Finding Bliss (Bliss #1)

by Cassie Strickland

  Laughing, I replied, “Road rage anyone?”

  Grey stared at me oddly, so I shook my head, letting him know I was playing.

  “Oh, sorry, Clara. Some jerk won’t get out of the way,” she muttered, annoyed.

  “Where are you?”

  “On my way back from Mom’s. I figured since I had a minute, I’d give you a call. How was Thanksgiving at Grey’s parents’ house?”

  “Good,” I said, keeping it vague, as I eyed Grey. “We had fun.”

  “That’s boring. Give me the dirt,” she cajoled. “How’s Mister Hot-Stuff? By the way, you’ve yet to send me a picture of him. You’re holding out, girlie.”

  I had yet to give her the details regarding the change in our relationship. Either I wasn’t alone when I talked to her or I didn’t have time, so she hadn’t a clue that we were now officially together.

  She was going to blow a gasket.

  Before I could reply, Grey came close and kissed my temple. “I’m gonna jump in the shower and give you some privacy.”

  “Who was that?” I heard Paige ask.

  Instead of answering Paige, I said to Grey, “I, uh, thanks.”

  “Want a refill before I go?” he questioned, pointing to the empty mugs on the coffee table.

  This man was just too damn sweet.

  “No, that’s fine.”

  “Clara? Clara, talk to me, damn it. Who in the hell is there?” I halfway listened to Paige as I watched Grey saunter to the bedroom door and quietly open it. He shot me a wink before disappearing behind it.

  I sighed and relaxed into the cushions.

  “Clara?!”

  Shaking myself out of my Grey-haze, I replied, “Um, sorry. I, uh, got a, um…a bit distracted…?” My voice went up an octave at the end, knowing an interrogation was about to commence.

  “Obviously. Who was that? That voice was like sex personified. Holy shit, I’m fanning myself.”

  I giggled, remembering my reaction when I’d first heard that deep, southern drawl. “That would be Grey.”

  “Seriously? Shut up!” She squealed. “What is he doing there so late? And getting in the shower? What’s going on, Clara?”

  “I, uh, well…” I was completely out of my comfort zone.

  “You like him. Oh, my God! You do. You actually like him!” She sounded shell-shocked. I giggled again. “Tell me everything!”

  I sighed and closed my eyes.

  Where to begin?

  “Well, I’ll start with this – the man is so much more amazing than his voice.”

  She squealed again. “Really?!”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “More. Tell me more,” she begged, giggling too.

  “Well, I told you that we’ve become friends, right?”

  “Um, yeah. Please tell me it’s now more than that.”

  “Well, it wasn’t before…”

  “Yay!”

  “…but it is now.”

  “I knew you liked him. I knew it!”

  I grinned. “Oh, I definitely like him.”

  I went through the events that led us to where Grey and I were, ending with tonight at his parents’ and why he was here. I left out everything regarding Jonathan, because, honestly, I didn’t want those thoughts to weigh down the conversation. When I finished, I heard her sniffle.

  “I am so proud of you, Clara.” Her breath hitched as she reigned in the tears. “I wish I was there to hug you right now.”

  “He’s amazing, Paige. Totally. He’s so considerate and kind to me. He cares.” I was feeling a bit teary eyed, too.

  “Of course he does, Clara. Who wouldn’t? You’re amazing. You deserve this so much. Even if it doesn’t work out, the fact that you’re taking a chance is a huge step.”

  The thought of Grey and I not working out ripped my heart to shreds. But she was right – I was taking a big step. This did mean a lot. Still, I hoped to continue to make steps with Grey at my side, holding my hand through it all.

  Therefore, I only murmured, “Yeah.”

  “Have you slept with him?”

  I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. Of course Paige had to ask this question so eagerly. “No, we haven’t done that…yet. We’ve, ah, only kissed and a bit of touching. Nothing major.”

  She sounded deflated. “That sucks.”

  I giggled again, explaining, “We’ll get there when we get there.”

  I was hoping that it’d be soon, too. Being around Grey without attacking him was difficult at moments. I hardly recognized myself when it came to this.

