How To Be A Badass Witch: Book Two

by Michael Anderle

  “Yeah,” Christian said. He took a long, slow draft of the beer. There was no way he was going to ask her out until he had a slight buzz. Then, of course, if she said no, he’d have to wait for the buzz to wear off before he drove home. Maybe he hadn’t thought this through. To distract himself, he said, “Uh, long story. Ted…eh, you don’t care.”

  “Don’t tell me he’s been getting blackout drunk at some other bar,” Kera said, mock-outraged. “I thought we had something special.”

  Christian laughed. “No, no. He persuaded me to get another car. I’d sold mine a few weeks ago and was trying to convince myself I didn’t need a new one.”

  “The way traffic is in LA? I get it.” She wiped down the bar, then turned her head to nod at a patron. “I’ll be back.”

  “Sure.” He smiled at her and watched as she hastened off. Then he realized he was staring at her ass and looked away hurriedly. He was here to ask her out, not be a complete creep.

  No point in dragging it out, he told himself. As soon as she comes back over, I’m asking her out on Date Number Two. I mean, she basically told me to after the first one, so success seems likely?

  He didn’t quite believe that, even after he downed the rest of the beer.

  “That was quick,” Kera said when she came back. She lifted the bottle to check inside. “You want another one?”

  “No, no.” Christian waved his hand. “I do want to go out again, though. Whaddya say?”

  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he reflected that they sounded incredibly stupid, and he cringed.

  “I don’t know, do you want to go out?” She looked at his expression.

  “Yes!”

  “Okay, just checking.” She grinned in a half-embarrassed way and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He couldn’t tell if she was genuinely self-conscious, but she seemed to be. “I’d like that too.”

  “Really? Great!”

  She seemed amused by that, but she was also blushing.

  Bolstered, Chris grinned. “But yeah, how about Saturday?”

  She glanced around to see if anyone needed her, then looked back at Chris. “Sure. Actually, no, wait—make that Sunday.”

  “Brunch?” he suggested. She narrowed her eyes, and he smacked himself lightly on the forehead. “Right, you work late. Scratch that, then.”

  Kera laughed. “Late, or if we’re busy and depending on how you think about it, early in the morning.”

  “Right. So, dinner?”

  The blonde bartender wiped a spot of moisture off the counter from a previous customer’s sweating glass. “Sounds good. Sunday, right? What time?”

  Chris felt at ease again. Once he and Kera started talking, everything was okay. Whatever had happened on their last date, she seemed to be over it. “How about six?” he suggested. “I could stop by your place?”

  She nodded.

  More patrons came in after that, and Kera was in constant motion, handing beers across the bar and mixing drinks for the other patrons.

  Since he’d accomplished his primary objective and was finished with his drink, Chris decided he shouldn’t take a spot at the bar. He put some bills under the edge of his glass and stood up.

  “I’ll call you later with the details,” he said when Kera looked at him on a pass by.

  She smiled and nodded.

  “Yes!” he murmured as he stepped out the front door. It had gone off without a hitch. Why had he taken all week to ask her out for a second date?

  He decided not to dwell on that, instead climbing into his Jeep. After all, he needed more practice. It took two tries to get the damned thing started.

  “Uh, okay,” he muttered, finally grasping the stick and pulling it into the appropriate orientation, “new plan. Get up early Saturday and learn the shifting thing properly. That way, I have time to practice then and Sunday morning. I got this.”

  He depressed the gas pedal, and the vehicle lunged wildly backward out of its parking space, narrowly missing someone’s Prius. The Jeep’s bumper crunched into a couple of tree branches, and Chris, his hands shaking, stamped on the brake.

  “Really early,” he amended. “So I can get lots and lots of practice. Now, um...”

  His hand returned to the shift, and to his surprise, he moved it perfectly into its correct orientation and piloted the big vehicle smoothly toward the street.

  “Oh, awesome!” He grinned again. “Still gonna practice, but I’ll take this as a good omen.”

  Inside the bar, Kera looked at the door with a smile.

  After a week of not hearing from Christian, she had almost hoped he wouldn’t ask her out again. While painful, it would have resolved the question of whether she should tell him about the magic. It was the easiest solution, even if the thought of it made her want to cry.

  Until she ran into him again, she hadn’t been particularly troubled by the fact that she wasn’t in a relationship. If he was gone, she figured things would go back to normal that way. It would be easier to be alone while she worked on this crime spree.

  Still, when she saw him tonight, she’d been happy; there was no denying it. It didn’t matter that she had a secret life or that she might have an entire gang stalking her. Her brain didn’t seem to care about any of that. She was just happy to see him, and she had agreed to go on another date with him.

  Perhaps that had been stupid.

  Still, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

  Dinner with Chris two days from now. She’d work on the plan Mr. Kim had advised she make, she’d kick some ass… And then she’d have a lovely dinner with Christian as a palate cleanser.

  “This is nice,” Mother LeBlanc said.

  “Really?” James carried their bags through the lobby of the hotel, avoiding the crowds.

