a u and a k for that,” I corrected Armani gently.
“You are definitely part of that,” the lizard chided.
I shot him a dirty look. He stuck his tongue out at me.
Moving faster than I’d ever seen her do, Armani grabbed my arm and stared up at me, eyes wide. “Are you pregnant?”
Instinctively, I yanked free of her grip. “What? No! Why would you even ask that?”
“Coo Coos…like babies,” she said solemnly. “I think you’re going to get knocked up.”
I stared at her wide-eyed, unable to even come up with a response. “I…no…I…”
She patted my arm. “It’s okay,” she told me. “The stigma of single-motherhood isn’t—”
“I’m not pregnant,” I told her firmly.
“And I’m sure your family would help you out,” she continued, convinced of her cuckoo prediction. She gathered up the lettered tiles, tossing them back into the bag. “And, of course, you have my support.”
“I don’t…I’m not…” I sputtered.
She got to her feet and patted my cheek. “And don’t be ashamed about not knowing who the father is.” With a satisfied smile, she strolled back out, closing the door behind her.
I sank onto the bed.
“Baby?” DeeDee panted excitedly.
“There’s no baby,” I snapped at her.
“A teddy bear is a baby’s toy,” God mused. “Perhaps it has to do with that.”
I frowned, realizing he was right. “And that helps me how?”
“Armani’s predictions often make sense in the moment,” he declared.
I nodded. That was true. While they were often warnings, I rarely understood their meaning until whatever they were referencing was actually happening. “Who wants to go to Griswald’s?”
“Me! Me! Me!” Benny yelled from his box.
“Tired,” DeeDee yawned. “Me need?”
“No, I don’t need you for this trip.” I patted her head. “You nap, sweetheart.” I looked at the cat. “You too,” I urged.
“Thanks, sugar.” She curled into a ball.
Grabbing a small, satin bag I’d gotten for the sole purpose of transporting the mouse, I lifted Benny out of his enclosure. I lifted him up to my face and kissed the top of his head, making his whiskers quiver with delight. “I guess it’s just you and me, buddy.”
“What about me?” God demanded, clearly insulted.
“Oh,” I said, playing dumb. “You didn’t answer, so I figured that meant you were staying here.”
“You asked who wanted to go,” he stressed. “Not who would go. It’s not like you can be trusted to go there by yourself.”
“Why not?” I asked, mildly amused.
“Your judgment can’t be trusted. L
eft to your own devices, you’ll do something foolish. Armani just made that imminently clear regarding your impregnation.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I told him, exasperated. “You know I haven’t had sex in forever, therefore, it’s an impossibility.”
I winced, realizing I was discussing my sex life, or lack thereof, with a lizard. Maybe Armani had been right with her cuckoo take.
“Breathe, sugar,” Piss urged sleepily. “He’s just being his smug, superior self.”
I nodded, realizing she was right. I put Benny in his travel bag and then wordlessly scooped the lizard off the driftwood, unceremoniously dumping him on my shoulder. “You guys rest,” I urged the cat and dog before leaving the room.
When I reached my car, Mike was sitting on the roof.
“I found something shiny,” the crow squawked.
“Oh yeah?” I tried to sound interested about whatever piece of trash he’d discovered. He was constantly giving bits of aluminum foil and the pull-tabs of soda cans to Katie as signs of his affection.
“Hold out your hand,” the bird ordered.
I did as he requested. Flapping his wings, he landed on my palm, his talons scratching at the skin, then he flew off. Looking down at my hand, I realized he had, indeed, found something shiny. Sunlight glinted off the copper wire interior. It looked like some kind of electrical cord with the outer plastic stripped off.
“Fascinating,” God drawled sarcastically from my shoulder. “Discarded wire.”
“Where’d you find it?” I asked Mike, trying to appear interested in his newest treasure.
“By the kitchen door,” the crow announced with pride from the roof of my car. “It’s shiny.”
“It certainly is,” I agreed. “Did you want it back?” I held it out toward him.
“You keep it,” he cawed. Then, he flew away.
“Scavenger,” God muttered.
“It was sweet of him,” I argued. “It’s nice that he wanted to share something he found.”
“It’s a piece of garbage,” the lizard countered.
Shrugging, I got into the car, putting him on the dashboard, Benny in the cup holder, and tossing the wire into the console.
Before I even pulled out of the driveway, I was calling Zeke.
“Hi, Maggie,” he answered on the second ring.
“Good news,” I told him. “We were invited to the Delveccios’ for an impromptu party. I’ll grab the bear while I’m there.”
There was a long pause before Zeke said, “You make it sound so easy.”
“It will be,” I told him, annoyed he didn’t sound pleased. “I’ll give you a call once I’ve got it.”
“Be careful, Maggie,” he warned.
“Sure. Gotta go.” I hung up.
“I still think this is a bad idea,” God announced as I finished the call.
“There’s plenty of time,” I reminded him. “The girls don’t finish school until three.”
The lizard paced the length of the dash as I drove. “If Griswald wanted you nearby, he would have stayed at Herschel’s place.”
“He was worried about the safety of everyone,” I argued. “That’s why he left.”
“I’m worried about your safety,” he shot back.
We fell into an uncomfortable silence after that. I knew he was concerned, but that wasn’t going to stop me.
I cleared my throat when we pulled on Griswald’s street with all its cookie-cutter houses and perfectly manicured lawns. “We’re here.”
Since all the houses looked alike to me, I had to study the street numbers.
“He’s on the move,” God yelled suddenly. “The eagle is on the move.”