  “Seduce him. Put on something skimpy and strut your stuff right in front of him. Works every time.”

  I didn’t know what horrified me the most: her seriousness or doing what she recommended. I would probably end up humiliating myself in the process.

  “No, Paige. I, um, will not be doing anything like that,” I returned.

  “Spoil sport,” she muttered.

  I glanced at the door to the bedroom, expecting Grey at any moment. “Look, he’ll be out of the shower in a sec, so I’ve got to go. Call me soon, okay?”

  “Fine, whatever. But I want details as soon as something naughty happens.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right,” I drawled.

  “In all honesty, I’m effing ecstatic for you, Clara. Enjoy it.”

  “I will, Paige. Promise.”

  “Good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “You too, sweetie.”

  As if it were rehearsed, Grey walked out of the bedroom right as I hung up. My mouth dropped when I saw him.

  I’ve officially died and gone to heaven.

  He had on a pair of gym shorts.

  That was it.

  Just. The. Shorts.

  His feet were bare, and so was his…well, everything else. I could clearly see the fine patch of hair on his chest that led straight down and disappeared into his shorts. Every exquisitely sculpted muscle in his chest, shoulders, abs, and arms were on display, and his tan expanse of skin begged to be touched. Dear Lord, the man was beautiful. His hair was wet and tousled, and I swear, I had to stop the compulsion to lick my lips as a drop of water trailed down his chest.

  “How’s your girl?”

  My mind and eyes were still on the water trailing down his flesh, so I asked, “Uh, what?”

  “Your friend? Paige. How is she?”

  “Oh, um.” Acting nonchalant, I cleared my voice so that it didn’t sound so husky. “Good. Fine.”

  “You okay?” He cocked his head to the side, studying me.

  My tongued snaked out and skimmed my bottom lip slowly.

  His eyes tracked it, flaring.

  The energy in the room seemed to crackle and hiss.

  Oh, holy moly.

  Thoughts of our earlier kiss came to mind, as well as the promise in his voice when he told me he was going to be here tonight.

  I wanted it. I wanted him.

  But I was scared.

  So scared, I didn’t know what to do to get it…or how to react when the time came. It had been ten years since I let a man into my body.

  Had I missed it?

  No.

  Never.

  Sex had never felt good to me. First, it was bad. Then I used it to my advantage, wanting to gain love, acceptance, and understanding. It had been an escape for me. From the many sessions with my psychologist, this proved to be very unhealthy. And this, right here, was a reason I had stayed abstinent for ten years.

  Therefore, I decided to head in and attack the issue before it did any damage to our relationship. This meant I needed to open my mouth and let Grey in more. I needed him to know where my head was at, what my heart was feeling.

  And in doing this, I said what I really felt, which was, “I’m dirty.”

  Not understanding, Grey responded right away with, “The showers free, darlin’.”

  I shook my head. “No, you don’t understand. I’m dirty.”

  He flinched as if I’d struck him, my meaning clear. H
is face blanked as he stared at me with an intensity that caused me to shiver. “Why do you say that?”

  Forging ahead, I explained, “Because I am. I’m unclean. I let things happen. I did things that I’m not proud of. I can’t take them back, no matter how much I want to. In all that, I’m not right. I’m tarnished, Grey.”

  Grey, being him, getting to the heart of things, guiding me when I was too blind to see, said, “You want me,” and it wasn’t a question. He knew what I wanted, and he knew how freakishly scared I was.

  “You know I do,” I stated simply, honestly.

  “Strip.”

  “I’m sorry?” I questioned, sure I’d heard wrong.

  “Strip.”

  “I, uh, Grey…um…I don’t think that’s wise.” I shifted from one foot to the other, not sure what I should do.

  His eyes blazed, not hiding his want. “You want honest?”

  Whispering, I admitted the obvious. “Of course.”

  “Then strip.”

  “Grey, Bella….”

  “Is in the other room, sleeping. She’s fine. She can’t hear…and even if she could, she’s a baby. She doesn’t understand.”