  Nobody’s eyes seemed to catch on Mother LeBlanc’s strange dress, he noticed. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. She was very good at not being noticed, strange clothing and all. She also had an advantage in that most of the people here were drunk and wearing ridiculous clothing of the skimpy variety.

  “It’s no Carnivale,” she murmured, in answer to his question, “but then, what is?”

  “And here I thought you were going to say Mardi Gras.”

  “You know some things about me, James, but not all.” She accompanied him into the elevator and put a hand over the metal wall speculatively. “This is very nice.”

  “The rooms are nice too,” he deadpanned.

  “No, I mean, the metal helps me channel the scrying spells. I’d almost suggest riding up and down in elevators all night while we wait for flares.”

  James started laughing. When she gave him a quizzical look, he couldn’t find a proper way to explain that elevators were usually considered dead zones. Since she didn’t carry a cell phone, she wouldn’t have understood the reference or the humor.

  “Let’s get settled in,” he said after he stopped chuckling. “We’ll get some dinner, maybe take turns napping, and get ready to head out. Saturday night is a weird night to hit a casino, but I suppose stranger things have happened.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kera paced through the warehouse. She had scoped it out earlier today, noting from the faded footprints in the dust that no one had been here in quite some time. As she walked, she made little eddies of magic that spun away from her feet, cleaning the floor so no one could trace her steps.

  She needed to know this place well before she lured people back here. An older building, it had apparently been up for sale several times in the last few years, though the owner wanted more than anyone was willing to pay for it. It stood on top of a hill, overlooking a rundown semi-residential neighborhood, with a long flight of concrete steps running down to the road below.

  If this were a yuppie neighborhood, Kera thought, there would be runners going up and down those steps all the time to cross-train. Given the sudden influx of high-end bakeries and converted industrial housing, however, she guessed it might no
t be too long until that happened anyway.

  She was nervous, but she knew she had to do what she could to finish these gangs off and learn more about their strength. She couldn’t keep reacting to their fights. She needed to start and finish them on her terms.

  She guessed it wouldn’t take her long to find them. She intended to let them draw her into a confrontation, but this time, instead of taking them out quickly, she was going to inflict injuries with maximum pain instead of being pure takedowns.

  Once they were really pissed, she was going to lead them to her turf—somewhere they didn’t know the lay of the land—and she could use some of her tricks.

  She made her way around the whole place, setting up a few surprises she could use—tiny anti-luck spells that would result in cracking floorboards and rolled ankles. With her luck-boosting spells, she would be relatively protected even if the fight moved in such a way that she ended up there, and in the meantime, it would make all of her opponents just a little less capable.

  Not that she’d seen much to impress her so far.

  Finally, she dusted off her hands and looked around with a nod. Now she would go home and get some more food and a nap to replenish her energy. She slipped out a side door, leaving it cracked for her to get back into the building easily when she came back, and headed to Zee.

  This had better work.

  The two teams packed the SUVs in silence, and Gage smiled to himself. Whatever Nolan and Jay had told the others, they were shooting terrified glances in the direction of his team.

  Good. Respect was what he was ultimately going for, but fear was a good start.

  Once the two SUVs were loaded, Jay looked up. He was still a little wary, but he was trying to treat Gage normally.

  Since Jay was normally businesslike and respectful, Gage had no problem with that.

  “Any last details?” Jay asked.

  “Yup.” Gage checked something on his phone, then turned back to his second-in-command, while Mick tapped his hands on the steering wheel and Tariq, in the backseat, cracked his knuckles.

  Gage explained to the other half of the crew that they’d be going into the bank late in the afternoon. There would be people around, given that it was a Saturday, but the bank would have closed early. Plus, with civilians present, the police wouldn’t want to just open fire. The teams would be working in tandem, and Gage reminded them to park where they could run to the vehicles after they got out with the money. The bank was on a dead-end street, so it was important not to be idiots and position themselves where the cops could block their only exit.

  Once everyone was clear on the basic plan, their leader asked, “Okay, gear check?”

  Jay and one of his cronies hoisted their assault rifles, both AR-platforms, and demonstrated that they knew how to quickly and smoothly load and reload and aim. No firing practice, though. Jay’s other partner had a full-sized Uzi and seemed to be equally proficient with it.

  “Good,” said Gage. He hoisted his MP5 submachine gun, slapped the cocking handle to chamber a round, and then allowed Mick and Tariq to show that they knew how to handle their own rifles. Neither of them seemed particularly thrilled about getting back out of the car, but they didn’t protest.

  They knew what Gage’s temper was like.

  Jay nodded. “We gonna dominate this shit, my man.”

  The leader smiled. “Yes, we are. Everyone in the vehicles. We move out on my mark. When we get there, nobody moves until everyone is in place and the coast is clear. Got it? Good. It’s go time, gentlemen. No mistakes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Not wanting to miss the distinct tinge of magic, LeBlanc and James ordered food to their room and traded off, one eating while the other sank into a trance.

  James privately hoped he could somehow create a reason to stay in Las Vegas for a few days. It had been a while since he was somewhere with such sublime food and good entertainment. Living in upstate New York had unquestionable advantages for a thaumaturgist, but he missed the Big Apple.