Glancing up, I saw that Griswald was backing out of his driveway.
“Follow him from a discreet distance,” the lizard urged.
I hesitated, not liking the idea of tailing the U.S. Marshal. “Have you been watching a lot of spy movies?”
“The eagle is out of sight,” he complained. “Follow!”
“Follow! Follow! Follow!” Benny urged.
Frowning, I stepped on the accelerator and caught sight of Griswald’s car. It felt kind of wrong to be spying on him like this. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“You’re the one who wanted to know what he’s up to.” The lizard stared out the windshield intently.
“No.” I slowed down as Griswald turned into an alley behind a strip mall. “I wanted to make sure he was safe.”
“The man’s secrets are endangering your family,” God reminded me.
I nodded. I couldn’t tail Griswald down the alley without attracting attention, so I stopped the car. “But it’s really none of my business what he’s up to.”
As we watched, Griswald emerged from his car and glanced around. Hoping he wouldn’t spot me, I slouched down in my seat.
“Suspicious,” God declared.
“He’s entitled to his privacy,” I muttered, but my curiosity got the better of me and I peeked out the window.
The Marshal turned away from us, toward who he was meeting, and I let out a surprised gasp when his companion came into view.
Griswald was meeting Ms. Whitehat.
10
I wasn’t sure if I was more shocked or horrified as I watched Griswald and Whitehat converse.
“Oh, this can’t be good,” God opined. “You need to get out of here, Maggie. Before one or both of them realize you’re spying on them.”
“You’re the one who insisted I follow him,” I reminded him. I slowly drove away, leaving them to conduct the rest of the clandestine meeting unobserved.
We rode in silence for a few minutes. Then, I pounded on the steering wheel. “What is he doing with her?”
“Maybe she’s helping him,” God suggested.
“Maybe she’s blackmailing him,” I argued. “That seems to be her preferred method of keeping people in line. But what did he do that she was even in the position to blackmail him?”
God had no answer for that question.
I blinked back tears of frustration. I’d put so much effort into keeping the different aspects of my world from interacting, and now a member of my family was working with the enemy. Okay, maybe she wasn’t exactly an enemy, considering she’d sent the ninjas to save everyone, but she certainly wasn’t what I’d call an ally. I felt betrayed by both of them, but it was Griswald, someone I’d believed to be one of the good guys, that I was most upset with.
“You have to stay focused on the task at hand,” God reminded me.
“And what’s that?” I sighed.
“See? You’re so distracted, you don’t even know what you’re supposed to be doing.”
“Teddy bear! Teddy bear! Teddy bear!” Benny reminded me from the cup holder.
“Let Griswald get the stupid bear for her,” I muttered.
“You’re being childish,” God admonished. “Pull yourself together, woman! Be a professional.”
“I’m not a professional,” I reminded him. “I’m an amateur. Amateur thief. Amateur assassin.”
“Sulking isn’t attractive.”
“I don’t care,” I pouted, proving his childish assessment correct.
“Help! Help! Help!” Benny called.
Alarmed, I pulled off on the side of the road, spraying gravel as I hit the brakes. “What’s wrong?” I asked the rodent, peering down at him.
“Help others. Help others. Help—”
I held up a hand to silence him. I’d understood what he’d meant the first time.
“Whitehat did say that lives hang in the balance and you were the best person for the job,” God chimed in.
Leaning my head on the steering wheel, I let out a long, shuddering sigh. “Just once, I wish someone else could save the day.”
“You have work to do, Maggie Lee. Pull yourself together.”
I knew that the lizard meant that to be a pep talk, but it really made me want to chuck him out the window. Still, I knew he was right. I pulled
back onto the road and drove home.
“I’m going to take a nap,” I announced as I pulled into the driveway. “I’ve got a couple of hours.”
That dream evaporated as I pulled up to the house and spotted Ian sitting on the front porch with Aunt Leslie.
Putting God on my shoulder and picking up Benny, I did my best to fake an enthusiastic smile as I climbed out of the car. “Ian!”
My brother jumped out of his chair, bounded down the stairs, and squeezed me in a tight hug.
“Everything okay?” I asked with genuine concern.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he assured me. “Hi, guys,” he said to the lizard and mouse.
“Salutations,” God replied.
“Hi! Hi! Hi!” Benny chanted.
Like me, Ian can understand animals, so he winked at them both. “I was just visiting with Aunt Leslie,” he said loudly enough for her to hear.
Leslie beamed. “The girls and Lorraine are making brownies to bring to the Delveccio boy.”
I nodded as I climbed the stairs with Ian. “Sounds like a nice idea.”
“Lorraine said it was Home Ec. class today,” she revealed with a delighted chuckle.
“Who’s Lorraine?” Ian whispered.
“The girls’ teacher,” God informed him.
“Brownies always make people feel better,” Leslie continued.
I squinted at her suspiciously. “They’re not special brownies, are they?”
“All brownies are special,” my aunt replied. “They’re filled with chocolate-y goodness.”
“But are they the kind you gave to Brian Griswald?” I asked worriedly.
“She dosed the police detective with pot,” God told Ian.
My brother’s eyes went wide, but he managed not to say anything.
“That was a misunderstanding with Brian,” Leslie replied, looking away uncomfortably. “I wouldn’t give edibles to children.”
“Hurray for small miracles,” God cheered sarcastically.
This time, Ian couldn’t hold back a chuckle.
“I’ll go check to see how everything’s coming along,” Leslie declared, hopping out of her seat and hurrying inside.
“She really drugged a cop?” Ian asked.
I nodded. “What brings you by?”