  “Grey…”

  “Do you trust me?”

  The answer came from the heart before my head could join. “With everything I am.”

  I didn’t know who was more shocked – him or me.

  His eyes changed, something powerful, intense…meaningful…was in them. “Good. Now trust me more.”

  “Grey, I don’t think me getting naked-”

  “Strip, Clara. Everything. I want you bare for me.”

  Jeez.

  The command, the power in his voice, had me shaking in my boots, and it was so much more than fear – I needed this.

  “Grey,” I murmured, not able to say anything else.

  “Strip, Clara.”

  “Why?”

  “Just trust me.”

  Shit.

  He hit me where it hurt.

  Showing my faith in him, I tugged my shirt off. His breath hitched when I reached behind me and unclasped my bra. As it fell from my arms, his eyes were riveted on my breasts, but there was something else there that made my insides melt. It had never been aimed at me before.

  Adoration and – I hoped, with everything in me, I was reading this right – love.

  Finally, standing naked in front of him, I asked with more bravado than I was feeling, “This what you wanted?”

  “Yes,” he answered, and then proceeded to circle me, his gaze almost burning holes into my skin. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I closed my eyes. “Now, tell me again what you meant. What’s dirty? Where are you dirty?”

  With my eyes still closed, I whispered, “Grey…”

  “Answer me. Where are you dirty?”

  “Grey, I’m standing in front of you…naked I might add,” I replied meekly.

  “I see that, Clara. Trust me, I see that. And I am so proud of you for it. And in doing so, darlin’, I gotta tell you, you are the most amazin’ thing I’ve ever seen. I’m havin’ to hold myself back, I want to touch you so badly. But right now, what you need to do is explain.”

  “You already know, Grey.”

  Do I need to tell him the story again?

  “Right,” he muttered. “But you didn’t understand me.”

  I jumped again when I heard a distinctive thud right in front of me. I jumped again when his mouth touched my skin, right over the very prominent scar on my belly from my C-section.

  He was not…

  But he was.

  His tongue snaked out and traced the damaged skin, a groan sounding from his throat.

  “Tell me, Clara. What’s dirty? I see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on in front of me, and there isn’t an ounce of dirt on her. How can you call yourself dirty?’

  “Grey,” I forced out.

  “Tell me again, how old were you when he started fuckin’ with your head?”

  Shit.

  No.

  Not now.

  “Grey, no,” I clipped, forcing my gaze to his.

  The sight of him on his knees in front of me almost dropped me to mine. A strange, new ache started throbbing between my legs, one I’d never felt to this degree.

  It was almost painful.

  And I knew Grey was the only one that could alleviate it.

  “Yes, Clara. Work with me. Trust me. I’ll prove it to you. How old were you?”

  “Too young.”

  Nodding, he smiled his encouragement. “Yes.” He licked the same path again. “Too young.”

  “Grey…” I sounded husky, entrapped almost, his web keenly caste.

  “Too young to know better, and young enough that he got his hooks into you good. He got them in deep, but you were strong, Clara. You questioned shit you shouldn’t have. And I hate sayin’ this because I know that you still feel the loss…but if your parents didn’t die, you would’ve never questioned him. So in the end – and this can be something beautiful if you really study it closely – they saved you. There is no tellin’ what would have befallen upon you if you stayed at his mercy.”

  “Grey…” I whispered, wanting him to stop. I wanted him to do other things with his mouth.

  He kissed my scar again, and then his fingers were skimming between my legs, just barely touching the sensitive flesh.

  My head fell back. “Oh, God,” I breathed.

  “And you’ve never known what a touch like this should mean. I get this, Clara. I understand. And it fuckin’ hurts that I have to, because you are by far the most amazin’, stunnin’ person I’ve ever encountered…but you also need to know what it means to be cherished, loved. You need to understand what true intimacy is and how freeing, how decadent it can be.

  “Clara, I don’t see you as dirty; I see you as mine. This scar” – his fingers traced it – “it tells me the story of who you are. It’s a battle wound you had to gain in order to be standin’ here, with me. It’s a part of you, and if you haven’t gotten it yet, Clara, I need you to understand that I want all of you. Every flaw, every perfection…every hidden, deep-seeded issue you have…no hidin’. Nothin’ will come between us.”