  In his opinion, Las Vegas was New York without a stick up its ass.

  Unfortunately, he didn’t think there was any way to fit in a few leisurely dinners and a show or two.

  Maybe on the way back.

  Also unfortunately, he was just tucking into his steak when Mother LeBlanc’s eyes flew open. “They’re on the move,” she told him. “I have the heading. They’re about half a mile from here.”

  “Oh, for—” James stared at his steak. It wouldn’t still be perfect when he got back to it. After a moment of indecision, he used his napkin to pick it up and followed her out of the room to the elevator, eating as he went.

  “James,” she said as they waited for the elevator.

  “Yeth?”

  “I think you know what I want to ask.”

  The elevator dinged and James followed her into it, chewing and swallowing a bite of steak.

  “If you could taste this steak, you wouldn’t ask.”

  “Mmm.” She strode out of the elevator into the lobby.

  “I have an idea, by the way,” James said after finishing his steak and folding the napkin neatly.

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. When we get outside, you’ll see.” He led the way into the cool evening and looked around. A line of taxis was waiting outside the hotel, as well as a few bicycle rickshaw drivers who didn’t look particularly hopeful about anyone using them in the early spring.

  James whistled to a few of them and made his way over.

  “Which one of you,” he asked politely, “drives in the most insane, dangerous way?”

  Of the four rickshaw drivers, three of them uniformly pointed at the fourth, a scrawny-looking girl with blue hair and a nose piercing. She glared back.

  “Excellent,” James said. He pulled two hundred dollar bills out of his wallet. “Turn it up to 11, would you? We’re just going to shout directions at you randomly.”

  Beside him, Mother LeBlanc was laughing helplessly.

  The girl stared at the hundreds, then looked at him and grinned. “Hop in, then—and hold on.”

  She had just pulled out when Mother LeBlanc perked up, turning her head sharply in one direction and pointing…

  Just as the sirens started.

  “Those,” James told the girl. “Follow those.”

  She gave them a considering look, then shrugged, checked both ways, and shot out into traffic, narrowly missing two cars. She accelerated faster than James would have guessed possible.

  “I might have made a mistake,” James muttered.

  Christian breathed in and out, his right hand working madly on the gear shift as he struggled to adjust it from moment to moment in accordance with his deliberate and technically unnecessary fluctuations of speed. It had been a long and very frustrating morning, after which he had given himself a short break for lunch, then started out again almost immediately.

  “Doing better,” he muttered to himself and increased his speed. “Okay, okay, that’s good. I haven’t had a problem since—oh, fuck.” He’d been too slow on the clutch, and the Jeep started making an unpleasant crunching and grinding sound.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He depressed the clutch again and tried to ease into third, given that he was already in motion. “I just had to get a Jeep, didn’t I? Couldn’t have gone with a goddamn basic sedan or something, because nooooo, I assumed that a motorcycle chick wouldn’t be sufficiently impressed with that. Why do you have to make everything so difficult, Christian?”

  A few hoots and whistles came from somewhere nearby, and Christian spared a glance. He was driving through a small, out-of-the-way subdivision, and a few of the local good ol’ boys were watching him from their porches with amusement.

  “Back to basic training, kid!” someone called. He and his neighbors laughed and sipped from their cans of beer as they observed the spectacle.

  Christian grinned through his teeth.

  He shifted again, avoiding the nasty sound, but the vehicle
seemed to jerk in and out of speed beneath him. He was a long way from being able to drive it smoothly and naturally.

  Behind the Jeep, someone bellowed, “Hey! Shouldn’t there be a Student Driver cheese wedge on top of that thing?”

  “Right,” Christian affirmed, “Man, these folks are witty. Real salt of the earth, I tell ya...”

  He continued toward the main road at the other end of the neighborhood, looking forward to being able to drive faster again. The only thing he hoped now was that Kera hadn’t been in any of these neighborhoods to see him today.

  “It would be great if I could change the color of my car,” he muttered to himself. “Just…poof! Red. Poof! Black. Then I could practice without anyone knowing it was me.”

  Back at the warehouse, Kera raided her fridge and pantry, pulled out enough food for two and a half people, and wolfed it down. The goal was to load herself with calories and nutrition. Once the spells began flying, she probably wouldn’t have any opportunities to recharge, save perhaps a sip of energy drink from her water bottle.

  And it was entirely possible that she’d need to channel more power than she ever had before.

  The first enchantment that had to be cast was the one to hide her motorcycle, to cloak its presence and obscure the details to anyone who did end up seeing it. Kera walked over and spread her hands over the bike.

  “Okay, Zee, we don’t need you participating directly in the fight to come, so it’s time for some camouflage.”

  She spoke the words and urged the divine forces to help her, and it seemed that the machine’s outlines grew indistinct. When looking off to the side, Kera had trouble seeing it herself, which was mildly unsettling but meant the magic was working right.

  Next, she changed her clothes, dressing in a way that would make her look as much like a man as possible, particularly with the leathers over everything. She also tucked her black hair up into her helmet.