  He stood and very gently slid both palms under my jaw, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You are everythin’ I want, body and soul. Nothin’ you can say about yourself, or your past, will ever be dirty to me. I find you absolutely perfect, just as you are”

  By the time he was done, I was trembling and tears streaked down my cheeks. “Grey,” I whispered, unsure how to express what I was feeling.

  “Shhh,” he murmured and touched his mouth to mine.

  Our kiss was so sweet, so adoring, I was swept away by it, lost in all things that were Grey. Thoughts of the past or future, dirtiness or cleanliness, were nonexistent. I was just a woman with a man, feeling things I’d never felt before. I was pretty, whole…undamaged when Grey had me in his arms.

  I was just me.

  Gently, he picked me up and carried me to the couch, our mouths fused in a languid kiss. Nothing was hurried, or rushed – the buildup was slow and delicious.

  His lips left mine as he trailed gentle, open-mouth kisses down my neck. He laid me on the couch and dipped his head lower, taking a nipple into his mouth. My back arched and a cry fell from my lips, the wet warmth astounding.

  His eyes found mine, his dark and bottomless, seeking permission, as he questioned, “Good?” against my flesh.

  I nodded, not able to speak.

  “This is about you, Clara, not me. Just feel for me, darlin’. Just feel me. Don’t think.”

  I nodded again and watched as his tongue swirled around my nipple, each pass slow and deliberate. I jumped when I felt his fingertips grazing my core. I bit my lip as I waited in anticipation, showing him with my gaze that I wanted this.

  I so wanted this.

  A tip of his finger circled my clit as his mouth wrapped around my nipple again, drawing it deep. “Grey,” came
sighing from my mouth, my eyes locked on him.

  As long as I could see Grey, it seemed like nothing, any other thought, could break the moment.

  It was just Grey and me.

  “God…crazy-beautiful,” he murmured as his finger slipped into my wetness and entered me. It felt foreign, but oh so delicious.

  My body arched on its own accord, and the air rushed from my lungs as I whimpered, “Yes.” His thumb pressed into my core, hitting that perfect spot and ripping a loud, startled cry from my mouth.

  “Shhh, darlin’. Quiet,” he demanded sweetly.

  I turned my head into the cushion and muffled my sounds against it. His hands were magic between my legs as a second finger joined, withdrawing and pushing in over and over again, the actions gentle and kind…provocative.

  But it wasn’t enough.

  My hips undulated against him, forcing him to move faster. A growl sounded in my ears, so I guessed he liked the action, though I was too far gone to care. All that mattered was his mouth sucking and nipping at my nipples and the fingers working between my legs. The sensation was like the first morsel of food to a man dying of hunger.

  I was gluttonous.

  Trying to hush my cries was forgotten as my core clinched tighter. My head turned from side to side involuntarily. “There she is,” Grey murmured between ministrations. “Bring yourself there, Clara.”

  “Grey,” I mewled, panting. “Grey!”

  Grey shifted slightly, the action bringing focus to something against my leg…something hard. It broke whatever barrier, causing me to lose all control. I rocked against his hands faster, and I rubbed my thigh against him, wanting to drive him mad, too.

  “Ah, shit,” he gritted around my nipple, his teeth sinking into my flesh at the same time.

  Fireworks sparked behind my eyes as I was pulled under a tide of ecstasy. My body convulsed with each passing roll, my mind gone into oblivion. It was majestic and oddly freeing.

  Absolutely.

  Beautiful.

  When the feeling subsided and my eyes fluttered open, I saw Grey’s chin resting between my breasts, his intense gaze studying me.

  “Hi, darlin’,” he whispered, his drawl deeper, richer.

  “Hi,” I whispered a bit shyly in return.

  “You okay?”

  I bit my lip to stop from laughing, euphoria flooding me. “More than okay,” I promised.

  The smile that spread across his face was breathtaking. “Good.”